Waiting Is The Hardest Part
Chapter 18
"Yeah, Lieu. No problem. See you then," Bosco finished his conversation as Jennifer walked into the room. Thinking she was interrupting, she mouthed an "I'm sorry" to him and started to leave the room.
"No, Jennifer. It's okay," he called to her, stopping her at the doorframe. "It was just work," he explained as he hung up the phone.
"Oh. I just didn't want to eavesdrop," she said, rubbing the back of her neck like she always did when she was tensed up – usually after a hard surgery case.
"I'm used to it," he said with a slight smile. "You always used to have longer conversations with the people I was on the phone with than I did. You usually ended up taking the phone from me and you and Faith would talk for another hour at least," he said, standing and then fighting the urge to take her into his arms and soothe the tension away. Then he remembered that she didn't have those memories.
"Anyway, I was just confirming with the Lieutenant that I'd be there tomorrow," he said. "You sure you don't mind? 'Cause I could take more time. Only if you're ready," he affirmed.
"No, really. You've done enough. You should get back to work," she said, suddenly realizing that she sounded like she was dismissing a servant or an employee. "I'll be fine," she assured him. "It'll be good to get back to a routine, right?"
After two weeks, it had finally settled down to two adults and two kids living in the same house – the two adults acting merely like acquaintances. It drove Bosco crazy. He'd seen her taking care of the kids, not noticing he was there, and noticed the way she did something. He wanted to go to her, hold her, tell her he loved her, but she wasn't ready for that. She was trying, and on more than one occasion, she told him how frustrated she was. How sorry she was at how much she must be hurting him. All he could do was tell her he understood and not to worry – everything would be fine. He hoped he wasn't lying.
"Your neck hurts?" he said to her, taking a step toward her. She saw him take the step and tried not to tense up more. She hoped that he didn't pick up on it, but she knew he probably did – she could tell by the look on his face. Her sister had assured her that Bosco was safe and would never hurt her. She knew this was true, but she was still tense.
"A little," she said, walking over toward the shelf as if she was looking for something. "It's nothing, just a busy day." She'd gone back to work a few days ago. She hadn't been cleared to return to surgery yet, but she could do some follow-ups on some cases and some consultation work in the E.R., freeing up the surgeons to take care of any traumas. She could triage any cases that came in and get the lab work and tests ordered if the others were stuck in the O.R.
"Are you sure you're not trying to do too much, too soon?" he asked with concern as he walked over to the locked closet, where he kept his off-duty gun. He was second-thinking returning to work tomorrow. Maybe he should stick around here a little longer - just to make sure that Jennifer wasn't taking on too much, too quickly. He'd had this discussion with her doctors and they all assured him that they'd be keeping a close eye on her at the hospital. And, Kathy had assured him that she would be ever ready to help out if need be while he was in the City at work. Still, he had reservations. But, her doctors had told him that getting back to normal routines sometimes worked miracles on bringing memories back.
Jennifer turned to look at him, sensing that he'd moved across the room. She saw him open the door and pull down a box from the top shelf as he pushed the keys back into his pocket after unlocking the box. She saw him take the gun out of the box, check it to see that it was empty and put it on the table with the cleaning supplies.
Bosco heard Jennifer draw in a sharp breath and turned quickly toward her. He saw the confused – or was it scared – look on her face and then remembered he had the gun in his hand. He put it down on the table quickly. "Jennifer, I'm sorry. I was just going to clean it. I'm going back to work tomorrow, remember?" he said to her as some color came back to her face and she seemed to gather herself together some."I know, it's just..., I don't know," she said. "I remember...," she said and then stopped, wondering if she was having a memory of Jeff or of this man.
"You remember what, Jen?" Bosco asked, walking toward her. "Here, sit down. You look like you're about to fall over," he said, helping her to the couch.
"I don't know. I remember seeing that done before – the gun being taken out of the closet, being checked to make sure it was empty – or loaded – I'm not sure," she said, looking back at him. "It was dark. I remember being terrified," she said.
He sat down next to her. "Jen, you're remembering the night that the man broke into the house. The night we were first together. We were in the living room, the fire had just about died out and we were going to head upstairs. We heard glass break and the Anderson's dog barking. Do you remember?" he asked her, his heart just about in his throat.
"I don't know. Maybe something like that. I'm not sure," she said, clearly upset.
He put an arm around her shoulder. "It's okay. You're okay. The doctor said this could happen. You're just getting a flash of memory back. That's all. We went upstairs where you still had Jeff's gun locked up in the closet. I didn't have mine then because I was out of work from my accident – the one you operated on me for. Anyway, I took Jeff's gun out of the box and checked it and loaded it," he said and then decided to stop.
"Look, just relax. You're trembling," he said as he started to massage her neck without even thinking about it.
She felt the soothing way that he worked the muscles of her neck and instantly started to feel relief of the tension there. She closed her eyes as she played the memory flash over in her mind. "Do I remember? Or is it Jeff I'm remembering?" she thought to herself, trying to will herself the remember more.
The next thing she felt was a gentle shake on her shoulder and a whisper. "Jennifer, wake up, honey. You should get upstairs and get a good night's sleep. You fell asleep while I was rubbing your shoulders," she heard as she slowly opened her eyes.
