Chapter Six
"Hi Ray how do you feel?" Peter asked mid afternoon on
Saturday. Ray looked up at him, and shrugged.

"Kay," he muttered, Ray had slowly begun talking to them
about a day and a half ago, he had seen Lydia once since then, and
she had told Nick that she got more out of him everyday.

"You get to go home, Nick says your fever is gone partner,
so let's get you dressed and ready to go home, okay?" Peter said
touched his friend's back and hand.

"Kay," Ray said. Peter nodded and slowly helped his friend
sit up, Maggie walked in carrying a suit case.

"We brought you clothes, I'll be outside waiting for the
papers, just relax okay,"

"Kay," Ray whispered, it was all he had been saying lately,
not much more, obviously he still had reservations about certain
things.

"Okay, think you can sit up the rest of the way for me, good
boy, now slowly turn with me. No hold onto my shoulders, I'm going
to put my hands on your waist and pull, stand up slowly okay."

"Kay," he whispered again. Peter slowly pulled Ray towards
him, off the bed, as his feet gently hit the floor, they stood for a
moment, Ray's hands on Peter's shoulders, tightly gripping them,
Peter's arms around Ray's waist holding him up, as his wobbly legs
attempted to hold him up.

"Atta boy, how do you feel?" Peter asked.

"Kay, can...can you help me....get dressed?" Peter nodded, Ray
had been having problems with shaking ever since he woke up, he
couldn't even write his own name yet. The guys had been helping him
do things, he'd been walking the past two days, but his legs had
been so shaky they had stopped very soon.

"Sure thing pal, let's get your gown off," he whispered.
Taking the gown off, Ray stood clad in only his Ghostbuster boxers,
Peter smiles at him, and grabbed a shirt.

"Brought your favorite sweatshirt, here," Peter said gently
helping Ray put it on, Ray quickly latched back onto Peter. Tears
suddenly filled Ray's eyes.

"Ray, buddy what's wrong?" Peter asked, Ray stepped forward
and nearly collapsed into Peter's arms, bringing both men to the
floor slowly, Ray curled into Peter's arms, still thinner and shaky
Ray began to sob into Peter's arms.

"Shh, shh, it's okay, I'm here, Uncle Petey's here now, it's
okay, talk to Peter, come on Ray. It's safe partner," whispered
Peter into Ray's ears. His friend buried his head into his shoulder
and sobbed his heart out, his breathing becoming raged.

"Take deep slow breaths Ray, shh," Peter ran his hand
through Ray's hair and down the back of his neck.

"Scared...I...panic attacks....I never had them before Peter,
why," Ray moaned quietly.

"Shh, Ray listen to me, you have had a horrible terrible
experience, you're going to be afraid, you're going to be scared,
it's okay Ray. It's normal to have these problems, these nightmares
you have nearly every night are normal, the panic attack your having
is normal, the terror you feel in your heart is perfectly normal. We
love you Raymond, we love and adore you with our hearts, and all our
souls, we're going to get you through this, I know you're afraid and
that you feel afraid to go home, not knowing what awaits you there,
but I'll tell you now, you'll be safer there than anywhere else."

"I don't feel normal, I don't...feel like Ray," whimpered Ray.

"I know buddy, I know, I understand you don't feel like
yourself, Ray you may never feel like yourself again. It could take
awhile, but your still Ray somewhere in there. Do you hear me,
Raymond Francis Stanz, we know you are in there, you're still our
buddy, nothing will change, I hope you understand that Raymond,"
Peter whispered, he touched Ray's face as he pulled him away gently
and looked into his eyes.

"I love you Ray, you're the best baby brother a kid could
ever ask for," he whispered. Ray nodded, breathing slowing down.

"Peter, please don't...don't leave me, I don't wanna stop
being a Ghostbuster, I wanna be....I wanna be Ray again," he
whispered. Peter pulled him close again and kissed the younger man's
cheek gently.

"I know buddy, and you'll be Ray forever, we'll never leave
you buddy."

"Help me get my pants on Peter," Peter chuckled and smiled.

"You and me Ray, I've watched you grow from that innocent
college boy to a strong young man, stick with me Ray, and you'll
never be lost again," he whispered. Ray smiled and nodded, hugging
Peter again.

Peter helped Ray down into the wheelchair, Egon smiled and
patted Ray on the shoulder.

"Hey Ray, how do you feel today," Egon asked, he and Winston
had brought the Ecto, all of them thinking that if Ray was around
his family and friends he would feel better.

"Okay, better," he whispered.

