Disclaimer: Read the Prologue for it. P

Warning: Major angst for everyone

This takes place when the turtles are 12.

'Dreams can give wings, but if enough is enough, then they can be the gateway to eternity' --My own quote (you'll understand later.)

Oh, and NOTE: Leo is a bit out of character, and so is everyone else. Maybe to you guys and the creators, they are out of character, but to me, this is the way I can imagine them. Maybe because I put so much of myself into the main character...

Just go along with this, 'kay?


It was raining. Leo knew because the sewers were over-flooded. But he didn't mind.

After all, he viewed rain as tears.

Unshed tears. (A/N: I do too...)

Leo sat in the sewers, far from the floodwater, but still near enough to watch the water flow.

He knew he shouldn't be here. Splinter was out searching for more food and supplies and had directly ordered him to stay in bed. Splinter still couldn't figure out why he kept fainting.

Leo sighed. He had no idea why either, but somehow he was glad that he fainted at times. Because whenever he fainted, he didn't have to deal with the outside world anymore. All around him was just darkness. Nothing else.

And in some weird, cynical way, it was comforting.

Leo sighed again, before feeling something wet trickle down his face. A tear. Leo had to chuckle at that.

He hadn't cried in such a long time...

Leo let out a shuddering breath. He was so tired nowadays. Not physically, but mentally.

His brothers were still angry with him for his last fainting spell. Raph strictly believed that he had done it intentionally, and took to plainly ignoring him. Worse, whenever Leo asked him to do something, he would glare at him, and begin to yell about how Leo is like a slave driver. 'Always ordering us around!' He had said.

Leo grimaced. He didn't think that he was that bad. True, he may order them around a bit, but it's nothing serious. Only like cleaning your rooms, do your training, etc.

Besides. He couldn't remember ever driving anyone, especially Raph, around.

So, Leo had just stopped asking Raph to do anything. For some reason, his will to fight was gone.

Raph had taken this as a victory. Sadly, he now became bent on 'giving Leo a taste of his own medicine' so he said. He began to order him around, like a maid, making more mess for him to clean up, and getting him into as much trouble as possible.

All in just two days.

And Leo never complained. Part of it was because he, being the eldest, was taught to not complain about situations and instead hold his tongue. Be the elder model. Be the one who stays silent and obedient even in the worst situations.

Another part was that Leo just didn't have the will to fight anymore. He just felt too tired to complain, too tired to fight, too tired to resist. It was easier to comply.

Leo bowed his head and cried.


Rebecca looked at Leo sadly. She knew he was suffering. He was much more tired. The way he walked, the way he talked, and the way he looked all supported it.

She threw her head up and looked at the moon. The moon was almost gone. It was only a small little line.

Tomorrow. She thought. Tomorrow, it will be time.


Leo groaned. He had gotten home late. He had spent too much time with Rebecca. And Raph had caught him. Raph, thinking it would be a perfect comeback, told on him.

Now he was standing in front of a furious Splinter.

"LEONARDO!"

Leo snapped his head up to look up at Splinter.

"Have you been listening to what I have been saying, at all!"

Leo didn't say anything, only dropped his head. He was suddenly so sick and tired of it all. He just wanted to stomp and cry and run to his room, slamming the door behind him.

But he held himself back. He was a role model. He couldn't behave like a child. Or occasionally, Mikey or Raph.

His brothers were standing behind Splinter, watching him. Raph had a triumphant look plastered on his face, Don had a surprised look, while Mikey had a sleepy yet scarred look.

"LEONARDO!"

He heard Splinter snap at him, again.

Leo didn't even bother looking up at Splinter.

"You know better than to sneak up to the surface! Especially in your current condition! How dare you! After all the times I have told you NOT to go to the surface, you STILL disobey me! What kind of example do you set for your brothers! What if you had been seen!"

Suddenly Leo couldn't take it anymore. Something in him just snapped.

"So? What if they had seen me?"

He spoke softly, barely audible. But the effect on everyone was tremendous. His brothers stared at him, a mix of fear and surprise. Even Splinter couldn't control his surprise.

"What?"

Leo looked up at Splinter. "I don't care. So what if I went to the surface? I didn't do any harm! And no one saw me. Why can't I do something that I want to do for once?"

Leo knew that that was not really true. He had been seen, but at the same time, who had seen him was already dead...

Splinter stared at him, his face still showing immense surprise before slowly changing into anger.

