A/N- thanks for all of the reviews, I really appreciate them. Keep them coming. I am updating as fast as I can get the chapters written. I'll try to update within a few days.
Chapter 5- The Occlumency lesson
Later that day, Snape sent Weezy up to the Library where Harry was reading one of the thousands of books that Snape owned.
"Mister Harry, sir, master has sent Weezy to fetch young mister for misters lesson. Weezy is to show the young mister to the small sitting room where master is waiting." With that said Weezy started bouncing away and Harry had no choice but to follow. Soon they made it to the sitting room and Harry could see Snape extracting memories into his pensieve.
"You ready Potter?" Snape spat the name out like it was a curse.
"Yes sir, you do remember our agreement right?" Harry asked with disdain. He really, really did not want to be having a lesson with Snape.
"Of course, that was only a few hours ago, do you think that I am as feeble minded as you are?" Snape was in a foul mood. His latest research was not going as he had planned it to. He really just wanted to get back to his lab to continue with his potions, but no he had to be here for precious Potter. So his uncle had beat him, big deal, he had been beaten as a child and he grew up just fine, right?
"Let's just get started, sir." Harry stated wearily. He wanted to go back to his room or the library. Basically he wanted to be anywhere but where he was.
Without a warning there it was, "Legillimens" Memories started flashing in front of Harry's eyes. Ripper was chasing him up a tree, Dudley was Harry- hunting, Aunt Marge was having a go at Harry's parents, that infernal belt was making it's way towards Harry's back. Then it changed a little, there was nothing, just blackness. The feelings that were associated with the memory was what threw Snape off. He felt anger, fear, self-loathing, and strangely, like he wanted something. It was after this memory that Harry found the strength to throw Snape out of his mind.
"What was that last memory Potter?" Snape asked viciously.
"It's none of your business, that's what it is." Harry retorted.
"Fine, you did an abysmal job, try harder this time." Before Harry had a chance to prepare himself, the spell was thrown at him again. More memories from his time at the Dursley's spewed forth. Snape saw more beatings, more tauntings and felt Harry's feelings of general unworthiness of love. The last memory he saw was Harry's cousin entering his room. From the looks of things this had to have been this past summer. Harry became very frantic at the sight of the memory and shouted, "STOP!"
Snape honored the deal and stopped pushing. He was very curious why Potter wouldn't want him to see this particular memory. It was probably just another beating, and he had seen many of Potter's beatings. When he looked down at the child, he saw him huddled on the floor with sweat dripping off his brow. Harry refused to meet Snape's eyes.
"I do not think I can go on anymore Professor, may I please go?" Harry asked in a small voice.
"Yes boy, get out of my sight. We will have another lesson tomorrow at the same time. Do not be late, do you hear me?" Snape did not miss the flinch when he spat the term boy. Snape was happy to be done with the lesson, he had a lot to contemplate at the moment.
"Yes, sir, I will see you for dinner." With that Harry left the room and as soon as he was far away from the door, he started to run. He wanted to get as far as possible from that room. That last memory had gotten too close, his Professor had almost seen his darkest secret. So he ran, he ran up to the library and found a thick book to take his mind off of everything.
Back down in the sitting room, Snape was sitting in a black leather chair by the fire sipping scotch. He was thinking about all of the memories and feelings he had extracted from Potter today. Some of the feelings were not hard to decipher at all. He obviously had a lot to fear. He feared Voldemort, he feared his uncle, he feared his cousin, but his cousin was a different type of fear. Snape couldn't place that type of fear, so he let it sit for awhile. There was obvious hate and anger for his family as a whole. The one feeling that did not sit well with Snape was the feeling that he was unworthy to be loved. That was a feeling he never thought that the famous Harry Potter would feel. Everyone loved him, he was the boy-who- lived. True, he hadn't grown up knowing that, but everyone feels that they should be loved right? "My mother even loved me" Snape thought.
After everything that Snape had done, he still felt that he was worthy to be loved. He would never admit that to anyone, but he knew that he had atoned for all of his sins long ago. He would never stop fighting against the trap that he fell into. He decided that he would broach the subject at supper.
