Beheaded

Summary: This is a PARODY. It's a short songfic to Beheaded by The Offspring. Explains the REAL reason Harry's parents are dead...

Disclaimer: Ladies and Gentlemen! Welcome to the disclaimer. That's right, the disclaimer! This American Apple Pie institution known as Parental Discretion will cleanse any sense if innuendo or sarcasm from the lyrics which might actually make you think, and will also insult your intelligence at the same time! So, protect your family! This album contains explicit depictions of things which are REAL! These REAL things are commonly known as LIFE! So, if it sounds sarcastic, don't take it seriously. If it sounds dangerous, do NOT try this at home, or at all! And if it offends you, just... don't... listen to it! – The Offspring. Anyway, I don't own Harry Potter. End of Story.

WARNING: The following text contains detailed descriptions of blood and gore as well as intense violence. If this content offends or just plain grosses you out, just... don't... read it!

Harry Potter was crying on the living room floor. This tantrum, like most others, was caused by the common reason of not-wanting-to-go-to-bed-itis.

"Harry dear, please calm down!" said his mother, Lily. James was currently laughing his ass off at the scene; he seemed to find it quite funny.

"Haha, hiccup Harry, you silly bore, just shut up and get to bed, haha!"

Eventually, Lily had to drag Harry to bed and lock the door. It was the only way to get him quite.

Nighttime, and Harry could get no rest. He hated his parents, he hated them so much. He looked out the window. There was a full moon out, and he could hear the howling of a werewolf from outside (N/A: you know who that is...). Yes... it was time...

Harry got out of bed and looked under his bed for the axe that he kept there. He had sharpened it only yesterday, and it could cut through anything. A mad glint got into his eyes as he brought down the axe in a mighty swing and knocked the door clean off its hinges.

Harry made his way through the dark household and found his parent's room. Slowly he raised the axe...

Mommy doesn't have her head anymore

Keep it underneath my bed on the floor

That's all right though

That's OK

She never really used her head anyway

Daddy called me a silly bore

Bet he won't say that anymore

Because the way his body's severed in two

His vocal chords are gonna be hard to use

Beheaded

Watch you spurt like a garden hose

Beheaded

Bloody mess all over my clothes!!!

(N/A: the next part doesn't make sense with the story, but it's part of the song and I wanted to include it)

Watch my girlfriend come to the door

Chop off her head, she falls to the floor

Yeah, watching my baby's jugular flow

Really makes my motor go

Wrap a towel around the bloody stump

Take my baby's body to the city dump

Then wipe the mess off the bloody axe

Scoop all the heads in my burlap sack

Beheaded

Watch you spurt like a garden hose

Beheaded

Bloody mess all over my clothes!!!

When he was finished with his parents, Harry wanted more. He walked outside into the darkness and prowled the streets. Anyone that crossed his path quickly got severed in two, and Harry's clothes were soon covered with blood and pieces of internal organs. After he had mutilated a good number of people, Harry walked through the night back to his house, and back to his room. He took out the heads and stood there for a second, admiring the night's work.

All my collection

Adorns my room on bamboo poles

Used to be a little

But a little got more and more

Now I'm craving yours...

Harry got back to bed, and closed his eyes for the night.

Night brings bad dreams

Bad dreams with guillotines

Night brings bad dreams

Bad dreams with guillotines

Off with her head...

Off with her head...

Off with her head!

Off with her head!!!

Off with her head!!!!!

OFF WITH HER HEAD!!!!!!!!!!

Harry woke up the next day, feeling very refreshed but needing more... more...

Find another victim for my machine

Put him in a homemade guillotine

Blade falls, gonna need a casket

Watch the head plop in a wicker basket

Leave the house at a quarter to four

Come back with sixteen or more

'Cause the more I want, The more I see

Got a funny feeling coming over me

Beheaded

Watch you spurt like a garden hose

Beheaded

Bloody mess all over my clothes!!!

After another fruitful day doing what he does best, Harry went back to his room and put up the newest additions to his growing collection. He then played The Offspring on his Boom Box, climbed into bed and went to a deep sleep, once again filled with bloody dreams. What fate awaits the victims of tomorrow?

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