Disclaimer: Evangelion is the property of Gainax; Event Horizon is the property of Paramount and Impact Pictures. Although the administrators of both studios may be tearing out their hair and foaming at the mouth over this shameless abuse of their licenses, they may still derive some small comfort from the fact that I'm not making money from it.
Chapter 3: Responsibility
"You are certain that there were no survivors?"
"Yes, Commander," Misato responded. "We checked all surveillance cameras and performed a bioscan of the entire facility. There was nothing there."
If the revelation troubled Gendo Ikari, he gave no sign of it. Learning that a branch of his organization had lost its entire crew should have elicited some visible response, even if it was only irritation that the Second Branch's work had been inconvenienced. Instead, the Commander calmly sat at the desk with his gloved hands folded before his face, silhouetted in the crimson glare from his office window. Misato wished that she'd brought a camera to the facility with her and taken some pictures. I'd like to see him react to something like that, just once, she thought. I want to see him turn away in disgust, or throw up, or gasp with shock. Hell, I'd be happy if he just blinked
"And Evangelion Unit-04? Is it salvageable?" From the tone of his voice, it was clear that the Commander was far more interested in the fate of the EVA than that of the crew.
Ritsuko stepped forward, taking a clipboard from under her arm and referring to it briefly. "Externally, there is nothing wrong with the Evangelion, nor is there any sign of a physical attack on it. In the hour since we returned we've had little time to inspect EVA-04's interior. The data we retrieved from the Second Branch's computers may shed some light on the situation; Lieutenant Ibuki is reading through it as we speak. However, considering that the incident occurred during the S2 core's activation test, I believe it would be prudent to keep the Evangelion in stasis until our investigation is complete."
"Do you have any idea what happened to the crew?" Fuyutsuki asked from his customary position to Gendo's right.
"There was very little to go on, I'm afraid. As the Major has already stated, a surveillance check of the entire facility turned up nothing."
The Subcommander nodded. "We understand that, but the look in the eyes of Major Katsuragi and Lieutenant Aoba says that there's more. What else did you see?" His question was directed at Ritsuko, but his gaze took in all three of his subordinates as he spoke. Am I that obvious? Misato wondered. She'd had no chance for rest since returning from the Second Branch, of course. Small wonder, then, if the horror she still felt was beginning to show through.
She glanced over at Aoba while Ritsuko gave a detailed description of what they had seen. She could see what Fuyutsuki meant; Aoba's nervousness was written on his face for all to see. At the mention of his name the young lieutenant had jumped, staring at his superiors with an expression resembling that of a wary cat, unsure whether to flee or attack. He quickly caught himself and forced his face into a slightly more relaxed position. "Sir?" he asked.
"You may speak, Lieutenant," Fuyutsuki prodded.
Aoba swallowed, then took a breath and spoke, his words coming out in a rush. "It was just like they've already described it, sir. There was nobody in that hole, and no sign of what had killed them. Just lots of gore, and two bodies."
"You are certain?" Commander Ikari asked.
After a moment's hesitation the technician nodded. "Positive, sir. There was nothing there." He shrugged and gave a halfhearted smile of apology, which came out looking more like a grimace. "I guess... I'm just a little shocked from the whole thing."
"If you... recall anything else, you will inform myself or Subcommander Fuyutsuki at once," the Commander instructed.
Aoba bowed awkwardly and stepped back. "Yes, sir."
Misato watched him out of the corner of her eye. Something about Aoba's presentation bothered her, although she couldn't quite put her finger on it. After all, what he'd said was certainly true. They all had every right to be jumping at shadows after what they'd seen. But something seemed...
The Commander plowed smoothly ahead, interrupting her train of thought. Misato filed the vague suspicions away for later as Gendo Ikari turned his attention back to Ritsuko. "Was there anything else?"
The doctor pulled something from her coat pocket and set it on the desk. It was a memory dump, identical to the one she'd used in the Second Branch. "Just one more thing, sir," she informed him. "I managed to retrieve a fragment out of one of the bridge's sound recorders. It's still partly corrupted, but as you asked to be kept aware of all developments..." Rather than finish the thought, Ritsuko handed the item to the Commander, satisfied that its contents would speak for themselves.
Misato held her breath as Ikari plugged the module into his desk terminal. Despite herself, she felt a faint thrill of excitement. This would be their first real clue as to the crew's fate. Ritsuko certainly thought it was important; maybe this would reveal something they hadn't yet considered.
She flinched visibly when the file began to play, gasping in shock as the cacophonous sound tore from the office's speaker system. The noises Misato heard defied description. Whatever had originally been recorded, the corruption had transformed it into a jumbled mix of rending metal, static, and animalistic shrieking. Just listening to it made her eyes water uncontrollably; it was like listening to a cat being put into a food processor – and a very old and rusty one at that.
Misato shut her eyes and clenched her teeth, willing the torture to stop; after several more agonizing seconds, it did.
"I'm afraid it's not much, Commander," Ritsuko apologized. "We'll let you know as soon as we uncover anything-"
She was cut off as the Commander, none the worse for wear for having heard the recording, reset the track and played it back again. Misato winced. I'll bet this is like music to him, she thought in irritation. He probably has it on eight-track in his bedroom.
This time, Ikari stopped the playback partway through, rewound a short distance, and played it again. After reaching the same point, he rewound again, and listened to it over. Again he rewound it. What he was listening for, Misato didn't know, but...
"It sounds... like a voice," Aoba interrupted, raising his voice above the din.
Misato blinked. How can he tell? It all sounds the same to me. Nevertheless, she listened to the noise a little more closely.
On the seventh or eighth playback, she finally heard it. The sound was faint and indistinct, to be sure, but it was definitely there – a human voice. A woman's voice.
Misato struggled to make out the words. "Is that... English?" she wondered aloud.
"It's Latin." Fuyutsuki's eyes were narrowed, and his lips were slightly curled back from the teeth, as though in distaste. The Subcommander listened intently as Ikari replayed the recording yet again.
