Chapter Nineteen - Sprites of Earth and Air
()()()()()()
A/N - Hooray for Gilbert and Sullivan and their unusual brand of Victorian silliness.
As per usual, I own nothing!
()()()()()()
Hilarity looked up at the little shop in the middle of the tiny lane she was now
standing in. Above the door was an old fashioned sign that read "J.W. Wells & Co.
Family Sorcerers".
"Neato!" she said happily and went inside.
The bell on the door jingled slightly as it opened. Inside, the shop was filled to the
brim with all kinds of mad herbs, stuffed animals and inventions. Before she had time
to search the place a tall and skinny old man in a top hat and long flowing robes
sprang up from behind the counter and made her jump out of her skin.
"Oh! Jesus!!!" the girl shouted "Don't scare me like that! Who the hell are you
anyway!"
The skinny man bowed and started singing:
"Oh! my name is John Wellington Wells,
I'm a dealer in magic and spells,
In blessings and curses
And ever-filled purses,
In prophecies, witches, and knells.
If you want a proud foe to "make tracks"--
If you'd melt a rich uncle in wax--
You've but to look in
On the resident Djinn,
Number seventy, Simmery Axe!"
"You what now?" said Hilarity, slightly confused.
"Welcome, my dear!" said Mr Wells "And who to I have the pleasure of addressing?"
"Oh! Hi, I'm Hilarity Freak." said Hilarity, even more confused.
"You are Hilarity Freak. That'll be a five Zean dollars or its equivalent in another
currency please."
"What for?" said Hilarity handing over the loot.
"Why, for telling you who you are of course!" said the Sorcerer.
"But I know who I am!"
"Of course you know! I've just told you. Good day now."
"Wait!" said Hilarity remembering what she was here for and desperately trying to
distract the lunatic in front of her.
"You require more of my services, young lady?" said the Sorcerer, eyes gleaming at
the prospect of a new customer. "What do you wish?"
"Erm...I...er...want you to change my physio..gan..emy!" Hilarity mumbled as she
realised to her horror that she had no idea what Sorcerers actually did.
"Ahhh!" said the Sorcerer gleefully "You want a new face! Not sure why, your present
one is adequate! Still, I have just the thing for you." He skipped off into the back room
of the shop and only his reedy voice could be heard singing as he mixed the
ingredients of his potion.
"Sprites of earth and air--
Fiends of flame and fire--
Demon souls,
Come here in shoals,
This dreaded drink inspire!
Appear, appear, appear."
Meanwhile, Hilarity sifted through all the tiny cupboards and drawers behind the
counter.
Mr Wells listened curiously to the mysterious shufflings in the next room, sighed and
poured a deadly looking black liquid into the mixture before swanning out to the
counter again. The strange girl looked slightly guilty but recovered well.
"Now, drink this and all your worries will be over!" said Mr Wells happily.
Hilarity took the drink from the skinny man, sniffed it curiously, pulled a face and
poured it onto the bare floorboards where it burned a large hole.
"Bah! Curses! Foiled! And by a common alien!" cried Mr Wells angrily.
"Oi! I may an alien! But I resent being called common! I am a personal friend top the
Goblin King!" said Hilarity.
"Ha! A likely story!"
"My credential!" said Hilarity and pulled out an old photo of her and Jareth at a pie
eating contest.
"Ah! Curses again!!!" shouted Mr Wells and forcefully escorted Hilarity to the door.
"The Map, Mr Wells!" said Hilarity.
"The Map what?"
"The Map if you please!" she repeated.
"Er... I haven't got it with me. It's in my other robe!" the Sorcerer panicked and tried to
throw the roll of paper he was holding out the window while the girl wasn't looking,
and failed. Hilarity made a dash for it outside only to see the map disappearing into a
crowd of people in the basket of a young woman...
()()()()()()
A/N - Hooray for Gilbert and Sullivan and their unusual brand of Victorian silliness.
As per usual, I own nothing!
()()()()()()
Hilarity looked up at the little shop in the middle of the tiny lane she was now
standing in. Above the door was an old fashioned sign that read "J.W. Wells & Co.
Family Sorcerers".
"Neato!" she said happily and went inside.
The bell on the door jingled slightly as it opened. Inside, the shop was filled to the
brim with all kinds of mad herbs, stuffed animals and inventions. Before she had time
to search the place a tall and skinny old man in a top hat and long flowing robes
sprang up from behind the counter and made her jump out of her skin.
"Oh! Jesus!!!" the girl shouted "Don't scare me like that! Who the hell are you
anyway!"
The skinny man bowed and started singing:
"Oh! my name is John Wellington Wells,
I'm a dealer in magic and spells,
In blessings and curses
And ever-filled purses,
In prophecies, witches, and knells.
If you want a proud foe to "make tracks"--
If you'd melt a rich uncle in wax--
You've but to look in
On the resident Djinn,
Number seventy, Simmery Axe!"
"You what now?" said Hilarity, slightly confused.
"Welcome, my dear!" said Mr Wells "And who to I have the pleasure of addressing?"
"Oh! Hi, I'm Hilarity Freak." said Hilarity, even more confused.
"You are Hilarity Freak. That'll be a five Zean dollars or its equivalent in another
currency please."
"What for?" said Hilarity handing over the loot.
"Why, for telling you who you are of course!" said the Sorcerer.
"But I know who I am!"
"Of course you know! I've just told you. Good day now."
"Wait!" said Hilarity remembering what she was here for and desperately trying to
distract the lunatic in front of her.
"You require more of my services, young lady?" said the Sorcerer, eyes gleaming at
the prospect of a new customer. "What do you wish?"
"Erm...I...er...want you to change my physio..gan..emy!" Hilarity mumbled as she
realised to her horror that she had no idea what Sorcerers actually did.
"Ahhh!" said the Sorcerer gleefully "You want a new face! Not sure why, your present
one is adequate! Still, I have just the thing for you." He skipped off into the back room
of the shop and only his reedy voice could be heard singing as he mixed the
ingredients of his potion.
"Sprites of earth and air--
Fiends of flame and fire--
Demon souls,
Come here in shoals,
This dreaded drink inspire!
Appear, appear, appear."
Meanwhile, Hilarity sifted through all the tiny cupboards and drawers behind the
counter.
Mr Wells listened curiously to the mysterious shufflings in the next room, sighed and
poured a deadly looking black liquid into the mixture before swanning out to the
counter again. The strange girl looked slightly guilty but recovered well.
"Now, drink this and all your worries will be over!" said Mr Wells happily.
Hilarity took the drink from the skinny man, sniffed it curiously, pulled a face and
poured it onto the bare floorboards where it burned a large hole.
"Bah! Curses! Foiled! And by a common alien!" cried Mr Wells angrily.
"Oi! I may an alien! But I resent being called common! I am a personal friend top the
Goblin King!" said Hilarity.
"Ha! A likely story!"
"My credential!" said Hilarity and pulled out an old photo of her and Jareth at a pie
eating contest.
"Ah! Curses again!!!" shouted Mr Wells and forcefully escorted Hilarity to the door.
"The Map, Mr Wells!" said Hilarity.
"The Map what?"
"The Map if you please!" she repeated.
"Er... I haven't got it with me. It's in my other robe!" the Sorcerer panicked and tried to
throw the roll of paper he was holding out the window while the girl wasn't looking,
and failed. Hilarity made a dash for it outside only to see the map disappearing into a
crowd of people in the basket of a young woman...
