Swallowing Materia can be Hazardous to Your Heath

By CloudRox1 and Firefly99

DISCLAIMER:

Firefly99: *folds arms* I refuse to return Cloud.

CloudRox1: *pulls out a piko mallet [1]*

Firefly99: *notices* Hey, don't look so shocked, and don't come near me with that thing. As far as I remember, you were the one who helped me get hold of the tranquilliser gun, AND you provided the distraction, the crowbar, and the skeleton key, not to mention the balaclavas, and the...*begins to reel off a long list of the rather big part that CloudRox1 played in Cloud's kidnapping*

CloudRox1: But you never said we were going to KEEP him after a week! You said it was all a joke! YOU LIEEEEDDD!!!!!!

Firefly99: No, I never said that. Besides, it's not like you weren't planning to take him for yourself afterwards. I SAW the blueprints!! Don't deny it!!

Cloud: *spits off gag* Don't I get a say in this?

Both: NO!

Chapter 4

A Little Spiky Interlude

Cloud had a headache.

It probably had something to do with Yuffie's Voices, which he was getting really confused about.

It could also have something to do with that weird chocobo, which looked too much like Vincent for comfort.

Then again, it could also be that Vincent himself was missing.

Considering that the group had now lost two out of their three long-range attackers (Yuffie's sanity was under some serious questioning) was a surefire sign for chaos, doom, and general hell.

Not to mention that Cloud, as leader, would take the blame for the whole thing. Damn leadership qualities!

He stuck another pin into the cork. It had 'Yuffie' written on it in handwriting that resembled Vincent's. So what? It saved him the bother of making his own.

In the end, he cast Esuna on himself to try and dispel the agonising pain in his skull. (It didn't work. Natch.)

"CLOUUUUUD-EEEEEEEEY!!"

"Ow..." he winced. It had sent shockwaves rolling straight through his aching skull. "What now? Don't tell me someone else has come down with the Voices..."

"No? What! It's nothing to do with that!" The door was pushed open, revealing Yuffie's face. She was blushing. Either that, or very very mad.

"Then what? I have a pounding headache, so if it's nothing important..." He left the sentence hanging.

"No! Nonono! It's totally vital!!"

Yuffie's shrill voice made Cloud's head throb like a bass guitar.

"What the HELL is it, then?"

Yuffie grinned coyly. "Well, y'see, I need a way of slaughtering a swindling demon who makes young pretty teenagers reveal their deepest and darkest secrets without actually spilling their OWN beans, and, and, this COMPLETELY THEORETICAL demon happens to be residing in someone's head. And I don't want to hurt the someone too much. At least not enough to endanger their life and limb. Did ya get all that?"

Cloud put his head in his hands. ".....OK...just...speak...slower..and...quieter. Cloudy has a headache, OK?"

"Oh...a headache? I think The Redster has some kind of herbally thingummy for that. A rem-remora- no, remedy! Remedy!" She snapped her fingers furiously as she said this, much to Cloud's irritation. "That's the word! Eep, soz," she said, noticing Cloud's face, "but I can't help it. Look, I'll be good..."

For a moment, Cloud thought he saw something like remorse in her face. Nah. Not on The Brat. Brat doesn't really feel emotions other than hyperactivity. If that's an emotion. Cloud's head hurt too badly to consider any details.

"No, really. I'll go and get him to make you some," she whispered, "It really works. And I'll be really, really quiet from now on."

The Brat was approaching. Cloud made a mental note to invest in earplugs.

"Whatever. Just leave me alone right now."

Yuffie looked a touch put-out.

"Erm…so, you aren't going to answer my totally theoretical question?"

"Does it have something to do with Vincent? It sounds like it. And you know you're no good at lying."

Yuffie went as pink and shiny as a Gold Saucer Moogle balloon. "No WAY!" she blurted, and then changed colour to a very ashamed purple. "Sorry!!" she whispered urgently. "OK, it has something to do with Vincent. It's an emergency procedure. In case we find Vincent again. Because," she said, waving her hands around furiously, "he's not the kind of guy to run off without telling us - well, at least not in the daytime. So, if he has been taken over by Chaos, we'll need a back-up plan."

"Well what was all that about teenagers, troubles and deep dark secrets?"

"Yeep! Er, theoretical."

Cloud rolled his eyes.

"If you've been havin' some kind of Truth or Dare session with Chaos, all I can do is hope for you that you didn't say anything too...condemning."

"Er...yeah...right..."

"Now, go. It's your own mess and I'm not digging you out of it." At this point, he made a sudden connection. "You've been communicating with Chaos, haven't you?"

"No."

"He's responsible for the Voices, isn't he?"

"No! No, no, nonononomaybe..."

Cloud gave her his best cockatrice stare. "What?"

"Er...ah...funny story really...but, uh, I don't-think-you're-in-the-mood-for-funny-so-maybe-some-other-time-'kay-bye!"

"Hold it," said Cloud, grabbing her shoulder.

"Yeep?!"

"Just pick up that remedy from Red XIII, give it to me, and then I promise I'll help you out-"

"Whee!"

" – provided that you tell me everything about what's going on, what your problem is, what's with the Voices, and why the HELL the chocobo looks so much like Vincent."

"...Awww..."

Just a short chapter for this one, because of the enormous length of the last one. Sorry guys.

Firefly99: Oh yeah, I have to apologise to everyone out there waiting for me to update TINAY and The Fanfiction and everything – my computer at home is being rebuilt and every spare minute of school computer time is spent working on this. Also, sorry if I haven't read and reviewed the fics I like, because, as I said – no FF.net time either!

CloudRox1: After that little plugging byte,

Firefly99: HEY! That was not plugging! –

CloudRox1: Whatever. After that thing-which-wasn't-plugging-but-sure-sounded-like-it, just let ME say that I am working on my fics; sorry for the wait. OK. There, now THAT is saying sorry but NOT plugging.

Firefly99: HEY! Watch it!

CloudRox1: *sticks out tongue and runs off*

Firefly99: Well, if you WISH to interpret my OBVIOUSLY NOT-A-PLUG as a plug, The Links Are In Our Bio!!!!!!!!!1