Misato waited until the clip had finished before asking, "Well, what's she saying?"
Fuyutsuki met her gaze, his expression grave. "It's liberate me – 'save me.'"
Misato listened to the voice one more time. It was difficult to make out the words; between the interfering static and the rasping quality of the voice, Misato nearly missed it. When she heard it again, though, the words were unmistakable: "liberate... me..."
"Is there anything else?" Misato asked. "What's she asking us to save her from?"
"Determining that will be Doctor Akagi's job," the Commander answered. "For your part, Major Katsuragi, I trust that you will not allow this to distract you from your duties. As troubling as these events are, you must continue to fight the Angels."
Katsuragi straightened. "I understand, sir."
"Good." Ikari leaned forward, staring at her intently. "I have received word that the Fourth Child is currently visiting the NERV infirmary. You can begin by informing him of his selection as an Evangelion pilot."
Misato's heart sank. I'm supposed to talk to him now? While he's sitting right in front of Shinji? He's never going to agree after... She caught herself, curtailing that train of thought before her dismay became evident. "Yes, sir," she responded smartly, throwing a quick salute.
"That is all. You are dismissed, Major... and you as well, Lieutenant Aoba."
Misato turned on her heel and strode from the office without waiting for Aoba. As she reached the door, she heard the bridge recording play once more.
"Liberate... me..."
---
Misato paused at the door of Shinji's room. Do you really want to go in there again? she wondered. He's still going to be catatonic, you'll just have to look at him again, see him like that... stretched out, lifeless, dead...
She guillotined that thought before it could go any farther. Don't think like that, she sternly reprimanded herself. You're here on business, so pull yourself together! Gingerly, she reached for the doorknob, steeling herself for what she would have to do... and stopped, realizing that the door was already ajar. Faint voices reached her ears; she strained to listen, realizing that there was more than one person in the next room.
"...I'm telling you, Ikari. You should really see what it's like when you're not there. You'd be surprised." That was Kensuke Aida, one of Shinji's friends – the one with the unhealthy military obsession. Aida, usually one who overflowed with energy, was uncharacteristically subdued today.
"He's not making it up, man. By now pretty much everybody in class has guessed that something happened to you in that fight the other day. They're all talking about it. They're worried about you, Ikari." The second voice belonged to Touji Suzuhara, the jock.
"Hard to believe, huh?" Aida forced a laugh, as if trying to convince Shinji that he was joking. "But that's how they are. They're all pulling for you."
"I talked to Mari this morning," Suzuhara added gently. "She's the one who thought of the flowers. Looks like you've got quite a fan club, my man."
As lonely as Shinji seems most of the time, he has a couple of really good friends, Misato thought. And now... and now I'm going to... Again, she cut herself off, wrinkling her nose with distaste for her next task. Finally, she took a deep breath, then pulled the door open and stepped into the room.
Suzuhara and Aida looked up as she entered, their eyes widening with recognition. "M... Ms. Katsuragi," they stammered in awkward unison before dropping into equally awkward bows. "G-good afternoon..."
"Good afternoon, Aida, Suzuhara," she returned, giving a false smile. "How are you both?"
"Uh... very well, thank you," Aida answered nervously. Suzuhara nodded nervously in agreement, his eyes straying to the corner of the room.
Misato followed his gaze to the chair in the corner. Rei was still there, sitting in the exact same position she'd been in when Misato had left. Did she really sit there this whole time? But the girl looked well-rested, and met Misato's eyes with a clear, unwavering gaze. "Good afternoon, Major," she said.
"Hello, Rei," Misato acknowledged, smiling a little more warmly. Thank God Shinji had somebody there for him. Not like you, taking off for your NERV missions and leaving him alone, just like...
Once again Misato silenced her thoughts, instead turning her attention directly back to Shinji himself. He looked much as she'd left him, lying on his back, his eyes closed, breathing slowly and rhythmically. She struggled to find something to say. "He looks... about the same," she managed at last. At least he hasn't gotten worse, she added mentally.
"His condition has not changed during the time that I have been watching him," Rei confirmed. "Pilot Sohryu was here for half an hour last night, and she reported much the same thing."
"I see..." Misato replied, momentarily taken aback by the idea that Asuka had willingly spoken with Rei.
"Do they have any idea what's wrong with him?" Suzuhara asked.
The major shook her head. "None. Just that he went into the Angel fully conscious and came out like... like this. He's in a coma, or... something close to it."
"From what I have read of coma patients, it is often valuable to have the victim's family and friends nearby. Patients will respond to the sound of a loved one's voice, and may even brought back to consciousness by familiar stimuli."
Misato flinched slightly. Are you... accusing me, Rei? She risked a glance in the girl's direction, but there was no anger or reproach in the First Child's eyes. You are, aren't you? You think that I should be here more often, that I should be there for him when he... needs me?
"That sounds like a good idea." Aida stood up from the chair at Shinji's bedside and stretched. "You hear that, Ikari? We'll be back again, this time tomorrow. Hang in there, alright?" With that, he headed for the door, Suzuhara following just behind him.
Here we go... Misato quickly followed them out and caught the sleeve of Suzuhara's running suit. "Suzuhara... I need to speak with you for a minute."
For his part, Suzuhara recovered from his surprise reasonably well. "Uh... sure thing." He looked to Kensuke and shrugged helplessly. Kensuke merely looked between the two of them with a raised eyebrow before nodding and heading off down the hallway. When they were alone, Suzuhara leaned against a wall and folded his arms. "So, uh... what can I do for you?"
Touji Suzuhara, it is my duty to inform you that... oh, for Christ's sake. For once, can you just leave duty out of it?
Suzuhara, guess what? You know how Shinji almost got killed the other day? We want you to do that for us. Doesn't it sound like fun?
Suzuhara, if you agree to do this, I'll do whatever you...
Damn it... I'm in trouble.
