"Everybody Hurts"

Rowan Arkenson

Summary: Everybody hurts – especially when you're in love with a girl who won't even look at you. But James will soon realise that he's not the only one with problems...

Disclaimer: I don't own the characters or the setting. JK Rowling does, and I guess she owns the general plot, but the story, lucky me, is mine. :) enjoy.

A/N: I have returned! Holland was excellent, and I only got back a few hours ago – I got up at 5am this morning cus we had to catch the ferry – HOW RIDICULOUS. Anyway, I wrote this chapter on holiday and half a page of the next one, and I've been sitting here typing it all up for you from my notebook so I hope you appreciate how long it's taken me!!!! lol. Apologies for any typos – I couldn't really be bothered to check when typing it up and for some reason my notebook doesn't have spell check...

Oh, by the way, this chapter's in three parts – don't ask why, it just felt right! The second part changes to Sirius' POV, and the little lines in bold italics that spring up everywhere make up the chorus of a song called "Breathe" by a rock band called Taproot.

Cheers again to everyone who reviewed:

Fashiondiva – That's so sweet! I'm privileged that you came back to life for my story! So, what's death like??! lol. hehehe – parents are deceived a helluva lot more than they think...MWAHAHA!!!

Nina – I know we all love cliffhangers really, but isn't it just lovely to have a break from them occasionally!!!!

Brazen Angel – ...pretty woman? Seriously?! How does this remind you of pretty women?!?!?!?!?! (Don't take this the wrong way – I love all romatic classics (sigh) I just fail to see how this is like that, lmao.) Hopefully, fanfiction won't be a bugger and will let me put this up before I go on holiday, otherwise you're looking at a long bout of non-storyness from my side! Wow I'm on your author alert? I'm honoured – truly honoured!!

aLL aMeRIcAn gIRl 50 – :) hope this is soon enough for you. glad you think my story's "cute" lol.

Orion Phoenix – wow, greater than great??! you don't know how much your review made me smile :D thank you so much! And from one who comes from the more, shall we say, "intellectual" side of writing that is fpcom! HONOURED, HONOURED I TELL YOU! wanna read any of my shitty poems? My name's rowan arkenson on there as well if you wanna do me a favour and tell me what you think of them, lol.

sailorsunandchildofthesun – glad you liked it. Leave me a review and tell me what you think of this next chapter! Cheers for reviewing! :)

me – oh, I wonder who, since I was there when you read and reviewed!!!! lol. cheers for reading this. Hope you're liking it!! And no, you're not going to find out what Remus is wanting to tell James for a while yet – no one else seems to have caught on to the few hints I've put about this. Not that I've put many, but still!! lol. Read on my friend, read on...

Edolie – lol, glad you think I put enough humour in to balance with the angst – I was beginning to think it was too depressing, myself!! Glad someone thinks I'm funny :D Yeah, I really hate fics where Lily really hates James one chapter and then the next is found kissing him in the common room. It would never happen like that. These things take time!!! Ah, and there may be more reasons why Remus seems to know a lot about girls...hehehe...but maybe not, lol. Ahh, poor Sirius...I will put some lovely angst in for him. Who says James is the only one with problems? As it says in my summary! lol. But yeh, you'll find out more about stuff going on with Sirius and his family problems later. And you know you said about Lily suddenly being nice to James at the end of the last chapter? I just think she's confused!! There's this boy I know who I really really love but he can be a real dick sometimes so sometimes I'm lovely with him but sometimes I just blow up at him. I guess Lily's feeling along the same lines – she just isn't as extreme as I am!! I'm so glad you're liking this story, and thanks for your long reviews, they're really helpful! Cheers! :D

Saquoia – first of all, I like corny! Corny is great! lol. and yes, something is bound to go wrong...of course it is...I would know, I'm the author! MWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! Thanks for coming back to review. It means a lot to me. :) glad you like the story.

Brazen Angel – ooh, I did have muchly fun in Holland, cheers! I'm back now though! :D hope I've put this story up in time for you to read, if not, it'll be sitting here waiting for you along with this little personal message: Come read me!

