Sorry it's been a while, but my boyfriend's been to stay so I've been busy... anyway, I don't especially love this chapter but I think it's fairly necessary for what's coming, plus I felt I had to post something before I start uni (Monday!) because it might be a while before the next one. So, thanks for all your lovely reviews, and I hope you like this...


When Remus was 15, he had read a tatty translation of the Purgatorio and had been struck vividly by the descriptions of Hell. As the four Marauders entered the club, that image flashed into his mind, of souls in torment. But the moment passed, and he laughed inwardly and told himself off for being overly melodramatic.

Still, he was a little overwhelmed for a few minutes. The music was eardrum-shatteringly loud, dry ice spurted from hidden vents and swirled round the heaving mass of sweating bodies dancing pressed against each other and lights flickered, illuminating people at random as they writhed and contorted.

'Drink?' bawled James, and the other three nodded eagerly, their recent hangovers distant memories. They fought their way to the bar where a bare-chested man wearing lipstick served them with mystery hot pink drinks in giant glasses.

The drinks slipped down easily and suddenly the place appeared far more inviting. The four moved onto the floor and started to dance, the beat of the music seeming to get under their skin and force them to move in its rhythm. They were surrounded by dancers jammed together but somehow Sirius managed to wriggle free, and the next they saw of him, he was gyrating on a podium with a massive grin on his face. Over the crowds he caught the eye of a certain brown-haired boy and winked mischievously, and the smile he received in return made his heart beat faster. But he carried on dancing up there, and was soon joined by James who couldn't bear being on the dance floor amongst the crowd when there was a highly visible platform to be danced on instead. Peter disappeared shortly after, and Remus was left alone amid a sea of hip-shaking strangers.

After he had had his bottom squeezed for the fifth time by the elaborately made-up bloke behind him, he decided it was time to move on. He escaped from the insanity of the main area before spotting a dark corner that looked completely uninhabited. He made his way over, sliding thankfully down the wall to sit on his haunches, leaning his elbows on his knees and then burying his flushed face in his hands and his fingers in his tousled hair. The music was far quieter there, and he promised himself 10 minutes rest before he went out again and tried to find the others.

'Are you okay?' asked a voice suddenly. Remus didn't recognise it, and assumed the man was talking to someone else, but when he repeated the question he lifted his head and gazed upwards at the person talking, to him as he realised.

'I'm fine,' Remus replied with a vague smile. He was nervous. He had no desire to be picked up by some stranger and he refused to give this man any encouragement.

'You didn't look it,' he said with a grin, 'but you do now. I'm Felix,' he added, sliding down so he was sitting near enough to Remus to talk to him, but not uncomfortably close. Remus relaxed a little.

'Remus,' he replied.

'I don't think I've seen you here before ever, have I?' Felix asked, and Remus shook his head. 'No, I'd remember you. You look – different.'

Remus tensed slightly at this, but he realised the man wasn't trying to be rude so he smiled non-committally.

'How old are you, if you don't mind me asking...? If you want to know, I'm 22,' he said suddenly.

'Se- eighteen,' Remus stammered. Felix laughed and he grinned too. 'I'm seventeen,' he admitted. 'Too young to be here.'

'Why are you here?' Felix asked him curiously. 'Seventeen is pretty young to be at a gay club by yourself...'

'Oh, I'm not by myself,' Remus laughed. 'Don't think I'd be brave enough. I'm here with some of my friends.'

'Where are they?'

'Dancing I think.'

'If you don't mind me asking... is it you that's gay... or one of your friends... or did you just come to gawp?'

Remus flushed pink at the slight bitterness in the last few words. He stared Felix angrily in the eye.

'I'm gay,' he declared with spirit.

Felix laughed at him. 'No need to get shirty,' he said. 'I just wanted to know. There're quite a few spectators in here nowadays... I have to say though that I was getting the vibes from you; just wondered if you knew yourself yet!'

'The vibes?'

Felix giggled. 'Just a feeling, you know.'

'Can you usually tell?' Remus asked curiously, his eyes wide.

'Sometimes.

'Must be handy.'

'Not as much as you might think. The real important test is telling whether someone likes you or not.'

'I suppose...'

'For example, Mr Seventeen-year-old Remus, I know that you don't fancy me.'

Remus grinned ruefully. 'Er – sorry?' he said uncertainly.

'Don't worry about it! For the record – and this might just be my ego talking – but it's my guess that you've already fallen for someone. One of the friends here with you?'

