A/N: Eek! Another horribly long delay! My excuse? I get very easily distracted and spend all my time on the computer drawing instead of typing out my stories (they're all in my notebooks you see). But look! I made the chapter lots longer to make up for it!
Another big poop is that this might be very well incredibly OOC and shite because I'm trying to de-virginise myself as I order my Zim DVDs (I have to order them online and I didn't have a DVD player that played American DVDs so I had to wait and blah-blah-blah) and not watch the show as obsessively as I do so I apologise in advance um yeah.
Chapter Five: Mini-Mushroom Cloud Ahead
Dib listened to the clanging of his boots against the hard surface of the plastic tiled floor as he walked through an empty Skool hallway. He was fresh from his after-Skool detention after running out of the cafeteria that morning.
He had stayed the maximum amount of time at the nurse's office which was only one lesson. Dib had told them a whole bunch of bologna about a sore elbow (he'd forgotten about his toe story) and they seemed to buy it.
The rest of the day though was spent trying to avoid Zim's madness, which he wasn't making a too bad a job of. Though at the back of his mind he found himself more then a little ashamed of his actions, the world's only hope from being saved from a deranged alien menace was running away from the said alien because he had looked at him funny. Why was it that it bothered him so? Oh he knew why, though he would never admit.
Dib's incredibly boring and stupid musings were put to a halt as he approached his locker, he fiddled with the combination before it swung open and a few text books fell onto the floor.
"Hmm... perhaps I should clean my locker out... later."
He bent down to pick up the books distracted and not noticing anything behind him. As he pulled himself up with a handful of disorganised, educational Skool book mess he got a nasty loud shock in his right ear.
"HI DIB!!" Something yelled quite loudly in said ear.
Dib gave a girlish yelp and hit his head on top of his locker door.
"Ow! Zim!" Dib hissed, rubbing his sore cranium. "You waited after Skool just to yell at me?"
"Yup!" Zim proclaimed a proud expression across his face, which quickly turned to annoyance. "Stop running away from Zim human! It is beginning to tire my amazing patience and you do not want to know what happens when my amazing patience gets tired!" He looked at the abandoned locker for a moment, the swinging door looked like it was plotting against him, that horrible door... before realising that Dib must've took off while he was ranting. The pure nerve of that beast! But no matter, Zim would find him!
Dib ran without looking back in the direction of his dwelling which luckily wasn't incredibly far from his Hi Skool. The front yard quickly approaching him, he flung front door open. Dib ran inside slamming the door behind him.
In an unusually rare occurrence Professor Membrane was home that day sitting comfortably in his amazing couch. His father looked up from the conversation he was having with the official Professor Membrane Hand Puppetâ„¢ and greeted his son.
"Hello son!" Said he. "Your little foreign friend came in a little while back asking for you. Where did you say he was from again?"
"Zim?!" Dib gasped. How the hell did he get here so fast?! "Dad I told you he's an alien! And he's not my friend!"
His father shook his head sadly.
"Not your friend? Oh son, if you're a homosexual you can tell me!"
"What?! Argh no! You think Zim's my-?" Dib squeaked. "Just tell him I'm not here if he comes back." He yelled this as he ran up the stairs to his bed room, loudly slamming the door.
Membrane shook his head sadly once more before returning his attention back to the puppet. "No, no Professor Spandex your theory about spontaneous combustion is all wrong!" He said to the sock.
Dib gave a melodramatic sigh and plopped on his bed. He pulled off his glasses and rubbed his temples to try and diminish his headache, something that had become a lot more frequent since Zim moved in the neighbourhood.
Unfortunately Dib's moment of rest was short lived by the insistent ring of the telephone. He waited for five rings before yelling "Is anybody going to get that?!" after not getting a reply and another six rings later Dib reluctantly got out of bed and went to answer the nearest telephone.
"Hello?" Said Dib into the receiver.
The only reply on the other line was rather heavy breathing.
Dib raised an eyebrow. "Uh, anybody there?"
The heavy breather on the other line stayed silent. Dib rolled his eyes.
"Zim I know it's you! It's not funny, so give it up!" With that he abruptly hung up.
A few seconds later the thought came to him that perhaps it wasn't Zim after all. For starters the little green alien didn't even know how to use a phone, and why would he? The traditional voice only telephone hadn't been used in years and was taken over completely by the picture phone which ran on an entirely different system. The only reason they had an old telephone at home was because of its camp value, that and the occasional phone call from crazy old Uncle Albert.