"Good, let's get you home buddy," Peter said. Maggie smiled
and stepped beside Ray, and gently held his hand as Peter pushed
this wheel chair, a nurse came over and smiled at Ray.

"Good luck Raymond, you come back and visit but not as a
patient," she said. Ray smiled.

"Thanks Carla," he whispered. Lydia came over and smiled at
him.

"Now, Ray, I'll call you, I expect to see you once every
week, but you can call me if you need to talk more or want to skip
one okay," Lydia said kissing his cheek.

"Sure thing Lydia, thanks," Ray said, trying to smile.

"Take your time Ray, things will come in time."

"I know, thanks for all your help Lydia," Ray said smiling
softly.

"You are more than welcome my friend. See you next week."

Chapter Seven
Maggie smiled as she sat down beside Peter, Raymond was
upstairs sleeping, Winston was reading a book watching over him, and
Egon was taking a shower.
"Sweetheart?" She asked gently. Peter looked up at his
loving mother, his mind telling him just how lucky he was to have a
woman like him in his life.

"Are you okay?" She asked.

"Mom, do...do you still believe in God?" He asked. Maggie
looked at him, slightly taken by surprise.

"I never stopped Peter. I'm sorry you did honey. I
understand you've had many problems with your father, but don't turn
that on God. He didn't make you father the way he is, your father
made himself that way. God doesn't leave like your father."

"This whole incident has made me really question things mom.
I haven't done that since grandpa died. We never really talk about
faith, the four of us. I know Winston believes in God, but I don't
know about the rest of us."

"Raymond does honey, he always has, he has his doubts, like
anyone, but he believes in God with all of his heart."

"How do you know that?"

"Remember the night we found out about Ray's childhood?"

1978
Maggie was surprised at the light coming from the small
kitchen. Ray sat at the kitchen table, a cup of tea in front of him.
"Raymond?" She felt guilty when the younger man jumped
slightly.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to startle you," he shrugged. She
could suddenly see what Peter and Egon meant by shy and quiet.
However, she knew that years from now her son and Egon could easily
change that.

"Would you like to talk about it? I know that sometimes it's
probably harder to talk to Peter and Egon, especially since they're
not the best when it comes to talking about emotions and such."

"I was ten, almost eleven. I was supposed to be going to my
very first sleep over. Dad didn't really want me going, but I argued
and finally got my way. We were in a hurry, I don't know one minute
I was being told to be good, the next I woke up in the hospital with
Aunt Lois telling me that my folks were dead. Two weeks later I was
living with foster parents. I learned quickly learned that next to
their real children, you aren't near as important. You're nothing
more than a stranger living in their house and living off their
money. I was smart, but no one ever bothered telling me that, well
one person told me, but he was the only one. When I got to high
school, only one person ever told me he was so proud, I was alone on
graduation day, no party, no friends nothing. I was an out cast in a
small town where everyone knew what everyone else did. I got all
these scholarships, even a little money from someone special, to
help me out, but I've always been alone, until now," looking up
Maggie saw he was crying, so was she.

"Ray, do the boys know any of this?" Ray shook his head no.

"For the first few years, I cursed God, I hated him. Then I
began to pray for help, I was losing myself too quickly, loosing who
I was. I don't really understand religion, and I don't really have
one, but I know better than to not believe in something I can't see.
I know he's there, I just...sometimes I wish I had died too," he
whispered.

"I'll never be your mother, but I'd really like to help heal
that large hole?" Ray looked at her, swiping at his eyes, a useless
attempt as the tears came faster. Maggie was up and holding him as
he sobbed in her arms.

"Its okay honey," she whispered running a hand through his
hair.

"He never told us, explains why he's so taken to you
though," Whispered Peter.

"This isn't your fault son, so don't play like it is. You
three always talk about Ray having a horrible guilt, but you all
have it. You love each other, of course you are going to hurt, don't
let your anger develop into hate son. We saw what hate can lead to."

"We've got it good don't we mom."

"Yes, you boys have it very good."

Egon sat in the chair, a physics book in his lap, but he
wasn't reading it, he was watching over his best friend. Egon's mind
was still whirling, he admitted he had yet to get much sleep,
nightmares plaguing everyone's sleep lately. He knew Austin was
dead, but did that mean it was the last they'd see of him.
"'Gon?" Ray's sleepy voice snapped Egon from his present
thoughts.

"I'm right here Raymond."

"How....you doing?" He asked weakly.

"I should be asking you that question," stated Egon.

"Depends on what you're talkin' bout." Ray muttered, it was
obvious he was still very weak, but he was getting better.