Marie4 – lol, sorry I disappointed you with the author's note, but I didn't want to lose readers just because I didn't update for ages. Here, dedicated to you, Marie, for making you wait, is chapter four – so you better enjoy it!!!! lol.

Starborn – glad you're liking it. I was really unsure of how to get around the canon, I think I've handled it ok! lol, glad you think my story's funny and "hilarious in parts"! :D

To various friends of Starborn – well, if you are reading this, then I hope you're enjoying the story, and please review so I know what you think! :)

Leigh – hope you like the chapter! Ooh, you read Secret Love? Cool! Which story do you like better? I think I prefer this one, I didn't much like Secret Love, but everyone else seemed to!!

A/N: By the way, to "get pissed" means to get drunk. Dunno if everyone knows that or not. I assumed they did but then wasn't sure if this was said in America at all, and since I'll assume most of my reviewers are American since it's about a hundred times as big as Britain, I'd thought I'd better let you know!! Review pleeazee. ~rowanx

(ps, that a/n was over a page long! WOW! Thank you all so much for reviewing!!!!!!)

Chapter Four – Let The Games Begin

PART ONE:

Confusing Friendships

James soared through the sky on his Firebolt 1000, almost forgetting that he was in the middle of a game as the wind rushed past him, chilling his skin and making his whole body shudder at the touch, reminding him of how he had felt down in the kitchen with Lily's body pressed against his own...

                "James, left!" James immediately obeyed to this order commanded from Sirius' voice from far away. Dodging sharply to the left he saw a bludger streak past him. With no time to thank his friend for the warning he flew quickly away from the other bludger, making it crash straight into a chaser from Slytherin. He watched as his love then had the opportunity to plummet through the sky to the hoops. She attempted to score and failed but Anne quickly caught it from the Slytherin keeper who had at the last moment dropped it. Gryffindor were now up 10-0. James pretended he hadn't seen Lily's sad face that held both disappointment and apology directed towards him. Instead he held the quaffle he had tackled from a Slytherin chaser and passed back and fourth with her all the way back up the pitch. At the last minute when it looked as though he was about to throw it in the far left hoop he quickly passed it to Lily who recovered from this shock after a split second and scored it in the far right hoop.

                "And Gryffindor's new team member, Lily Evans, has just scored herself her first hoop for the team!" roared Callum, a Ravenclaw, as he commentated the match. "And it's Gryffindor 20, Slytherins 0."

                James flew up to Lily and grinned at her before the two raced along through the game, scoring at every possible moment, every possible hoop they could get, they got it. Anne helped with the passing but it was James and Lily really who got the points in. After thirty minutes it was Gryffindor 90, Slytherin 30, and James had never felt happier with a start of term game. He signalled up to Julie to start looking for the snitch; so far she had just been stopping the Slytherin seeker from finding it – James had said he wanted to give Lily a real chance to show herself off on her first game and had therefore told Julie not to look for it until he told her to. Now through she was dodging and sprinted around in the air, looking for the tiny golden ball. Within minutes James heard the whistle blow and the score was called out "Slytherin 30, Gryffindor 240! Gryffindor win!" shouted a maybe over-enthusiastic mutual commentator as Callum jumped up and down along with everyone else for his favoured team.

                "You guys played great out there today," James said loudly once they'd escaped Gryffindors and had managed to claw their way through into the changing rooms. He punched the air with happiness.

                "Yeah, especially Lily," Anne said good-heartedly. Lily blushed. "Three cheers for our new chaser! Hip hip – "

                "Hooray!"

                "Hip hip – "

                "Hooray!"

                "Hip hip – "          

                "HOORAY!"

                Lily blushed even more furiously as Sirius kissed her on the cheek. She giggled though when he whispered something in her ear before moving away. James frowned, plotting Sirius' early and so not gruesome enough death in his head as his so called best friend approached him. "So, great match, huh?" Sirius said with a huge grin plastered on his face.

                "Yeah," said James absently as he took his boots off.