"Suzuhara, I..." Misato found that her mouth had gone dry; she coughed once, then swallowed uncomfortably before continuing. "I have... something I need to tell you."
"Shoot."
"You..." she trailed off again. Come on, girl... keep it together. "I have some bad news." Well, that was sincere, at least, she thought, her mood darkening by the minute.
Concern instantly darkened the boy's face. "Is it about Shinji?"
"No, it's not about Shinji..." Not directly, at least.
"Mari, then?" he pressed, his worry increasing.
"No, Suzuhara, it's not about your sister either... it's about you." Now the boy was clearly confused, so Misato got it over with and forced everything else out in a rush: "Suzuhara, you're the Fourth Child."
Suzuhara stared. "You're kidding."
Unable to meet his gaze, Misato simply shook her head. "You've been chosen to pilot an Evangelion, Suzuhara."
Suzuhara opened his mouth a couple of times, then gave up and sat down heavily on the floor. "Shit," he muttered.
"Will you pilot for us?" Misato heard herself say. The words seemed impossibly cold and impersonal.
The newly identified Fourth Child laughed bitterly. "I don't have a lot of choice, do I?"
"You can always leave," Misato informed him. But it's not an option any human being would take.
He echoed her thoughts. "No, I can't. It's either pilot that thing or... or else let somebody else do it. Let somebody else end up like Shinji. You think I'd do that?" Suzuhara gave her a look that wavered somewhere between helplessness and accusation.
"I'm... I'm sorry, Suzuhara."
"Also... could you stop calling me Suzuhara? I get enough of that at school – 'Suzuhara, you're late! Suzuhara, stand in the hall! Suzuhara, go to the principal's office!' I don't think I can stand it at school and at work."
Misato smiled halfheartedly. "Then you can just call me Misato, Touji."
Touji nodded. "All right," he answered, looking up and down the hall tiredly. "If I'm really going to do this, can NERV do something for me in return?"
"What?" Misato asked, carefully keeping her expression neutral.
"My sister..."
"...will receive the best medical treatment NERV has to offer. It's already been authorized."
"You've planned this out, huh?" Touji shook his head, chuckling ruefully. "All right. I guess I'm in. When do I start?"
"Tonight. We'd like to run a few tests as soon as possible. Is 5:00 all right?"
Touji nodded. "I'll see you at 5... Misato."
The boy started to walk away, but Misato grabbed his arm again, stopping him. When he turned back, she looked into his eyes, searching. Touji seemed... tired, but oddly satisfied as well. There was none of the apprehension Misato had seen just a minute ago. Any trace of fear had vanished upon hearing the news about... his sister.
"You really love her, don't you?"
Touji blinked, confused. "Who?"
"Your sister," Misato clarified, still watching his eyes.
He relaxed visibly. "She's the only family I have, right? And I'm the only one she has. I mean, Mom died when Mari was a baby, and Dad's so busy with his job that I only see him once a week, if that. She'll be all alone without me, so... yeah, you could say I do love her." He looked at his feet for a moment, then turned away and resumed walking. "If you love someone, you've got to do what you can to protect them, right?" he called back over his shoulder as he left.
Misato watched until Touji rounded the corner, slightly unnerved by the conversation. Do what you can... even if it's piloting an EVA? Suddenly she remembered Shinji's first fateful night in NERV, during the attack of the Third Angel... Rei, lying on the ground, gasping in pain... Shinji, crouched at her side... red blood – Rei's blood – on Shinji's hands... and then, finally, three horrible words: "I'll do it." Is that all it takes for NERV to get what it wants? Bribe and blackmail people into joining?
"Major Katsuragi."
Misato started at the sound of Rei's voice, and spun to face her. The girl was standing in the doorway, her expression carefully devoid of emotion. "Wha... what is it, Rei?" Misato stammered nervously. Jeez... I'm jumping at everything! I need to settle down...
"Suzuhara is to pilot an EVA, then?"
Misato nodded. "That's right." It might have been her imagination, but Misato thought she saw Rei's eyes narrow slightly. Feeling a little defensive, she went on, "I was only told about it yesterday morning. If Shinji's going to be out of action, we need another pilot."
Rei looked down. "Suzuhara is to be Ikari's... replacement."
As the young pilot spoke, Misato realized how cold her words had sounded. "I didn't mean it like that," she added quickly. "Don't you think it would be better for Shinji if-"
"I do not believe that Ikari would be happy to hear that his best friend will be an Evangelion pilot."
Misato stopped in mid-sentence, stunned by the double impact of Rei's words and the fact that, for the first time in her experience with the girl, the First Child had interrupted someone. "I... I don't..."
"I will be going home now," the girl cut in again, ignoring Misato's attempt at an excuse. "I will return for duty during the Fourth Child's activation test." Before the major could respond, Rei shouldered her knapsack and quickly walked off down the hallway.
Misato stared after her, dumbfounded. Rei had been angry with her. She was angry about Shinji, she reasoned. She's mad about the way NERV's going to cast him aside like a broken tool and move on. This isn't like her... she understands what the organization must do in order to accomplish its mission. It's... it's a necessary evil...
Misato entered Shinji's room and pulled the door closed behind her with a shaking hand, unnerved at how deftly Rei had stripped away the excuses with which she'd been deceiving herself.
---
"Oh my god! Shigeru, what happened to you?"
Aoba looked over his shoulder upon hearing the panicked cry. Maya Ibuki stood at the entrance to the employee locker room, a look of mingled horror and concern upon her face. Maya, he thought with a touch of relief. At least some things hadn't changed; she was still as warm-hearted – and excitable – as ever. In response, he merely shook his head. "I'm fine, Maya. It's nothing."
"What do you mean, 'it's nothing?'" Maya cried, running over to him. "Look at yourself! Look at your clothes! What happened?"
Looking over his uniform, Aoba was forced to admit that her shock wasn't completely without justification. The formerly tan fabric had gone rubbery with all the congealed blood and had plastered itself to his body like an ill-fitting second skin. Wearing it, Aoba made for a very gruesome sight, and a vivid reminder of the previous day's experiences. Still, he waved off her concern. "I slipped and fell, that's all. I'm not hurt; don't worry about it."