Remus blinked. 'Yeah,' he said, his eyes fixed shyly on Felix's dark brown ones.

'Must be tough. It's bad enough liking the people you're meant to like when you're seventeen, hard and scary enough when they like you back, let alone if you feel like you're weird and you can't even tell them. You haven't told him, have you?'

'No.'

'And yet he knows you're queer?'

'Yes – I told him first...'

'How did he take it?'

'He didn't even know what 'gay' was before I explained. Then he thought it was really cool, and he decided he had to find me a boyfriend. And so we're here.'

'That's not a bad reaction, you know.'

'I know. But secretly – oh, you know, stupidly a little part of me thought when I told him he'd grab me and kiss me and tell me he loved me, he'd always loved me.'

'If – and it's quite a big 'if' – he does feel like that then he's probably shy, insecure. He probably assumes that you'd have told him if you liked anyone.'

'He wormed it out of me that there was someone – but not who it was.'

'God, Remus, if it was a woman you liked I'd tell you she definitely knows, but as it is, well, men are a bit slow on the uptake in things like that.'

'You're not wrong,' Remus whispered, although just how right Felix was he had no idea.

'You should tell him. If he's as good a friend as he sounds, and his response to you coming out sounds like he's fantastic, then he won't react badly or anything.'

'I just don't want to ruin things. I'm sure he wouldn't be angry or disgusted or anything but things between us would change, they'd have to. He'd never touch me in case he thought I was leching after him.'

'Remus! I'm sure that's not the case!'

'Maybe not. But I don't want to take the chance.'

'Even if he might feel that way about you?'

'Oh he doesn't, how could he? He's normal, you wouldn't believe how normal. All the girls love him, he's funny and clever and fascinating and loyal and handsome... very handsome...'

'Tell him!'

'No!'

'You might regret it more than you know. And so might he, if he ever finds out. It's a great thing to be told by someone that they love you, even if you don't love them back.'

'I wish I could, Felix. But I can't. I'm too afraid... this is too much...' To his own embarrassment, tears sprang up in Remus's eyes. He bit his lip fiercely until blood ran down his chin but he couldn't hold them in.

'Hey, hey, it's alright, don't worry. I'm sorry I nagged you about it.'

'It's okay,' Remus said as he scrubbed at his face with his t-shirt hem. 'I'm so sorry about this. I just thought, though, we only have one more year of school and then what? Will we ever see each other? I need him -' as he thought of the full moons and how Padfoot had managed to subdue Moony since the first night they had met.

'I'm sure you'll stay friends,' Felix said firmly. 'But until you both leave, try not to think about it. Things might be very different in a year. Things can change overnight – in a second...'

'You're right, but I don't think this will. I don't think my feelings will change and I don't think I'll be able to tell him either.'

'Maybe something else will change instead...'

'I hope so.' Remus said unconvinced, and smiled wanly, his eyes red. 'I'd better go and find them all though. Thanks for talking to me – you've really helped.'

'It's been a pleasure,' Felix smiled at him as Remus stood up and ran his fingers through his hair. 'Wait -' he scribbled something on a scrap of paper, 'this is my address. Write to me sometime, let me know how things are going.'

'Thank you,' Remus smiled genuinely this time and took the paper. 'I will. Good luck with everything – I don't know anything about you, I've been so busy blathering on about myself...'

'It doesn't matter,' Felix told him. 'Find your friends, and have a good night. And don't forget to write.'

'I won't,' Remus said. 'Have fun.' He smiled and then turned around and disappeared into the crowds. Felix pulled out a cigarette and smoked it, regretting the existence of the mysterious friend that this Remus was so smitten with.


Meanwhile, Remus was squirming his way through the packed club. Eventually he found Sirius and James still on their platform and Peter on the floor below. Sirius immediately jumped down and grabbed Remus's arm. He yelled something but Remus had no idea what, and he shook his head laughingly. Sirius leaned into him so that Remus could feel his breath tickling his ear before he asked, 'Where did you go?'

'Oh, just to sit down, Remus replied in Sirius's ear.

'Have you had enough?' he asked. 'Hey – have you been crying?'

'No,' Remus lied feebly.

'What's wrong?'

'Nothing, I'm fine.'

'Bollocks,' Sirius replied, before tightening his grip on Remus's bare arm and proceeding to drag him away from James and Peter and out the way they had come in.

'So,' he demanded once he and Remus were sitting halfway down the concrete steps outside. 'Where have you been? What's going on?