Chapter Twenty Five - Farmyard of Wine

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Disclaimer - Checks copyright Nope not mine.

A/N - WARNING! This chapter contains scenes of extreme drunkenness and stupidity....again.

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The two friends stared at each other in shock for a few minutes before speaking.
Hilarity was seething with anger at this point. There she was, desperately searching for her friend all night imagining the most horrible situations possible and here he was in some rich guy's holiday home enjoying himself. On top of that was an overwhelming and therefore slightly confusing feeling of relief that the jammy bugger had actually pulled through and she didn't have to worry anymore.

"Hils!!" cried the Goblin King, betraying similar feelings of relief.

"Jareth!!" the girl replied. "You're alive!!"

"You're alive!!" exclaimed Jareth "I though you were dead!"

The look of confusion on the alien girl's face was soon replace by a gigantic grin. "I thought YOU were dead!"

"It takes more than a shipwreck to kill a Goblin King. You should know that by now!"

"Zis Rocks! Vhy don't ve square dance to celebrate." cried Boris excitedly.

"Er...NO!" the other three said in unison.

"Just tryingk to join in!" the little goblin complained. There was another long silence.

"Anyway, come inside! You won't believe how swishy this place is." Jareth encouraged and led Hilarity and Thomas into to house's main hall and absent mindedly slammed the door in Boris's face. However big the place had seemed from the outside it looked even bigger from the inside. Hilarity wondered if it might've been a decommissioned TARDIS and if so how much it had set the owner back. Those things were seriously valuable now.

"Wow! Swishy indeed." she said as she admired the owner's large collection of large Ming vases lined up against the wall.

"I was thinking of getting a second home." Jareth continued "Somewhere nice. The Bahamas perhaps." This was met with a few mumbled noises of approval that nicely compliment the colossal amount of Goblin cuss words coming from outside.

"We can't stay here!" Thomas cried out suddenly.

"Well it's only for the night, Tom." said Hilarity.

"Yeah. But, we're still trespassing on someone's private property! It's just not right and I don't feel comfortable about squatting in someone else's house when we're not invited." the now completely bald alien said nervously.

"There's a huge wine cellar." said Jareth temptingly.

"I'll just have to settle for being uncomfortable then." said Thomas, quick as a flash.
He felt slightly ashamed that he'd been talked into it so easily and that he was about to throw away a whole year's worth of teetotalism at the drop of a hat. He couldn't believe he had sunk so low as...well Hilarity and Jareth's level. But sometimes it was nice to forget about responsibilities and just join in with the hellraising.

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Four hours and a good rib healing later, the trio had worked their way through six beers and three bottles of really really expensive wine. To say they were sloshed would be a gross understatement. Thomas had fallen asleep at the table as he usually did and this had earned him the title of "most non-threatening drunk in the universe". His year of being clean had also made the alcohol's effects a lot stronger than he had remembered and to his horror he realised that he just couldn't take the stuff like he used to. Hilarity and Jareth, however, were very well practised in these sorts of pastimes and were still going strong as they moved on to bottle number five of dry white chardonnay. Hilarity was having trouble remembering where her mouth was and Jareth had (for some obscure reason) tied his unruly mop into pigtails....

"Ya know. When you, like, put this on the back of your throat it's like....drinking....a really good glass of wine." said Jareth, slurring his words a bit.

"Yeah! It's like...a farmyard....of wine." said Hilarity and tried to take another sip but ended up pouring most of it down her sweater.

"Look at the colours!" mumbled Jareth happily and swirled the amber liquid around in his glass "All of the colours. Well...yellow." he said after closer inspection. "It's like looking into the eye...of....a duck!"

"Yeah, exactly! And drinking it is like sucking all the liquid from his beak!" said Hilarity. The conversation continued like this for some time until it made even less sense than before.

"So then I went to see this polar bear in his polar lair a found out that he had a terrible vulnerability to oranges!" Jareth rambled on.

"Oranges! But that's unfeasible!" said Hilarity with mock horror.

"Indeed. So I pelted him with citrus fruit and got my umbrella back!"

"Yay!!"

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Thomas had woken up and was feeling extremely cranky while his friends continued to play the "guess who I'm doing a really shitty impression of" game.

"OK OK OK! Who am I?" said Hilarity excitedly holding a large cigar up and making a peace sign.

"That's easy. You're Winston Churchill." said the Goblin King smugly.

"Damn it!!!"

"Now, who am I?" said Jareth and began dancing in an eighties fashion.

"Er.......David Bowie?"

"No! Stop saying that!"

"ZZ Top?" Thomas suggested

"Ewww!"

"Simon le Bon!" cried Hilarity

"Got it!"

"YAY!!"

(())(())One Hour Later(())(())

By now the trio were lying in a heap on the floor after a raucous kareoke session. The rug was made from a dead Ocelot which would have disgusted Hilarity if she had been sober but sadly this was not the case.

"You guys!" she began "You guys are the greatest... I mean you Rock! Let's face it.
You're like the best friends a trendy alien urbanite could have. And even though parts of your anatomies confuse and disturb me, I still love you." she turned to the motionless Ocelot head "And I love you too. I don't know you but you're a good mate." It was then that she realised that everyone had fallen asleep....