Maya reached out to grab hold of Aoba's shirt. "But that looks like-"
"Blood, I know," Aoba finished for her, stepping back before she could touch him. "It's not mine, though."
Relief flooded into Maya's features. "Thank God..." she breathed. A second later her expression changed to one of confusion as the rest of his words sank in. "Wait a minute... it's not yours?"
"No." Now that was a great choice of words, Aoba cursed himself. He turned away and began to unbutton his uniform, silently praying that she would take the hint and leave. Just walk away, girl. Don't ask these questions; you're not going to like the answers.
There was a moment of silence. Aoba snuck a look behind him and was disappointed to see that, rather than leaving, Maya had taken a seat on one of the benches. "I passed Makoto in the hall," she told him, looking at the floor before her. "He looked like he'd seen a ghost."
"No ghosts," he told her, struggling to work the buttons through the swollen fabric without ripping them. No, he didn't see any ghosts. I'm the only one who's seeing things around here...
"So what did you see?"
"We're not sure." For the love of God, just leave, Maya! "We went in, we found EVA-04 and recovered it, but the crew was gone. No sign."
"Except for the blood," Maya added helpfully.
"Yes, except for the blood," Aoba grunted. Well, the blood and that recording. 'Liberate me... liberate me...' That'll be in my head for the next goddamn week, I know it. After another moment's fumbling, he gave up trying to save the shirt and tore it open. The buttons flew free, striking with sharp pinging noises against the lockers and floor. "Shit," he muttered as he saw that the blood had soaked through into his undershirt and skin.
"So what do you think happened to them?"
"I don't know, damn it!" he shouted. "I don't know, and I don't want to know!" He peeled the uniform loose from his body, his hands moving in sharp, jerky movements as he worked without looking at her. "All that I want is to forget that place! And they didn't even ask you to come along, so I'd appreciate it if you would stop asking questions about things that don't concern you!" With that, he turned around, violently throwing the sodden shirt to the floor.
Maya was on her feet again and staring at him, her eyes wide with fear and... something else. "Shigeru?" she whispered, her voice shaking as she took a step back, unsure whether to approach him or run for the door. Aoba felt some of the anger, if not the frustration, drain away at the sight.
"God damn it..." he muttered, rubbing his eyes tiredly. "Look... Maya, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have blown up at you... it's just... what we saw down there wasn't pretty. And we don't know what's going on, and I'm sure I don't want to find out." He took a deep, steadying breath before continuing. "And I don't want you to get too involved in it if you can help it. Do you understand? I... I'm sorry."
Aoba held his breath during the silence that followed, unwilling to look back at her. Be smart, Maya. Yell at me and run away. Get out of here; it's for your own good.
"I can fix that for you... if you want."
The unexpected change of topic brought Aoba up short. "What?" he asked in surprise.
"Your shirt." Maya pointed to one of the loose buttons on the floor, carefully avoiding his gaze. "I can sew those back on... if you'll let me."
"Uh... thanks, but you shouldn't bother. I'm going to burn this."
"I see." A note of reluctant amusement crept into Maya's voice, as though she hadn't realized he was serious. "I guess I'll see you at the activation test this afternoon."
"Yeah, all right." Aoba turned his attention back to his locker, drawing some small relief from the sound of her retreating footsteps. Why can't you just stay away, Maya?
There had always been something about the pretty technician that held Aoba's attention. She was one of those irrepressibly cheerful and optimistic people – the kind that lifted your spirits just by saying hello to you. Her bright demeanor always acted as a balance to his own darker moods, although Aoba was loath to admit it out loud. It was difficult to classify his feelings about Maya – and he'd be damned if he was going to discuss them with someone else – but there were some things that he was certain of. He did not want to see her hunched over a desk, fighting back tears as she vainly tried to piece together what had transpired within the Second Branch. That's what's going to happen to you, Maya, he thought as he pulled open the locker.
"Save me," the little girl said.
Aoba let out a yell and jumped backwards. His calf caught on the bench, and the next thing he knew he was on the floor, the back of his head throbbing from the impact. He struggled groggily to his feet, looking up just in time to see Maya dash back into the room.
"Shigeru, are you okay?" she asked in a panicked voice.
Aoba quickly looked about the room. Apart from himself and Maya, it was empty. "I'm... I'm fine. I tripped," he said truthfully.
Maya took a long look at him, and then nodded. "Just so you're sure you're all right..." she said, taking a glance over her shoulder as she left.
Aoba waited until the sound of her footsteps had faded, then bolted back to his locker and looked inside. His spare uniform was folded on a top shelf, and his everyday street clothes lay in a crumpled heap in the bottom. There was nothing else inside. The mirror affixed to the locker's interior reflected the opposite side of the room, where less than a minute before, Aoba thought, he had seen the little girl from the Second Branch. But there was clearly nobody there now.
"Get a grip on yourself, you idiot," he growled, slamming the locker closed and stalking off to the showers.
---
Misato sat in the chair Rei had just vacated, watching her comatose ward.
Come to think of it, she thought, I can't really remember the last time I've done this... the last time I sat back and looked at him. I've been around him, sure. But I never really focused on him, never gave him any real attention. He was always just there.
Shinji's chest, covered by the sheet, rose and fell almost imperceptibly in a steady rhythm. Ritsuko says there's nothing physically wrong with him, Misato reminded herself. But instead of reassuring her, the faint sound of his breathing only served to darken her mood further as she listened. Why, then? she thought, her anger rising irrationally as she observed him. Why won't you wake up and talk to me, if there's nothing wrong with you?
Abruptly she remembered what Rei had said in front of Shinji's friends. From what I have read of coma patients, it is often valuable to have the victim's family and friends nearby. And not long after saying that, the girl had practically stormed out on Misato. This is what you'd been trying to tell me about, Misato silently acknowledged.
