Chapter Fourteen - Imprisonment, torture, death!

A/N - Hiya! Quickie today, I'm a bit snowed under with revision and family and stuff. There is an independant Hilarity story on fictionpress.com under the same name if you wish to read it. It's set when Hilarity and Trin are a lot younger, no Goblin Kings but I did throw in a misguided, alien Bowiecult called the Space Oddities!
A big thank you to books mom and Clover the Sea Beast for your lovely reviews. You guys are great, thanks a lot!

"Ah! Ye made it then." said the Pirate King happily when a slightly nervous looking
Hilarity poked her head round the door to his office. "Where are the other? And who's
that guy?!" he said indicating Thomas who had also entered the room.

"Oh sorry! This is Tom, my other half. And I just called the Goblin King so he should
be here in just a sec." said the young woman.

"What about that wimpy looking boy ye was with before then, lass?"

"Who? Trin? No offence your royal pirateness but Trin really isn't the kind of person
you'd hire for criminal activities. Plus he's a squealer!" said Hilarity.

"Fine, wha'ever! Just make sure ye tells him we'll be keepin' an eye on 'im!"

"But you've only got one eye!" exclaimed Thomas.

"Arrgh! It be a figure o' speech, Landlubber! The Pirate King looked Thomas up and
down again with severe distaste. "That's yer boyfriend is it?"

"Yes." said Hilarity.

"And you'd rather be with him than with me?"

"That's right."

"Yargh! Whatever be floatin' ye boat, lass! I honestly didn't expect ye to swing that
way with other species an' the like. Ye looks so wholesome! The traditional Zean
Rose type."

"No. That's just because my dad's a horticulturist." Hilarity explained.

"Oh! I see."

Just then, the Goblin King appeared in a puff of blue smoke and glitter. To his horror,
he noticed that he was only wearing a towel and a shower cap.

"Oh bugger! You get in the shower and someone makes a wish. Bloody typical!" he
said angrily and changed into his usual kingly regalia with a wave of his hand.

"Don't worry, mate. Nothing we haven't seen before." laughed Hilarity, tears of mirth
streaming down her face.

"What do you mean "nothing we haven't seen before"?" said Jareth indignantly.

"You were probably too drunk to remember, but I do have some incriminating
evidence on camera which I will be saving so I can blackmail you later... Or, if I get
bored, I'll just humiliate you with it for no particular reason." said Hilarity with an evil
glint in her eye.

"Some friend you are!"

"Hey! We're employed by pirates. I was just trying to fit in." said Hilarity happily, this
probably wasn't going to be so bad. "By the way, what is it you want us to do?" she
said turning back to the Pirate King.

"Yargh! Well, many years ago we buried some serious treasure at a secret location.
Now the only map we 'ad for this location 'as been stolen by a rival pirate guild. Ye's
'ave to get it back! No matter what the sur'umstances. Imprisonment...Torture...Death!

"But what if we don't want to!" complained Hilarity, Jareth and Thomas in unison.

"Imprisonment...Torture...DEATH!!" said the Pirate King angrily.

"Oh." said Hilarity "So when do we start?"