Double Edged
Notes: yes I know that I promised at least two more chapters in Frozen Rain before starting the sequel but I just couldn't help myself plus I had a major road block...yep writer's block that not even the rabid plot bunnies couldn't wear down with their sharp talent giving teeth. Anything that wasn't explained in the first fic (which is a lot especially the ending since I didn't write it--) will be given in bit and pieces in this fic...don't you just luv me
Disclaimer: Don't own them, never claimed to own them. Well there was this one time that I tried to elope with Kunzite...but I was young I was stupid...I actually thought that he existed for crying out loud...glances around Well there I finally lost the respect anyone had mustered for me Oh I also don't own any of the song quotes either, the belong to the bands, artists listed beside them.
P.S: This arc of my (hopefully readable) saga, takes place during the R season (NOT the DoomTree and Ann and Alan arc in the anime but the honest to goodness real R season with just a few tiny differences which again will be made clear as the fic goes on.
Well enough of my yap onward!
Prologue
Strange Days
Part One:
The Outsider
'If Heaven's made for clean people...it's vacant' "Load Me Up" by Matthew Good Band
It would be a lie to say that I don't enjoy the battles. Not long ago, a year even, I would have said that being a senshi was one of the worst things that could have ever happen to me. I was young, still am actually. I had dreams, goals, and some would say unmovable determination, these things I will never let go until I achieve them...and yet when I brought down my first youma and with each passing attack that I have to intercept these dreams seem to grow fainter and only the remains of a cold reality freezes thoughts of a brighter future for just a moment.
But the thrill of battle always called to me and still does, and, god forbid, I think it will always have a hold on me. When I am faced with a youma staring me and the other senshi in the face I block out everything, every emotion, every fear, every distant dream and narrow down my perspective down to one single fact. I see the threat; I must destroy it while preserving the life of my friends and myself. I guess in that way he and I are very similar or at least the old him, the one my former self remembers all too well.
With a sly smirk crossing my lips, the one I normally reserve to catch the eye of a prospective boy friend, was now turned into a bitter almost manic grin of a driven young woman with more than just her life and sanity on the line. The creature seemed momentarily puzzled by the change in my expression, or maybe it was just amazed that I hadn't turn and ran like the other humans it had come across. Poor thing, youma are not the brightest crayons in the box but honestly would it kill them to at least muster up some sort of instinct or reflex so that way it doesn't make me feel too bad about killing it?
With a simple shrug I brushed off my concern for the witless beast, curling my fingers tighter around the hilt of my broadsword. People finding it amazing, and as one admitted, slightly scary to imagine that such a small thing like me can lift something about twice my size or weight but with the broadsword even though it probably weighted a ton to most I could easily focus and swing my entire weight into it. I felt a bittersweet sense of satisfaction as I felt it embed deeply into the creature's flesh. Upon impact dark green blood spouted out covering my long blonde hair and peach skin in splotches as the monster withered and wailed aloud...oh but it wasn't finished off, not quite yet that is.
Behind me I could hear the click of high heel boots against the cobblestone. Through the corner of my eye I could see the figure take a flying leap. With a grunt I quickly pulled away from the beast withdrawing my green covered sword out of its gut in the process. Before it could give out another earsplitting howl of pain the figure made a rapid turn while floating in midair and snapped it's neck in two with a her slender but just as deadly raptor. Breathing it's last the creature quickly crumbled into a pile of gray dust as my partner in world saving landed gracefully on her feet. Her short dark bluish hair had grown out within this year to lie on her shoulders but she would always vainly try to tie it into a very short braid, which in my opinion made her hair look more unkempt then if it was left long.
With a mock snort I placed my hands on my hips glancing at Ami even though she had yet to turn and acknowledge my presence. "Well it's about time you got here! And just where were you anyway missy? Studying at the library?" I teased her, trying hard to sound convincing and motherly at the same time.
Slowly she turned her head with the same nonexistent expression on her face then walking over to me placed her cell phone in her hand.
"He called...again," was all she said after handing over her phone.
I frowned as I glanced at the phone and pressed the "pervious calls" button, sure enough his number appeared first and foremost and only a few minutes ago actually.
The frown turned into a wince, I thought that I told him to lay off calling her for a little while, to let her cool down some. But does he ever take my advice? Nope. And yet he wonders why she avoids him like the plague itself.
I could feel Ami staring at me with her patented frigid queen of the frozen wastelands stare.
"Minako,"
Oh yes I am in so much trouble. When she doesn't call me Mina or even Minako-chan I know I am in trouble with her...god she can be so like my mother sometimes.
