Disclaimer: I don't own Mutant X.
Chapter 6 – Feeling Again
"Tasha, you're here?" He questioned as he again had to let his mind catch up to his eyes.
"Yes, Adam. I'm here." As she watched him sit up she reached for a glass of water. After offering it to him she watched as he settled back against the headboard. Hoping he would speak to her again she moved to a more comfortable position facing him and stated, "You left the door unlocked."
Adam smiled as he ran his hand through his tousled hair. "I was hoping to be able to sleep but in the event that I had another nightmare, I wanted to make it easier for you to come and wake me up. I'm not sure if I'd live to the end of a nightmare without you interrupting it."
She laughed and it touched his heart. Then he remembered what she had said in the dream and in an instant he lost the warmth she'd given him. Suddenly he was cold. It began to show on his face.
"Adam? What is it?" When he didn't answer she asked, "Was it the nightmare? Tell me what you saw."
"It's more than just the nightmare. This one was truth. It's me. I'm a .... I'm not ...." He stopped for a moment to find a way to say that which caused him to hate himself more than the trouble at Genomex that he spent a lifetime trying to amend. This was different. This was him. "In my dreams tonight and last night my parents came to me. They told me something about myself. All the people most important to me appeared in my dreams telling me that I was ..." He looked away. How could he tell her? Would she reject him like she had in his dream?
When she saw that he wasn't finishing she decided to do it for him. "A clone?"
Adam's eyes opened wider then his brow furrowed in darkness. "You know?"
Seeing that her reaction concerned him, she was careful to not give him anything to misunderstand. "Yes, I know," she smiled as she answered.
"And that doesn't bother you?"
"Why should it bother me? It doesn't mean anything."
"How can you say that? It means everything. It changes everything in my life. My whole life was nothing but a fabrication of someone else's design." He threw the sheet back and got out of the bed. After the first nightmare incident he had begun to wear sleeping shorts to bed. This time a tee shirt was in place to hide his wounds. He paced the floor as he began to release his frustration. "It's all been a lie." He stopped and looked at her. "I know you lost your parents when you were very young and that was hard on you, but I found out that the people I thought were my parents were just caring for me as part of their job. I had no parents. I can't even claim dead parents. The people whose genes I carry were dead years before I was ..." he stopped and dropped onto the opposite side of the bed facing away from her and whispered, "created." He put his head in his hands and continued in defeat. "I'm not the man I thought I was. I'm not even a man. Like all the people in my dreams kept telling me, I'm a ... monster, ... a clone."
Tasha's heart ached to see him so broken. She got up and walked around the bed and knelt in front of him. When he didn't move she took his hands away from his face and made him look at her. "Adam, please. Don't do this. The only truth in all that is your origin. The rest is the lie. The Creator spoke of you often. When I asked about you he told me everything. He showed me the procedure he'd used. I'd read all the notes. There's no difference between that and test tube babies born for parents who can't have them any other way. You're the best genetic scientist in the world. Wouldn't you help a couple that way, if they asked you?"
"Tasha, it's not the same thing. That procedure only does the genetic combining that the parents can't do naturally. It produces a child that is a blend of both parents. I had no parents."
"Not true. You carry genes of both a man and a woman. You just never knew them. In effect you are the twin of the Creator born years later."
"Created," he corrected with disgust in his voice.
"Your mother was just not around to carry you. Science took her place." She waited as he contemplated her words. Knowing that he would never respond to the emotional issues until the logical ones were resolved she presented the facts first. She knew the scientist in him had kicked in. When she was satisfied that his mental wheels had aligned to what she was saying she continued. "The fact that you never knew your natural parents is of no consequence. The parents that raised you loved you very much." She saw him look at her in surprise and anticipated his question. "Yes, I know for a fact because I knew them. Years ago, I remember they came to visit the Creator. I was in boarding school but was also visiting during a school break." She smiled as she remembered that time. "You, of course, were the topic of conversation at every meal. You had just gotten your job at Genomex. Your dad boasted about award after award and how you breezed through med school and your internship. He made it sound so easy. That's when I made my decision to follow a medical career. Needless to say it took me a little longer." She was glad to see that he chuckled at her remark. "Your mom told stories of how she worried that, even though you were a genius, you were too young to be in those social circles. She was afraid that if you ever fell in love with anyone they wouldn't understand you and break your heart."
