The tears fall freely now, tears that you taught me it was okay to cry. I place my hand on the window, the rain falls in rivers down the glass, a mirroring of my face. I reach up and wipe at the water streaming from my eyes and wonder just how I could have let it get this far. I shouldn't hurt now. I shouldn't be so weak. It's been so long…

And everything I can't remember
As fucked up as it all may seem
The consequences that I've rendered
I've stretched myself beyond my means…

Yes. It's been a while. A long while. But I still remember the hours I spent with you in the library, memorizing your every expression, your every move. Those long hours that changed me and touched you, freeing you, making us one. And because of all of that, I am now half of who I was, a shadow of my former self. For what am I without you? You were the light in the darkness, the one who made my heart race and made life worthwhile. I hadn't even realized how empty I was inside until you came along and shined you light into the dark crevices of my heart and made me see, made me hurt, made me long, and most importantly, made me love. But it's been so long, and I don't know what to do without you…my Hermione…

And everything I can't remember
As fucked up as it all may seem
The consequences that I've rendered
I've stretched myself beyond my means…

Certainly, no one understood, and no one wanted us to be together, but to me, it mattered not. You were my sun, my Earth, and my universe, all I would ever need, and so much more than that. I didn't know I could be fulfilled in the all the ways that you fulfilled me. You were beautiful and pure, and so innocent, and you captivated me. I discovered that my heart had always belonged to you. There was no where else I would rather have been. But then you were torn away, leaving me against your will, closing your eyes never to open them again. Some moments I am angry at you. Other moments I miss you so much it hurts to breathe. It is in the ladder that you are the most real, and the most beautiful. I can remember, in those moments, the way the sun would hit your eyes and turn them from chocolate into orbs of the purest gold. I would look into those eyes and see my future with you, the both of us together. I saw forever. But eternity for you and me was short lived. Because now you're gone, never to return, and you took a part of me to the grave with you.

And it's been awhile
Since I could look at myself straight
And it's been awhile
Since I said I'm sorry
And it's been awhile
Since I've seen the way the candle lights your face
And it's been awhile
But I can still remember just the way you taste…

Your kisses warmed me inside and out, warmed places within my soul that I did not even know existed. But now you are gone. I will never see you again. My life was a web of artfully woven lies, until you arrived and showed me truth. I thought it was the best thing, but now, I wish the world would lie, to let me rest and be at peace, blissfully thinking that there could be a possibility that I would see you tomorrow. Since you left, I have been living in the perpetual now, trying never to look back and never to look forward. I struggle to get through every moment, because without you, time just passes by without me, and I have no want to stop it. I wake up from nightmares screaming your name, only to realize that I am alone. I am always alone. My heart still longs for you. And I know that it always will. But it's been a while.

Disclaimer

All of the Harry Potter characters belong solely to J.K. Rowling (though I would like to boast a certain blonde-haired Slytherine as being mine…), and the song lyrics were borrowed from the rock band, Staind. Thanks peeps!

Review please!

For kicks,

Ella