Don't Call Us; We'll Call You!

A fanfic by Setsumi-san


Quotable Quotes: "Hey Cyborg, how long until we can launch?"

"Oh, about five minutes after YOU QUIT ASKIN' ME THAT!" – Robin and Cyborg, Teen Titans


Setsumi-san: I've really gotten into the Teen Titans cartoon. In fact, I'm so into it that I just had to put some in this fic.

Mari: Here is the disclaimer: Setsumi-san does not own (anything pertaining to) Star Wars or Teen Titans at all.

Setsumi-san: Enjoy chappie seven, Minna!


Chapter Seven: Caught! …Or Are We?

"Is something wrong, girls?" Hao asked the Hanagumi in an ever-so-casual voice.

The trio could only stand frozen with dread and gape at their smiling master. This was the end! Surely he'd seen them goofing off!

"N-N-Nothing's wrong, Hao-sama! You just surprised us," Macchi stuttered.

"It was Macchi's fault," Mari tattled.

Hao arched a questioning eyebrow at the blonde and her teammates flashed her lethal glares.

"I can see you've been tinkering around with that machine for quite some time, Macchi. You're a very good Keeper," he complimented.

"T-Thank you!" she replied in a shaky voice.

"Still," he said, "you should remember that your job requires responsibility. As we all know, an irresponsible Keeper is just useless."

After Hao finished his sentence Spirit of Fire materialized behind him in all of its terrible glory and caused a ring of flames to surround its shaman and the Hanagumi. They screamed in horror and he put on a freakishly nonchalant smile.

"Forgive me, Hao-sama! I didn't want anything to with it in the first place!" Kanna begged.

"I swear to the Great Spirit that I'll never fool around again! Spare meee!!" screamed Macchi.

"Please make it quick," a trembling Mari whimpered, "Mari hates slow and painful deaths."

"I know that you three have been making needless personal calls," he murmured, "Now, can you tell me why that is wrong?"

No one could answer him; the words were stuck in their throat. He sighed in annoyance. It really was pointless to try and get a response from someone so frightened, so he stopped Spirit of Fire with a hand gesture. The somewhat relieved Hanagumi exhaled in unison and fell to their knees panting.

"Alright, I'll tell you why. I noticed all of the presents you bought yourselves: the electric broom, the motor scooter, the doll repair kit, et cetera. I don't mind whatever you ladies buy, but don't order it over the phone. I've heard of pesky little humans called telemarketers who get your information and harass you like no tomorrow and I don't want any of their nonsense," he explained.

Mari, Macchi, and Kanna collapsed onto the ground in stunned disbelief.

"I suppose you learned your lesson, so carry on with whatever you were doing before. Ja ne!" Hao chirped.


Meanwhile, near a fountain in the very center of Patch Village, a young alien superhero named Starfire was asking her crush, Robin, to forgive her.

"I am so sorry; Robin," she apologized, "but I honestly did not know what the Horohoro boy was going to do with me when he took me to the city of Las Vegas! I only went with him because I did not want to seem rude."

"Hey, it's okay. It was an honest mistake and we managed to annul the marriage between you two, so everything turned out fine. Though…I do wish you would've told me sooner. Why'd you hide it for so long?" he replied.

She blushed and said, "I…I was afraid that if I told you…that it would destroy all chances of us ever…"

"Star?"

"Um, yes?"

"Do you mean 'us' as you and me?"

"Perhaps…i-if you want me to!"

There was silence for a moment and then they suddenly realized they were unconsciously holding hands. Robin looked panicked for a second and tried to let go, but Starfire gave him a pleading expression and squeezed a little tighter. The Boy Wonder's heart skipped a beat. She had such gorgeous green eyes and now they were staring at him in the way he'd always dreamed of.

Star, he thought, I could never get mad at you. Please don't stop holding my hand.

Oh Robin, she wondered, do you feel like I do?

The moment was perfect. The two slowly leaned in, closed their eyes, puckered up…

…And had their mood spoiled by a crazy guy whacking Robin on the head while screaming something about birdies.