                "Want to go down to Hogsmeade to celebrate?"

                "Sure."

                "You alright?" Sirius looked at James with concern. "You seem a bit down for someone who just won a quidditch match."

                "There are more important things, you know," James mumbled.

                "What was that?"

                "I said I'm fine," James said through gritted teeth. Sirius nodded tightly, and gave James a weird look before he wandered off towards someone else. James' eyes followed him all the way. "Git," he mumbled.

"To Gryffindor!" Sirius yelled, holding up his butterbeer.

                "To Gryffindor!" yelled James, Remus, Peter, Lily, November and the rest of the quidditch team. Everyone gulped down their butterbeers in celebration. Gryffindor did usually win their first matches, but it was still nice to have a reason for drinking.

                "So, you talked to Lily any more about her going home with you at Halloween?"

                James frowned. "No," he said quietly. "I don't know what to say."

                Remus sighed, as if it was obvious. "Well you have to make sure you two really are – look, in love, in front of your parents."

                James narrowed his eyes. "This isn't supposed to be some sort of fix-up thing your setting up between me and Lily, is it? Because knowing Lily Evans she isn't going to fall in love with me over some clichéd romantic meet the parents thing."

                 "No, it's not necessary for Lily to fall in love with you," Remus said smiling, "Because she already is in love with you!"

                "No she isn't, Remus! I think it's pretty clear to me that she isn't," James insisted. "Now shut up, drink your butterbeer and get pissed like normal seventeen year olds."

James rolled his eyes as he tried to help Remus walk up the dormitory stairs. It was kind of hard as his friend was singing, rather loudly, some song about wanting to visit a French bread factory in his underpants. James thought that Remus had kind of taken his advice a little too far. Kicking the door open, the two walked in and James dumped Remus onto his bed. Remus had just finished singing what James had hoped was the last verse of his song and began to clap wildly. "Yes, Remus," said James in a very patronising voice. "That was a very good song." Remus said nothing and stared at James wide-eyed. "Did you make it up yourself?" continued James, talking as he would to a six year old.

                Peter came in, dragging Sirius behind him. Sirius was laughing hysterically and Peter gave James a pleading look. But before James could move over to help, Sirius struggled out of Peter's hands, took a few very determinedly placed steps and fell over. Remus laughed as Sirius turned into a dog and barked loudly.

                Sirius changed back into his human form and Peter quickly threw him into the bathroom, locking them both in, in attempts to calm their friend down. James could hear some very unpleasant vomiting sounds and gave Peter his deepest sympathies.

                "Come on Remus, we have to get you in bed," James said, throwing a very disgruntled Remus onto his bed.

                "Do you want to know something?" Remus said. "Do you?" He pulled James closer and whispered in his ear. "Do you want to know?"

                James pulled away. "No, I don't, because whatever you want to tell me probably has something to do with French Bread Factories, and I don't really care to be honest, so night night Remus, it's sleep time now."

                Trying to move away, he couldn't shut Remus up. "I don't have any Brench Fread Bactories," Remus commented, looking like a lost little puppy. "I do have one thing though."

                "And what's that?" James asked with a sigh. He yawned, feeling tired.

                "I have the greatest friends in the whole whole world," Remus said with a defiant nod, getting out of bed again and hugging James as tightly as he could. "Friends who don't care how wolfey I am," he murmured into James' shoulder. "Friends who don't judge me or my French bread, friends who love my alcoholic ways."

                James patted his back and tried to pull away, but Remus' grip was very strong, and he held on for a while. When Remus finally did release James, he had tears in his eyes, and said, "You'd love me no matter what, right?"

                "Well, that depends on how much you're going to go on about French bread factories," James said jokingly.

                Remus nodded. "Good. Good good. So, no matter what – remember that, Jamesie boy, you love me." He grinned happily and then allowed James to throw him back onto his bed. James heard Remus breathing heavily and knew his friend had fallen fast asleep.

