Disclaimer: All the characters used in this story are property of J.R.R. Tolkien unless otherwise stated. In other words, no own, no sue. Thank you.

Author's Note: Hi, Odeena here! Sorry it took me so long to finish this chapter... I'm in Italy right now, and I'm typing from a computer that is three times slower than Saruman when he holds a speech :) Please excuse any typos & mistakes
((Pyro in background I FIXEDED THEM!!! giggle)). Huggies!

Key: Underlined = Pyro, Italics = Odeena

Review responses:

Linari Tanis: ...err... thanks...? Pyro: LMAO!! I made her read it, Odeena...thanks Lin!

Crystalline4: Well, as far as I'm concerned, you can be in the interlude for sure! I have to ask Pyro about it, too, though... Thanks for reviewing! Pyro: I think it's a great idea!! Haldir, eh? Hm...I think I can arrange that...wicked grin What would you like to be known as in the fic? Crystalline? Crystal? Crys? Let us know ASAP! And I'm thinking of putting you in my Enlgish Class in the next chapter (SPOILER!!!), if that's alright with you. Hope you like this chapter!

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A Series of Drunken Events

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Chapter 2: Haldir saves the day...

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(Odeena's POV)

I could tell that Legolas was getting fairly annoyed. How? Simple. First, the tips of his ears were unnaturally red. Second, he was muttering stuff in both English and Elvish that would have made a sailor blush. And third, he was shooting deadly glares at me whenever he thought I wasn't looking.

"Don't think I didn't hear that, elf," I said in Elvish as he hissed a particularly vicious insult. "Do you want a romance fic with Bugs Bunny?"

"...no."

"Do you want to get whacked over the head with a frying pan?"

"No."

"Do you want to sit in a fair and have fangirls kill you for a quarter?"

He glared at me, "Don't push it."

"Then quit muttering and make yourself useful, those whatever-we're- supposed-to-do won't cook themselves."

"Fine..."

Just then, Haldir popped in, and before anyone could stop him he took a handful of nuts from a plate and rushed off. Well, nobody would do that in my kitchen! I rushed and caught his wrist just as he was about to close the door... and as a result, my own hand got caught between the door and the frame.

"Ow!" I yelled, so loud that Legolas dropped the cup he was holding and covered his ultra-sensitive Elven ears, while Pyro rushed in (nearly knocking me over) and asked what the heck was going on.

"Haldir, you—" I stopped just in time, remembering that there were other people around me as well. "Get in the kitchen," I said instead.

"But—"

"Now."

Haldir did as told, muttering all the way. 'Great', I thought. 'Here's another of those muttering elves. Seems to be a trend...'

"Pyro," I said aloud, "what else do we have besides grain?" Pyro bit her lip thoughtfully.

"Not much," she answered. "Just a few vegetables..."

"Merry ate those," Haldir cut in. "...right. Then we've got nothing else."

"I have an idea," I said. "Haldir, you go in town and buy whatever you can find."

"But—" Haldir began.

"Take Pyro's car," I went on, ignoring him, "and Aragorn's credit card."

"No way!" Pyro shouted. "I'm not handing my car to him! He doesn't even have a licence! And I don't have an insurance!"

"...and I can't drive," Haldir added.

"So, find someone who does and ask him to take you." I saw Boromir getting by and I said, "Someone like him."

"Hell no! I'm not giving my car to—"

"Pyro, be reasonable," I sighed. "Pretty, pretty, pretty please...?"

Oh yes, my little 'I-beg-you' act. Pyro fell for it immediately. She sighed and handed the keys over to Haldir.

"If you do as much as scratch it, I'll shave your head, dress you in my mother's bathrobe and hang you from Minas Ithil," she warned him. Then, she strode off.

Boromir turned out to be more than happy to assist, and he half dragged Haldir out of the room. As for me, I winked to Pyro and returned to the kitchen, where Legolas was busying himself with a plate of oysters. I turned on the TV and switched to MTV.

"I hate that music," Legolas complained.

"Really...?" I asked, as innocently as I could.

"Yes."

"How can you hate Evanescence?"

"Just like that."

"Fine, elf." I turned up the volume, took a spoon and jumped on the table. Then, I began to make a very realistic Amy Lee imitation. I have to admit that, deep down, I felt a little sorry for the elf. I hoped that Haldir would come back soon – otherwise, I feared that Legolas was going to crack...

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Alright, what do you think? Review, por favor! And do forget to request which characters you would like to meet!! Ciao!

-AP and Odeena