Bosco leaned back as she awakened, not wanting to startle her. "Hi," he said with a smile. "Looks like these magic fingers haven't lost their touch."
"I guess not," Jennifer said, sitting up, suddenly embarrassed. "I guess I'll go up to bed," she said quickly, standing up.
"Okay. Sleep in if you want. I'll get the kids up and going in the morning. You said you didn't have to be to the hospital until later and I want to spend some time with them before I head back to the City tomorrow," Bosco told her as she walked toward the stairs.
"Okay, but wake me before Jordan gets on the bus. I want to wish her a good day and give Jason a kiss before you bring him to the sitter," Jennifer told him as she climbed the stairs.
"I will," he told her. "Goodnight. You're sure you're alright now?" he asked.
"Yes. Thank you. And, thanks for the neck rub. It did the trick," she said as she watched him go back to packing up his things. He didn't notice her linger at the top of the stairs and watch him.
"Some things you do are so familiar and it feels like I'm remembering, but then I lose it," she thought to herself with frustration. She watched him for another moment as he put his bag by the door after locking up his cleaned gun. He went around checking the locks and turning off lights and then went into the guest room off the living room. She stood there for another moment until he turned off the bedside light, leaving the television giving off the only light in the room as he watched the news. She went to her room and lay down, unable to sleep. "Maurice Boscorelli," she said quietly. "Dr. Jennifer Boscorelli," she said, the name still sounding foreign to her.
Bosco lay on the bed watching the news. He'd opened the window a crack and taken off his t-shirt because of the stuffiness in the room. He watched the news until the weather came on and then flipped over to one of the City channels to catch the weather for tomorrow and the upcoming week. He made a mental note to throw a couple of his long-sleeved shirts in the bag in the morning when the weatherman said that there would be some chilly days during the week. He still didn't feel comfortable leaving for the week and he'd told Faith and the Lieutenant that he may have to take some time off during the week if things were coming undone up here at home. They'd told him not to worry about it. The Department had been very good about giving him the time he needed – probably because he was one of the ones who took the least time off and could always be counted on whenever overtime was required – after all, he was in the City for the week usually, coming home early on Saturday mornings to be with his family.
She walked into the darkened room – the only illumination was from the test pattern emanating from the television set. She could see his features clearly. He was sleeping peacefully, except for a furrowed brow occasionally. She was probably the cause of that, she thought to herself. She knelt down alongside the bed, taking in his features, the scent of him, hoping that something would jog her memory. He was certainly handsome enough, she thought to herself as she took in his face and the muscular build usually covered by his t-shirt. She saw the scar on his shoulder from the accident he'd had the night they'd met in the rest area. She'd been told about that night and how badly injured he'd been. Without thinking, she traced the scar on his shoulder.
It was like an electric shock shot through her at the touch and she pulled her hand away as a flash of memory came through her mind. She saw him, lying on the stretcher in the E.R., the bright lights shining down on him. He was so pale and there seemed to be cuts and bruises everywhere. There were nurses and residents around him, starting more IVs, cleaning wounds, taking vital signs. The paramedics that had flown him in were giving her a report of how he'd gotten injured. She heard herself ordering x-rays and blood workups. It was as if she were above herself in that room – almost like the out of body experiences that people with near death experiences describe. She saw herself lean over him and gently tell him, "I've got you, Officer Boscorelli. Just hold on."
She saw him stir and quickly stood up and stepped back, afraid that she'd said it out loud and woken him up. His brow furrowed again and his arm fell to the side of the bed, almost brushing her nightgown. She felt a chill and looked to see the window open. Seeing goosebumps on his arms, she pulled the sheet up over him and walked over and quietly closed the window. She looked on the nightstand for the remote so she could turn off the television. As she reached for it, she was startled by his voice as he quickly sat up.
"Jen?! Are you alright? What's wrong?" he said frantically. She knocked the remote off the nightstand as she jumped.
"Nothing. Everything's fine. I just couldn't sleep and came downstairs to get a drink. I saw the light from the television and came in to ask if you wanted anything. But, you were asleep," she said, talking fast as if she was trying to explain her way out of something to her parents. "You looked cold, so I shut the window. I was just going to turn off the television," she finished, breathless, as she leaned over to pick up the remote at the same time he did.
Their hands both touched the remote at the same time and he held her hand as she tried to pull it away. She looked up at him and their faces were only inches apart. He couldn't help himself. He leaned over and kissed her lips. He was surprised when she didn't pull away immediately, but instead kissed him back. It was a quick kiss, but one that he'd longed for.
He looked at her and saw the stricken look in her eyes. "I'm sorry," he said quickly as she took her hand back. "I'm sorry, Jen," he said again as she walked around the bed and headed for the door.
"Jen?!" he called after her and she stopped and looked back at him.
"It's all right. It's me. I'm sorry. I'm just not ready," she said, as he got out of bed, forgetting that he only had his boxers on.
"I know. I'm sorry. It's just..., I couldn't help...," he said, before she interrupted, having regained her composure and being slightly amused at this man standing before her in his underwear and apologizing to her. She stifled her smile and said,
"It's okay, Maurice. Get some sleep. We'll talk about it in the morning. I'm sorry I woke you."
"I'm not," he said. "Goodnight."
TBC...
