E-mail: Spikesluv666@netscape.net

Title: Untitled

Spoilers: all four HP books, Buffy up to the end of season six, and my three fanfics Twins of Peace books one, two, and 'two and a half'.

Category: General, Supernatural, Action/Adventure, and Romance

Rating: PG-13

Disclaimer: One, two, three, four

                  Disclaimers are such a bore

                  Five, six, seven, eight

                  I don't own 'em so don't litigate

Summary- Chapter One:

Authors Note: Yes people I swear it, Joss Whedon is really Spike writing about Buffy's life. All those pictures and clips of Joss…it's a puppet! A puppet I tell you! Muwhahahaha! ::gets carted off by the people in white jackets::

Chapter One:

My birth mother worked for Angel Investigations. She used to drop me off of in the nursery every morning then come back and get me at night. Note the past tense. She died on the job one night and never came back. My father was already dead. When the head sitter found out my mum wouldn't be coming back she took me home with her, and that's where I stayed.

I can't say that the Summers/Winthrop household is the most normal place for a person to grow up, but at least the weirdness is spread evenly. Mum's a full time sitter in a nursery and a part time vampire slayer. Dad's a vampire (with a soul a might add) who writes books about mum's earlier adventures under the pseudonym Joss Whedon. My brother's are twin vampires four years older than me who attend school in New York. My sister isn't a vampire, but she's abnormally strong which everyone assumes she got from mum. Then of course there's my very large extended family that consists of people are related to my family by blood and those who aren't. To make a long story short there are witches, wizards, werewolves, psychics, a Key that opens hells gates, and more vampires scattered all along the family tree. No one quite falls under the definition of normal.

And where do I fit in? Well I'm not exactly human either. I can look it by using my personal glamour, but if you saw me with out it you'd immediately know the truth. With glamour I have short brown hair, green eyes, and I'm five foot six. I don't really stick out in a crowd and that's the way I like it. When my glamour drops it's a different story, especially since we live over a hellmouth. Naturally my brown hair has streaks of dark moss green; if this were the only thing different I wouldn't be using my glamour as often. I'd pass it off as hair dye, but my ears and eyes are too different to pass of as anything. My pointed ears are easily visible because of the length of my hair and they don't make contacts the color purple that my eyes are. Reasons for my appearance? My father was an elf and my mother was a shifter.

As result of my mixed heritage there's a truckload of magic running through my system. The easiest to control are the glamour and my shifting abilities. They're quite similar, which makes it easy for me. Elfin earth magic and healing have given me problems since I turned nine. Things tend to happen sporadically, plants grow and wilt depending on my moods, soil dries up at times when I touch it, animals are attracted to me, and during a screaming match with my brothers there was a nice sized earth quake. Though we still aren't sure if that was only a coincidence.

When I was twelve my parents and my Aunt Willow (who isn't really my aunt) had a talk with the former Headmaster of Hogwarts in England. He gave them the names of three witches, Piper, Phoebe, and Paige Halliwell who would be able to help me. Mum didn't want me going anywhere just yet so it was three years before I went to live in San Francisco. That's where I am now, at Halliwell Manor…

"You're turning that in?" Lydia Gunn spoke in one of her more sarcastic tones and looked up from the sheets of loose leaf in her hands. "Mrs. Parker'll have you committed."

I shrugged and grabbed the paper from her. "Well it's true."

"Jonah, hun, this doesn't exist…remember?" She placed her hand over one of the stuffed bears that populated her room and laughed as it stood up and did the Macarena. "If I can make mine normal, then so can you."

"You are normal."

"My mother is physics super genius who was a slave in another dimension, my father is a vampire hunter, my sister is a math genius and a vampire hunter, and I'm a witch. It might be normal by your standards, but for your average Joe my life packs quite a punch." Lydia finished with a smug smile. There was no way I was going to keep arguing with Lydia. She would just talk, and talk, and talk, and she would never run out of energy. Instead I dug around in my folder and pulled out another essay. The one filled with lies that I planned to turn in. My friend looked it over and nodded appreciatively. "No mentions of vampires, elves, witches, yet still well written and won't get you committed. I applaud you."

"Thanks," I said dryly.