While Harry was reading in the library, he fell asleep. He had not had much sleep as of late because of the nightmares that plagued his sleep. He dreamt that all of his friends died and they all blamed him. He woke up screaming from that dream and looking at the clock ran to his room. In his trunk under his robes was a knife. He had nicked it from breakfast one morning while being forced to cook for the Dursley's. It was nothing overly special, but it was a very sharp kitchen knife. He walked into his bathroom and rolled up his sleeve. He slowly and reverently pulled the knife against his upper arm. The blood started to slowly ooze out. He watched as it wove its way down his arm. Before it could drip onto the floor, he had a washcloth there to keep it from dripping. He slowly put two more lines on his arm and watched as they bled than slowed to a stop. Once the cuts had clotted, he cleaned up his arm and the knife and stowed the knife back in his trunk. When he looked at the clock, he realized that it was almost dinner time. He sighed and made his way down to dinner.
When he reached the dinning room, he sat down in one of the oak chairs. He looked up and saw that Snape was staring directly at him. He swallowed and decided to ask, "Sir, I am really not hungry, may I please be excused from this meal?"
Snape just sneered at him for a little bit, "you are too skinny as it is, you will sit here and eat even if I have to force feed you, and don't think that I won't. I will not have you starving yourself in my house, so eat."
Harry just sighed and started to dish a small amount of food on his plate. While playing with his food he decided to ask a question that had been on his mind for awhile. "Sir, why am I staying with you instead of at Grimmauld place? Not that I really want to go back there, but I am curious."
"There boy, you answered your own question. We figured that you would not want to go back to that dead mutts house. Molly Weasley is also there and the Headmaster thought that you might prefer to recover without her coddling. The other reasons is that this house is safer than Grimmauld place, and only slightly less safe than Hogwarts during the school year." At Harry's surprised look Snape went on, "There are many more wards on my Manor than at headquarters. Albus is my secret-keeper and no one else knows of this place's existence, with the exception of Madame Pomfrey. The Headmaster is starting to worry about the threat of spy's within the Order and so to keep you safe he has deemed my Manor the safest place for you. It also helps that we are currently in Scotland and the English Ministry of Magic has no say over what people do here, as such you are free to do magic." Just as Severus had finished his explanation an unexpected visitor walked in.
"Ah, Good evening Severus, Harry." Dumbledore greeted both men. "I see Professor Snape has just informed you about why you are staying here for the duration of the summer. I hope that is acceptable with you my dear boy."
As Dumbledore went to pat Harry's shoulder, neither Professor missed the flinch from Harry. Harry himself thought that he hid it fairly well, but alas, luck was not on his side. Snape sneered and Dumbledore decided to ignore it for the time being and talk to Severus later.
"Do you mind if I join you for dinner? I did not realize that it was dinner time when I arrived. I merely came to inform Professor Snape of the movement of the Order." Dumbledore decided to answer Harry's unasked questions. "Professor Snape is unable to spy on Voldemort anymore, he has been found out. We are not sure how, but we were lucky to find out before he was called away again. While you are staying here we have decided not to have Professor Snape come to the Order meetings. Instead I will be filling him in on all the happenings."
Harry just sat there in thought barely eating the food that he was playing with. As he stared off into space, Dumbledore gave Severus a significant look. Snape gave a slight sigh and barely shook his head. Throughout the rest of the meal Dumbledore did most of the talking with Severus and Harry barely responding. When Harry felt enough time had passed he asked, "May I please be excused sir?"
"Yes, yes, I have important things to discuss with the Headmaster go now." Snape barely gave Harry a look. Harry nearly ran out of the room and up to his room.
Dumbledore cast a few charms on the door to keep Harry from overhearing anything.
"How is he faring Severus?"
Snape gave a heavy sigh, "Not very well. All of his memories in our lesson were about being beaten or ridiculed in some manner. The strangest thing is that one of his memories was basically feelings, and the feeling that worries me the most is the feeling of being unworthy of love. That is not a normal feeling Albus. I know Deatheaters that have turned to the side of light and still felt worthy of being loved. I don't think that I am the right person to handle him. You should take him in, you could help him." As soon as he saw the Headmasters face he knew that he couldn't take him in.
"I wish for nothing more than to be able to help him, but I have betrayed his trust and he will not trust me anytime soon. There is nothing that I can do for him right now." Dumbledore sighed sadly.
"What do you expect me to do? I have been deemed a heartless bastard, how am I supposed to help him? I can barely help myself." Snape really did not want to be in this position. He did not want to deal with an emotional teenage boy.
"Severus, you are his only chance now. Remember what I did for you, and help him the same way. Watch the warning signs, I fear we are close to losing him to himself. Severus, you are not heartless, you have a heart, it is just enclosed within a glacier, let some feelings melt that glacier." Dumbledore said with a wink.
For the rest of the evening they chatted about what was going on in the Order and what they could do. When the evening drew to a close, Dumbledore took his leave with a "Goodbye, and Good luck." With that he was gone.
