HERE

Rating: PG

Category: Drama, Angst

Season: any Spoilers: Slight ref. to Forever In a Day
Pairing: Jack/other

Summary: For Jack to have gained so much, will it all be shattered by an assassination attempt?
Notes: Thanks to Beta Bonnie for hard work and good grammar!

HERE

The medicinal bitter smell assaulted the nostrils. That was what had always bothered Daniel Jackson most about any medical unit or hospital. That, and the fact that usually when he had to deal with the smell, it was because he, or someone he cared about, was injured. That's what the smell meant to him: hurt, pain, ultimately, death.
And he had spent too much time watching people he cared about suffer while that smell burned the inside of his nasal passages. This time was no different. For Teal'c, foreign smells were nothing new. The whole Tau'ri planet was full of distinct foreignness to him. He was not extraordinarily uncomfortable inside the medical unit. He'd spent much time there. Some of it due to his injuries, some due to those of his teammates. The smell did not bother him. The closeness of possible death did not bother him. He knew that death, like life, was only a transition into something else. But the machinery of the hospital setting was what bothered him most. He knew the complicated intricate machines were all that stood between a life and a death sometimes, but he preferred the quiet solemnity of one's own space. Were he to be injured, much like a primitive, he would prefer to retreat to his own domicile. He would either recover, or die a peaceful death. No machinery, with it's constant beeping, whooshing, or mechanical whirring would disturb the descent into the transformation. Samantha Carter had always been comfortable in the infirmary, but she disliked hospitals. She knew how the machinery worked; she knew what combination of cleaners and disinfectant caused the smells; she was confident in the ability of the medical providers. She frequently visited her friend Janet Frasier, the CMO, in the infirmary. When someone she cared about was injured, she could think of no more comforting place. This was where they would be cared for with high tech skill and the lowest of all technology- human compassion. But it did bother her to spend time here when the reason for it was so glum.

Dr Janet Fraiser felt as welcome in her medical unit as she did at home. She was confident in it's cleanliness. She was steadfast in its ability to house and help treat any medical problem that was brought here. She knew she could lay her hands on anything she needed, even if blindfolded. She knew the secret places- closets, drawers and cabinets- and what secrets they held. This was truly her second home. But home or no, she knew that when someone she cared about was brought in pain into her care, she would use every resource available to help them. Perhaps that's why she felt so frustrated when she was out of options. When she could do mo more than be a spectator on the grim fate dealt upon a body by a hand more powerful than her own.

"You can't do this to me," came the quiet whisper from the bedside.
In the infirmary were two forms. One of Colonel Jack O'Neill. One of his wife, Nicole O'Neill. Only this time, the one in the hospital bed was not the war torn Colonel. It was his wife of only two months. The mother of his child, who was just four months old. Her eyes were closed, as if in repose. Her body was covered up to the chest by the white sheet. Bandages covered much of the chest. Tubes and wires from various monitors and IV's ran to and from her.

The lone figure beside the bed was that of Jack O'Neill. His stoic face gave betrayed his emotion. His composure had been lost long ago. When he felt the woman he loved slipping away.

How could it be just yesterday Nicki, so robust and alive, had kissed him with lips of fire that gave promise of so much more? Wasn't it he who had carried her into his bedroom where they had made long sweet passionate love? What more sign was there of life? He knew how her skin felt under his hands. She knew how he tasted under her lips. And now he knew how her blood felt slowly spilling into his hands.

.....
The morning had dawned cold in the early spring, before the thaw. The sky had been gray and overcast, but almost too cold to snow. Jack O'Neill had begun the day the same as many others before it. He'd risen early, showered and dressed in fatigue pants and a black long sleeved tee shirt. Over that he'd donned his fatigue jacket with O'NEILL stitched in black over his left breast pocket. He'd topped it off with his Air Force cap. That was always a safe bet when he knew he was in need of a haircut.

