Disclaimer: I own nothing. This house is not mine. This computer is not mine. Harry, Ron, Snoop Doggy Dogg and Lil Romeo are not mine (Alas). And neither is Eastenders or Jennifer Aniston. Infact I own nothing except the copyright to FattyWatchers

Chapter 4. Romeo Romeo where fort art thou ass Lil romeo? And the attack of the Ghetto crack.

The next day Ron gets a very unpleasant surprise when his mother sends...a FOWLER.

"Whats a Fowler?" asks Harry in his charmingly naive way.

Ron looks amazed. "How can you not watch BeastBenders? How can you NOT?"

"Dont you mean East Enders? " Asks Harry.

"No Dawg! Says Ron turning ghetto fabulous all of a sudden. "Beast Benders da Bomb! It shizzles my fizzle nizzle."

"Open it," says Neville urgently, oblivious to the fact that Ron had turned into Snoop Doggy Dogg's clone,

Pauline Fowler jumps out of the envelope and starts shrieking about how he brought shame upon the family name and how Mr W is facing an inquiry at work, much to the horror of Ron.

And Harry got so annoyed that he was not the center of attention that he stormed out of the hall and kicked over tiny professor flitwick on the way out.

"I make Jen Aniston's hair look matte" Professor Snape was in one of his usual moods. "Potter, your grandpa was a retard, your father was a retarded midget and youre a retarded midget with hair like Sonic the hedgehogs. Write me a 500 pg essay about the importance of hygiene."

"You need to crack yo punk ass back to the burbs white boy" Lil' Romeo cried popping out of no where and givin Ron a run for his Ghetto money, even though he was poor and couldn't even afford a bottle of rat tonic.

Ron was obviously peeved so he retaliated in his gay beggit tryin it wannabe hit man rapper/slick man black boy ghetto shit "Ya best back up fool I aint white, im orange! And I bling harder than you do homey!" shrieks Ron and goes and whacks Lil Romeo with a diamond encrusted hockey stick.

"That stick got da bling bling." Cried Romeo as Harry whipped out a doo-rag and plonked it on his abnormal,ly overlarge head

"Fool you keep pullin da diss I be havin to lay out yo dome for you be getting freagin hizzigh in da low mofo on mi homeboy Big R" he retorted doin sum kind of mad-eye style bop.

"Naw dawg I'm on da straight up."

Why you doggin me like that fool? Yelled Harry Before jumpin on lil romeo and Ron calling "Pizzle in da hizzle" and soon all three of them where rollin on the floor for no reason.

"Whats all this, what's all this?" cried draco malfoy in alarm, with his pet monkey ("Chim"Panzee Parkinson) in tow. Which after all is an insult to chimps.

"Aww dawg, that dude got the bling goin on!" says Lil Romeo to his new sidekick Tiny Ron, gesturing to Draco's strangely shiny head.

"Yeah homey! Let's gettim!" hollers Tiny Ron and they start pulling the eyeless draco malfoy's shiny hair out.

"HERE HERE" yelled Snape who, until now was oblivios to the fact that 3 wanabbe rudies where ripping eachother to pieces.

"whats dis dawg?" Lil romeo called

"Who might this young man be? Surely we do not allow new student ½ way through the term?"

"dat dawg lil' Romeo He got mad skillz du!" remarked Harry

"excuse me" greasy guy asked

"oi, greasey head shut your ugly curly thin lips aight?" yelled Harry snapping out of Ghetto mood and moving into wanabbe rude boy.

"DETENTION TONIGHT! Mr Potter, and you Weasley, and you can introduce your little romeo to professor Lockhart to!"

Suddenly a shady figure moves out of the shadows. A rotund figure wearing a ten-gallon hat, leather pants and a leather jacket. So unbling that Lil Romeo and Tiny Ron have to cover their eyes Neville has stepped out of a western.

"Howdy Doc Snape. This school aint big nuff for da both of us," says Neville "John Wayne" Longbottom and spits. "I know, I know!" says Harry-the-rude excitedly, "You can both loose weight like my cousin! Just join Fattywatchers, and then the school can fit you both in at the same time!

Lil romeo, who had just realised that he had got a detention started to get lary,

"Oh hell no! You got me straight trippin I'll give ya two shots wit da glocks in da dome. Why you doggin me like that fool? We be watchin the B Mac this izzy!"

Snape looked at him menacingly and on departing lil romeo called back sum shit like "I be bustin up in da hizzy wit my 4 to the 5 wit the sizzafety out da dow' fool!"

A/N: Thanks for the reviews everyone! If you want the translation to the bling talk, this is the site : . And no offence was meant by this. More randomness coming your way....