Shinji had friends, certainly, which was more than what she would normally have expected from a boy as shy as him. Evidence of that fact rested on the bedside table: an inexpensive glass vase containing a variety of flowers. Misato wasn't much of a flower person herself, usually preferring to skip straight to the more visceral elements of her relationships, but she spied several different varieties in the vase and appreciated the care Aida and Suzuhara – Touji, she reminded herself - had taken in picking them out.
A card was attached to the vase. Curious, Misato pulled the chair over to Shinji's bedside and opened it. A simple handwritten message read Dear Shinji: Get well soon. We miss you. It was signed Touji, Kensuke, Hikari, and, in a childlike scrawl, Mari Suzuhara. Separate from the others, in a different color of ink, Rei had signed Ayanami.
Despite herself, Misato felt tears building in her eyes. Where's your name, came the silent accusation. Where are your flowers? Where's your love? She nearly took the card and added her own signature, but stopped at the last minute. It wouldn't be right, she knew. They hadn't asked her to add her signature. Her name didn't belong on the card beneath theirs. She didn't deserve to write it there.
I'm supposed to be Shinji's family, not his friend, Misato thought, as if the two labels were mutually exclusive. The kid doesn't really have any family besides me and Asuka... his dad certainly doesn't count. But what was family? Had she ever treated Shinji like someone who was close to her, or had she just assumed that by living in the same house a bond would form between the two of them? During Shinji's first uncertain weeks in Tokyo-3, had she bothered to help him adapt or fit in? Shinji hadn't really adjusted until he became friends with Touji and Kensuke, and Misato had had no part in that.
Throughout their months together, she had been little but Misato Katsuragi, a commanding officer to an EVA pilot who happened to share an apartment with her subordinate.
But I was supposed to be his family!
Something came to Misato's mind then: a memory of the aftermath of a past battle. They were all together, receiving an evaluation on their performance, when Gendo Ikari had spoken those unexpected words: Good work, Shinji. The boy had practically glowed with pride; the approval he had sought had finally been granted.
That was all Shinji wanted: for someone to value his existence.
Misato remember the events of a couple of days previous: the look of elation on Shinji's face upon hearing his synch ratio, the excitement in Misato's eyes reflected in his own. That night the Twelfth Angel had attacked, and Shinji, full of fire, had charged ahead, hoping to impress her – and had ended up in a coma.
Now the tears did come, and Misato let them roll down her face undisturbed. "Shinji..." she gasped, burying her face in the Third Child's chest. "Shinji, I'm sorry... This is my fault, all of it... You didn't have to do that. I don't care about your scores, Shinji, I just-"
"Oh, sure you don't." Misato's head snapped up, blinking away the tears as she looked for the source of the interruption. Asuka stood just inside the room, leaning against the wall with her arms folded across her chest. The expression on her face was one of thinly veiled contempt. "That's all you care about – you practically jump for joy whenever his scores climb half a point."
"That's not true," Misato muttered, rubbing her eyes and leaning back in her chair.
"Oh, sure it is," Asuka growled. "Why don't you just admit it, huh? If he snaps out of it, you'll be nice to him just long enough to see if his synch ratio's any good. You won't even chew him out for being an asshole and breaking formation. The moment an Angel shows up, he'll be your little favorite again!"
Misato didn't even open her mouth to protest. Asuka was right. It was the first order she'd received from the Commander: Destroying the Angels is your top priority. All other concerns are secondary.
"Even if the little coward wanted to quit, you'd just force him back into the pilot seat. Oh, no," Asuka continued with a note of sarcasm, "it's not like we have any other capable pilots, so if the Invincible Shinji is lost we're all going to be doomed! I thought having Wondergirl strutting around like the Commander's little toy doll was bad enough without people so obviously making him the goddamn favorite!"
"I just didn't want him to get hurt like this," Misato protested. "I don't want any of you hurt if I can-"
"Liar!" Asuka unexpectedly shrieked, suddenly becoming hysterical. "That's never what matters! All that ever matters is him. His performance! His scores! His victories! It's my fault if he can't stay in synchronization! Nobody cares that I dive into a volcano and kill an Angel, but he jumps in without clearance and suddenly he's the hero of the day! Why is he the only one the Commander says anything about? Why are his high scores the only ones that matter?"
At this Misato's anger, long abused but kept in check for days, broke free. "Is that what this is all about?" she hissed, rising to her feet. "Is that it? You're pissed off because his scores are higher than yours?" A knowing smile crossed her face. "That is it, isn't it? You're just mad at him for beating you?"
"This isn't about me!" yelled the Second Child.
Normally Misato would have realized what she was doing, but at the moment she was too relieved to have something to lash out at to notice. "You're angry at Shinji! Ever since you came here you've done nothing but put him down and tell him how much better you are. You keep telling him he's worthless. Then he does something right and you get mad because he's showing you up!" Misato laughed darkly as she saw Asuka tremble with rage, deriving vicious satisfaction from having turned the argument around. "Nobody here is willing to coddle you like the spoiled little brat that you are, and because you don't like that, you take it out on him. You know what? I bet he's staying like this so that he doesn't have to put up with you!" Her point made, Misato crossed her arms and waited for a reply.
If anything, the redhead shook even more intensely now. She opened her mouth to speak, but the sound that came out was weak and indistinct. "Y..." She took a deep breath and tried again. "Y-you..." Asuka's voice broke; as it did, something snapped and her face contorted. "I hate you, you fucking bitch!" she screamed, before turning and running from the room.
The temperature in the room seemed to fall with Asuka's departure, and Misato suppressed a shiver, the heat of her anger having died as suddenly as it had flared. She risked a glance at Shinji, but he remained asleep, seemingly unaware of the clash that had just taken place above his bed.
---
"Gendo...?"
Gendo Ikari was wide-awake the instant the word reached his ears. It was a skill he'd honed well over the years, and a necessary one.