Chapter 5- The Occlumency lesson
Later that day, Snape sent Weezy up to the Library where Harry was reading one of the thousands of books that Snape owned.
"Mister Harry, sir, master has sent Weezy to fetch young mister for misters lesson. Weezy is to show the young mister to the small sitting room where master is waiting." With that said Weezy started bouncing away and Harry had no choice but to follow. Soon they made it to the sitting room and Harry could see Snape extracting memories into his pensieve.
"You ready Potter?" Snape spat the name out like it was a curse.
"Yes sir, you do remember our agreement right?" Harry asked with disdain. He really, really did not want to be having a lesson with Snape.
"Of course, that was only a few hours ago, do you think that I am as feeble minded as you are?" Snape was in a foul mood. His latest research was not going as he had planned it to. He really just wanted to get back to his lab to continue with his potions, but no he had to be here for precious Potter. So his uncle had beat him, big deal, he had been beaten as a child and he grew up just fine, right?
"Let's just get started, sir." Harry stated wearily. He wanted to go back to his room or the library. Basically he wanted to be anywhere but where he was.
Without a warning there it was, "Legillimens" Memories started flashing in front of Harry's eyes. Ripper was chasing him up a tree, Dudley was Harry- hunting, Aunt Marge was having a go at Harry's parents, that infernal belt was making it's way towards Harry's back. Then it changed a little, there was nothing, just blackness. The feelings that were associated with the memory was what threw Snape off. He felt anger, fear, self-loathing, and strangely, like he wanted something. It was after this memory that Harry found the strength to throw Snape out of his mind.
"What was that last memory Potter?" Snape asked viciously.
"It's none of your business, that's what it is." Harry retorted.
"Fine, you did an abysmal job, try harder this time." Before Harry had a chance to prepare himself, the spell was thrown at him again. More memories from his time at the Dursley's spewed forth. Snape saw more beatings, more tauntings and felt Harry's feelings of general unworthiness of love. The last memory he saw was Harry's cousin entering his room. From the looks of things this had to have been this past summer. Harry became very frantic at the sight of the memory and shouted, "STOP!"
Snape honored the deal and stopped pushing. He was very curious why Potter wouldn't want him to see this particular memory. It was probably just another beating, and he had seen many of Potter's beatings. When he looked down at the child, he saw him huddled on the floor with sweat dripping off his brow. Harry refused to meet Snape's eyes.
"I do not think I can go on anymore Professor, may I please go?" Harry asked in a small voice.
"Yes boy, get out of my sight. We will have another lesson tomorrow at the same time. Do not be late, do you hear me?" Snape did not miss the flinch when he spat the term boy. Snape was happy to be done with the lesson, he had a lot to contemplate at the moment.
"Yes, sir, I will see you for dinner." With that Harry left the room and as soon as he was far away from the door, he started to run. He wanted to get as far as possible from that room. That last memory had gotten too close, his Professor had almost seen his darkest secret. So he ran, he ran up to the library and found a thick book to take his mind off of everything.
Back down in the sitting room, Snape was sitting in a black leather chair by the fire sipping scotch. He was thinking about all of the memories and feelings he had extracted from Potter today. Some of the feelings were not hard to decipher at all. He obviously had a lot to fear. He feared Voldemort, he feared his uncle, he feared his cousin, but his cousin was a different type of fear. Snape couldn't place that type of fear, so he let it sit for awhile. There was obvious hate and anger for his family as a whole. The one feeling that did not sit well with Snape was the feeling that he was unworthy to be loved. That was a feeling he never thought that the famous Harry Potter would feel. Everyone loved him, he was the boy-who- lived. True, he hadn't grown up knowing that, but everyone feels that they should be loved right? "My mother even loved me" Snape thought.
After everything that Snape had done, he still felt that he was worthy to be loved. He would never admit that to anyone, but he knew that he had atoned for all of his sins long ago. He would never stop fighting against the trap that he fell into. He decided that he would broach the subject at supper.
While Harry was reading in the library, he fell asleep. He had not had much sleep as of late because of the nightmares that plagued his sleep. He dreamt that all of his friends died and they all blamed him. He woke up screaming from that dream and looking at the clock ran to his room. In his trunk under his robes was a knife. He had nicked it from breakfast one morning while being forced to cook for the Dursley's. It was nothing overly special, but it was a very sharp kitchen knife. He walked into his bathroom and rolled up his sleeve. He slowly and reverently pulled the knife against his upper arm. The blood started to slowly ooze out. He watched as it wove its way down his arm. Before it could drip onto the floor, he had a washcloth there to keep it from dripping. He slowly put two more lines on his arm and watched as they bled than slowed to a stop. Once the cuts had clotted, he cleaned up his arm and the knife and stowed the knife back in his trunk. When he looked at the clock, he realized that it was almost dinner time. He sighed and made his way down to dinner.
