Chapter Twenty - Ex Nursemaid

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Jareth appeared in front of the tiny tavern that had been listed as one of his suspects
usual haunts. It was aptly named 'the Buccaneer's Boozer'. He casually walked in and
immediately found his culprit... as she was the only woman in the entire place. She
was working behind the bar wearing a plain brown dress. She looked about thirty five,
not beautiful but not unattractive either. The woman looked up and smiled kindly.

"Good mornin' guv! What're you 'aving?"

The Goblin King looked at the woman curiously. She seemed a little too friendly to be
a map thief but then again in her supposed line of work she was supposed to be
friendly.

"Are you Buttercup?" he asked.

"That I am, luv. But if you're after what I think you're after, I don't start work 'til after
dark."

"Actually I'm after some answers." said Jareth always maintaining his cool
demeanour.

"Answer cost money too, luv." said Buttercup sweetly but with a no nonsense edge to
her voice.

"Fine." said Jareth, thoroughly irritated and getting out his wallet and emptying its
contents on the bar top (the wallet itself was a Father's Day present from Caradoc)
"Tell me what you know about the Pirate King's map and I'll have a pint of Guinness
while you're at it."

Buttercup looked at the pile of cash greedily, shrugged and began to get the drink
together. "I never stole no map!" she said angrily "Just because I works for the guild
of ahem seamstresses doesn't mean that I'm automatically involved in all other types
of illegal activity. I certainly don't steal!"

"I never said you did."

"I used to be a good law abiding citizen, y'know. I used to be nursemaid. Awful job
but at least is was honest work."

"What happened?"

"I got sacked, didn't I. Just because I "accidentally" lost those two kiddies and they
never came back. Not my fault at all!"

"Yes. But what do you know about the map?"

"Oh that! Sorcerer's got it. He's bin taunting the Pirate King for weeks now. I'll take ya
to 'im if ya like."

"If it's not too much trouble." said Jareth.

"Not at all. I need to run some errands over that side of town anyway." said Buttercup
cheerfully and picked up a large basket, probably meant for shopping, and led the
startled Goblin King out into the street.

It was a rather surreal experience trailing around the market square with a strange
woman buying apples, but for some reason Jareth was rather enjoying himself. The
crowded chaos of the market was very similar to the one in the Goblin City and the
whole place had and ancient nostalgic feeling to it. Finally they came to a small
building with the J.W. Wells sign above the door. Inside, Jareth could hear a muffled
shouting and distinctly heard a familiar voice say:

"Oi! I may an alien! But I resent being called common!" It was Hilarity! And she'd
beaten him to it! Damn!

"Well that's all the info I can give ya I'm afraid." said Buttercup. They both failed to
notice the small scroll of parchment that someone had just thrown out the window that
landed in her basket.

"Well thanks anyway." said Jareth and the woman went on her way.

Suddenly the door of the shop crashed open and a very dishevelled looking alien
dashed out.

"Hils! what's wrong?" said the Goblin King.

"The map! That's Lady's got the map!"

"No she doesn't. I checked."

"No. The Sorcerer had the map but then he threw it out the window and it landed in
that lady's basket and we have to get it now before we lose her!!!" cried Hilarity
frantically.

"Come again?"

"The Sorcerer had the map but then he threw it out the window and it landed in that
lady's basket and we have to get it now before we lose her!!!" the alien girl said again,
equally panicky and incoherent.

"Breath, Hilarity. Breath."

"The basket's in the map...I mean the map's in the basket. Get it! Get it! Get it!"
Hilarity screamed and dragged Jareth in the direction of the crowd.

The two friends raced through the tiny streets in hot pursuit of the map, knocking ten
people over and destroying three stalls in the process. all the time they were heading
closer to a dangerous cross-roads! And then it felt like two planets had crashed
together!

Later on the incident was reconstructed and it went something like this: Buttercup had
already reached the cross-roads. Hilarity and Jareth were racing to catch up with her
and were heading north. Boris the goblin was still being chased by angry pirates and
was heading south. Thomas was rushing west with an angry Mikado hot on his trail.
And an ice cream van was heading east. All parties were moving at the same speed
and the collision was imminent. Bang!