It appeared these Teen Titans would have to find love another day.


Back with our heroes, an aura of shock hung in the air after Hao had left. One could almost smell it, and we all know how hard it is to get rid of aura smells. The team would probably need to get a professional to take care of it because air freshener simply wouldn't do.

After ten minutes Kanna murmured, "Let's quit."

"No! W-We'll be okay! Besides, Hao-sama told us to carry on with what we were doing," Macchi insisted.

"Who are you trying to convince: me or you?" the bluenette asked.

"Both of us," Macchi confessed, "b-but Mari agrees with me! Don't you, Mari?"

The blonde gave no answer.

"Mari?"

Mari just stood there; petrified, bug-eyed, and scarcely breathing.

"Are you alright, Mari?"

The redhead poked her teammate, who just klonked to the ground.

"I'll take her into a shady spot and try to wake her up. You stay put," Kanna said. She put her friend over her shoulder and walked off with Ashcroft.

Macchi sighed as she watched them and wondered what to do.

Poof! A chibi angel version of herself popped up on her left shoulder and said, "You've had your fun, but that was a close call. From now on use that phone when it's only necessary!"

Poof! A chibi devil Macchi popped upon her other shoulder and said, "Ah, c'mon! Hao-sama told you to keep on with what you were doing! We don't wanna disobey him, ne?"

"But Hao-sama didn't know what you were doing! That gives you no reason to make such silly logic!" Angel-Macchi scolded.

"What he don't know won't hurt him, will it? He wouldn't really burn three of his strongest servants over such a minor frustration anyway! You know Hao-sama likes to toy with people's minds!" Devil-Macchi persisted.

"Well…you have a point," Angel Macchi told her counterpart, "but Spirit of Fire burned up all of your scripts. What are you going to do, just call somebody up and start acting all nuts and rand-?"

All three suddenly stopped and grinned simultaneously. The angel and devil disappeared while the shaman prepared to terrorize Faust the Eighth.

Ring, ring, ring!

"Hello?" Faust answered.

"Hello!" Macchi chirped.

"…Hello?"

"Hello!"

"Who is this?"

"Yo momma, that's who!"

"My mother is back home in Germany. Are you trying to sell something? Please take me off your list."

"Oh I can't do that!"

"And why not?"

"Because you're involved now!"

"Huh? Involved with what?"

"You're involved with the Peppermint Empire and they have your wife hostage!!!"

"WHAT?!?! NOT MY SWEET ELIZA! I WILL KILL THEM!!"

"No! They might be watching you right now! You must use The Force if you want to save your wife!"

"What on Earth is The Force?!"

"Help me, Obi-Wan Kenobi! You are my only hope!"

"My name isn't Obi-Wan Kenobi and you still haven't told me what this Force thing is!!"

"Don't you know that you're a Jedi?!"

"What the hell-? I'm a necromancer!"

"NOOOO!!!! The Peppermint side has gotten to you! It's only a matter of time before they get your wife as well!"

"NOOOO!!!! PLEASE TELL ME HOW I CAN SAVE HER!!!"

"Um, uh…go to Team The Ren's place and destroy the Peppermint Emperor! He sometimes goes by the alias of Chocolove and wears a sarong!"

"To think I knew the sick bastard all this time! I'm coming, Eliza!!"

Faust hung up and Macchi had another gigglefest. Soon, Mari walked over beside her.

"Mari and Kanna had a talk and decided to keep on tricking people, but only a few more," she said.

"Tee hee hee! Okay, I'm glad you guys agree with me. Take your next turn, Mari," the redhead laughed.


Setsumi-san: Sorry for interrupting that kiss, but you didn't actually think true love would win in a humor fic, did you?

Mari: Mari was scared to death! (shoots at Setsumi-san)

Setsumi-san: GAAAHHH!

Mari: Don't do that again.

Setsumi-san: (whimpers) Yes Ma'am.