Lydia's completely her mother's daughter, and she wasn't bragging when she said her mum's a super genius. Lydia's teachers adore her, and she's on track to graduate with me next year though she's a year younger. She wanted to graduate her sophomore year but her old school didn't allow it. The school here is flexible enough for Lydia to do whatever she wants. On top of graduating a year early she's also intensely studying witchcraft.

"It's six o' clock, do you want to go over to P3?" Lydia asked.

"We've had this discussion. You're fifteen, you don't belong in P3 even though Piper does own it."

"The Bronze?"

"Sure if you can get Floo powder in San Francisco. We're out." I said with a sigh. California had one Diagon Alley like shopping place for witches and wizards and it was in Berkley.

Lydia sighed as well and chewed her lower lip. She looked over to her desk where her laptop sat open. The page drawn up was a spreadsheet; most likely another company whose fund Lydia had wormed her way into. "Forman's Life Insurance has been charging their customers twenty dollars a month more than they're supposed to. I think they made an extra thirty thousand this month, wait a sec," She scurried over to the screen and double-checked her info. "Yeah, thirty thousand. They're transferring money from Fleet Bank to US Trust at around seven. Armored car, security guards, guns, the whole nine yards."  

"What time is it now?" I asked.

"Six." Lydia turned from the screen pushing her brown hair from her face revealing a wide grin. "Y'know Cole and Leo are downstairs, and you're still banned from driving."

The not being able to drive part would be a problem, but we could work around it. Cole and Leo would be a much bigger problem. "We might be able to get them; they don't always know when we're lying." Having them around was sort of like having two lie detectors. Unless you were really good you couldn't get away with anything in this house. Luckily Lydia and I were good. It came from four long years of practice and punishment.

"Phoebe's in the kitchen."

"We go out the front door then." I said.

The girl glared and huffed. "And what Jonah, are we going to walk the twelve blocks? We'll completely miss the money if we do that. We're gonna have to steal the car."

"You only suggest that because you weren't grounded for six months the last time we tried that 'bright idea'." Those had been some of the worst months of my life. The monotony of going to school and coming straight home was not something I was willing to face again. Actually I shouldn't say that because I'm wiling to face grounding, just never again in that length. "We'll go through backyards. I'll go as a tiger, you ride on my back."

"And the bruises to my pelvic area continue." She laughed.

"Hey if you want to steal the car that's fine with me, but I'll be here in my room not facing grand theft auto charges." I stood up went to the door and leaned against the frame. "So?"

Lydia stuck her tongue out at me. "We'll do it your way. How much is our take going to be?"

"We take what they stole, so thirty thousand. That's ten bags or five cases." Kind of sad to think that I could convert money into bags right off the top of my head, but in our 'occupation' it was necessary.

Lydia wants to be in the 2024 Olympics for archery. I want to be a supernatural investigative journalist. What the two of us do could probably prevent us from doing anything anywhere. Our rap sheets are probably miles long. Or they would be, if were ever caught. I know I sound incredibly smug but I think I have a right to be. Lydia and I have been stealing from large corporations for four years and we still haven't been caught.

By now you've probably deduced that Lydia and I are juvenile delinquents and have fetishes for robbing banks and corporations. Ok, so we do rob banks and corporations, but it's not like we keep the stuff we steal. Think of us as the Robin Hoods of the 21st century. We steal from the companies that steal from their consumers or employees and give the stolen money to people who actually need it.

Our system is simple. Lydia hacks into various companies' computers, steals their financial records, and goes over them with a fine-toothed comb. If she finds anything that seems off I investigate some more. Then eventually it comes down to afternoons like this when we have our target and we sit around making last minute plans.    

And where are our parents when this is going on? Lydia's are in LA and mine are in Sunnydale. Don't worry they make full use of telephone service to yell at us. Mum even had Aunt Willow make a Howler once. That wasn't fun.