"Leonardo! How dare you think of such a thing! You know perfectly well—"

But Leo cut in. "So? Nobody got hurt! Nobody was in any danger! So what if I wanted to have a little bit of fresh air once in a while!"

"LEONARDO! This is unacceptable!—"

"And? What if it is?"

Leo heard gasps coming from his brothers. But he ignored them.

"And? So what? I just wanted to go outside—"

"THAT is not the point!"

"Then what is the point! You allow the others to go outside but not me! Why is that?"

"Leonardo, you know perfectly well that I do not allow your brothers to go outside! The same rule applies to them as they do to you!"

Leo suddenly snapped at this.

"Oh they do, do they!" He growled, his voice lowered to a threatening tone.

Splinter stared at him. So did his brothers. But Leo was past all that. He was so goddamn tired of it all.

"Oh they do, DO THEY! YOU KNOW WHAT I THINK! I THINK THAT YOU ARE WRONG!"

Leo yelled, blinking tears furiously back.

"I AM JUST SO SICK AND TIRED OF IT ALL! YOU KNOW WHAT?" Leo suddenly rounded to Raph. "Raph, congratulations. You were right all along. I should just goddamn fuckin' die, AND THEN MAYBE I'LL LEAVE YOU ALL ALONE! ISN'T THAT WHAT YOU WANT!"

Leo suddenly rounded to Splinter. "ISN'T THAT WHAT YOU ALL WANT! BECAUSE IF IT IS, THEN CONGRATULATIONS!"

By this time, Leo was crying. But he was way past caring. "CONGRATULATIONS, BECAUSE NOW I WISH THAT I WAS FUCKIN' DEAD! THAT I NEVER WAS BORN! THAT I NEVER EXISTED! I HATE MYSELF AND THE GODDAMN FUCKIN' LIFE I LEAD!"

Leo finished, and stared at the others, as if daring them to say anything.

Splinter let out a breath. "Leonardo..." He began. "Go to your room. Go there, and DO NOT COME OUT UNTIL I SAY OTHERWISE!"

Leo stared. Did Splinter just ignore all that he had said? Or did he just not care?

Leo felt his heart break at that. He turned sharply and marched automatically away to his room, and slammed the door shut.

As soon as he closed the door, Leo sank down onto the floor. Splinter didn't really care.

Splinter didn't care...

Leo felt as if he had been hit with a ton of bricks. He was too shocked to even cry. He couldn't think, he couldn't feel, he couldn't cry.

He was numb to the world.


Splinter sat in a meditative position. Maybe he had been too harsh on Leonardo...

Maybe he had...

But Splinter knew that as long as both he and Leonardo were wound up about the past events, they could not talk. They would not listen to each other willingly. If any.

But was this really how Leonardo felt?

Did he really wish to die?

Or was this just another one of the things that people say when they are angry?

Splinter sighed. He hoped that it was the later one...


...(A few hours later, around dinner)

Leo sat in the darkness. Donny had come into his room, saying that Splinter wants to see him, but Leo just out rightly refused. He was not in the mood.

I want to die. He thought. I want to just die and fade away from this world. My brothers don't need me. Sensei does not want me. I am just a bother. A nuisance. It would be better if I was gone.

The space beside his bed began to glow a faint blue. Leo raised his head and watched intently, debating on what action to take, when the glow began to outline a person. Suddenly, Leo's world went black.


...(Meanwhile)

Mikey hesitated with opening the door. Leo was in a bad mood right now, but Splinter had sent him in order to get Leo out of there and join them for dinner.

Mikey took a deep breath and pushed open the door.

Splinter, Raph, and Don were all seated at the table, waiting on Mikey to return with (hopefully) Leo.

When suddenly, they heard a scream and a second later, Mikey tore into the kitchen, wide-eyed with fear.

"Master Splinter! Master Splinter!"

Splinter stood up. "What is it Michaelangelo?"

Mikey hopped from one foot to the other. "I swear, Master Splinter. I swear I'm not lying! But there's this weird girl standing in the room glowing blue, and Leo's lying by her feet! I swear!"

Raph was about to say something, but Splinter raised his hand. "Raphael. Enough. Michaelangelo, what is this all about? This had better not be another joke..."

But Mikey shook his head frantically. "I swear it's not! Really, Master Splinter!"

Splinter at this frowned. "A girl glowing blue...?" Suddenly it all clicked. "Oh Kami-sama! (Lord god/goddess)" He whispered, rushing into his eldest son's room.

Raph and Don looked at each other before following.


Whew. That took a while. Oh well.

R&R PLEASE!