It probably was crazy old Uncle Albert considering he hadn't spoken since they cut out his tongue back in ... some war place. Dib could've smacked himself for letting Zim consume his thoughts so much. He needed some fresh air perhaps.
"Gaz, Dad, I'm going out!" He yelled more out of formality then anything else before running out the door.
The fresh air smacked Dib painfully on the face. Somehow it had gotten mighty windy since the time he ran home, maybe he just didn't notice before hand, you know, with all his denial and running away and all.
He suppressed a shiver and dug his hands deep within his fab-tas-tic trench coat pockets. At least his coat wouldn't go off and change on him.
Just then, Dib's trench coat turned a bright magenta.
Dib blinked, probably a lot less surprised then he should've been and gave an exasperated sigh.
"God damn it!" He moaned. "That's it! I give up! Go on Zim, tell me what you're doing, I'm listening." Dib spoke to the rose bush on his right.
The rose bush shifted a little before a green head wearing a tacky 1950's wig popped out.
"How'd you know I was there?" Zim asked, genuinely surprised.
Dib seemed to ignore that comment.
"I want answers Zim. What the hell is going on with you? You've been acting a lot weirder then usual, not just the obsessive stalking. What was up with you during that movie in French? You looked like you were going to cry!" Dib looked a little scared at the very idea.
"LIES! I simply had... something in my eye." Zim scoffed, though he felt his insides churn a little at the thought of that poor little fu-fu dog falling into that evil river of water and- NO! He was a solider not an emotionay crying thingy thing... "Zim was uh- pretending to be an earth duck! Yes!" He proclaimed after much consideration.
"Zim that was terrible, even for you." Dib sounded almost concerned.
"Fine, fine, the emotional output in my PAK is malfunctioning." Zim said much quicker this time.
The boy before him snorted.
"Some superior race if the little life support system on your back breaks for no apparent reason."
"SILENCE YOUR NOISE HOLE!" Zim screeched. Dib tried not to grin.
"Anyway, I still don't see what this has to do with you following me around everywhere and acting well... like Keef." An involuntary shudder escaped both of them at the remembrance of that disturbed little red head; damn that kid had some serious issues.
Zim got over his nausea soon enough and looked at Dib frustrated that the foolish earth creature wasn't a mind reader.
"Because when Zim is around your horrible self I feel... interesting and my squeedly spooch feels all fluttery like I'm going to regurgitate my delicious snacks only... not." Zim scratched his wig, a perplexed expression upon his green face. For even he realized what he just said failed to make any logical sense. It also dawned on him that he had completely forgotten why he was stalking Dib in the first place. It was something ingenious for sure though. This forgetfulness seemed happened often when he got over-excited at the process of his wonderful plans. Of course he'd never admit that to the Dib though.
Speaking of which that stink-beast seemed to be looking at him rather sceptically.
"So you're saying I make you want to throw up but not?" Dib sounded just as confused by Zim's words as the little alien was himself. Still an outrageous idea had begun to bubble away in his abnormally large skull.
Without even really thinking about what he was doing, Dib took a step closer and bent his spine a tad to be more in line with Zim's eye level.
Zim took in a sharp breath.
"Yes, and seem to cause my blood pumping organ that pumps my superior Irken blood to work faster. So now I'm uh- doing research" Yes Zim brilliant! "-on these thingies and-"
Zim's jumbled words that we meant to be convincing both him and Dib were cut short by Dib's mouth quite suddenly over his own.
Zim went stock still; he felt a sudden rush of hot and cold run through his tiny green body; all semi-coherent thoughts going to a standstill. Somewhere though he recalled seeing and reading about this human ritual. Humans did this when showing affection?
The Dib's mouth seemed to be doing some sort of sucky massaging movement over his own while pulling Zim's scrawny little body closer to his own. For once Zim obeyed and did the same.
That was when Dib's saliva entered his own mouth, an acute sensation. Despite it's rather high water content the strange goo didn't burn his mouth, rather brought a sweet and tingly taste that lined his oral cavity. Oddly enough Zim's own alien salver was having the same effect on Dib. So perfect it was, like a poorly written fan fiction a/n: cough.
Dib was the one that pulled back first. Though it had only been no longer then a couple of minutes it seemed like a life time to the two of them, or some goo.
Zim starred up in a daze licking the roof of his mouth and enjoying the taste despite himself.
"W-what was that?"
"Uh... it's called a kiss?" Dib replied, his answer sounding like a question. Zim noticed with some curiosity that the boy's normally pale complexion had funny red splodges on his cheeks.