He had poured coffee into a travel cup, locked up the house, and started up his big black Ford truck, letting the engine idle to warm up for a few minutes before pulling out of his drive way. Nicki was still inside, getting ready for her first week back to work since the birth of Charlotte Jacquelyn O'Neill four months ago. She was having some serious anxiety about leaving the baby for the first time. But Jack, though he didn't want to admit it, had the same anxiety every time he left home. He would have liked nothing more than to stay there and play with his newborn daughter, who had become the light of his life in the short time since her big blue eyes looked into his teary brown eyes. Oh, Jack had every confidence in their baby sitter. Mrs.Grandy was a wonderful woman with a terrific resume that spanned 15 plus years of childcare. She had come with outstanding recommendations, including one from Janet Fraiser. But still…he supposed there was nothing like the first time you had to leave your child's well being to the hands of someone else.

Jack waited impatiently, drumming his fingers on the steering wheel. Nicki finally dashed out, her black patent regulation heels clicking on the pavement. She wore a blue wool coat over her uniform. At NORAD, she had the option of dressing formally in her blues or more casually in fatigues. This was the first time back to work in her old uniforms, which she proudly fit into easily, even after the baby's birth. But she would come to regret on this day that she had chosen to wear her uniform skirt and blazer.

Nicki got inside the warm truck and kissed Jack.

"Bout time," he greeted.

"Hiya sunshine," she said. "I had to make sure the baby had enough formula and diapers and that Mrs. Grandy had the phone numbers."

"Just like you made sure of all that yesterday?" he asked with a slight grin. He adored her for loving their child like she did.

"Ha ha," she said with some sarcasm.
Jack pulled back onto the road, the crunching of last night's ice under his big tires sounding like glass under heavy boots. "I gotta stop at the diner and get coffee," Nicki told him then, rummaging in her purse for a lip-gloss.
"I got coffee," Jack said.
"I mean good coffee. The kind Sally makes at the café. With French vanilla cream."

Jack rolled his eyes. He hated commuting with Nicki. As much as he loved her, she had her own ways of doing everything.

"And besides, I wanted some of that pecan pie to take in for lunch." "The cafeteria makes pie," he reminded her, knowing it would do no good. Nicki wanted what she wanted and there was no getting out of it. Good thing he didn't have a deadline, or have to be in early for a briefing.
"Not the same," she said.

Jack sighed. She was right. The little café on the way up to Cheyenne Mountain made great coffee. And terrific pie. In fact, they had a great meatloaf and pork chops too. Right about now, steak and eggs sounded good. Damn, now he was hungry.

They pulled into the caf's parking lot. The place was usually filled with staffers on their way to the Mountain. Military presence was mainly what kept the little place in business. This morning, there were few patrons, though. An older couple, a woman and a little girl, Sally, the waitress and Clyde, the cook were all that occupied the clean blue and white diner.

Sally greeted Jack and Nicki, who were frequent visitors, warmly. "Darn cold out there," the seventy-something woman with platinum blond hair piled high on her head remarked as Jack sat at the counter. Nicki set her empty thirty-six ounce to-go coffee cup on the counter.
"It's going to snow," Jack said now, matter of factly.

Sally poured coffee into the cup. "You know Major, between the coffee and the Diet Coke I keep supplying you with, your kidneys are gonna kick your butt one of these days," she warned Nicki with a smile.

Nicki grinned. "I like living dangerously." She poured about half a cup of vanilla cream into the coffee and put the lid on.
"What else for you two this morning?" Sally asked.
"I need some of that pecan pie you do so well for lunch," Nicki told her.
Sally went to get it. "What about you Colonel?" she asked Jack. "Well, since you talked me into it, put another slice of pie in with hers," he said. "You're just to persuasive for me Sally."

Sally smiled and dished out two huge slices of pie into a Styrofoam container. "How's that new baby?" she asked then, being familiar enough with the couple to know all the details of their lives.
"She's wonderful," Nicki beamed.
"Aside from the one and four a.m. feedings," Jack added with good humor.
Nicki was paying for the coffee and pie and saying something to Sally about cooking and the virtues of pie. Jack wasn't listening. He was watching the interaction of the man and woman at the far table.
They were leaning close over the table, talking in hushed voices. The man was dark skinned, maybe mid eastern, but it was hard to tell from so far back. The woman had long black hair and almond shaped eyes; her nationality was perhaps Asian. She seemed to be upset with the man. She kept shaking her head, glancing around, and saying "no." He was very insistent, at one point grabbing her wrist until she finally nodded her head. He didn't know why the couple had attracted his attention, but they had set his radar on alert. "Jack?" Nicki was speaking to him. "Ready?"