"Ray, I'm fine," insisted Egon.

"Liar, I'm not Peter, but I know you just as well. It wasn't
your fault Egon, I wasn't even with it half the time. I always knew
you were there, you kept me alive Egon."

"Ray..."

"No, you were careful, for once we all were. Nothing you
could have done, would have changed what happened, or how. I never
thanked you for everything you did."

"I was afraid Ray, I'm not very good with emotions, but I
knew what I was feeling every time you slept or lost consciousness,
I was afraid that I'd be the one to break it to the guys you were
dead. That I'd have to break Peter's heart. That I would never be
able to talk to you again, have someone who always understands me,
the younger brother I always needed. I'm supposed to be levelheaded
Ray, the calm one. I'm the one who can usually keep my head in any
situation."

"Egon, you and I both know that you can't always be perfect.
I understand Egon, believe me I'm supposed to be enthusiastic, but
there are times when all I think is shit, we're gonna die."

"Ray..."

"Egon, let it go, I know it's hard, I understand that, me
most of all, because I'm still dealing with everything going on, but
if you don't let this go, and deal with what has happened, you'll
drive yourself insane. It's hard, and it was a terrible experience,
I can't begin to imagine how it felt to watch me go through that,
but it's time to just let it go." Egon looked at Raymond and smiled.

"Sometimes we take you for granted, I realized that, you are
always so bright and smart, none of us realize you probably have
your bad days just as well as us. You're always the first one to
offer sympathy, and love, last one to anger, and always there to
help. Sometimes we don't really see how smart you are, or how
talented you are. I'm sorry Raymond, for not seeing the man you
are," Egon whispered.

"It's okay Eggy, I understand, you guys see me always so
excited so happy, that's what I want you to see, I make sure you
don't see anything less. We're a team Egon, we form together a
whole. Your our brains, we expect you to do our thinking for us, we
expect you to come up with these ingenious ideas and use them to
defeat whoever it is, we expect you to be the rock at all times, to
show no emotion, because that's what we're used to. Winston is our
back bone, he supports us, we need that from him, the comforting
hand on our shoulder, the easy tone, the wisdom he gives us every
time we ask. To love us just the way we are, but to be fun to be
around too. Peter is the soul, we expect him to be there emotionally
for us, when we're really hurting we expect to talk to him, to know
how much he cares, we expect him to be the tough one too. How many
times do we look at Peter waiting for him to react in some way
badly. Or Me, Peter claims I'm the heart of the team, I'm the youth,
I keep you guys going through tough times with my optimism," Egon
remained silent.

"That's not who we are Egon, well I mean, it is, but it
isn't either. Think about it Egon, you're not someone who never
feels. In fact you probably feel more than us most of the time. When
something happens to one of us you feel responsible, because you're
the brains of the operation. Winston isn't always comforting,
sometimes he makes us face hard cold facts, that we don't want to
face. Peter isn't hot tempered all the time, in fact we all know
he's the nicest guy we know, and that he would stop the world for a
friend. We can't be what everyone expects us to be all the time
Egon, because if we were, there wouldn't be anything to love
anymore. We love Peter because of who he is and who he isn't. We
love that ego of his because we know there's more to him than just a
swollen head. I love you Egon because there is more to you than just
brains, there's a heart of gold, that's why you've become the only
family I've ever had. I couldn't live without you guys, and I
wouldn't want to."

"Thank you Raymond, I needed that more than you may ever
know," Ray smiled up at his friend.

"Believe me Egon, I know you need it, because I need it too."

Chapter Eight
"You should be sleeping, you need your rest," came Maggie's
soft voice. Ray smiled from where he sat at the kitchen table. It
was nearing midnight, Maggie had been unable to sleep and had
decided to get a cup of tea.

"I know," he muttered as she sat down across from him in the
kitchen.

"So what's got you wound up?" She asked gently.

"If I didn't know any better Mrs. Venkman, I'd you you're
more of an angel than a mother," Ray stated smiling.

"I'm both...obviously you must be feeling better," Maggie
stated chuckling.

"I'm amazingly tired and a little weak, but I'm alive, and
shall remain that way, for at least a few more years," he said
smiling.

"How about something to eat?"

"That would be great," Ray stated as she got up.

"So, why couldn't you sleep?"

"Images, I can't get some of the scarier things out of my
mind. I guess I still don't fully understand why someone could
become so angry and frustrated that they'd want to do such a
horrible thing. Peter says I always see the good things in people,
Lydia says sometimes it's understandable to be afraid at this point,
to be worried about what happens next."

