Angel,
I'm sorry, I haven't written for a long time, I just… I'm… Roger's in the hospital. I… God, Angel, he's so sick. We've been here for three weeks and he's not improving at all, he just keeps getting worse and worse and… God, he was so sick when we brought him in, because he just wouldn't let us take him to a hospital before then and… It's AIDS related pneumonia. He didn't even seem surprised that he was sick, that it was so bad, when they told him…
I'm so scared, Angel. I'm scared my baby won't know her daddy, I'm scared he'll never know how much I care about him… I'm scared to lose him. God, Angel, we've been together for three years and I barely survived the last time I lost him, how am I going to do this? Knowing that this time it's fucking permanent?
This is the first time I've left the hospital in a week, I'm terrified he'll… I'm terrified something'll happen while I'm gone. Mark made me go home, he promised he'd call me if anything changed, he made me promise to get some sleep. I can't sleep, what if the phone rings and I don't hear it and I don't get to say goodbye to Roger?
They don't like me at the hospital, they're all petrified for me, I can tell. They look at me, and they don't want me staying with him and they keep on telling me that I'm going to get sick and that I have to rest or I'll lose the baby and… Why do they have to do that? Things are bad enough, I don't need them to keep trying to scare me away from the man I love.
Thank God he finally let me back in to his life. I wouldn't be able to… I mean, if I hadn't been able to make things right with him before…
He's not going to get better. He reminds me so badly of you during the last few… He only weighs 120 lbs now, it's not right on him, he looks like a fucking skeleton. I mean, I thought he was bad before we took him into the hospital. He actually let me sleep in the bed with him, he was skinny and sweaty every night and his bones always dug into me. I didn't think he could possibly get any skinnier but now… God, Angel, I'm seven months pregnant and I weigh 10 lbs more than him, and he's a foot taller than me and it's completely not right and…
I'm so scared, why is this happening? Why would they take him away from me like this? Things could have been okay, why would this happen now?
We decided to name the baby Miranda Angel Davis.
Love Always,
Mimi Marquez
-----
Disclaimer: Not ours, never ours.
-----