Jack nodded, giving the stranger a last look before following Nicki out to the truck.
He would forget about the unusual couple at the restaurant until much later.
"So what's on your agenda your first day back?" Jack asked, sipping coffee as he drove.
"Well, I'm supposed to go with General Hammond and General Bracken to a Homeland Defense Conference in town."

Jack raised an eyebrow. "Wow. That's a lot of brass. How come I wasn't invited?"

"Maybe because you're not in charge of a multi million dollar facility or an ops director whose job it is to educate the military personnel at large about the new programs the Pentagon is implementing?"

Jack sighed. "Damn. My loss." He certainly wasn't disappointed.

They went on to Cheyenne Mountain. Jack dropped Nicki off at her NORAD headquarters' building, before heading to the SGC.
They kissed briefly before he departed. "Have fun," Jack told her. "Yeah right," she cracked.
"And hey, don't call Mrs. Grandy every ten minutes. She'll take good care of CJ."

Nicki gave him a look. It seemed like he had always been able to tell just what she was thinking. "Oh all right."


As it turned out, General Bracken had been called away from the base unexpectedly, so it was just General Hammond and Major Walker-O'Neill who were heading back into town for the conference. The motor pool had sent down a car, per the General's request, along with a staff sergeant to drive them.
Nicki had protested. When there was driving to be done, she much preferred to do it herself.
"Besides, if I rode around in the backseat all the time, I'd feel way too important and my ego would be impossible to stand," she joked.
Hammond relented and with Nicole at the wheel, they set off.
In the car, they made idle chatter, the new baby being among the topics.
"I'll bet she's growing like a weed," Hammond commented with a smile, thinking fondly of the new addition. He'd seen her several weeks ago, but knew how quickly the little ones changed. Why, his own granddaughters were already approaching middle school.
"She is," Nicki agreed. "To tell you the truth, I wasn't sure I was ready to come back, sir."

"It's hard to leave them," Hammond agreed. He remembered his own young children. "At least you get to see yours at the end of the day. I was thousands of miles from mine."

Nicki re called that Hammond had been in Vietnam when his children were young.
"That must have been difficult. I don't think I could bear to be away from CJ like that."

"Those were difficult times Major. Unfortunately, some of our men and women are still dealing with that."

How well Nicole knew. She had friends who were still deployed overseas.

They were half way to Colorado Springs, when Nicole noticed a fast approaching car behind her. She slowed to let it pass, but it did not. Instead it rammed the back of the Concord.
"What the-!" Hammond began, looking back.
Nicole maneuvered the car to keep it from loosing control and immediately hit the gas. This guy wasn't playing. He was already speeding up again to hit them a second time.
Nicki evaded his second hit by swerving into the other lane at the last second before the black car hit theirs again. She floored the Government Issue car and put some distance between the pursuit car and hers.

"What's going on?!" Hammond was incredulous.
Nicki could only shake her head. She had no idea. She was working on adrenaline now. The car was advancing again. But this run, it wasted no time trying to force her off the road. The passenger leaned out the window and fired off a volley of gunfire at the military vehicle.
Hammond ducked down. Nicki swerved as the back window shattered. She kept the car on the road again, trying to think of a way off the straight road where she'd have a better chance to evade their attackers.
Another volley hit the car. This time, the back tire was blown. At the high speeds, not matter how she attempted to compensate, the car jettisoned off the road and was airborne for a few seconds, before rolling several times before coming to rest in a mangled heap at the bottom of the shoulder of the highway. It lay in a cloud of dust, wheels still spinning in the air, as the chase vehicle stopped for a quick look, then surged on down the road.


Jack was the speaker in a class of young pilots when Sergeant Davis rushed into the room. He spoke quietly to O'Neill, whose face paled when he got the news.
"Cadets dismissed," he said hurriedly and left the classroom with Davis.

Hammond and Walker had been taken to the base hospital, the closest to the accident site. Jack arrived, shortly behind Janet Fraiser, who when she'd heard about her CO and the Major, had also hurried to the hospital, in hopes of being some help.