"I really don't appreciate you going behind my back and trying to set me up with him."
I couldn't help but blurt out, "He misses you Ami!"
"He has no right to." Ami said coldly.
"Ami, give the guy a break. So taking off like that wasn't the best thing he could have done but think about it what else was he suppose to do..."
She ended the conversation by silently walking out of the park and down the street, thankfully changing back into her civilian form just before crossing the street.
With a dejected sigh I quickly changed back into my normal clothing but just because the uniform and weapon were nowhere to be found doesn't mean that the effects of this battle of wills can leave me just as the traces of the physical battle has.
I swear, I don't know what that girl's problem is! He loves her so much that he can't stand it, it's only because of certain circumstances that he can't help that he left. Why can't she see that no matter what happens he still loves her? I felt a bitter bile of angry rising in my throat however instead of my ire focused on Ami I turned it to the him.
He should have listened to me and have left her alone for a few days, even a couple of weeks. Let her come to him, make her wonder whether or not he really was still interested into her. Not this desperate, "let's talk and try to sort it out".
Upon reaching home I had turned back to Ami. She really should try to be a bit more understanding, this is a heck of a lot harder on him then it is for her. He loved her for years and well she just found a year ago and kind of fell back into it, like someone putting on a pair of good well worn shoes, finding it to be more than just a wisp of a memory.
As I entered my room tossing my book bag somewhere into the chaotic mess that is my room and sitting down on my desk I realized, not for the first time mind you, that it was equally both their faults. So being the loving, genius, helpful friendly love goddess I guess it is up to me to try and mend the broken heart of one lovebird while trying to thaw out the heart of his beloved. As if kami himself had appointed me to the task I found that one of the two was already seeking my help...I'll give you two guesses as to whom and the first one doesn't count. Opening the e-mail I saw it as a short yet formal invite into a chartroom that he normally hangs around when he isn't working...which is possibly only half an hour of his day. Taking the invitation I clicked on the link to the chartroom and started looking for him only to have him find me almost instantly.
Ghost: hello venus
With a small smirk on my face I quickly keyed in a reply
Venuschick: Hello yourself...I saw you-know-who a few minutes ago.
A few minutes of silence before he replied
Ghost:...
He normally does that...very often in fact.
Venuschick: We fought a youma, well actually she claimed to have been held up when she got a call from you. My guess is though that she didn't bother to talk with you though...right?
Ghost: Right.
I couldn't help but giggle aloud, call me cruel but I almost could see the mixture of loathing and disappointment on his face when I brought that up so quickly.
Venuschick: what has gotten into you? You're normally not like this. Didn't I tell you to wait a little while....
Before I could finish and send my message 'Ghost' came with another reply
Ghost: I had to talk with her. It's important.
Blinking slightly I glanced at the screen before going back and retyping my reply
Venuschick: Something wrong? You're not in trouble are you?
That was my first concern when these youma seemed to randomly pop up in Tokyo, even though he was a half a world away I couldn't help but worry if maybe he knew that we hadn't really defeated Beryl and she was still lingering in Japan waiting to strike again and if she was him and Ami would be on at the top of her hit list.
Ghost; No I am not in trouble. Minako can you please let me talk to her.
With a sigh I replied
Venuschick: Kun, I am not a miracle worker. she wouldn't talk to you even if Usagi herself shoved a cell phone with you on the other line into her ear. Was is so important anyway?
Another long silence then what came next first shocked then confused me
Ghost: Never mind. It might be better if I tell her in person anyway.
What the?!
Venuschick: No! No! Kun read my little typed symbols, no! that is a very bad idea. If she won't even talk with you over the phone she will all but kill you if you come here!
I was expecting another long pause and then a admission that he was attempting humor or that it was bad idea but almost instantly as if he knew how I would respond before I posted.
Ghost: You're not getting something Mina, this is serious. I need to be there and tell her in person.
I couldn't help but joke about this, I always make jokes when I am nervous and right now I was more nervous than a mouse in a cat carrier:
Venuschick: What is it Kun? Did you get yourself pregnant with another girl's baby?
As soon as my message appeared I dissolved into helpless nervous giggles, god I am so good.
Ghost: ...I'll shall ignore that comment. You can't change my mind Mina. I'll be in Tokyo next Sunday. Don't tell Ami about it.
Venuschick: Now hold on one-minute mister! You mean I can't even know what is so important that you are set to coming over to Tokyo...well besides the fact that underneath all this urgency you just want to be here to kiss and make up with Ami-chan?
As soon as I sent the message another one popped up...but it wasn't from 'Ghost'
"Your contact is offline now and may not receive your message."
