Disclaimer: Me no money, you know kung foo. Me no own, so you no sue.
Welcome back to hurricane country. We're glad to have you with us tonight. The pilot would just kindly ask you to buckle your seatbelts and (hold onto something...) have your tray tables up and your seats in the upright positions. In event of an emergency, we'd like to suggest to you that you put your head between your legs and kiss your ass goodbye. Thank you and have a nice flight. (click)
Co-pilot to pilot: We have clearance for takeoff.
Chapter Four: Getting to know you: Australia
Carmen
It was three weeks since Carmen had the run-in with Sandiego, and she was beginning to get worried that she wouldn't even have the opportunity of torturing him. Perhaps she had been too easy on him...
It was night and the condo had been quiet. Except, of coarse, for when Carmen decided she had to sit up or down... But even those noises of grunts and swears had quieted to almost nothing as the back restraint had been removed and the leg casts were getting smaller and smaller. Now, all she had to wear was a barely-there 'cast' that was removable during the night. Carmen's workload had become lighter and that mad her worry. It usually meant they were just waiting for the right time to tell her she had some huge mission to go on. She actually wasn't looking forward to that.
Instead, she was mainly interested in developing her plan. Marriage was the only way out of the CIA. Well, not the only way...there was suicide and joining the army....Carmen pushed those thoughts away from her. She really, really wanted out.
She was trying to think. Who could she possibly marry? In order for the CIA to believe her, she might have to marry a P.h.D.on't. She was quite attracted to the buggers anyway. Didn't know why.
You see, Carmen saw any human on the planet with a college degree as a strange foreign animal that was not to be trusted. (But we'll get to that later.)
Carmen thought harder. Who could she marry? She wanted him to be cute, handsome, good looking, attractive, ....has she mentioned she wanted him to be the hottest thing walking?
Carmen smiled to herself.
She had more class than that. She really did want him to have a personality. She had been attracted to several men before. She wondered if she could convince any of them to marry her. She sighed. She was attracted to so many people.
Carmen realized for the first time that this was a serious decision. But this only made her break out in annoying laughter. She fell on the couch and giggled a little more.
Then she heard the phone ring.
Carmen sluggishly got herself off the couch and into the living room. She picked up the phone. Her voice was not the least bit tired, despite today.
"Hello? This is Carmen speaking." Oops. She didn't have to be so forma-
"Carmen? Hey. This is Sandiego."
Sandiego
For the last three weeks, working overtime had pushed his former job offer out of his mind. He had a small position working for a newspaper. The idea was to work your way up in the system. First, you start off making less money that you probably deserve, working incredibly hard hours (where he was). Secondly, if you're good enough, you work fairly long hours and make as much money as is your rightful due. And lastly, you work only a reasonable amount and make a huge salary.
It seemed like a lousy deal, but he held the job for two reasons: Number one, he was good and fast at writing, so the hard hours were easier on him then they might have been on some. Second, It paid better/was better than the alternative; bussing tables at a restaurant. In his opinion, he was lucky to have the job.
But he hadn't been able to stop thinking about Carmen, really. Who was she? CIA his ass.
That did not, however, make him feel any better about running away from the restaurant like that.
He might not have gone into it any deeper, but that night, he'd found a list of numbers and addresses he'd written down three and a half weeks ago when he'd first talked to the chief inspector. He'd seen a number with a C by it and decided; what the hell? But he was truly excited by the prospect of calling her, and mildly terrified by the prospect that she might not be home-or asleep or-
"Hello? This is Carmen speaking."
"C-Carmen? Hey. This is Sandiego." He was overcome with relief. And she sounded so relaxed on the phone.
"Sandiego? My partner prospect from the restaurant Sandiego?"
"Um, I'm not sure about partner prospect, but we did meet at the restaurant. Yeah."
He could hear her giggle and squeal like an overly hyper child on the other line. "I'm so glad to hear from you." What the hell? She's being nice to him? Oh well, she could torture him later. She really was curious about how he was, though.
"Yeah, yeah. Me too."
"You're glad to hear from yourself? That's odd."
"No, no. Not me. You."
"You're glad to hear that I'm glad to hear from you?"
"Nevermind." Sandiego sighed. Carmen heard it in the form of husky static.
"Hey," Carmen proposed, "You want to um, have a kind of sleepover?"
Sandiego couldn't believe his ears. It was a bad idea. She was 17, she thinks she's with the CIA, she can't understand metaphors, she- "Sure."
He hadn't had a sleepover since...he'd never had a sleepover. Who knows? He was feeling adventurous. This could be fun. He wrote down the address that she dictated and packed a small bag of thing, then went to find his car.
Sleepover: The P.h.D.on'ts Strike Back
Sandiego found the condo with limited difficulties, (and managed to park with as much luck...) He rang the doorbell, and was greeted by Carmen, in a black nightgown that was fairly conservative, and defiantly not meant to be provocative.