"Don't trouble yourself with trying Ray, Men like Austin
have no good in them."

"Why, that's what I don't really understand, maybe I should
by now, but everyone has some good in them...don't they?"

"Ray that's what they love, your innocence. No, Ray some
people are just mad."

"But how? Why?"

"I don't know Ray, I don't think they even know. Now lets..."

"Mrs....Maggie, are the guys angry with me?" The questions
stopped her dead in her tracks.

"Where on earth did you get such an idea?"

"Well, Peter, I think they're hiding something, Winston
isn't talking much, and Egon was avoiding me up until like
yesterday."

"No Ray, come here sweetheart," Ray buried his head in her
shoulder, she sighed and rocked him gently in her arms.

"Egon Franklin Spengler!" the tone caused Egon to wince,
Peter tried not to laugh. As Janine and Maggie stood there

"Yes Janine?"

"Should I leave," Peter joked looking up.

"Oh no young man, Winston don't move, we're calling a staff
meeting now," Maggie stated.

"Staff!? You aren't even on staff," Peter stated, not
knowing why he would ever say such a thing to his mother.

"Peter Charles you will close your mouth before I do it for
you. I had a little talk Ray last night. Haven't you told him about
Austin yet!" Maggie said annoyed.

"No ma'am, I didn't feel the need to upset the kid."

"The kid' now thinks you're hiding something. He isn't
stupid Peter. He thinks you're hiding something from him, and he
thinks all these problems are going to drive you away from him."

"That's ridiculous," stated Egon.

"When is the last time you really spoke to him, about normal
things?"

"He still..."

"Weak, that makes no difference, this is Ray. He's not
fragile anymore, he hasn't been for years, he's strong."

"I agree on this, he's stronger than we give him credit
for," Egon spoke.

"Ray needs to know he's still Ray Stanz, he needs to know
that no matter what he's still and always will be a Ghostbuster.
That you guys are still friends and brother. He's scared, and he's
not one to complain," spoke Maggie.

"We'd never dump him," stated Peter.

"I know that, and you guys know that, but maybe it's time to
reiterate that to Raymond," stated Maggie.

"She's right guys, no matter how we look at it, Ray's gone
through at lot and we shouldn't and can't expect him to just bounce
right back from this, Ray needs us," Winston spoke.

"Maybe we should go talk to him now," said Egon.

"I think that's a wonderful idea gentlemen," Janine said
smiling.

"Ray, we'd like to talk to you for a minute, if we could,"
Winston asked gently coming towards the youngest buster. Ray looked
up and saw Peter leaning in the doorway, Egon just behind him.

"Sure," Ray whispered. Peter realized how much better
Raymond was looking, the color returning to his cheeks. Peter seated
himself by Raymond's head, Egon at the foot of the bed, and Winston
standing on his other side.

"About what?" Ray asked, slightly worried. Peter smiled and
sighed.

"Austin, what he did to you, and Egon. The drugs, and how we
feel about it, how you feel about it, how it's going to affect the
Ghostbusters in general," Peter spoke, an arm around the younger
man's shoulders.

"Oh, um...all right," Ray replied nervously.

"Ray, what Austin did to you, it wasn't your fault, it
wasn't Egon's fault. It was his fault and his goon's fault. You
understand that don't you? Ray?" Peter gazed at the tense younger
man, he hadn't realized things had gotten this bad.

"Yeah, I never blamed you guys," murmured Ray.

"Ray, we haven't really talked about this much, and maybe
it's time we did. How do you feel about this entire situation Ray?"
Winston asked.

"I don't know, tired...weak," Ray said.

"Raymond, emotionally, how do you feel?"

"Playing psychology again Eggy, I thought that was Peter's
job," Ray said smiling.

"Ray, why don't you tell us how you feel about all of this,"
Peter spoke.

"I don't know...scared, I'm still scared. What...what if the
drugs leave after affects. What if...what if I can't do the job
anymore? I sat in the chair, always waiting, wishing for another
dose, only wishing I could relive those past twelve years I had with
you guys. All these thoughts running through my mind. What if you
blamed me, what if you never found us? What were they doing to Egon?
What had they done to you? What if you were dead, or Egon was dead
the next time I was brought back downstairs. At one point I felt so
alone that I wanted to die. I felt nothing keeping me alive. What
now, what will happen if I can't handle my job anymore? I'm a
Ghostbuster, it's who I've become, but I'm so scared that I may not
be able to handle being alone anymore. I'm so afraid I'll be like
this forever, a drug addict. Always craving one more hit, and you
won't want me...ever again," the final words came out as a whimper as
he tried to curl into a ball, but Peter grabbed him gently before he
could seclude himself further.