A frown bent on ruining my lips curved down but I quickly batted away thoughts of displeasure and with a bitter sort of chuckle logged out of the chartroom and shut down my computer. Still laughing I collapsed on top of my bed, staring out the window looking into Tokyo or at least the various towers of apartment buildings surrounding mine.
What did I expect?
Too much it seems. I knew that he's too stubborn and bull headed to listen to reason...he has always been that way and even a thousand years can't change him.
He has his heart set on seeing Ami again...about talking over whatever is so important to him that it just can't wait a few days.
Clutching one of my over fluffed pillows I stared out into the darkening sky.
I won't deny that I do feel some...twinge of regret...of bitterness towards Ami. Although I am sure my feelings for Kunzite are only a small impression on the life I have a thousand years ago I can't help but feel my heart cave into a painful squeeze every time she mentioned his name with such distain, when she would glare at her phone when he called and just ignore him even if he persisted.
My eyes closed as I took in a deep breath trying to hard to place myself into her shoes just as I had placed myself with in Kunzite's to figure out his side of the story...but I just couldn't. There was something blocking me from even thinking about the two of them together let alone just Ami. With a sigh I collapsed to lay on my back my eyes boring holes into the lemon custard painted ceiling.
Oh I knew all to well what was keeping me from being sympathetic towards Ami. That little emotion people love to refer to with the cutesy nickname: the green-eyed monster. But why should I be jealous of Ami? I am not into older guys. And even if I was Kunzite and me would have been over for well over a millennium by now...and yet a part of me feels like it's dying every time he speaks or even just types her name I feel a part of me crumble like a overcooked pie crust.
Why can't she love him for crying out loud/ why can't she except him back into her life...so that I can go about my own bussniess and forget about them and...be alone again?
I haven't mentioned this before but the other senshi Usagi, Makoto, and Rei lost their memories so now it's just me and Ami fighting against this new wave of monsters. If she and Kunzite finally patch things up, which I think they will eventually if not soon, I will not have a single soul in my corner...well of course there's Artimis but I mean human wise. Sure I have friends at school lots of them, many more of them superficial but really can you imagine sharing such a grand secret as you not only being Sailor Venus, Sailor V, and the fact that at least a thousand years ago you were a princess who loved a man who you were suppose and did eventually marry only to have him turn to someone that you considered as a friend? A bit hard to swallow if you ask me, and certainly too much for some considered normal would be able to bear.
Resting my head against the window pane I glanced out at the world just as the sun started to decent into a the foggy haze of Tokyo's skyline, the first round of neon lights flickering on.
Ever since I was little I wanted my name to be in those lights. And like a fool I still chase that dream...but at least I am a happy fool. I always craved attention because in some small corner of my mind I have associated attention and praise with love. If I am loved and adored by millions of fans in the near future maybe that will be enough to satisfy me.
The very solemn face staring back me in the window's reflection suddenly took me aback; no this isn't Mina Aino. Mina is a happy teenager who loves both of her friends even though they are driving her crazy with their love problems; Mina is a bubbly, perky person who never cries or breaks down. Certainly not...this is a strange girl who just happens to have my facial features only twisted into a grimace of despair and longing. This can't be me. Leaning in closer to the window I plastered on a wide, almost demented sort of smile even though my eyes burned with tears. I let the last tear roll silently down my cheek only to smile more until I was finally satisfied with my reflection in the glass. There...that is the real Aino Mina, Sailor V and Sailor Venus...and now one will ever know that crawling just below the surface of my skin is an imposture; who instead of feeling like the happy-go-lucky love goddess is actually a heartbroken teenager.
Part Two:
The Ice Queen
"Oh I am what I am. I'll do what I want. But I can't hide." 'Here with me" by Dido.
Before I even officially started attending school at Jubban Junior High I would hear faint whispers, of rumors said about me. Ami the genius. Ami the egg-head, the bookworm, all of these seemed to fit very well so I wasn't offended by them in the slightest, they were just words, adjectives that narrow minded people used to describe a person that they only knew of their name. But the false words, snob, frigid bitch, ice queen struck me to my core. I knew that they weren't true and that those words were from only a handful of the school's true bitch brigade and yet these hurt the worse.
But when I met Usagi, when she first took my hand and lead me to the arcade, all of those words just seem to melt away and then rise into thin air. She let me into her world without so much as a second thought. I was her friend. At the time a very strange almost foreign concept to me...sure I had friends at my old school but they just used me to give them answers to tests, to do their homework and reports for them and like a idiot I did it for them because I thought that they really liked me.