Our guardians on the other hand are here with us in San Francisco and that proves for some nasty situations. Phoebe and Piper do not approve of our after school activities. They don't have a problem with the hacking or exposing of company scandals, or even the stealing. It's the overt use of our powers that bothers them. Piper's husband Leo is of course right there, supporting them the whole way. Cole and Paige are a different story. Cole's a lawyer so naturally he'd be opposed to the hacking and stealing, the use of powers doesn't bother him as much seeing as he uses his demonic ones all the time as do his children (when Phoebe is far, far away). He joins in on the lectures against our bad behavior but I always see him trying to hide grins. Something in him completely approves. Paige, being the social worker and patron of justice that she is, encourages us in our exploits. I love Paige. 

"Bring the crossbow," I cautioned, reading the computer screen. "Seems like they've finally decided to try and protect themselves against us. The guards will be wearing that new metal stuff."

"Sweet, retaliation!" Lydia said in a singsong voice as she grabbed the crossbow from where she kept it hidden under her bed. "Since they're retaliating can I dress up so I can scare them?"

Mature as she was, Lydia could still revert backwards. "Yes but hurry, and if you're going as Robin bring the bow and arrow not the crossbow, and bring mine." I answered her and turned my back so that she could change. When I turned back around two minutes later she was dressed in green tights along with a long brown shirt and a dagger in a leather sheath that knotted around her waist. Another thing about Lydia, she really liked to over do it at times. Though I had to admit seeing Lydia as Robin Hood would startle the guards.

"I have a cover story for us, follow my lead." She looked back at the clock wall. "Shit, it's 6:30!"

We hurried out of her room and down the stairs together. As she'd said Cole and Leo were in the parlor and Phoebe had joined them from the kitchen. If we'd known that before we probably would've made a quieter descent in attempt to sneak past them and into the kitchen, but when we came storming down the stairs all three adults turned to look at us. Leo saw Lydia, sighed, and slapped his forehead.

"Why do I have the feeling no good can come from this?" He asked rhetorically.

Lydia smiled serenely and gave a small laugh. "Oh c'mon Uncle Leo! We're not doing that! Jonah's taking me to Rissa's Halloween party. It's the first one of the season! Anyway, Jonah doesn't trust Rissa's older brother so I said he could drop me off to check it out first. All my friends think he's hot anyway so he might stay, right Jonah?"

"Yeah, remember Lydia got sloshed at Rissa's summer party because of John, so I'm just going to look around." I said completely Lydia's lie. Luckily Rissa really was having a party that night and we could stop there on our way back to avoid a lot of trouble. When lying it's always best to stick to the truth as much as possible.

Phoebe crossed her arms. "I thought we told you not to go back to her parties."

"Phoebe!" Lydia said with just a hint of a whine. "Rissa's my best friend. She'll be really upset if I-"

"Home by ten." Cole said, cutting her off before she went into full swing. "No drinking, no drugs, no kissing, no sex."

"Scouts honor." She held up two fingers and smiled. "Thanks Cole! Let's go Jonah."

"Oh and don't for get the number one rule!" Leo called at our backs. "No vigilanteism!"

I grinned. Of course Lydia and I would be perfect angels. Foreman Insurance would just happen to have a different opinion.

*~*

Around six forty five that night a tiger with a girl dressed as Robin Hood on it's back could be seen leaping through various back yards for eleven blocks. The eleventh block had a busy intersection where the tiger and the girl caused quite a stir amid the rusher hour traffic. They passed through relatively peacefully over to the next block where they trotted down the street and stopped, backing into the shadows of an apartment building.

Lydia slid gracefully off my back and moved further into the shadows as I changed back from tiger to man. Then I dropped my primary glamour so I'd look elfin. The only glamour I kept distorted my facial features and Lydia's as long as she stayed close enough. I also changed my clothes to appear as those of a foresters.

"Ready?" She giggled and touched my ears. "Y'know you look like a Lord of the Rings reject extra."

"And you look like you stepped out of twelfth century England, so we're even." I said and nocked an arrow onto my bow. "I always feel we're cheating by using enchanted arrows."

"Arrows against guns," Lydia pretended to balance it in her hands. "Yes, we're cheating ever so much. Now shut up, here comes the money."

