Don't Call Us; We'll Call You!

A fanfic by Setsumi-san


Quotable Quotes: "I'll have a double powdered Green Tea Kimchee with nattou yogurt, covered with chocolate chips!" – Himeno Awayuki ordering a rather bizarre ice cream treat, Prétear.


Setsumi-san: I know that Japanese ice cream has its own unique flavors…but even Himeno's Japanese friends looked disgusted after she said that. o.O' I would love to try pumpkin flavored ice cream, though, because I think it must taste like pumpkin pie.

Horohoro: Mmm…pie… (drools Homer Simpson style)

Setsumi-san: (dreamily) Yeah…nani?! Horohoro, what the hell are you doing up here? Mari's the co-host!

Horo: I got bored waiting for my next appearance in this story and I heard you talking about pie so…y'know! (shrugs)

Set: Sorry, but there's no pie here.

Horo: No pie?

Set: No pie.

Horo: (big sad puppy eyes)

Set: Oh, very well. (snaps her fingers and a pie plops down on the table in front of them) I really hate to see someone as cheerful as you so sad.

Horo: Yee-haw!! (tackle-glomps Set so hard he nearly chokes her, then dives face-first into his snack)

Set: I hope you love the latest chapter, minna! =)


Chapter Six: Lyserg? Lyserg? LYSERG?

"Tokagero…don't do that."

"Aw, why not? He won't move no matter what I do so I may as well have some fun."

"Whether fun or not, writing 'Wash Me!' on his hair is still childish. What are you going to say when Ryu-san snaps out of it?"

"Don't be such a pussy! He's not gonna snap out of it anytime soon and when he does I doubt he'll notice a thing."

Amidamaru, who had been scolding the bandit this whole time, sighed in exasperation but secretly agreed. For exactly one week Bokuto no Ryu sat motionless in a nearby chair, stared at the cabin's phone, and gathered a thin layer of dust all over his body like a tattered couch while hoping his beloved Lyserg would give him a ring. So far the odds weren't looking too heavily in the ex-gangster's favor.

Ring, ring, ring!

Ryu literally tackled the phone to the floor and blurted out, "Lyserg?!?!"

There was a short pause on the other line when a woman's alto voice responded, "Uhhh…no. I know how you can win him back, though."

"REALLY?! I mean… you had better not be screwing with me!"

"Trust me, sir. I'm a mistress of white magic, an expert in love spells, and a fellow shaman. My dream in life is to help anyone with romance problems. I never have and never will screw anyone."

Another higher-pitched female voice interjected, "You've got that right!"

"Sir, would you please hold while I slice my assistant into thin little pieces of deli meat?" the first woman asked.

The ink-haired shaman overheard a clang, a whoosh, the sound of a rooster crowing, and a loud squeak before the conversation continued.

"Whew! Anyway, I had a vision of your troubles and wanted to tell you that I can get your sweetheart back for you if you just follow my exact directions. Are you up to the challenge?"

" Am I up to the challenge? When it comes to love-wait a minute," Ryu hesitated. He clapped his hand over the receiver's lower half, turned in the opposite direction, and struck a dramatic pose while several fireworks exploded in the background.

"Erm…Tokagero…I do not think it is wise for you to set off fireworks inside a closed space such as this," Amidamaru nervously advised.

"I don't like it either, but he always insists on having special effects during moments like this; and guess who got stuck with making sure they happen on cue," the thief grumbled.

"You're not playing the music!" Ryu snapped.

His mochirei sighed and started up a tape player that …well…seemingly appeared out of thin air while a rather creeped-out Amidamaru made a mental note to hang out near places with a saner atmosphere more often.

Ryu gave a satisfied smile and restarted the phone conversation; "As I was saying: When it comes to love Bokuto no Ryu is prepared to scale Mount Everest, dive to the floor of the Pacific, and battle a foe more fearsome than...than…!"

"…The Devil?" the 'expert' suggested.

"I was actually thinking more along the lines of The Wicked Witch of the West, but that's good too."

"Oookkkaaayyy… Look, just do exactly what I tell you. Are you ready?"

"As I'll ever be!"

"Good. Listen closely: You must seek out a young couple about to kiss each other in public and stop them from doing so. While carrying out this task you must chant a mantra of 'watch the birdie' until the pair separates far away from each other. Do you understand?"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…How is this supposed to help me again?"

"Oh, for the love of God! It helps you by recharging your appeal factor. You need to steal someone else's sensuality energy so the object of your affection will notice you again! Young lovers have plenty to spare unless it's wasted on a kiss, so hurry!! You only have one hour!!"

"OH NO!!! Igottagothanksfortheadvicebyebye!!" Ryu shouted. He hung up as fast as possible, zipped outside, and left two very bewildered ghosts in the dust.


Meanwhile, back at the edge of the desert, Macchi giggled her butt off at the trick Kanna had just played on their latest prankee.

"That's the third time her butt's fallen off this week," Mari murmured.

"Oww," Macchi moaned, "Find it and pack it in ice so the surgeons can sew it back on!"

"Hey, I just finished talking to a weirdo. Somebody else will have to pick up your detached hiney," Kanna firmly asserted.

"Which weirdo might that be?" an unknown smooth voice asked.

Kanna replied, "Oh, just-AAAHHH!!!"

"AAAHHH!!! HAO-SAMA!!!" the other girls screamed.

"So," Hao calmly spoke up, "who's the weirdo and how well are you taking care of my phone?"


Setsumi-san: Muhahahahahaaa! It's an evil cliffhanger! Horohoro, do the next chapter's teaser.

Horohoro: Have the Hanagumi finally been caught?! Will Ryu ever win back his darling Lyserg?! Is there any more pie left for me to eat?! Find out in the next chapter of: Don't Call Us; We'll Call You!

Setsumi-san: Er…thank you. Please review.

(Disclaimer: I have nothing to do with/don't own The Wizard of Oz.)