Chapter Nine - Stawnch!
******
Hilarity's old Space Hopper 6000 made a jerky landing near Penzance's main port. It
was amazing! The town was seething with life even at two o'clock in the morning.
Filled with smugglers and street traders and beggars and shady characters and rogues
and ruffians and riffraff. As for the buildings! They were either ancient cottages or
tiny cabins crudely fashioned from bits of old ships and corrugated metal. The whole
place was like a recycled scrap heap. The ships was pretty weird too. Wherever
something had gone awry the owners would just replace it with whatever was
available (or stolen). The whole effect was a bit like a Frankenstein's monster in space
ship form. Trin kept getting the feeling that these guys enjoyed drag racing.
"Jesus! What a dump!" said Jareth.
"Yeah. It finally makes sense why they'd want your Labyrinth." Hilarity answered.
Sharp as a knife, that one. "This is a bit of pirate paradise, isn't it. I might put this in
my next book."
"So where do find this crew?" said Trin.
"Meet with who ever's in charge I guess." his cousin replied.
The three humanoids (and the one goblinoid) made their was to the nearest public
house, which was incidentally called 'The Rat and Parrot'. Jareth shot the surly barman
a friendly grin. The man didn't seem to notice though as he was staring intently at
Boris.
"Sorry mate. No pets allowed. You'll 'ave to tie 'im up outside." he said.
Boris seethed with anger. "VHAT!!!...mmfl!" he began to shout but Hilarity quickly
clamped her hand over his mouth.
"No need to draw attention." she whispered and promptly escorted him to the street
outside.
"That's better." said the barman "No what can I get ya?"
"What do you recommend?" said Jareth. This person sounded pleasant enough but
there was something about him that the barman found unsettling. To be fair, there was
a lot of unsettling people who drank at The Rat but this guy just carried himself
differently from the usual scum. No, this one should probably be gotten rid of as soon
as possible.
"Well, there is our house speciality. Its called Stawnch." said the barman "Should
warn you, though. it's pretty strong."
"Sounds peachy. I'll try it." said the Goblin King. The bar suddenly went into a deadly
silence. Someone had actually ordered a Stawnch. Only one man had done that in their
living memory and he was now in a lunatic asylum.
"And for your lady friend?"
"Just lager for me thanks." said Hilarity. She'd heard the myths about Stawnch and
desperately hoped Jareth knew what he was getting himself in for. Wait a minute!
Lady friend!! What the...!
"And for you, young sir?" said the barman looking at Trin.
"Um...yeah. Lager sounds good." he replied.
The drinks were served and Hilarity was beginning to feel more and more uneasy as
all eyes in the bar were turned unblinkingly to them. Like foxes around a chicken
coup, she thought to herself.
Jareth eyed the Stawnch with mild amusement. It smelled faintly of apples among
other things but it looked like something you would clean pennies with. With a shrug,
he picked up the shot glass and tipped its contents down his throat, which was met by
a terrified gasp from his growing audience. He placed the small decanter back on the
bar, insides stinging a bit but not noticeably.
"It's a bit weak for me, but it'll do." he said with a little smirk.
******
"You bloody show off!" cried Hilarity, not unkindly, as they sat down at an empty
table away from the fray. Jareth gave her an innocent 'who? me?' look. "You always
have to go out of your way to prove your manliness. If I didn't know you better, I'd say
you had self esteem issues."
"Can you blame me? The look on that barman's ugly face was priceless. Besides we
need to flaunt whatever strength's we've got. It's the only thing these people
understand around here. Trust me, I may have saved us from getting mugged."
Hilarity laughed. "Oh well! I guess you're right." she said "I'm still in shock after that
guy called me your lady friend!"
"What's so shocking about that?" said Jareth. "If I wasn't madly in love with my wife,
I might've considered it."
"Well, I'm flattered. But after sharing a tent with you in the Land of the Dead without
any magic whatsoever and with only Goblin Bread to eat really put me off." she
laughed.