Adam looked at his hands in hers and remembered a time almost forgotten. "She was right," he whispered. He looked back up as he felt Tasha squeeze his hands. Why is she smiling at me? She seems so caring but how can she care for a clone? After a moment, his doubts returned. "But my life, everything I was, I'm not really human. I'm a creature, a monster."
She pulled her hands from his and waited but he didn't look at her. She put her hand up and gently laid it on his chest and closed her eyes.
Adam inhaled sharply at the feel of her fingers that brushed his skin at the neckline of his shirt. He looked to her face. She looked so serene with her eyes closed. He watched as a smile slowly graced her lips. He couldn't help but think of how beautiful she looked. Her voice shook him from his admiration.
"There it is." Her face remained as it was.
He put his hand over hers; afraid she would remove it when he spoke. "What?"
She opened her eyes and gazed into his. She too, was relishing the closeness she felt at that moment. "Your heart," she smiled at his questioning look. "All of human nature is born of the heart. You, more than anyone can attest to the many natural born men who've proven to be heartless, inhuman and evil by nature. They're the monsters. Your life has been directed for you. You had a benefactor making sure you had all the right opportunities. We both did. He directed your education and made sure the right people came across your path but the decisions you made were your own. You had no less free will than any other man born on this earth. You chose to use your genius to help people. When you saw it being misused, you took your life into your own hands and made decisions and took actions that would help people and correct the injustices done by others. You've spent your life to this point, making a difference in the world and trying to improve it. You're kind and caring. You're brave and have a strength that you've already proven can move mountains." Her declarations did more than just persuade her argument. As she gazed into his eyes, her heart filled as her mind accepted what she was feeling. He was everything to her and she was determined to prove it to him.
Adam all but stopped breathing. He felt as if he was drowning in the depths of her eyes. Had he just heard how she really felt about him? His heart began to pound in his chest as he watched her slowly close the distance between them. He knew she could feel it as her hand pressed more firmly against him. He kept his eyes glued to hers until he saw them slowly close. A moment later he felt her lips brush his then come to rest in place. Returning her gentle kiss, he could feel her warmth. His senses began to stir as he became more aware of her. He could smell her skin and feel the smoothness of her hand and lips. Desperation filled him as he suddenly needed more. He moved his hand from hers and slid it around her as he felt the cool silk of her nightgown. His other hand quickly tangled itself in her hair as his dam of self control burst. He pulled her tightly against him, kissing her passionately. He was tired of thinking, tired of arguing with nightmares, tired of being numb. He needed to hear everything she told him. He needed to feel something other than pain. He needed to be accepted. He needed to be loved. Through the torrents of thoughts swirling in his mind; one thought rang more loudly than the rest. He needed her.
She wasn't sure how he would react when she kissed him. She had no real experience with love. All she knew was that she needed to make him see the man she saw. When he responded to her kiss she filled with excitement and was swept away by his passion. She had done all she could and was now willingly following his lead.
For long moments they kissed. The rest of the world ceased to exist as they were lost in their passion. He held her as close to him as he possibly could. She felt his muscles in his chest ripple under her trapped hands as he pressed against her. The hard muscles in his arms crushed into her as they were wrapped around her. The pain caused by the tangling of his fingers in her hair and the force and power with which he kissed her seemed distant as she was overwhelmed by his presence. When they finally moved apart they were panting rapidly from the mutual loss of oxygen. Staring into each other's eyes, both felt unsure of the next step.