"Aim for the chest, not the heart. Ribs." I directed. We both aimed for a guard and let our arrows fly. The driver of the truck jumped in his seat as my arrow hit him. Like most he went into shock and slumped over on the steering wheel. His head hit the horn and loud blast sounded alerting the other guards. Lydia's target was hit but he was able to call out the name 'Robin' before he fell. That said all the guards started to panic. We've successfully made the name Robin a curse in most banks, companies, and precincts.

I shot two more arrows, as did Lydia. Only three guards collapsed, but that was all right because two of them had been holding bags of money. The other had been standing by the back opening of the trunk where the rest of the money was. The few remaining guards drew guns and tazers, but they had no one to shoot or stun.

Lydia dropped her bow signifying that she was ready to gather the bags. "What's your largest animal form?"

"I do cats and canines, I've told you this how many times?" My power is limited to the two species for reasons that I don't know. But I have access to a wolf and to a lion and tiger, and that's really all I need so it suits me fine.

"Hey I can pray. How many of those can a tiger carry in it's mouth?"

"Five."

"Let's go!" With a devil may care grin she sprinted into the thick of the dropped bodies. The remaining guards rushed her, but she dodged easily knocking a few more off their feet. Sticking two fingers in her mouth she let out a shrill whistle to signal me. It was most for show and shock factor but I had to admit that I enjoyed it. Like the good tiger I was I trotted out to her and gathered the remaining bags in my mouth. Lydia swung onto my back with two bags in each hand and one in her mouth.

"Haul ass!" Lydia shouted when we heard the telltale sound of bullets. She's never gotten used to the sound of guns, and has had the pleasure of a flesh wound. So generally when the guns start firing she's ready to leave as quickly as possible. I ran past our previous hiding spot, pausing to allow her enough time to pick up the bows then we left the way we came.

We'd gone four blocks when I stopped running at full speed. Not only was the tiger not built for long distance running, but also it seemed that we didn't really need to. Usually when we make an escape it's like seeing OJ Simpson being chased down the highway, but instead of a white SUV with five police cars chasing behind it it's a orange and black tiger with an insane girl on his back. Lydia and I always get away because of my glamour and her protection spells. But now as I listened and looked behind us I didn't notice any sign of pursuit.

"Jonah?" Lydia dismounted in the alley where I'd stopped. The bags of money fell from her arms when she came around to talk to me. I dropped mine too. "Why'd we stop?"

I growled and nosed one of the bags. It smelled different and when I bit it and jerked it open I discovered why.

"Oh my God, Jonah! This isn't money!" She said, her face scrunching up in anger. She picked up the dried brownish green stuff that had fallen from the bag and sniffed it. "This is hemlock." Lydia had never had cause to use the dagger at her waist before, but now she unsheathed it and unceremoniously cut open the other bags.

"Hemlock, juniper, aconite… I don't think this is good. Yuck! Nasty gooey stuff!" She shook off her hand in the air and rubbed the rest of the brown gook on her tunic. "It smells like frog. There are more herbs too. I don't know what they are though. And this bag is filled with…oh bracelet charms. Pentacles, daggers, and skulls. Lovely mix." Each small silver charm glinted with captured sunlight. Lydia began to stuff the various materials back into their respective bags. That done she bound them as best she could and pulled them up onto my back. I didn't know exactly what she was planning but I picked up my five bags.

Lydia buried her head in my fur and groaned. "I don't think this is good. I mean a company transporting all this in moneybags? It sounds like something Wolfram and Hart would do. We need to tell them at home." I nodded in agreement. "Phoebe and Leo are going to be so mad. I think we've uncovered our biggest company scandal yet. Let's take the backyards home, okay?"

*~*

Paige was dressed in a black skirt topped with a blue blouse when she met us at the door, meaning she had just gotten back from the office. Her bag was even on the steps leading to the backdoor. I couldn't tell her exact mood; she didn't look angry with us, but she didn't look ecstatic either. Phoebe and Cole's youngest son stuck his head out from behind Paige's skirt and pointed at Lydia (who was still perched on my back).

"You're on TV Auntie Lydia!" Patrick said, giggling then sticking his thumb back into his mouth. He looked at me and back to Paige. "Lion?"

"Tiger honey, but close. It's really Jonah though." Paige scooped the four year old into her arms. "He's right you two, right in the middle Jeopardy. They did their special news report live from the Fleet Bank, and their reporting that thirty thousand dollars was stolen."