                James got changed and lay on his own bed, wondering what had made Remus say all that. Was there something he hadn't been telling the Marauders? James slept lightly, hearing Peter and Sirius come in and fall onto their own beds, sleeping quickly. Thoughts of Lily overtook James' worries over Remus in his mind, and he felt uneasy as he slept that night, anxious of the coming weekend, and with what the hell his parents were going to say.

"So?" asked Remus on Monday morning. He sat down next to Peter opposite James and leaned forward eagerly. "What did the parents say?"

                James shrugged. He had to admit, he'd kind of ignored the buzzing in his mind over the past weekend that his parents weren't exactly going to just say, "Lovely darling, we're so glad you've found someone, who cares about Anita, what do we know?!"

                James tried to blot out his ears as Remus quoted different parts of the crumpled up half torn letter from the Potters that he'd obviously found on the floor behind him. "Very disappointed...I hope you didn't think...this is very serious...how dare you..." Remus stopped at the pale look on James' face. He took a turn in ripping the paper and throwing it back to the floor. "Yeah, well, not exactly what we were hoping they would say is it?"

                Before James had a chance to say a sarcastic remark, Sirius came bouncing into the hall and sat down next to James looking happy happy happy. Eurgh, thought James. "So, what's up with my little purple plum fairies today?" Remus took the letter off of the floor without a word and tossed it at Sirius forcefully. James watched Sirius read the letter through. His expression didn't change much; he simply read it like he would a Daily Prophet article about flobberworms becoming extinct; except he'd probably be a little sadder about the flobberworms – "Now what are we going to do in care of magical creatures for a skive lesson??"

                Sirius put the letter down on the table and shrugged. James' mouth dropped open. "You have nothing to say?"

                "Well, what did you expect Prongs?" he said, eating his cereal.

                James wasn't the only one angry. It was Remus' turn to pounce. "You're on their side? How can you be? You were as much into this idea as I was!"

                "Well, yeah, but you did sort of lie to them and everything...and they only want what's best –"

                James frowned. "Since when do you take my parent's side instead of mine? I'm your best friend!" Sirius opened his mouth to explain, but James carried on. "Oh, no, sorry I forgot, my parents must be perfect compared to yours, right? They treat you like a poor little angel and you suddenly turn against me just because you think I'm ungrateful, just because you think your family's so fucked up?"

                Everyone on the Gryffindor table was staring at James and the few who were nearest shrunk back slightly as Sirius rose to his feet dangerously, his white fists clenched at his side. He looked as though he wanted to beat James to death – yet he didn't bother to try to hold back the sad tears that filled his eyes. A few fell softly down his flushed cheeks and James' heart nearly stopped beating at the look his best friend was giving him.

                "You think you've got it bad, because your parents don't like your girlfriend?" Sirius said quietly, with the kind of spite in his voice James had thought was only possible coming from a Slytherin. "You don't know anything about having fucked up parents. Imagine parents loathing the sight of you. Imagine parents who remind you every single day that your younger brother is everything they had hoped you would be. Imagine parents who tell you at every possible moment that you're worthless, that you'll amount to nothing." The tears were now falling freely from Sirius' face. James stood up slowly. "Imagine parents who either snap and sneer at you, or ignore you, pretending you don't exist." James put a hand onto his friends' shaking shoulder, but Sirius shrugged it off. "Imagine parents who force you to go to stupid dinner parties with their horrible, disgusting, 'pure-blood' friends, and then afterwards – beat you, if you said one-word-wrong..." Sirius' voice had broken on the last sentence, and he turned, hand to his forehead and walked out of the hall. All the eyes in the Great Hall were on Remus, Peter and James as they hurried after their friend.

                James caught up with Sirius in the entrance hall. He reached a hand out and touched Sirius' shoulder. Sirius spun round and pushed James, hard, to the floor. Remus rushed to help James and Peter backed away looking terrified. James simply stared up at his best friend in shock – and in shame.

                "Parents who hate you, James!" Sirius shouted at him. "You don't know anything about how that feels. Your parents love you – that's why they say they're so angry because you didn't tell them about Lily sooner...they just want the best for you! I don't think my parents could care less." Sirius paused, breathing heavily. "Your mum and dad are saints. They took me in without question or judgement. So don't you fucking dare even try to compare our parents, James! Don't you fucking dare."