Adam knew the next move was his. She'd made hers and was waiting for his answer. Everything had happened so quickly. He'd only known her for a couple of days and he found himself trying to breathe after the most passionate kiss of his life. He wasn't sorry. He wanted more. He needed more. But most of all he needed to know that she really knew what she was doing. She wasn't a child but many years his junior. He wanted to love her and have her freely love him back. Without releasing her gaze he reached up and touched her face. He put his hands to her arms and brought her to her feet as he stood. When he spoke his voice was strong with feeling yet soft and gentle. "Tasha, in my heart I know everything you said is true. I desperately needed to hear it and you knew that. You've helped me over a potentially crippling hurtle. I also needed that kiss just as passionate as it was. I needed to feel that passion. I'm not sorry for it. I want more, so much more. We've just met but I can't deny what I feel for you. My mother was right. I've been hurt by love before and it taught me the difference between the zeal of the moment and the real thing. I'm falling in love with you. I think that's what I was hearing from you but if you're not sure I'll understand. I won't pressure you." He watched closely as he waited for her response.
Tasha didn't break her gaze. She didn't step away or change her stance. She lovingly looked deeper into his eyes as she slowly put her hands on his strong shoulders. Adam's gaze was snatched away as her tongue quickly darted out to wet her lips. As fast as it appeared it was gone but his eyes remained on her moistened already swollen lips. She tilted her head up slightly and whispered his name.
That was all he needed. He quickly recaptured her kiss-bruised lips and pulled her into his embrace. This kiss was not as desperate but just as passionate, as he massaged his lips against hers. He opened them slightly and licked hers. When a small moan left her lips his tongue quickly retraced its exit and found hers. His tongue danced with hers as his hands moved in slow circles on her back. When he felt her lean into him and caress his neck with her hands he knew more than words would ever tell him.
As he held her in his kiss she let her hands caress his muscles. They slid off his shoulders and onto his back. Letting them drop further to his waist and then up his sides she was stunned when he winced, pulled away from her lips and grabbed her hands from his body. "Adam?" Her voice returned quickly though it cracked with concern.
"I'm sorry. It's nothing," he tried to turn from her and hide the pain he knew he couldn't keep off his face.
"Adam, please don't hide from me. You're in pain. What happened?" She pleaded with him as she stepped up behind him and touched his shoulder.
Doing his best to cover it up, he turned with a smile. "It's nothing, really." He reached to touch her face but she took his outstretched hand in hers just before it landed on her cheek. He saw her turn her face and kiss his palm. The look in her eyes when she finally looked into his told him many things. Most importantly it told him that she was not going to stand for being overprotected. He smiled proudly and lowered his arms.
Pleased that she made her point so smoothly, she turned her attention to his tee shirt. With the detachment of a doctor she carefully raised the hem and saw the burns that covered both his sides.
He watched her closely and for only a moment fear showed in her eyes. Her strength returned but the concern in her voice was unmistakable. "Adam, what did they do to you?"
Never wanting to lie to her he told her about his meeting with the leader and his encounter in the interrogation room. He showed her the cream that he used before going to bed.
"I have something better," she smiled at him. "I'll get it and come right back."
He followed her to the door and watched her go to the lab. He wasn't willing to leave her alone with the guard in the middle of the night. Thankful that he did nothing but whisper to her on her passes he opened the door wider to let her in. "If I'd have known you had a dermal regenerator I would have used it myself." He smiled as she turned to him.
"Take off your shirt, please."
"Want to see my chest again?" Adam teased as he obliged then saw her blush.
She could feel the warmth in her cheeks and knew from the look in his eyes that he could see it. Taking a deep breath and obviously stepping into her doctor shoes she calmly stated. "Lift your arms, please." Then as if speaking to a child she said, "This shouldn't hurt a bit."
With his arms over his head he watched her work. He admired her detachment and ability to do her job. As the healing continued his thoughts were pulled to himself. Not only was the skin tissue healing but he could feel the muscle being restored.
When she was done she moved to put the instrument on the table. Turning back around, she smiled as Adam was stretching his healed sides. "Does that feel better?"
"Much, but that wasn't just a dermal regenerator, was it?" He questioned her as he moved closer.