When he reached the dinning room, he sat down in one of the oak chairs. He looked up and saw that Snape was staring directly at him. He swallowed and decided to ask, "Sir, I am really not hungry, may I please be excused from this meal?"
Snape just sneered at him for a little bit, "you are too skinny as it is, you will sit here and eat even if I have to force feed you, and don't think that I won't. I will not have you starving yourself in my house, so eat."
Harry just sighed and started to dish a small amount of food on his plate. While playing with his food he decided to ask a question that had been on his mind for awhile. "Sir, why am I staying with you instead of at Grimmauld place? Not that I really want to go back there, but I am curious."
"There boy, you answered your own question. We figured that you would not want to go back to that dead mutts house. Molly Weasley is also there and the Headmaster thought that you might prefer to recover without her coddling. The other reasons is that this house is safer than Grimmauld place, and only slightly less safe than Hogwarts during the school year." At Harry's surprised look Snape went on, "There are many more wards on my Manor than at headquarters. Albus is my secret-keeper and no one else knows of this place's existence, with the exception of Madame Pomfrey. The Headmaster is starting to worry about the threat of spy's within the Order and so to keep you safe he has deemed my Manor the safest place for you. It also helps that we are currently in Scotland and the English Ministry of Magic has no say over what people do here, as such you are free to do magic." Just as Severus had finished his explanation an unexpected visitor walked in.
"Ah, Good evening Severus, Harry." Dumbledore greeted both men. "I see Professor Snape has just informed you about why you are staying here for the duration of the summer. I hope that is acceptable with you my dear boy."
As Dumbledore went to pat Harry's shoulder, neither Professor missed the flinch from Harry. Harry himself thought that he hid it fairly well, but alas, luck was not on his side. Snape sneered and Dumbledore decided to ignore it for the time being and talk to Severus later.
"Do you mind if I join you for dinner? I did not realize that it was dinner time when I arrived. I merely came to inform Professor Snape of the movement of the Order." Dumbledore decided to answer Harry's unasked questions. "Professor Snape is unable to spy on Voldemort anymore, he has been found out. We are not sure how, but we were lucky to find out before he was called away again. While you are staying here we have decided not to have Professor Snape come to the Order meetings. Instead I will be filling him in on all the happenings."
Harry just sat there in thought barely eating the food that he was playing with. As he stared off into space, Dumbledore gave Severus a significant look. Snape gave a slight sigh and barely shook his head. Throughout the rest of the meal Dumbledore did most of the talking with Severus and Harry barely responding. When Harry felt enough time had passed he asked, "May I please be excused sir?"
"Yes, yes, I have important things to discuss with the Headmaster go now." Snape barely gave Harry a look. Harry nearly ran out of the room and up to his room.
Dumbledore cast a few charms on the door to keep Harry from overhearing anything.
"How is he faring Severus?"
Snape gave a heavy sigh, "Not very well. All of his memories in our lesson were about being beaten or ridiculed in some manner. The strangest thing is that one of his memories was basically feelings, and the feeling that worries me the most is the feeling of being unworthy of love. That is not a normal feeling Albus. I know Deatheaters that have turned to the side of light and still felt worthy of being loved. I don't think that I am the right person to handle him. You should take him in, you could help him." As soon as he saw the Headmasters face he knew that he couldn't take him in.
"I wish for nothing more than to be able to help him, but I have betrayed his trust and he will not trust me anytime soon. There is nothing that I can do for him right now." Dumbledore sighed sadly.
"What do you expect me to do? I have been deemed a heartless bastard, how am I supposed to help him? I can barely help myself." Snape really did not want to be in this position. He did not want to deal with an emotional teenage boy.
"Severus, you are his only chance now. Remember what I did for you, and help him the same way. Watch the warning signs, I fear we are close to losing him to himself. Severus, you are not heartless, you have a heart, it is just enclosed within a glacier, let some feelings melt that glacier." Dumbledore said with a wink.
For the rest of the evening they chatted about what was going on in the Order and what they could do. When the evening drew to a close, Dumbledore took his leave with a "Goodbye, and Good luck." With that he was gone.