Lydia snorted sarcastically and climbed down from my back with her bags of supposed money. I dropped the bags from my mouth and shifted back to human. Lydia had already dropped our bows on the ground and was proceeding in dumping the contents from the bags to the concrete path. Patrick squirmed from Paige's arms when she bent down to examine what Lydia was pouring out and I grabbed him before he could stuff anything into his mouth as he was prone to do.

"I wish we'd taken the other bags." I said. "There might've been something that would've told us something."

Paige sniffed an herb. "No need. I think someone knows that you're not doing all this Robin Hood stuff by normal means. The police have your arrows, and a guard claims to have seen 'a reject from Lord of the Rings'."

"Told you so!" Lydia exclaimed, and then became serious again. "How can they possibly have our arrows? They're magic, they disappear, like…poof! And no one should've seen Jonah, we have glamour and memory charms."

"You counter magic with magic." Paige answered. "I think it's obvious that Foreman Insurance isn't anything normal."

I rolled my eyes. "Well yeah, just this could tell us that. But what are they doing, if anything? For all we know they just wanted to catch us."

"But we're never that lucky." Paige placed the contents back into the bags. "People always want to kill, maim, dismember, that sort of lovely thing. C'mon Piper and Phoebe will be waiting to chew you out."

Patrick nodded sagely in agreement. "Mommy is very worried. Daddy told Mommy not to have a…her-ni-a, hernia. What's a hernia?"

Paige laughed and told him that she'd tell him later. The three of us grabbed bags and hauled them into the house tracking mud through threw kitchen as we went. That would be another thing for Piper to yell at us for. Sure enough the whole family was sitting in the living room, and I mean the whole family. This meant the adults, Piper, Leo, Phoebe, and Cole and then the kids. Melinda, Nick, and Allison (Piper and Leo's daughters and son) and James, Sarah, and Emma who were Patrick's brothers and sisters. Lydia and I are the only kids outside the family that live here, which makes our numbers more than enough. Nine kids and five adults; sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't.

Leo and Cole stood up together when Lydia and I came in, hauling out goods behind us. Emma and Sarah started going 'Oooh, they're in trouble' (they're nine and ten so I forgive them for their immaturity) and Melinda just shook her head and clucked her tongue in disappointing tones (she really needs to loosen up; the way she acts you'd think that at her tender age of fifteen the world rested on her shoulders).

"Are the little delinquents in?" I jumped when I heard mum's voice. It came from the phone, which was on speaker. I wished it could've been Dad. Mum doesn't know the meaning of the word calm, she'd rant and rave until dad physically pried the phone from her fingers then he'd speak, and surprisingly he was much calmer about it. He was sort of like Cole.

While I preferred my father on the phone during these talks Lydia preferred her mother. Her father was like my mother but with out the super strength. Her mum was usually calm, (unless she'd had a major intake of caffeine) and thought things through before saying them. When Lydia heard her mum's voice come through the second phone line she let out a sigh of major relief. Then her mum's voice turned out to be the answering machine, and she was even happier. Then Angel picked up. Lydia's smile turned into a frown very quickly.

"Wow you brought the money home for once!" James yelled excitedly. The fourteen year old helped us occasionally in our exploits (using his demonic powers), but was always upset that we gave the money to charities and other such organizations, never keeping any for ourselves

"They did what?! " Mum and Angel yelled at the same time. Thank you James. In the background of one of the phone lines I hear my dad yelling as something crashed. The fight had begun.

"We didn't," I appealed to my parents and the rest of the room. "Look, it's just a whole bunch of Hemlock and stuff. That's why we brought it home."

Lydia was quick to join in. "That's not a normal company! Angel, think Wolfram and Hart. They were able to keep our arrows from disappearing and they saw Jonah!"

"Have you spoken to Daryl?" Phoebe asked Piper.

"There's nothing we could ask him to do other than destroy the arrows, and it wouldn't be fair to ask him to do that. Not that he would in the first place. Besides, we're lucky; no one actually saw Lydia or Jonah. Just and elf, a tiger, and a strange unremarkable girl in weird clothing." Paige said first. "They were trying to do some good. The evidence showed that the company was cheating people out of money." She had obviously been up to Lydia's laptop.