There was little word. Just that Nicole had been taken to surgery and the General was in X Ray.

Finally, Janet made it back to the area where Jack waited. He searched her face with desperate eyes.
"She's bleeding internally. They're working on her now. Dr Ryser is letting me scrub in, so I'll be back as soon as we know anything. Hammond's out of X ray. They're moving him to a room." And then Janet was gone in a flurry of blue scrubs. It was no more than ten minutes when the rest of his team arrived. Sam, Daniel and Teal'c had come straight from the SGC when they'd gotten word. But there was nothing for them to do but wait.

Nicki was in surgery. If they couldn't stop the bleeding and repair the damage…well, no one wanted to think about that.
Jack left the waiting area. He couldn't stand the wait. He couldn't take the sympathetic and well-intentioned looks of his friends. He walked on feet of lead. He didn't see the people that he passed in the halls. He did not hear the voices around him. His legs seemed to have a life of their own, carrying him. He did not care where too.
When he finally realized where he was going, he was already there. He pushed open the heavy carved wood doors.
Inside the chapel, the smell of burning candles and wood polish filled his nostrils. Jack walked inside, the plush dark blue carpet muffling his footfalls. Not that there was anyone inside to hear them. Just Jack, solid wood, a spacious alter, and many votives in blue holders.
Jack took a seat on one of the vacant wooden benches. The wood was cool to the touch. He stared at the flickering candlelight. Jack remembered another church, long ago. He'd been alone then too….

Jack had never cried at the funeral, at the grave, or even with Sara. But he had gone back to the church where hours earlier the service for his son had been held. He'd gone back alone late that night. Drunk.
He recalled falling, stumbling in front of the alter then. Crying. Yelling.
"Why?!" he'd cried out in anguish to the ornate cross above the alter. "Why did you take him instead of me?! What kind of a loving god would take a little boy? I could have died a hundred time over but you took him!" Jack had hit one of the lowest points in his life then. He'd taken a swig from the bottle of Scotch. In a hot flash of anger, he threw the bottle at the front of the church, sending it smashing into the wood.
"I don't need that kind of god!" he yelled. With that, he'd staggered from the church and back into the night….

Jack sighed to himself, remembering that night. He felt he'd made his peace with God sometime ago. He didn't have the anger he'd once bore. He had reached a point of understanding. That had in no way made him a faithful man, but it did let him believe that what had happened to his son was just a horrible accident, not a curse reigned down on him from above.
"So, here I am again," Jack said quietly to no one in particular. "Only this time, I'm not mourning. Not yet," he finished in his mind. Then aloud again, "I'm just turning to the only place I have left to beg for her life." Jack put his head in his hands. He thought of Charlotte, the light of his life. Thinking about her growing up without her mother both hurt and terrified him. "I don't think I can do this without her," he voiced to the empty sanctuary. "I don't want to be alone anymore." Jack closed his eyes and sank back against the bench.

It was much later Jack felt a hand on his shoulder. He opened his eyes, wondering if he'd been asleep, feeling both startled and embarrassed. Then he remembered why he'd been in the chapel.
Daniel looked down at him.
"Anything?" Jack asked. His heart immediately began to beat faster.
Daniel shook his head. "No. Not yet." Jack relaxed a little, slumping somewhat on the bench.
"Mind if I sit?" Daniel asked.
Jack shrugged. He could never express aloud, not even to Daniel, the thoughts he'd been pouring over earlier.
Daniel sat. He was in civvies, tan slacks and a sweater. It was much like what he'd worn in Jack's 'visions' of him when he was ascended. "She's a fighter," Daniel said to Jack, wanting to say something comforting to his friend, but not really knowing the right words. Jack nodded. He knew what Daniel was attempting to do, and he was grateful, but he didn't think any words could do that. At least not unless they were from Dr Fraiser telling him that Nicki was going to be all right. The two men sat there, side by side. They were more than teammates. They were friends. And friends knew how to offer one another comfort in the most difficult of times, even without words. Daniel thought about how Jack had been there for him when he found out about Shar're. He did not want to see Jack, who deserved happiness more than anyone he knew, suffer that way. The pager on Jack's waistband went off.
They both jumped.
Jack glanced at the coded numbers on the screen. "It's Janet!" he leapt up from the bench and hit the chapel doors at a run.
Daniel followed close on his heels.