Still, upon hearing the voice he dismissed it almost immediately, closing his eyes again. It had merely been a dream, albeit one that had evoked a response powerful enough to wake him. The Fourth Child would be undergoing his first activation test in a few hours, and NERV's commander needed to be rested in the event of any unexpected problems. Sighing, Gendo cleared his mind and prepared for sleep.
"Gendo...?"
His eyes shot open again. This one had definitely not been a dream. But what could it be?
"Husband... Where are you...?"
It was impossible. Somewhere in the back of his mind Gendo knew it was true, and yet now he rose from his futon and walked cautiously to the door leading into his office. But that voice... so much like...
There was the faint sound of a baby crying, bringing a furrow of confusion to Gendo's brow. A baby? But what was a baby doing in his office? For that matter...
He carefully eased the door open and peered through. The crimson glare of the Geofront's lighting flooded the room, forcing him to squint. Nevertheless, he could clearly see the figure seated at his desk, the chair rotated to face away from him.
...He was still dreaming. That was the only possibility.
Feeling a little self-conscious, he pinched himself hard enough to make his fingertips go white from the pressure. If anything, the pain only brought the scene into sharper focus.
So. Not dreaming. It had to be some sort of trick, then. Fuyutsuki and Dr. Akagi were above childish jokes, least of all ones of this nature. Could it be a SEELE plot, then? A messenger or assassin?
But it was so good to hear her voice again...
"Yui..." he found himself saying, quietly crossing the room towards her.
She straightened at the sound of his voice. "Hush, baby, Daddy's coming..." she whispered to the bundle she held in her arms, gently rocking it as she did so.
Gendo came to a stop at her side. His breath caught in his throat as he looked at her...
...As he looked at her. It was her.
"Yui..." he whispered again, emotion making his voice hoarse.
She smiled then. She was exactly as he remembered her – the soft brown hair, the perfect skin, the beautiful features... the smile that lit up the room. Yui's eyes were closed, but he remembered them as well – wide and full of compassion, so unlike his own. They were what had drawn him to her.
"Hello, Gendo," she answered, continuing to smile contentedly as she rocked the baby that she held. "I missed you."
"But Yui..." Gendo began, still struggling to grasp the enormity of the situation. "What are you doing here? How did you come back?"
Still smiling, Yui simply shook her head. "Back? No, my love... you don't understand." As Gendo stood there in confusion, trying to discern the meaning behind his wife's statement, she turned her head and looked right at him, although her eyes remained closed. "I've been waiting for you." One arm slowly raised, her slender fingers reaching towards him. He resisted the urge to step back, but they stopped just short of brushing against his face. "We've both been waiting for you."
"Both?" Gendo asked. "Yui, what..."
She held out the bundle of cloth for him to see.
Crimson fluid soaked the wrappings that Yui held, staining the front of her nightshirt and collecting in glistening pools in the tattered remains of what looked to be a miniature white plugsuit. The body the suit clothed was mangled almost beyond recognition, but as Gendo watched the tiny figure stirred in Yui's arms, still alive against all odds. One red eye opened. It focused on Gendo, and then the creature let out a cry in what was unmistakably a girl's voice. "Daddy!"
For the first time in his life, Gendo began to scream. The sound echoed in the room, reflecting off the walls and coming back to him, magnifying in his ears until it seemed it was the only sound in existence, even as Yui raised the thing still closer to his face and it eagerly reached for him with one broken-fingered hand, all the while happily calling "Daddy! Daddy!" and nearly drowning out the sounds emerging from Gendo's own mouth; he became faintly aware of an electrical buzzing somewhere in his mind, growing louder and louder until it threatened to pull his attention from what he was seeing, and even though he wanted nothing more than to run away his feet seemed stuck to the floor and...
Gendo regained control of his senses with a violent start, bringing his hand down savagely on the desk console. The buzzing choked off at once. He tensed himself to reach for his weapon, to call for help, to do whatever necessary to get rid of that...
...and then he stopped. His perspective had changed. Gendo looked down at himself and realized that he was now sitting in the chair Yui had just occupied. In a sudden rush of fear he whirled to confront her... but she was gone. He took a furtive survey of the room, checking each of its corners and even looking under his desk. There was no sign of his wife... nor any indication that she had ever been there.
Had he dreamed the entire exchange? The red display of his desk clock glared harshly in his eyes; he rubbed them and looked at it again. It was 4:40. That explained the source of the buzzing that must have awakened him. His alarm had just gone off; in twenty minutes the Fourth Child's activation test would begin.
Shaking his head in disgust, Gendo pushed in his chair and headed for the door. Falling asleep at my desk... and having nightmares as well. This is not acceptable. He hadn't allowed a dream to trouble him for years, and he would be damned if they were going to start getting to him now. Resolving to cancel his appointment with Doctor Akagi that night in order to catch up on sleep, he pushed the strange experience from his mind.
---
Touji Suzuhara fidgeted uncomfortably in his plugsuit, silently cursing the latex outfit's designer. Sure, it lets me "communicate with my EVA," he thought, and the chicks look great in 'em... but why the hell does this thing have to ride so damn far up my crotch? Ikari, you never warned us about anything like this when we asked you about your work, dammit!
Thinking of Shinji sobered him at once. Nobody at school knew better than he that Shinji had had far more to overcome than a tight suit. His duty had involved hardships that none of his classmates could have understood. Only Kensuke and Touji himself had touched on the truth of their friend's experiences... and their time in Unit-01 had been blessedly brief.
And now I get to pick up where you left off, Touji thought cynically. Geez, Ikari... it ain't easy being your friend. The things we do for humanity, eh? His sister's face flashed briefly through his mind. At least something good's gonna come outta this. Mari, you'd better appreciate what your bro is doin' for you, he added, only half-joking.
His induction into NERV's ranks had been impersonal, with everyone taking something of a strained attitude towards him. None of the personnel he had spoken to had been willing to say anything regarding his new position – he'd been coldly waved through from one examination to another. After so many tests, samples, and checkups, Touji was beginning to feel less like a human than a lab animal. At the very least he'd come out of it with a clean bill of health.
