Behind a makeshift curtain in a ramshackle market stall, Remus wriggled into a pair of trousers. They were black; inoffensive he had thought hopefully, but ludicrously tight from the precariously low-slung waist to the knees, before they ballooned out into vast flares around his bare feet. Unsurprisingly, they had been selected by Sirius.
"Gods," he thought, "I can't go out like this!"
'Re! Come out! Give us a twirl!' came his tormentor's voice.
'I can't come out like this,' Remus repeated, aloud this time.
Instantly the curtain was whipped back to reveal Sirius's grinning face.
'Wow!' he said admiringly.
'Sirius, don't,' Remus protested, although secretly he was rather pleased.
'Re, you look fantastic! Doesn't he look fantastic?' Sirius appealed to the stall owner, a twentysomething man with a shaven head and skintight jeans.
'You look fantastic,' echoed the man in a surprisingly effeminate voice. "Nice looking pair, and I'm getting an awful lot of vibes!" he thought.
'You guys a couple?' he asked.
'What?! Oh, no no no,' the dark-haired one – Sirius, was it? Strange name – said, a little overemphatically. The bald man noted this, as well as the slightly forlorn expression on the brown-haired one's face. "Someone wishes they were," he thought, and then looked back at Sirius. "Two someones," he realised. "Maybe I should – no, better not interfere."
'They suit you,' he said instead. 'I'll give you them for two pounds – with this t-shirt – if you promise to wear it!' He held out a black shirt that Remus could tell would be just as tight as his trousers. He started to stammer non-committal niceties but then Sirius stepped in.
'He'll take them,' he said firmly. 'And I'm paying. No arguments. If there's one thing my dreadful family's good for, it's money.' He laughed and handed over two notes. 'Well Re, you'll be beating them off with your wand – stick,' he amended hastily, but the man just laughed at what he thought was a slightly vulgar joke.
Remus's pale cheeks were flaming red.
'Sirius -' he began helplessly, but Sirius held up a hand.
'Nope. Don't say it,' he grinned. 'I'm paying and you're wearing and that's all there is to it.'
They walked away, Remus clutching a bag uncomfortably.
'I want to pay you back,' he said abruptly.
'Please, don't,' Sirius said seriously. 'I tell you; I have more money than I know what to do with. And buying things for people makes me happy. So please – no more.'
'Well then - thank you.'
'Don't mention it! And now I suppose we'd better find Prongs and Wormtail...'
They finally discovered James and Peter gawking at passers-by as they sat on a bench drinking beer.
'Did you see that girl?' demanded Peter as they approached. 'She must have had twenty metal rings in her face! And the weirdest black face-paint – and all rips and writing and stuff on her clothes!'
'And that bloke with the spiky green hair and shoes with soles that thick,' James added, gesticulating. 'Crazy!'
'Makes you think Hogwarts really is quite sheltered – and boring, don't you think?' Sirius said. 'This man we just bought stuff off – he was so definitely gay! I can't believe there's all these people, all these ways to be that we've been missing out on! Actually... hang on...'
He dashed off in the direction they had just come from before returning a few minutes later with an excited gleam in his eye.
'Well, I know now where we're going out! Soho!'
'And where is that?' James demanded.
'Near Piccadilly Circus, you know, with that statue of Eros... apparently there's gay clubs and strippers and prostitutes -'
'How do you know? Who did you ask?' Remus asked him.
'Bill – the bloke whose stall we were just at. That's where he and his mates go!'
James and Peter both looked excited but Remus was growing more apprehensive by the second.
'Sir – remember what I said on the train?'
'Yeah,' replied Sirius, his face falling momentarily as he recalled their conversation. But then it brightened again. 'We're not just going there to matchmake you Re! We want to have fun! And from what Bill said that's definitely the place to do it!'
Remus didn't look convinced, but he gave Sirius a grateful smile which didn't escape his attention.
'Well lads, where to now?' James asked.
'I want to see Westminster and the Houses of Parliament,' Remus said earnestly.
No one else had any better suggestions, so they agreed with varying shades of enthusiasm. With a few difficulties they caught the tube there, and all piled out in time to hear Big Ben striking the hour. They stared at the protesters on the green outside Parliament house and laughed at the multitudes of tours being conducted by harassed looking guides. From there, they wandered down the Thames towpath to Tower Bridge before losing their momentum somewhat and spending a good few hours in a nearby pub.
They had no trouble getting served, but when it came to deciding on their drinks it was a lot more complicated than it seemed for four wizards who had never been in a Muggle bar in their lives before.
'You lads foreigners?' the man behind the bar asked in a condescending but friendly manner as they dithered over the huge selection.
Instantly, Sirius seized on this.
'Ja, ve are not from zis fine country of yours,' he said in a bizarre and geographically improbable accent. 'Vot vud you recomment for four sirsty boys?'
The man, incredibly, taken in by this, launched into a convoluted and extremely detailed discussion of the beverages on offer. James and Sirius pretended to listen closely and interjected ridiculous questions at every possible point, egging each other on so both their comments and their accents became every more unbelievable. At last, the man finished explaining, and waited expectantly.
'I sink,' Sirius said, 've vill haf a double of everysink in vun of zose upside-down bottles.'
The man laughed, told him he was 'completely fuckin' mental', and poured their drinks.
After half an hour of gagging, coughing and spluttering, he reappeared at the bar for 'ze same as last,' and walked back to the table carrying another tray laden with little glasses.
When they left, at about 6, everyone was completely legless.
They caught a tube home, giggling madly. James's parents smiled indulgently at them. They remembered doing much the same in their summer holidays.
After a fairly amusing dinner, they decided they could all do with a bit of a rest if they were going to hit the town that night. James and Peter disappeared off into James's quiddich poster-plastered bedroom whilst Sirius and Remus headed into the bare white spare room across the landing.
Sirius had already insisted that Remus take the bed, but when he walked into the room to see how very far down the ground was and how unsteady it was being, he collapsed on the bed next to Remus who was already lying prone, eyes shut, groaning.
'Whyzit spinnin'?' he said indistinctly through one arm which he had flung over his face.
'Dunno,' Sirius replied. 'P'r'aps it's not spinnin'. P'r'aps it's just you thinkin' it's spinnin'.' Then he squinted up at the ceiling. 'Nope, you're right, it's spinnin'.'
But Remus didn't reply. Sirius looked over at him and saw his chest rising and falling slowly and rhythmically. The arm over his face fell down to his side, and Sirius saw the thin face that meant so much to him, eyes closed, black eyelashes on the alcohol-flushed cheeks, longish tawny hair tangled wildly around his face.
'Love you Re,' he whispered drunkenly.
And he wriggled clumsily closer and fell asleep curled up next to his friend.