Jack and Daniel made it back to the waiting area. Janet, still in surgical scrubs was there with Sam. They both looked solemn.
"Well?" Jack demanded. If the news was good or bad, he needed to hear it immediately. "She's critical, but we've stopped the bleeding. If she remains stable and no infection sets in within 24 hours, we'll know more."

"Can I see her?"

Janet nodded. "She's been moved into the ICU." Jack followed Janet down the corridor to the Intensive Care, for the most critical patients. Jack walked inside. Nicole looked even paler then when he'd seen her last. Only her dark blonde hair stood out against the white sheet. Jack had a surge of mixed emotions when he saw her. Thankful that she'd come out of surgery, frightened she was still in danger, anger at this situation, and guilt that it was her and not him. He went to the bedside and found a way through the IV tubing to her hand. He stroked her long tapered fingers, noticing where the white band made a crease on her finger; it was where her engagement and wedding ring usually rested. He pushed his emotions away, putting them in the safe place in his mind where they could not come out and hurt him. He now brought to the forefront only the thought that everything was going to be fine. That was all that he would allow. He would not relinquish control. He could not. "You need to come back to me," he said softly, in his stern commander's tone. "Because I need you and so does our daughter. You take that as an order if you have to." Jack stopped then. His voice would have broken if he had not.

Dr Fraiser came in some time later to find Jack, still sitting where she'd left him.
She laid a hand on his shoulder. He looked up from his vigil.
"General Hammond is awake. He'd like to see you." Jack nodded, not wanting to leave Nicole, but wanting too to see Hammond.
"I'll be with her," Janet assured him.
Jack rose and left the ICU. Hammond was in stable condition and had been transferred to a regular room. Carter and Teal'c stood outside. "He's been asking for you sir," Carter told him. Jack nodded, going silently into the room.
The General, whom Jack was used to seeing so robust, looked tired and weak in the hospial bed. His head was bandaged and his left arm was in a sling. He looked up when Jack entered.
"Jack, thank God. No one around here will tell me anything. They all think I'm going to have a stroke or soemthing. Jack, how's the Major?"

Jack sat wearily down beside his CO. "She's critical," he said with a shrug. Whatever that meant in meadical terms only meant to him that he could lose her. Hammond could see it on his face.
"Dear Lord." He shook his head. "Jack I…I don't know what to say. Did they figure out what happened?"

"Apparently it was an attack toward General Bracken. An assasination attempt. The police took two suspects into custody and are transfering them to the base."

Hammond nodded. He didn't know what else to do or say to comfort his 2IC and friend.
"Sir, I better get back to the ICU," he said, standing again.
"Of course son. If there's anything…well, you know where I'll be."

Jack sat in the dim ICU, the monitors around Nicki his only company. He'd long since told Daniel and the others to go. Janet only came in to moitor her patient.
Jack sat there, memories of the past two and a half years with Nicole flooded his mind.
The first day he'd seen her, in her Air Force uniform, taking the podium next to General Hammond, being introduced as the new Training Ops Director for NORAD; when she'd come to his office, that determined look on her face, making sure he knew she meant business; when he'd all but caught her before she fell off her office chair attempting to hang blinds; Nicki standing at his door in a tee shirt and jeans, asking him to light her water heater; Nicki cooking dinner and drinking a beer in her kitchen; the first time they'd kissed at her front door; their first dinner out in Colorado Springs. He remembered the first time they'd made love, in his bedroom. He remembered her being injured before-shot on a mission off world. He recalled caring for her while she recovered. Then he recalled helping her after she'd been raped by her former CO. The long months of being patient and gentle with her; the first time she told him she loved him.
Jack had watched her battle demons of her own. She'd fought the nightmares of the attack. She'd fought the battle against her dependance on prescrption pain pills. He knew she already dealt with constant pain. What kind of effect would these new injuries have on her?
Jack remembered with a pang of guilt the jelousy he'd felt toward her ex-lover Senator Dean.