Now standing on the small balcony that leads out from my bedroom I feel the same chill that those words, those false friends, and phony smiles had given me almost a year ago. Only this cold can be shaken off like icicles from a rooftop or even snow off of a driveway. It is a deep, to the core, freeze. I feel nothing.
Yes. That's a lie. I do feel something. But lately only anger seems to be the only emotion that can fully thaw out this frozen soul. Anger at him is the strongest.
My right hand curls tightly onto the iron railing of the balcony. Nothing but anger seems to get past this wall of ice. I am hate him more than anything.
It is all of his fault. If I hadn't been captured in the first place none of this would have happened. We could have destroyed him eventually and I would have been never the wiser of my past. We could have killed Beryl...maybe we would have died trying but we could have done it I am sure we could have. And I wouldn't have had to kill...the ones who mean the most to me in order to do it.
It has been and always will be his fault.
Ducking back inside I could feel the cold settle in around me, which I was grateful for. Nowadays I would much rather feel nothing at all then even anger. Anger means that it still hurts, that I still care about what he said, what he did, and just why he left.
For about five months everything was fine, he was at one end of the world and I was on the other. Then Mina had to butt in and try to convince us that we needed to be together again. She says that it doesn't matter what other people say, she thinks that it is kind of cute that after all of these years that we still love each other even despite our ages. She doesn't understand!
He didn't leave to save his or my reputation. He left because I asked him to.
After we, Kunzite, Minako, myself, and lastly Serenity, defeated Beryl he was a constant living reminder of what I have done. No matter how hard I tried every time I would just glance at him a shock would go through me, their blood still stains my hands. I know that it really wasn't them that I killed just youma that could take their form...but it is symbolic. My actions spoke louder than even my loudest scream of apology. It showed that if it were to come down to it I would kill the people I love, the friends who are closer to me than actual sister, my own mother and father, Ryo, anyone who stood in my way of him, who would hurt him for any reason....I would kill them...without hesitation.
Nothing he could have taught me, nothing he could have made me do to betray my fellow senshi could be as destructive as what I did with my own hands. I can't love someone to the point that everyone else in my life becomes irrelevant even dependable or be seen as a threat if they were to harm him. I couldn't bare to look at him knowing that when my mother would say our relationship was becoming too inappropriate I would willing risk my relationship with her in order to stay with him. To know that I would scream and call my friends horrible names if they said anything against him.
He has changed me...more than he will ever know. But then again he doesn't have to know because my welfare and myself are no longer his concern. And the same goes for me, I should stop wondering why I miss him so much, how I should have really handled that situation better, how I would give almost anything to have him back.
Walking into my bathroom and locking the door tightly behind me I stripped off my school uniform and turned on the shower. Stepping in I felt the warm water pellets hit my skin only to slowly drip down to the floor of the shower. A year ago feeling surrounded by water, be in a shower, bathtub or a pool always comforted me, it was connecting with my true element. Now though even the water seems abrasive to me. I am no longer it's child for while Minako is fully Sailor Venus when she transforms I struggle with actually against my element because part of his life-force runs through my veins. The water recognizes it as a foreign and even evil source of energy and tries to drown me when I call upon it, but finally it recognizes that yes part of my blood is his but it is also still me so it reluctantly gives in and let's me use it's power.
Closing my eyes I allow myself one small indulgence. The house is empty since my mother is on another one of the late shifts at the hospital and will not be back until tomorrow morning. Resting my head against the far wall of the shower my back facing the water I all but choke as a strangled cry escapes my throat. I want so much to scream aloud but even though there is no one within the apartment to hear me I keep the heavy thudding feeling locked deep inside my chest. Tears burn at the back of my eye lids demanding to be released as they pool into scolding acid droplets.
I suppose that you can tell that I am a horrible lair...but at least I am a very good actress. I tell my mother and Minako that I am fine, I allow nothing to upset me when I am in front of either of them because then they would know that I was indeed lying. But when I am alone, when I do honestly feel so cold that nothing could ever warm me, body or soul, that I feel like I am all but dying within my own living flesh do I cry. It is these times that I do...honest to kami miss him. But I would rather shoot myself than ever admit it to him.
Notes: Yet another cliffhanger...and yet I managed not explain a single thing in this chapter. 'shrugs' Go figure. So what do you guys think? Like it? Hate it? Original a lot better? I know that Kunzite doesn't appear in this chapter but there is a good reason for it...next chapter will be his...short but is his. I know that Ami and mina are way OOC but there is a reason for it trust me. Well that's it for this edition. Thanks for reading. Peace