Things had not improved upon his arrival at the testing cage. The people here – a couple of whom he recognized – wouldn't meet his gaze, and more than once Touji caught someone hastily looking away when he turned. He supposed that everyone was thinking of his predecessor's fate and trying to avoid reminding him of it. They were doing a poor job of it.
Misato had met him at the door and given him a short introduction to the members of the bridge crew and high-ranking NERV officials. The moment he met them, Touji was reminded of nothing so much as a very dysfunctional family. Two of the technicians – Ibuki and Aoba, a pretty brunette and a long-haired man – seemed to be taking great pains not to make eye contact, but still kept darting nervous looks at each other when each thought the other wasn't looking. The third technician, Hyuga, looked at them both with evident worry and kept trying to force the two to engage in conversation, with limited success. The blonde doctor, Akagi, seemed to be distracted by something; occasionally she took a brief, searching glance at one of the two men positioned on the command dais. For their part, the Commander and Subcommander of NERV were composed, professional, and completely unapproachable.
Although Ayanami was nowhere to be found, Touji had seen Asuka; as the redhead put it, she was on duty "to take care of things when you screw up." She seemed to be in an even more volatile mood than usual, and had apparently had some sort of falling-out with Misato. She spent much of her time glaring at the Major and answered orders and questions with terse single-word responses. Misato herself seemed slightly embarrassed by Asuka's behavior, but was clearly trying to hide it.
Welcome to NERV, Touji thought dismally as the entry plug was lowered into position. Are they all like this just because of you, Ikari? Were you that important to them? Somehow he doubted it was that simple. Well, for Misato and the devil, maybe. But there's more going on here... There was a lurch as the plug was inserted into EVA-01's back; Touji's fingers tightened experimentally on the control grips. Sorry to steal your machine, pal... honestly, it kinda seems like they're trying to forget about you, replacing you so soon like this...
"Touji, can you hear me?"
"Y... yeah," he answered. "Yeah, I can hear you, Misato."
"Good. Now, this part will probably take some getting used to, so..."
There was the sound of liquid flowing into the cylinder. They'd warned him about the LCL, and in any case he remembered it from his time in Unit-01's entry plug. Although he'd been dreading this, Touji managed to keep his fear in check as the liquid rose above his head.
"Just breathe it in normally, Touji," Misato urged.
Touji realized he was reflexively holding his breath and forced himself to exhale. The LCL rushed into his lungs; rebelling against the intrusion, he instinctively began to cough, choking on it. He couldn't force himself to hold a lungful of the liquid; trying to do so only made the spasms more violent. Thoughts of I'm drowning! kept overriding his consciousness. After several agonizing seconds his body realized that this was not the case and the fit of coughing slowly died away. Still hiccupping weakly, Touji gave a thumbs-up and nodded that he was ready.
This time it was Doctor Akagi who spoke. "All right, Touji. Right now we just want you to relax. You're doing fine so far."
Touji nodded again, struggling to calm himself as the countdown began. He heard one of the technicians announce that his synchrograph was rising, followed by more techno-jargon and numbers that he didn't understand. All they told me was "sit in the seat and be calm," right? I don't need to worry about this. He tried to write off the rest of his apprehension as simple nervousness, leaning back in his seat and listening vaguely to the voices. What's supposed to happen? I don't feel any...
"Doctor? The rise in the synchrograph is slowing."
"What?" The concern in Akagi's voice made Touji sit up quickly. "How are the pilot life signs?"
"All reading clear... pulse is a little elevated, but no more than normal."
"Is the graph still rising?"
"Barely. It's still at –0.9... no, it's stopped."
A ripple ran across Touji's vision. He blinked, then rubbed his eyes. The process was more difficult than it should have been; his arms felt like lead weights. They said this might happen, he noted as his sight grew still more unfocused, but they didn't say it'd be this bad.
His arms refused to go any higher; he watched in fascination as they sank slowly back to his lap. Pressure began to close in upon his head. Touji felt himself being forced inward as his vision faded completely; his body seemed to be growing farther away, disappearing into a black void. He watched it go without reacting, and in another instant Touji Suzuhara was alone in space. The pressure refused to abate, and Touji shrank in on himself still further as it increased, leaving him alone...
...and suddenly he wasn't alone anymore. Something else was there: a white shaft of light that sliced across his consciousness and then vanished. A deafening symphony that flayed the skin from his bones with its power and faded in the course of a second. A cold steel knife the size of a skyscraper that tore into his body and was withdrawn, taking the pain with it.
Touji twitched. These things couldn't be real...
The other occupant of the ever-shrinking space sobbed quietly to itself. It had a woman's voice.
You're crying? Touji asked. Why?
The crying abruptly ceased. The other presence moved closer, warily closing in, keeping a space between itself and him. Touji extended and touched something... something that shuddered at the contact. Both occupants recoiled at once.
In an instant, the pressure on Touji's mind was released. He found himself ballooning outward, expanding again at incredible speed. The physical sensations, the sights and sounds of his body, returned. An instant later they vanished again, and now he was rushing away from them in the other direction. As he traveled faster and farther, leaving the muffled cries of a person he knew – someone named "Touji Suzuhara" – far behind, he saw things that flashed past him too quickly to be followed, things that left vague impressions of joy, lust, excitement, fear, touching directly to his deepest instincts... Next to the person named "Touji Suzuhara," someone was laughing.
Ikari, is this what you saw? Someone whispered the question, but that person's mind was too far away from its source to be recognized...
...He collapsed inward so quickly that nausea threatened to overtake him. The strange things vanished, and once more he was alone.
Wait: not alone. Someone else was... still here. The laughter had ceased as well; Touji had the impression of breath being held in anticipation.
What had just happened? He struggled to remember, and words ordered themselves in his mind.
Ikari, is this what you saw? Touji asked again.