He vivdly remembered their Thanksgiving together, when on bended knee in the freezing cold he'd asked her to marry him and given her the ring Teal'c had brought from Chulak.
He thought about her pushing him away when she found out she was pregnant, but believing that she would never be able to carry the child. Then the reliefe and joy on her face when she realized she would be able to bear his child.
Jack smiled a little as he thought about the birth of Charlotte, back in November. The joy he got from becoming a father again was uncomparable. Then Christmas, the family at home. His surprise gift to her and her shocked reaction to the wedding invitation. He recalled the midnight New Year's Eve wedding at the Air Force Academy Chapel. No one could have ever looked as beautiful as Nicole, walking down that aisle carrying Charlottle. He saw her tears when he said "I do" as vividly now as he had then.

A hundred days had made me older since the last time that I saw your pretty face A thousand lights had made me colder and I don't think I can look at this the same

But all the miles that separate They disappear now when I'm dreaming of your face

I'm here without you baby but your still on my lonely mind I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time

I'm here without you baby but your still with me in my dreams And tonight it's only you and me

The miles just keep rolling as the people either way to say hello I've heard this life is overrated but I hope that it gets better as we go

I'm here without you baby but your still on my lonely mind I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time

I'm here without you baby but your still with me in my dreams And tonight girl it's only you and me

Everything I know, and anywhere I go it gets hard but it won't take away my love And when the last one falls, when it's all said and done it get hard but it won't take away my love

I'm here without you baby but your still on my lonely mind I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time

I'm here without you baby but your still with me in my dreams And tonight girl it's only you and me

Jack knew that this woman had his whole heart. He wasn't sure when he'd given it, or she had taken it, but he was sure of it at this moment. He knew he was ill tempered at times. He knew he was not the most revealing when it came time to delve into feelings. He knew he was stubborn and set in his ways. Yet Nicki had wanted him, loved him, and accepted him with all his flaws. It had seemed impossible to him. But she'd done it. And he'd found the closest possible thing to perfection in all his years of looking, or not looking, for it. He found himself making promises to her then. To love her better; to take better care of her and CJ; to spend more time with them. If only…

Jack felt another presence in the room and he turned his head slightly. Sam Carter stood behind him.
"I sent word to my father, but he's in treaty meetings in another galaxy. It could be some time beofre he can get away…"

Jack appreciated the effort Carter was making. The healing device the To'Kra could use had saved many lives and had even helped Nicki before, healing her old injuries and making her able to carry CJ.

Jack nodded.

"Sir, I…" Sam began. She wasn't sure what to say to her CO in a time like this. She wasn't sure he'd want to hear anything. "If you need anything…"

He nodded again. Sam walked out of the ICU. She met Teal'c, who had just come back from seeing Hammond.
"Is there any change in Major O'Neill's condition?" the Jaffa asked.
Sam shook her head. She was already thinking of the To'Kra healing device back at the SGC. She had made it work before. Perhaps now would be the time to try again.

It was early in the morning. The dim lighting had not changed inside the ICU, so Jack wouldn't have known without his watch. He had just been given fresh coffee by the night nurse, who gave him a kind smile along with the cup, after checking on Nicki.
Jack gratefully sipped the hot, strong liquid. He set the cup on the nightstand. It was only then he noticed Nicki's hand. Her fingers had begun to move.
"Nicki? I'm right here. Can you hear me?" He took hold of her hand. Sure enough, he felt the fingers moving. "Come on back. I'm right beside you." Her eyelids fluttered then. Once. Twice. Slowly, began to open.

Jack moved closer, so his face would be the first thing she saw. Slowly, the eyes opened and he saw the deep green pools that could burn with anger or melt with joy. She seemed to be attempting to focus, finally finding his face.
Slowly, the face came in to focus.
Jack stroked her hair with one hand, while holding her hand with the other.
"Hey you," he said softly. Jack smiled, moisture threatening the corner of one eye. He squeezed her hand.
He knew Nicki wouldn't be able to respond right away, but her eyes answered him. She knew he was there.
"Hiya," she mouthed more than spoke. But Jack understood. He understood and he was more than thankful. He kissed her finger tips. "You're going to be just fine," he told her then, feeling for the first time in his heart that he was speaking the truth. "And you're giong to stay right here, with me."

Song "Here Without You" by Three Doors Down, all rights, song and lyrics belong to them.