******
Hilarity's old Space Hopper 6000 made a jerky landing near Penzance's main port. It
was amazing! The town was seething with life even at two o'clock in the morning.
Filled with smugglers and street traders and beggars and shady characters and rogues
and ruffians and riffraff. As for the buildings! They were either ancient cottages or
tiny cabins crudely fashioned from bits of old ships and corrugated metal. The whole
place was like a recycled scrap heap. The ships was pretty weird too. Wherever
something had gone awry the owners would just replace it with whatever was
available (or stolen). The whole effect was a bit like a Frankenstein's monster in space
ship form. Trin kept getting the feeling that these guys enjoyed drag racing.
"Jesus! What a dump!" said Jareth.
"Yeah. It finally makes sense why they'd want your Labyrinth." Hilarity answered.
Sharp as a knife, that one. "This is a bit of pirate paradise, isn't it. I might put this in
my next book."
"So where do find this crew?" said Trin.
"Meet with who ever's in charge I guess." his cousin replied.
The three humanoids (and the one goblinoid) made their was to the nearest public
house, which was incidentally called 'The Rat and Parrot'. Jareth shot the surly barman
a friendly grin. The man didn't seem to notice though as he was staring intently at
Boris.
"Sorry mate. No pets allowed. You'll 'ave to tie 'im up outside." he said.
Boris seethed with anger. "VHAT!!!...mmfl!" he began to shout but Hilarity quickly
clamped her hand over his mouth.
"No need to draw attention." she whispered and promptly escorted him to the street
outside.
"That's better." said the barman "No what can I get ya?"
"What do you recommend?" said Jareth. This person sounded pleasant enough but
there was something about him that the barman found unsettling. To be fair, there was
a lot of unsettling people who drank at The Rat but this guy just carried himself
differently from the usual scum. No, this one should probably be gotten rid of as soon
as possible.
"Well, there is our house speciality. Its called Stawnch." said the barman "Should
warn you, though. it's pretty strong."
"Sounds peachy. I'll try it." said the Goblin King. The bar suddenly went into a deadly
silence. Someone had actually ordered a Stawnch. Only one man had done that in their
living memory and he was now in a lunatic asylum.
"And for your lady friend?"
"Just lager for me thanks." said Hilarity. She'd heard the myths about Stawnch and
desperately hoped Jareth knew what he was getting himself in for. Wait a minute!
Lady friend!! What the...!
"And for you, young sir?" said the barman looking at Trin.
"Um...yeah. Lager sounds good." he replied.
The drinks were served and Hilarity was beginning to feel more and more uneasy as
all eyes in the bar were turned unblinkingly to them. Like foxes around a chicken
coup, she thought to herself.
Jareth eyed the Stawnch with mild amusement. It smelled faintly of apples among
other things but it looked like something you would clean pennies with. With a shrug,
he picked up the shot glass and tipped its contents down his throat, which was met by
a terrified gasp from his growing audience. He placed the small decanter back on the
bar, insides stinging a bit but not noticeably.
"It's a bit weak for me, but it'll do." he said with a little smirk.
******
"You bloody show off!" cried Hilarity, not unkindly, as they sat down at an empty
table away from the fray. Jareth gave her an innocent 'who? me?' look. "You always
have to go out of your way to prove your manliness. If I didn't know you better, I'd say
you had self esteem issues."
"Can you blame me? The look on that barman's ugly face was priceless. Besides we
need to flaunt whatever strength's we've got. It's the only thing these people
understand around here. Trust me, I may have saved us from getting mugged."
Hilarity laughed. "Oh well! I guess you're right." she said "I'm still in shock after that
guy called me your lady friend!"
"What's so shocking about that?" said Jareth. "If I wasn't madly in love with my wife,
I might've considered it."
"Well, I'm flattered. But after sharing a tent with you in the Land of the Dead without
any magic whatsoever and with only Goblin Bread to eat really put me off." she
laughed.
