Come on, Ang, this is Roger. We both know that he won't "figure out" I'm pregnant, he'll probably just think "Wow, Mimi's really getting fat" or something.

I do want him to be my baby's daddy, I lied before. I want him to pay attention to me, to be here for me… I haven't seen him for six days. Angel, I've gone up to see him and he won't come to the door. I'm four months pregnant and… he doesn't even know. He won't let me tell him, even if I wanted to.

Angel, please tell me what's going on. I know you know what's going on with him and you don't want to tell me because 'it's not your place'. This has happened before, I know what you're doing. But, please Angel, it's killing me, tell me why he won't… He just won't. Won't be a boyfriend, won't let me love him, won't even let me touch him anymore. Angel, please…

I'm sorry, I don't want to make this depressing. I'll… uh… I'll talk about the baby. (She and Roger are basically all there is to my life right now.) Thank God I'm past morning sickness now. I only had it for about a month, but I had it bad. A couple times I wasn't even able to go to work, and I worked at the Cat Scratch at night. (I'm not working at the Cat Scratch anymore, I'm too fat, so I'm working at a bookstore now.) I got an ultrasound the other day, the technician kept asking me why I didn't wait to bring the father with me, and telling me how I should have waited until he was off work to make my appointment. I didn't know what to say, how do you explain to a complete stranger that you didn't tell the father about the baby because he had been acting all prick-y lately? You don't. I just stuttered, then cried and then they got me a different technician. I am such a little brat.

I wish you could see the picture, Ang. They printed me off a picture, the baby is going to be absolutely gorgeous. I'm such a first time mother, the ultrasound is tacked up on my fridge.

The baby started kicking a while ago too—it's the most amazing feeling, knowing that there's this little life inside me and she's healthy and… I think she misses her daddy. She only really started kicking once Roger stopped coming. The baby throws a temper tantrum whenever I try to sleep, she's got such strong legs for such a tiny…

I think she's scared of being alone too.

I love my baby. I hope her daddy knows how much I love him, I'm not even choosing names until he… I don't want to do it alone.

Oh God, Angel, I don't know what to do! Fix me, please, make things less crapped up, for the life of me, I don't know what to do!

Love Always,

Mommy and Baby Marquez