"What happens one day when they get caught?" asked mum.

"We won't!" Lydia said forcefully.

"No you won't." said Angel. "Because the Robin Hood stuff is stopping now."

"But…this, we can't just let this company get away with out investigation!" I sputtered.

Piper stepped forward. "Yes you can. Bows, arrows, and quivers now!"

"Oh give me a break! Look at this! Something serious could be happening!" Paige said. Her eyes swept the room for support and met Cole's. "Cole, please! You do not agree with this!"

Cole met her gaze, "I don't." He said in a clipped tone. "But the decisions have already been made."

"What decisions?" I asked, sensing that we were in for more than having our weapons taken. "Mum, dad?"

"No!" Paige said as if just realizing something. She rubbed the bridge of her nose and swept a piece of her hair behind her hair, signs she was nervous or exasperated. "I know Jonah's learned almost all of what he needs, but what about Lydia? And…school, what about school?"

As I tried to process the information quickly, I heard my dad come to the phone. "Jonah your mum and I talked with each other, and Lydia's parents talked too and Peaches. We don't think San Francisco is working."

Lydia's eyes opened wide. "We have to come home? I'm not ready to go back to the Hyperion yet!"

"Not home. Your aunt and uncle."

"Aunt Hermione and Uncle Adrian?" Lydia ventured careful.

"Right," dad drawled. "Living in the lap of luxury in that mansion would be a bloody wonderful punishment, and with LA right next door eh? You're going to your other aunt."

I groaned. We had many aunts, but only one we'd be sent to for a punishment. Not Candra, Cordy, Willow, or Anya. No, we'd be sent to the middle of nowhere. "Piper and Draco?"

"You leave in a week." Angel said. "You won't be able to rob banks, have stories on the news, you'll be safe and out of trouble."

"They live in the middle of the goddamned woods, in Minnesota!" Lydia yelled, her pale brown face turning red. "Angel, Spike you can't be serious! Where am I supposed to go to school, to have fun, to finish learning witchcraft? Mom and dad did not agree to this!"

I just stood there trying not to believe what I was hearing. We were being sent to Draco and Piper Malfoy and their hell-spawn children. I didn't see why we couldn't go to Adrian and Hermione. We'd be living the same way, that's for sure. Draco's family was one of the Bill Gates' of the wizarding world, and Piper and Adrian both had a substantial trust fund in Gringots left to them by their mother. Of the reason we were going to the middle of the woods was because there we couldn't do anything. Visiting was fine, you knew you'd be able to leave, but living there? Parish the thought.

"We told you three to stop." Phoebe said, her face softening just slightly, but her eyes gliding over to James. James edged backward in his seat like he knew, as I did, what was coming next. "But you kept at it, and this is the consequence. Don't look so surprised James, you're part of this too. I remember one bank a few months ago that burned to the ground. That's what tipped us off."

"Wait a sec…" James held up a hand. "I'm going too?" All the adults nodded.

"Good," I said sourly. "If we have to go down, we're taking everyone with us."

Paige crossed her arms. "How long?"

"Until August, just one school year." Piper said. "Then they can come back here. I'm sure they can handle it."

"School, magic and conventional?" Paige asked. She was on her way into full social worker mode.

"The town is small, but there's a middle school for James and high school for Lydia and Jonah. As for magic, Lydia will be taught by Willow on weekends and Jonah by the healers."

My Aunt Leandra (who also isn't my real aunt), Piper's namesake, was a very gifted healer. While Piper and Hermione were at Hogwarts she trained them in healing in a class started to produce students to help in Voldemort's downfall. Hermione and Piper hadn't participated in the actual defeat of Lord Voldemort, but the teaching hadn't been wasted. When they left Hogwarts they both pursued careers in healing. Hermione works as a part time doctor's aid at an L.A hospital, and when she's not there she works with Buffy at Angel's nursery as a nurse for the kids.

