A/N: REPOSTED on 9.9.2004 for changes to the end of the chapter.

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Chapter 2: Romance is a stop that I missed somehow

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That was a bit sudden, don't you think? said Yami as I cruised down the highway. Could of given them your wedding gift, at least.

I slammed on the brakes for a split second before I realize that there are very fast cars behind me. Damnit! That stained-glass panel took me months to get right. Almost cut off my finger working on that damn thing. And I won't be surprised if it's broken after riding in this junk heap for three hours. Why didn't you remind me earlier, Yami!

It was your responsibility to remember that, he says mockingly. Oh... did little Ryou-chan get his feelings hurt again?

Shut up! I grip the steering wheel tighter. Why the hell are you so talky? I like it better when you're being normal and I don't hear from you for a few weeks at a time, even if I don't know what you're doing with all of that spare time. Siccing your Man-Eater Bug on people, or something. Using trap cards to cause small "natural" disasters.

Fun, fun...

Ah jeez, stop. If you start telling me about all the crimes you've committed I'm going to start feeling like I have to do something to stop them, right? Why don't I just let you go on with your population control and whittle down the number of people in Osaka by a few dozen a year? Then we're both happy.

Also, you forgot to turn off the stove this morning.

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The landlady is banging at the door. Wondering, no doubt, about this nice little girl-boy who just moved in and who is taking a nap when he should be in class. Ah yes, Mrs. Tanaka, I had to find a new place to live after my old apartment burned down, even though this place is about a twenty-minutes drive farther away from the university and I don't have a car. Oh, Osaka has such a nice public transportation system, too bad they don't have a schedule that fits my life.

By the time I get out of bed and open the door, there's no one there. On the doorstep sits a red plastic pan and a cutting of meadow rue. Taking the pan in arm and flowers in hand I shut, latch and lock the door again. I put them down on my coffee table, which also serves as a kitchen table and counter in my one-room flat.

Yami picks up a stem and chews on it. Mm, the flavor of the country.

Yami, I think those are poisonous.

That makes them taste better.

He'll probably put them back in the vase... when he's done with them... so I turn my attention to the nikujaga that will conveniently be my lunch, supper and breakfast tomorrow if there's enough. Typical motherly kind of meal, not something a young bachelor like myself would take the time to make. Ramen is more of my forté.

Well, I might as well read over what the lessons were today. Taking a plateful of potatoes, because Yami will be testy if I eat the meat before he's done with his flowers, I sprawl out on my mattress. It's lucky, really, that I'm in such a good mood today, or I wouldn't be able to concentrate. So then... d sub y over d sub x equals P(x) Q(x)y R(x)y squared... so if it's not in the second degree...

What are you doing? asks Yami. I guess he's not hungry right now.

Riccati equations, I tell him. Fun stuff. Much better for you than tormenting people with your deck... do you even know algebra? But I guess the Egyptians didn't invent that.

You are a very bad specimen of humanity, he says. A healthy male of your age should be out chasing girls, like your nice little friends Jounouchi and Honda-kun.

I'm not very interested in girls right now, Yami. Seeing as how whenever one takes an interest in me, you manage to scare her away, I don't see why you're concerned... I mean... God, if I ever brought a girl home you'd probably rape her or something.

Suddenly my potatoes are overturned onto the floor as Yami yanks me up by the collar and drags me out onto the tiny balcony. Fleetingly, I think how the people on the street must see a guy hanging onto the railing for dear life while simultaneously trying to fall over the edge.

Insolent, insolent hikari, he mutters. Why the hell is he so fucked off? Oh yeah, me, his stupid little hikari.

Well, you know what, Yami? Bring it on! Throw me off the balcony, because you know better than I do that I'd never be brave enough to jump myself. Sure, I would have picked a more dramatic setting... leaping off the 91st floor of the Kaiba building, maybe... but this'll do.

Yes! I want to die by landing in a small, filthy side street in the seediest part of Osaka on top of a small stall of leeks!

Don't be an idiot, says Yami. So I guess I'll live another day after all. Suddenly he pulls me back onto the balcony floor, onto his feet while he stands there glowering at me. It's like staring at the blade of a guillotine.

I close my eyes, but they snap back open when I feel a very warm, moist yet undeniably appealing yami kissing me.

Yami smirks and drops my shoulder, and I fall back hard enough to crack a bone against the concrete. He is... a total enigma... isn't he? He... is... um... well, he... jeez. Ok. Right. This is the next level in tame-a-hikari cruelty such as can only be practiced by dear Yami. What an ass.

Open the fucking door! Christ, what the hell are you doing, Yami? It's freezing! I bang against the sliding door, ineffectually, a few more times. Figure of all the things in this crappy apartment that work, it's this. Ow. Ouch.

I guess he's pretty happy that he left me out here, and he thinks he gave me plenty to think about. Only thing is... he did. Because as weird and sadistic as Yami is, he's never been that cruel before. Not even in eleventh grade when Yuugi and his yami had a... relationship. Because Yami doesn't touch romance, or desire, because of all the ways he likes to manipulate people, I've never known of him using anything even faintly connected with love.

Yami doesn't like people. I'm like him in that way. Ugh. I guess it's very funny then that we're bound to each other for eternity or until I die. Since I know he's not going anywhere.

People, people, people. Didn't go to Domino University or somewhere nearby. Went to Osaka so I could be away from the people that cared about me, so that I don't have to care about them.

Yami is like me, but he's the better... worse?... side of me. Maybe Yami Yugi is right and he's an incarnation of evil, but at this point, from where I'm standing, that's better than being me. Evil, yes, but undeniably... cooler. For lack of a better word.

I am, unfortunately, really, really human. And apparently, subject to Stockholm syndrome.

He is beautiful, but never real.

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A/N: Er, I have no idea what the author's notes used to be for this chapter.