"'Kiss'? Zim likes this 'kiss'!" The one who speaks in third person replied; a sinister looking smile crept up to his face. "Let's do it again!"
Dib had time to give a goofy grin like the under sexed teenager that he was when Zim grabbed the back of his head and pulled into another sloppy smooch. Dib decided to push his luck even further with Zim's eagerness by pushing his tongue into the alien's gob. Zim reacted welcomely enough though he seemed even more lost now at what his role in this whole ... exercise was.
After much slobber exchange and down right mushy passion the pair broke off.
Zim strained his neck to look back up at the Dib creature he'd so happily glomped (well kinda) only moments before. Feeling so over-whelmed by emotion, his eyes, they stung! Watery eye substance glazed over his contact covered eyes.
Dib's eyes grew to the size of two space saucers at the site.
"Zim" He said. "Are you... crying?"
"NO! I mean, I don't know. It's just-"Zim sniffed (Dib wondered how you could without a visible nose), two crocodile tears sprang forth from his eyes and rolled down his green cheeks. "-So emotional-"He sniffed again. "-all these Earth years-"By then he couldn't contain his mighty Irken self any longer and burst into loud and overly melodramatic sobs.
Dib starred at Zim, clearly dumbstruck. One eyebrow had gone up so high that if it went any higher it would join his hair line and that would be just plain creepy.
"Woah, you weren't kidding about that emotion controlling thingy being broken."
Zim's cries subsided for a moment as he now remembered that his superior PAK was malfunctioning and went into even louder howls and cries because of it. Truth be known a part of him was almost grateful that the superior Irken back technology hadn't been working but, damnit now was the time to cry! Who could say? Perhaps the alien menace was just letting out 176 years worth (Zim's age in Earth years#) of eye juices.
Dib continued being stunned. Nowhere, not in his wildest dreams could he imagine Zim to behave like this. Having no one but a demonic sister to punch him in the shins and an obsessive compulsive father to pat him on the head and talk of REAL science for comfort when he cried like a little girl, Dib wasn't incredibly skilled at these types of emotional moments.
"Jeez Zim get a grip!" He managed to say but that only caused the Irken to wail even louder, if that were even possible at this stage.
Timidly moving forward Dib put out a trembling hand and patted Zim on the shoulder. Without getting any response from that, Dib wrapped both his arms around the sobbing green heap.
Almost instantly Zim's tragic weeping ceased, he nuzzled his head in the crook of Dib's arm rather cheerfully.
"Mmmm... you smell like slaughtered cow." He purred, most likely referring to Dib's colour changing trench coat (it had somehow gone back to black quite thankfully), seconds later though remembering himself. "I mean, get off! Don't touch Zim pig smelly!" He cried pushing himself away from the foul human, his sorrows were completely forgotten.
"Don't touch you? You kissed me! And well- I kissed you first, but you kissed me back!" Dib didn't like how stupid that sentence came out.
"SILENCE! That's completely different!" Zim proudly proclaimed.
"What? Explain how!"
Before the two could get into another infamous argument that they both seems so much to enjoy, a loud but distant explosion followed by a mini-mushroom cloud both came from the direction of Zim's 'house'.
"Oh no! I knew I shouldn't have left GIR alone for so long! What has that incompetent fool done now?!" Zim slapped his left hand on his forehead. "I better go inspect what kind of destruction he has caused this time." He said with a sigh. Zim shuffled his feet uncomfortably. "So... uh- I'll see you later human."
Without giving into second thought (which was kinda the norm for him anyway) Zim stood on his tipsy toes and gave Dib a quick peck on the cheek. Before Dib had a chance to respond, Zim turned on his heel and ran off in the direction of the smoking havoc that was his beautiful base.
Dib watched Zim's quirky little silhouette disappear into the distance before checking his wrist watch and realising, to his up most horror, that the new Mysterious Mysteries of Great Mystery episode was about to start. Knowing that the chances of Gaz taping it for him were as low her giving him her last piece of candy, Dib made a mad dash in the direction of his own house, hoping he wouldn't miss anymore then the opening credits.
And as the two ran off to their own matter of urgency a great sappy grin was plastered on each of their faces.
#This obsessive fangirl's rough estimate, probably incredibly far off.
You can see how terrible I am with romance and mush now! Once again I hope that didn't make your eyes bleed. There will only be one, maybe two chapters after this one depends how long I make them. Please review and make me a happy bunny
