Chapter 13: How Can I Just Let You Go?
"You told me to call. You said you'd be there. And though I haven't seen you, are you still there? I cried out with no reply and I can't feel you by my side so I hold tight to what I know: you're here and I'm never alone." Barlow Girl—Never Alone
For Raven, the whole world moved in slow motion. The trip back to the tower seemed to take forever, but once they were back, she felt like a character from a movie they had once seen. The heroine in the film was losing the man she loved to some terrible disease and she very nearly didn't make it to his side before he died. The movie had left most of the team in tears, and it was plainly one of the saddest any of them had ever seen. Raven felt that way today. Her legs seemed to be filled with lead; no mater how fast she tried to move, she still felt too slow.
When she reached the medical bay with the others, she fought the urge to push them all aside and throw herself down beside him. She was nearly to the beside when she heard her name being called.
"Raven...Raven where are you?" Beast Boy's broken voice called. Raven slipped up to the side of the bed and took Beast Boy's hand in her own. She kissed it as a tear trickled down her cheek. He was lying on his back now, looking smaller in this bed than he had ever looked to her before.
"I'm here, Beast Boy," Raven murmured.
"I love you, Raven," Beast Boy managed, his voice little more than a hoarse whisper.
"I love you, too...Beast Boy? Beast Boy!" Raven cried out as his grip loosened. Seconds later, Beast Boy had slipped into a deep coma. Raven didn't know what to do. She was shocked beyond her tears. The sob that tore itself from her soul brought with it a numbness in her muscles. She collapsed to her knees there in the medical bay, still staring up at Beast Boy's hand lying limply over the side of the bed and the tears returned in full force. She felt it when Starfire, Torque, and Jinx knelt down around her, pulled her into their arms and cried with her. The boys just stood solemnly on the other side of the bed, not really sure how to react until the doors on the metal cabinets started to melt.
"Raven, no! Starfire, get her out of here!" Robin cried. The girls awkwardly stood and Starfire helped to shepherd a resistant and distraught Raven out of the medical bay.
"I can't leave him. He could wake up and I won't be there!" Raven cried through clenched teeth.
"You won't do him any good if you're like this!" Torque cried. One of the long wall panels started to turn black and melt and Jinx gasped.
"We have to get her out of the Tower. She'll bring the whole place down on our heads!" Jinx cried.
"Agreed, but where will we go?" Starfire asked.
"Anywhere! We need to get her outside before she melts a hole in the floor!" Torque replied. The girls' next destination was Starfire's garden.
Once they settled down in the cool grass, Raven's sorrow seemed to be ebbing at last. She was still crying, but instead of melting parts of the tower, two pumpkins and a watermelon were the newest victims of Raven's heart-wrenching sadness.
"We'll find a way to help him, Raven, don't you worry," Jinx soothed, lightly rubbing Raven's back in wide circles.
"You must have faith, my sister, Raven, that your betrothed will live," Starfire said as she lifted Raven's chin and used a handkerchief to wipe away the last of her tears. Torque only stood and observed the sunset. As the red, pink, orange and yellow were swallowed by purple blue and black, Torque finally turned to her friends.
"I think the ruckus has sufficiently died down now. Let's go back in," Torque said softly. She hoped that no one had seen the puffy red rims around her eyes. Once they returned, most of the team retired to bed, but Torque couldn't sleep. She took the thick, warm blankets from her bed and dragged them upstairs with her to the living area, where she curled up loosely on the couch and arranged the couch pillows to support her before tugging the blankets up over herself and picking up the remote. With over 300 channels to surf, one had to start sometime, right?
Two hours later, hearing that the television was still on, Robin and Cyborg tiptoed up to the living area. They had been downstairs trying to talk Raven into getting some sleep but were unsuccessful. As the two rounded the end of the couch, they spotted Torque asleep there, curled up against the cushions, knees tucked up and remote in hand. Cyborg had to smile.
"I think our girl Torque here is ready to be a Titan," Cyborg said.
"What makes you say that?" Robin asked.
"She's mastered sleepin' on the couch when she's too worried to sleep in her own bed," Cyborg explained.
"I don't get it," Robin said.
"Her bedroom is too quiet. She needed noise. Headphones don't work for every person, but the TV seems to work wonders for just about everybody," Cyborg said. "Since everything seems to be okay up here, this robot's goin' back to bed. Night y'all."
"Robin?" a drowsy voice muttered from beneath the blankets and pillows on the couch. Robin sat down next to her feet and smiled calmly.
"Can't sleep?" he asked.
"How'd you guess? It's been a problem for a while. I've just gotten used to it," Torque shrugged. "I'm sorry I've been so weird about this whole thing with Beast Boy."
"We've all been a little weird; don't worry about it...You've lost someone, too, haven't you?" Robin asked. He had seen a very familiar look in Torque's eyes.
"Yeah. A lot of someones—in a really short space of time," Torque replied.
"Would you like to talk about it?" Robin asked gently. He didn't want to pry. Torque seemed to be forcing back the urge to be defensive. Robin admired her strength.
"All you need to know is that all that's left of my parents are two stars in a book in a federal building. My kid brother...my only brother, disappeared when I was ten...and Charlie...deep breath...my Charlie...was murdered saving my life last year." Torque replied, fighting back the tears she had been suppressing all this time.
"So...you're an orphan...like a lot of us are," Robin replied softly, looking into Torque's blue eyes. Then his head gained a curious tilt as he asked, "Would you consider staying here?"
"Me? Stay here? Be a 'Teen Titan'?" Torque replied mockingly. Half a second passed and her look softened. "You...would let me stay? After everything that chick Terra did to all of you, you guys would let me join the team so fast? I mean, I wouldn't blame you one bit if you tossed me out on my ear and told me never to—" Torque was interrupted when Robin placed his hand on hers.
"What went down with Terra is in the past. You've proven yourself to be a trustworthy and loyal friend and we would love nothing more than to keep you on the team...that is...if you want to. I mean, I would understand if you didn't want to or anything but seriously--" Robin replied. Torque smiled and covered Robin's hand with her free one.
"Everything and everyone I care about now is here. I'll stay."
"Glad to hear it," Robin said happily. Torque cracked a grin and gave Robin a look that made him smile too.
"Robin?"
"Hmm?"
"Shouldn't you be in bed right now? Starfire is bound to be missing you by now," Torque said, making the Boy Wonder blush all the way to his steel-toed shoes.
"You're probably right. Good night, Torque," Robin replied with a smile.
"Good night, Robin."