Everyone had expected Piper to become an auror like Harry Potter, or something that held that kind of excitement and adventure. Mum and Willow say that she thought about it for a while, but the day after graduation Draco had proposed and three weeks later she'd discovered that she was pregnant. Being an auror or an unspeakable was out of the question. On top of all that, facts about Draco's father and mother's involvement with Voldemort were slowing surfacing (they currently reside in Azkaban). They planned to move to California or New York after the wedding and live off of their combined inheritances until they figured out exactly what to do. The couple worked with Angel Investigations for a while, but Piper figured out what she really wanted right after she had their first son Lucien. The family picked up and moved to Minnesota where Piper opened The Livia Black Center of Healing.

Piper's 'hospice' as she calls it, is a place where witches, wizards, demons, and all other supernatural creatures can go for medical care or in special cases asylum. There're some permanent residents and some temporary. Leandra works there on occasion as well as Hermione. I think of Piper as sort of the Professor Xavier of the paranormal with all the people she takes in and help she gives out. Draco I always relate to Indiana Jones. He deals in magical antiquities, often having to go to distant places to retrieve what he wants.

The hospice its self is in the middle of the woods and looks mostly like any normal hospital, it's inside where you'll find the weirdness. Piper and Draco's house (or mansion I should say) is right next to it. They live there with their three sons and four or five people who've stayed on with them after leaving the hospice care. The nearest town is about thirty minutes away and has a population of five hundred at the most. They don't have enough kids to warrant a school so everyone attends the schools in the next town over.

"What did I ever do? Nothing!" James was yelling.

Piper and Phoebe stared at him incredulously. "You single handedly burned down a building. That to me is doing something. Then there're the random fires that seem to pop up every once in a while at the sights Lydia and Jonah rob. It's nice they tried to keep you out of trouble, but you're the only person I know that can start fires with his hands."

"Look," said Leo. "If it'll make you feel better we'll look into this when you leave." He indicated the bags on the floor. "But only after you leave."

"Which is 18th by the way." Piper added in.

"Gee, nice to know we were appreciated around here." Lydia said bitterly. This comment set off a whole slew of people talking at once. Lydia was arguing with Piper, Paige was arguing with Leo, James was arguing with Phoebe, and so forth and so forth. Cole, who looked almost indifferent, managed to catch my eye from across the room. He started moving towards the kitchen, motioning for me to follow him. Patrick wouldn't let go of my hand so I went with him into the kitchen. The rest of them didn't notice. They were too busy shouting at each other.

"You do realize why this is happening?" Were Cole's first words to me.

I glared fiercely. "Yeah, our parents are gits."

"No," he said. "It's actually because we want you to survive past your present ages. That and we'd rather you leave investigations of various evils to us. Your parents have been thinking about this for a long time. They decided as soon as you dug up anything dealing with the occult in any of these corporations they were sending you out of here."

"So they've just been waiting for this?"

"In a way. We don't want you doing what we do."

"May I point out that my mum was slaying demons at fifteen. I'm seventeen, Lydia's sixteen, James is…well ok he's young, but we never asked him to help us. He was bored one day." I explained, trying not to sound to whiny, or to start shouting. The fight in the parlor was escalating enough without us adding to it.

Cole rolled his eyes. "James gets bored too easily, that's another reason he's going. It's only a year Jonah. A year where the three of you will stay out of trouble; then you'll come back and I'm sure you'll just start everything again. You'll have something to look forward to."

"I still don't see why we have to stay with Piper an Draco. They're nice and all but their little kids are from hell, and they're in the middle of the woods. Couldn't we stay with Candra and Oz or Dawn and Harry?"

"No. Candra and Oz live in Sunnydale, there's no punishment element there. You can't stay with Harry and Dawn because they live in London. No punishment there either. And none of them have kids that'll drive you insane the whole time you're there." He grinned almost evilly. "Now, you're not getting out of it, so get used to the idea. You leave on the eighteenth and the plane takes off at 12:45 PM. You three will be on it."

When he started talking planes I gave him an odd look. "A plane? We can't even Floo?"

"With Floo powder you'd have to stop at the Floo station in Las Vegas and switch fire places. Lydia might get it into her mind to try to convince you to follow her to Malaysia or some other obscure country. You're going to fly, because unless you jump there's no way you're getting off it until it lands in Minnesota."