"No. I modified it. It tapped into the cellular memory of your muscles and restored them to their previous conditioning."
"Very nice. Let's test it." He stepped forward quickly and before she could react he scooped her up into his arms. "That feels wonderful. I was a good patient, may I have a kiss?"
"Most good little boys get lollipops," she told him pushing slightly on his shoulders.
Tightening his arm and bringing her head closer to his he spoke with a low voice. "I'm not ... a little boy." He kissed her once again as he felt her hand rest behind his neck. Turning around he broke their kiss to lower her onto his bed. "Tasha, you are incredibly beautiful." He sat next to her and kissed her hands. "Stay with me, tonight. I need to hold you. I need to feel you close to me."
"I think you just want me here to chase away the next nightmare."
He moved to lie beside her and pulled the sheet over them. "No. There won't be any more nightmares. You've already seen to that. You've chased them away and given me back my life." He kissed the top of her head as she snuggled against him and soon the comfort each found in the other was enough to quiet them into peaceful sleep.
When Adam awoke in the morning he felt more rested than he had in a year. He looked down and smiled as he remembered all she told him the night before. He was seeing his life's work being completed and love had taken over his heart. A feeling of contentment was straining to settle over him. If it weren't for his captivity and the uncertainty about his team's welfare, it would have come more easily. He was satisfied to know that he would find the answers in his research. His team; his children, were alive. He was confident they would rescue him. Best of all was that the one person in the world who could complete his soul was lying in his arms, sleeping peacefully against his chest. No matter what would confront them when they left his room, he knew they would face it together.
Tasha began to stir. The feeling of fingers in her hair reminded her of where she was. Suddenly feeling very embarrassed she hesitantly looked up and saw Adam smiling at her. But when he tried to kiss her she moved away. Sitting quickly on the end of the bed she tried to fix her hair.
"Tasha, what's wrong?" He leaned over and touched her back.
Standing quickly and fixing her nightgown as it fell over her legs she looked for her robe. Remembering that she hadn't brought it with her she turned and wrapped her arms around her body. "I...um...I guess I didn't bring my robe again."
Adam stood from the bed and began to walk toward her. Concern flashed on his face as he saw her back away. "Tasha, please. Tell me."
His voice was so soothing and the sight of his body moving closer to her began to overwhelm her mind. Slowly she reached one hand toward his chest.
He stopped his approach and wondered at the way she was acting. When he saw her hand he just let her touch him. His muscles twitched at the brush of her fingertips. Fear struck him as he saw her panic and begin to retract her arm. Like lightning his hand was on her wrist, gently keeping her from totally withdrawing from him. "Tasha..."
"Please, Adam, let me go," she whispered as a tear formed in her eye.
"Tasha, don't leave me," his voice was pained as he saw her begin to cry.
"How can you ever... you'll never be able to... I shouldn't have stayed." She pulled her hand away from him as he offered her little resistance. As she turned toward the door she whispered, "I can only imagine what you must think of me."
Adam watched as she put her hands to her face. His heart filled with relief as he realized that she wasn't rejecting him. Placing his hands on her shoulders he gently turned her around. "Oh, Baby, I think you're the most wonderful, compassionate and beautiful woman I've ever known."
Her tear filled eyes could only look up at him in amazement. "But, I stayed..." she turned again, "in your bed. Last night everything seemed so clear and ... right."
"Tasha, look at me." His loving, firm tone left her no choice as he stepped in front of her. "Last night was right. Having you in my arms felt more right than anything I've ever known. I love you so much it almost scares me." He watched as her shame seemed to lessen. "Just tell me you love me, too, and you'll never have any reason to doubt what we started."
"Oh, Adam," she whispered through her tears, "I do love you," she fell into his open arms, "with all my heart."
"Never leave my side. We'll get out of here, I promise. Then, when this is all over, I'll really make you mine." He kissed her with all the promise he held, all the strength in him and all the love in his heart. When he finally let her go back to her room, he knew she would never doubt again.
TBC