"Listen to me Ray, we're a family, and we'll always be a
family. You must understand that by now," Peter said looking at the
younger man.

"I can't stop busting, it would be worse than...than this,"
whimpered Ray.

"Ray, are you listening to Dr. Venkman? You will not stop
busting until the rest of us do. Nothing on the face of this planet...
correction, plane of existence can take you from us, except death.
Since you're still alive you're still going to bust."

"You are the same Ray, you've always been this Ray, the only
difference is now you're really hurting. Nothing can change who you
are, not even Austin. You are and always will be Raymond Francis
Stanz; Ghostbuster extraordinaire, and the heart to a team. You will
always be our Ray," Egon spoke.

"We're scared to m'man, we know drugs are dangerous, and
we're afraid what they may do to you. But none of that can stop
you're Ghostbusting days unless you let it. You can be in control of
this Ray. I know it seems like you can right now, but it's going to
get better everyday," Explained Ray.

"You have nothing to fear anymore either Ray. Austin is
dead, he died in prision a week ago. We didn't tell you because we
didn't want to worry or upset you."

"How?"

"Murdered," Egon stated blankly, Peter smiled as Ray's eyes
began to droop.

"Get some rest Ray, we'll be here when you wake up," Peter
spoke as he helped Ray lie down.

"'kay, gonne be kay," whispered Ray. Peter nodded
straightening the blankets.

"I know buddy, we know. Rest Tex, you're not alone anymore."

Epilogue
"He's coming right at you Ray!" Screamed Peter, smiling. Ray
hurried towards where Egon stood, near the trap, covered in slime,
but wearing the largest smile they had seen in a long time.

"Watch your self Ray!" Hollered Egon.

"Get it Egon, the trap now!" yelled Ray, as he passed by,
Winston and Peter's streams pulled away as the spirit lowered into
the trap. Peter smiled and clapped Ray's slimy back.

Two weeks Ray had been back in commission, and had just
recently started working again on the busts. He was doing great, he
had had a few problems the past few times, and Peter didn't doubt
this was an easy bust. It had been the spirit of Austin, they had
just caught him, condemning him to a afterlife in the containment
unit.

"Nice job Ray," Peter said as they walked into the firehouse
nearly an hour later, Ray tried to smile, but Peter could see
something was wrong.

"Thanks, I'm gonna go take a shower," Ray whispered running
upstairs.

"Maybe someone should go talk to him," Janine said.

"It's my turn," Whispered Winston as he followed the younger
man.

He spotted Ray sitting near the bathroom, holding his head
in his hands as he breathing rapid.

"You okay buddy?"

"I...I'm having a panic attack," Ray gasped.

"Take deep breaths Ray, just try and calm down," Ray nodded
and began to breath a little better.

"Ray, we live, we experience, and we go one. The last part
is what we have some control over. Don't let this completely change
who you are, or what you're good at."

"I wish I could feel sorry for him," whispered Ray.

"Why, he doesn't deserve to be felt sorry for."

"I know, that's why I don't."

"That doesn't make you a bad person Raymond, it makes you a
human."

"I don't feel very human right now."

"Well that's because you're covered in blue slime, that
smells really strange," Winston said smiling.

"Thanks Winston," Winston smiled and helped Ray up to his
feet.

"You're safe Ray, really you are," Winston spoke.

"I know, it just may take a couple days to remember that."

Peter smiled as he sat down beside Ray, the younger man
smiling excitedly with the remote in his hand. Winston walked over
bringing the pop corn, Egon with light beers.

"This is a great movie, you guys will love it!" Ray said
smiling.

"What's it called again?" Asked Egon as he reached for the
box, Winston sitting beside Ray. Egon chuckled and seated himself
between the thin area of room between the couch arm, and Winston.
All four squeezed onto the couch.

"Back to the Future, staring Michael J. Fox," Ray said
smiling.

"Sounds good to me," Peter said smiling as he opened his
beer.

"To love," Winston said holding up his can.

"To teamwork," Peter responded placing his up as well.

"Friendship," Egon said. Ray smiled and rose his.

"To family," they smiled.

"Cheers," clinking their cans together they took a sip and
watched the movie start as Michael J. Fox blew the amplifier up. Ray
looked at his three best friends, his family and smiled as he sat
back against Peter's shoulder and sighed.