The other presence moved closer, brushing up against him. The weeping began again. Gingerly, one reached out for the other.
This time there was no resistance.
---
"Ikari? Ikari!"
Rei stared wide-eyed at the body of the Third Child, which had just begun to shiver violently on the bed.
Her request to stay by Shinji's side during the activation test had been granted, and Asuka had made no vocal complaints beyond grumbling over being asked to pilot in her place. Fuyutsuki had been surprised by Rei's forwardness in asking for a change in the duty roster. She had detected a faint frown on his face as she'd left his office, but if the old man had had any questions about the situation he had kept them to himself.
Rei had also brought a portable radio with her to the infirmary. The other one was in the testing room; Dr. Akagi had merely raised an eyebrow before taking it from her and agreeing to leave it running during the test. The doctor seemed to have kept her word. Until now the activation had encountered no problems, with Touji adjusting reasonably well to his new duties. But then Lieutenant Ibuki had announced that the synchrograph had stopped rising... and then this had happened.
"Ikari...?" she asked again, gently laying a hand on his arm. The shaking continued; if anything it became even more pronounced. Rei glanced at his face. Shinji's teeth were clenched, turning his expression into a pained grimace.
"What the..." came the surprised cry from the radio. "Doctor, the pilot's brainwaves just flatlined!"
"What?"
"It's just gone, Doctor! The waves just... just faded, like that! But his pulse is still normal!"
"Abort the test." Major Katsuragi's voice clearly conveyed the tension she felt, but her words were strong and clear.
"No!" the doctor snapped. "If we try to remove him, he could die!"
Shinji began to twitch, jumping slightly as if shocked every few seconds. Rei looked to the door uncertainly, torn between the need to call for a doctor and her fear to leave Shinji unattended, even for a few moments.
Misato's voice was cold. "It's killing him now. Abort the test."
"Doctor...!" Maya's shocked whisper was barely audible through the radio.
There was a pause, followed by an equally shocked "My god... what is it doing?"
Shinji, who was by now seizing quite violently, took a choking breath and began to scream. It was a long, undulating, horrifying sound, and Rei was struck with the urge to cover her ears against it. Instead, she found herself clutching Shinji by the shoulders, struggling to look into his eyes, which had opened but refused to focus on anything. She could hear the nurse running down the hall, but took no notice of anything except Shinji's stricken face and his voice, which blended with the wail of Unit-01 from the radio...
Rei didn't know how long the experience lasted, only that eventually it – thankfully – came to an end. In unison, the two screaming voices died away. Shinji fell back onto the bed. A nurse gently pried Rei's shaking hands from Shinji's gown and led her back to the chair. She collapsed into it at once, finding that she had no strength left.
The radio registered only blissful silence, broken at last when Maya uneasily cleared her throat and said "Borderline cleared. Pilot life signs are stable – pulse and brainwave are normal. Synchronization ratio is holding at..." here she gasped audibly, "...seventy-three percent."
The infirmary personnel had crowded around the bed; Rei stared at them numbly as she listened. Something unusual had happened regarding Touji's retrieval; Misato's voice went from concern to agitation to confusion and back again, and through it all the doctors kept talking. She was unable to focus on any of it, until one voice brought her back to awareness.
"A... Aya... Ayanami...?"
Rei stood slowly, not willing to believe it at first... but it was true. Shinji's eyes were open, and he was looking fearfully at the white-suited figures around him. Feeling a rush of some emotion she couldn't yet describe, she practically rushed to his bedside.
"I am here, Ikari."
One trembling hand reached up. Grasping the front of Rei's school uniform with surprising strength, he pulled her towards him until their faces were only inches apart. She saw he was crying. In a voice tense with desperation and fear, he asked, "D... Did you see?"
"See what?" Rei asked, planting her hands on the bed to steady herself.
Shinji acted as if he hadn't hear her. "Do you see?" he asked again. "Can you s...see it?"
"Ikari, I do not understand-"
"You d... didn't..." Shinji whispered, sinking back to the bed. "Thank... G...God..." Despite his apparent relief, the tears continued to roll down his cheeks.
Rei straightened. "Ikari, I will call the Major. She will want to see you. Pilot Sohryu, as well." She stopped herself before mentioning Touji.
"D... don't go..."
"Ikari, I-"
"P...p...please..." he begged. "Don't l...leave me alone..." Shinji's voice broke, and he took a gulp of air before going on. "I d...don't w...want to go b... to go back th...there..." He broke down into terrified sobs, unable to speak any longer.
Rei looked to one of the nurses, who nodded once and quickly left. Carefully, she sat down on the edge of the bed and gently laid a hand on his arm. "I will stay with you."
Shinji's immediate response was to roll towards her, wrapping both arms around her body. Rei caught a faint, grateful "Thank you..." before Shinji buried his face in her lap, still sobbing. Unsure of what to do, she first laid her hands on the bed, but soon found herself softly stroking the hair of the terrified boy, whispering over and over that he was safe now, that he would be all right.
Ikari... what did you see?
---
Author's Notes
Hah... Yeah, it's been a little while. Real life is cruel, but writer's block is crueler still. In any case, assuming the readers haven't given up and headed to greener pastures, here it is: Gateway, chapter 3. Sorry about the wait, but that's that.
I have a request for reviewers: Please refrain from posting Event Horizon spoilers in your reviews! Not everybody who reads this has seen the movie, and I'd hate for any of its nastier surprises to be given away before their time. Thanks for the consideration – and thanks for reviewing, as well.
And now, a technical point: has anybody ever bothered to point out that it's impossible to speak when your lungs are full of liquid? No, really! You see, the vibrations generated by the vocal cords aren't powerful enough to get through the denser medium, and... well, anyway, just watch The Abyss if you don't believe me. Now I'll have that technical error hanging over my head for the Angel battles to come. Great...
I'd tell you when Chapter 4 will be out... but I don't much like making promises I probably won't keep.
Until next time...
