A/N: I'm posting up a story yey! REALLY nervous to (so nervous I had to repost this in space of 2 minutes 3 times), been putting off posting this up for ages so please be gentle on me I know my writing and English skills are no good. The beginning is very, very bad. Please suffer through it as I promise it gets better I'm just a little creaky because I haven't done any writing for yoinks. Also a warning this will very, very likely contain slash/ZADR etc. if you don't like it press the back button now and pray for my damned soul or something.
Disclaimer: I'm only going to post this once. Invader Zim and all the characters here were created by Jhonen C. Vasquez and belong to Nickalodian [s/p?] and Viacom or something. Don't sue me stupid.
Now enjoy...
The Wasn't In Training!
Chapter One: An Unspeakable Horror Occurs
Gather round yon children and hear the story I have to tell. As hard it was to believe more then half a hideous decade had passed since Zim's glorious landing onto the planet known as 'Earth'. Over half a decade ago since he first came face to face with one little boy who would become his constant annoyance and arch nemesis, the one known as Dib. From that first day both had vowed to destroy one another. But rather miraculously, neither Zim nor Dib had succeeded, coming close a few times sure, but never finishing each other of once and for all. Also, though a little less miraculously neither was any closer to filling out their own set out missions (conquering the dirt ball known as Earth and putting that alien scum on the autopsy table, was Zim and Dib's respectively).
No, indeed little had changed at all really, no, it's true. Appearance wise Dib was the same big headed boy as always. Though, come puberty he had been through several growth spurts and was left with an un-comfortably lanky form causing him to become twice as clumsy as ever. On the plus side he did to look a little less then a human tadpole, not entirely, but somewhat, it was a step in the right direction at least.
Physically Zim had barely changed at all being that he was an adult Irken when he came. Wearing the same poor (INGENIOUS!!!) human disguise and continued to proudly march around in his tightly fit, pink and black invader's uniform. Strangely enough though Zim was pretty certain that he had somehow managed to grow a few inches taller since his arrival. Unfortunately that normally joyous occasion was heavily over-shadowed by the fact that the Dib worm now stood over one head taller then Zim. Over one freakishly large Dib head taller. And Dib, being the horrible stink-beast that he was, never let an opportunity pass when he couldn't rub that horrific fact right into the invaders face, knowing how much it infuriated him.
Mentally the changes between the two had also been few and far between. Though with many more years spent in skooling and doing his paranormal research, Dib had now a somewhat higher knowledgeable understanding in most things as well as a few earthly experiences under his belt. You could say the large headed boy had grown slightly more mature, slightly being the key word here.
Then there was Zim. If Dib's mentality growth had only been minimal, Zim's could only be described a minuscule, pathetic, minute etc. This of course was mainly due to the fact that Zim was only mildly; well, insane and seemed to have a rather severe listening problem. Some of it may have been due to the fact that as a smeet he had been dropped one too many times by the unfeeling robotic arms, but nobody really could say for certain the exact cause that lead to mangled bit of brain living inside the deranged being that was Zim.
So the Irken had remained exactly the same as he'd always been, if not slightly more bitter since failure after failure had begun to pile up in front of him. Well, he had been exactly the same until a few weeks ago...
For you see Zim had slowly (very slowly) began to notice strange and foreign sensations, seemingly out of nowhere. These sometimes squishy thoughts and feelings had become hitting him into the pit of his squeedly spooch [A/N: For some reason I had "spooge" written there instead, hehe yeah] and occasionally even pin-point themselves into the depths of what could only be described as an Irken equivalent of a heart. What was worse they seemed to be growing in severity and becoming increasingly harder to ignore.
Zim had first noticed this not two weeks ago while trying to find inspiration for his next truly ingenious plan that should destroy (or at least control) those filthy Earth pigs (that is the humans, not actual pigs, GIR wouldn't let anything happen to the pigs) once and for all. Constantly thinking of ingenious plans for 5 or 6 years straight would eventually leave you a little short of ideas, even for such a superior being as Zim. So this had the Invader struck with a slight case of evil genius block. But! Not to worry for he had quickly decided for the best course of action: to join GIR and mini moose on their information acquiring mission on the couch.
Finding his way into his living room/kitchen, Zim plopped himself down between the two and drew his eyes towards the screen.
"Sooo… whatchya watching?" Zim asked casually.
"We're watching this movie where all this stuffs happens and the aliens eat the babies and go 'WOO WOO!!'" Zim's malfunctioning S.I.R unit GIR shrieked in reply, his voice getting gradually louder as its sentence progressed.
"Ah, I see. Fascinating." Said Zim, already forgetting what it was exactly that GIR had blurted out.
The movie as expected was horrible, even by Earth standards. Such poor acting and even poorer special effects had normally Zim lying on the floor laughing and pointing at the pitiful excuses of spaceship models flying through their super imposed scenery on fishing wire. Yet, as Zim starred at the plastic spaceships and paper mache distant planets something inside his chest shifted uncomfortably and a hard lump formed its way into his throat. Suddenly thoughts of his years of training for the Armada, years as a military scientist and all that was left behind came flooding into him. It was a ... longing, hmm... something pulling unto his chest strings... Dear Irk! Was the mighty Zim feeling 'home sick'?
That was enough for Zim's eyeballs to practically fly out his eye sockets. He jumped of the couch causing GIR to fall face down onto the floor ("HI FLOOR!" GIR yelped.).
Paying him no heed, Zim shook his head several times crossly before storming into the toilet. A cleverly disguised elevator waiting to take him down to the secret underground reigns of his base.
"Impossible! He muttered out loud. "Irken Invaders are not supposed to feel such feelies, we feel NOTHING!"
Zim shook his head once more, must have been that horrendous Earth food. He had been forced to intake some of it since his own superior food supply had been running low. He'd attempted on multiple occasions to contact his Tallest and request more snacks to be sent to his base but they always seemed extremely pre-occupied whenever he sent his transmission and didn't seem to even hear him. Ah, yes, he decided he needed to remind them again shortly. TOO BUSY FOR ZIM?! What was this madness...?
I hope that wasn't too terrible, please review or something. Next chapter will come in a few days time.