She smiled at him and he heard music playing in the back ground. She looked excited. He felt giddy. She pulled him into the condo and began giggling softly.
She turned to face him.
He thought of her as 'pretty' for the first time. He hadn't thought that at all at the café. Of coarse, he noted, she had also rid herself of those bandages. In fact, she looked as though she had never been better. The dim light of the room made what he had considered pudgy to be lush, dark, plump southern European skin. Her lips were thin, but her smile was nice; if not a little sarcastic due to crooked teeth. She had thick eyebrows and lush, (slightly greesy or maybe it was just wet...) hair, which was comfortably fashioned in a ponytail.
"Hi." Sandiego ventured.
Carmen looked like she was withholding a laughing fit. "Hi" She managed with a smile.
After an awkward silence, she burst out laughing and said "Come on."
She lead him to the bedroom and plopped down on the mattress. "Got any bags?" She asked, streaching out a little.
Sandiego produced for her his little sack with minimal supplies and she giggled again. "Put it on the floor."
She patted next to herself on the bed, and he plopped down next to her, giving a nervous smile. She didn't look nervous at all... like some other people he knew...Cant' think about that now!
"Okay," Said Carmen decidedly, as if she'd been waiting since he got here to proceed to this, "Here are some things I've been wondering about you. Are you in graduate school or college or whatever?"
"Yes. I'm getting a P.h.D. in anthropology."
"A P.h.D.on't huh? Are you going to be an archeologist, Indiana Jones?"
Sandiego screwed up his face. "A what?"
"Oh. You mean 'P.h.Don't.' That's a long story. Has to do with my personal beliefs. My parents were both in Forensics and I came to the conclusion at an early age that college breeds a different type of human being."
"Well, I'm trying to get a P.h.D.o., then."
Carmen overreacted and burst out in laughter that was so hard, she nearly fell off the bed. Sandiego joined the chorus. When they'd both settled down a little, Carmen proceeded to question him.
"Do you have a girlfriend?"
"Getting to that already are we? Well, I guess I do have that affect on women..." He replied in his best James Bond voice. Carmen laughed again, but he could tell she was trying not to overreact again.
"No. Nothing like that. Actually, I was wondering if you had a wife."
Sandiego frowned. "I had a wife."
Carmen didn't seem the least ashamed as she blurted out, "She didn't die did she?"
"No. She didn't die. We're divorced."
Carmen laughed again. Divorced at 25! That's rich!
"It's not funny!" Sandiego said in a deep, serious voice. It shut her up.
"Sorry." She said. She was so punch-drunk, she almost meant it. Almost...
Sandiego proceeded to explain a little more about his ex-wife, and ended with her being pregnant for real.
"Wow. That's deep." Said Carmen.
"Yeah," Said Sandiego, chuckling a little. He felt the sudden urge to tell her about Jeanitia.
Sandiego explained of his own free will how he'd seen the little girl come to him, and how he'd driven to San Diego every week...(he didn't get through that part without a little laughter on Carmen's part.). And ended with his 'dad' instincts.
"So," Sandiego exclaimed after a few moments of silence, "Are we really with the CIA?"
"Yepp," Said Carmen, doing a fake solute, "ACME divisions. We deal with foreign affairs inside and outside the US. The names for those subdivisions are ACME 1 and ACME 2. Clever, no?"
"Okay, okay." Sandiego said. "But if you were with the CIA, why would you be telling me this? I haven't said I would accept the job yet. I could expose you."
"Oh, no" Said Carmen playfully, "You don't have a choice."
Sandiego listened, but the comfortable mattress beckoned him more than anything. He fell asleep without brushing his teeth.
Carmen awoke to the phone ringing. She saw Sandiego lying beside her. He looked truly pathetic with his hair messed up and hi-
RIIIINNNNGGG!!!
Okay, okay. I'm coming. Carmen picked up the phone and slurred, "Hello?"
"Hello. Carmen?"
"Who else? Chief inspector?"
"Yes. That's me."
"Oh. Sorry, boss."
"Listen, Carmen. I've got a mission for you and Sandiego."
"How did you know Sandiego was-?"
"That's-"
"Confidential. I know."
"Carmen! Stop that! Listen to me. I need you and your partner on a rescue mission. There's not much information now that's not confidential, but I'll tell you what I can."
"He is NOT my partner!"
When Carmen hung up the phone, her mouth dropped in disbelief. She was going on the most dangerous mission ACME division had ever seen...with the new guy.
She frowned.
Australia? They were going on a rescue mission in Australia!
Dun dun dun!
Want to know what happens? Check out Carmen and Sandiego: THE MOVIE! It'll be in both the 'Rescuers down under' category and 'Where in the world is Carmen Sandiego' category. IT WILL NOT BE PART OF 'THE MANY ADVENTURES OF CARMEN AND SANDIEGO'! It will be a separate story. But it'll pick up where the story leaves off.
It should be up in a few days. Maybe longer. It will happen though.
Thanks,
Goslin