                Sirius turned and walked up the stairs and out of sight. Remus and Peter tried to steady a shaking James as they helped him to his feet. After an awkward silence, Remus said, "You really shouldn't have said anything about the Blacks, Prongs." James felt the sarcasm he wanted to say obvious without him having to speak, so he didn't reply.

                "I've never seen Padfoot so angry before," said Peter in disbelief.

                "Or so upset..." added Remus.

                James couldn't tear his gaze away from the stairs; he felt crushed and shameful, as he willed his brain to believe that the last five minutes hadn't really just happened.

PART TWO:

Breathe

~ I'm trying to scream but I can't breathe...

Can anybody hear me? ~

Sirius scrunched himself up in the corner of the dormitory, trembling. The tears were flowing and he felt like he couldn't breathe. He held his hands to his ears, pressing hard, trying to block out the voices, but they were trapped in his head and he couldn't shut them up. "Shut up," whispered Sirius Sirius quietly, as his mother told him that the best job he'd ever be able to get at the ministry would be a cleaner. "Shut up," he said, as his father sneered at him that Regulus had already been offered the job of Minister of Magic by Mr Black's powerful friends. "Shut up," Sirius said loudly, as his brother got offered everything he'd ever wanted, while Sirius sat in the corner, on his own, playing with a bauble on the Christmas Tree. "Leave me alone!" he screamed as he felt the raw, blistering pain of his mother slapping him hard across the cheek because she said she didn't like the look of him.

~ I'm trying to dream but I can't sleep...

Can anyone shield me? ~

The voices droned down a bit; Sirius shivered and wrapped his arms around himself. Damn them all to hell, he thought, but it only seemed to feed the anger flooding through his veins. Sirius slammed his hand against the wall and didn't even feel the pain.

                He dragged himself up and swayed a bit as a moment of dizziness took over. Blinking a few times, he walked over to his mirror and winced as he saw the bags under his eyes. He hadn't slept for five days straight. Why hadn't anyone noticed? Did no one care for him other than for the guy who can give you a few good laughs?

~ I shut my eyes and hold my cries to myself ~

He knew he shouldn't have lost his temper with James, he knew that. But he'd had to hold it all inside for so long...and he was tired of having to just pretend his anger wasn't there. He was sick of having to play the funny arse who charms all the girls. That really wasn't who Sirius was...

                Looking at himself in the mirror, he knew he was seeing the real Sirius Black. Slightly scruffy hair because he hadn't bothered to brush it that morning. Bloodshot eyes from a lifetime of tears. A pale face, hungry and tired, wanting only rest and peace...

                But his family had well and truly fucked him up into making a protective shell around himself. He would never let anyone in. He'd never give anyone the change to see who Sirius Black really was, just so they could laugh at him, tell him they hated him, rip up his soul and break his heart – just like his parents had...

~ My pride's in the shitter ~

Moving away from the mirror, Sirius leaned against the wall and closed his eyes. He had to get a grip. He didn't know how many people had heard him arguing with James but he was sure he must have caught people's attention; it's not everyday that the immature player Sirius Black cries openly in front of everyone.

                Sirius had never shouted at James so harshly before. He mentally kicked himself as the image of James' face after he'd pushed him over flew across his eyes.

                But he couldn't be worrying about that yet.

                Eyes still shut, Sirius reached into his pocket and drew out his most beloved object – a penknife...

~ But I... ~

Sirius clicked out the knife and touched it to his finger before opening his eyes to the gleaming tip. He didn't want to pretend anymore – he just wanted the pain to stop...Sirius began to dig the knife in... He stopped as the first drop of blood oozed out. Gazing at the small red liquid as it gently glazed over his finger, he pushed the tip in further, amazed at how great it felt. Taking the knife down to his arm, he cut in, slicing down...

                Feeling weak, Sirius slid to the floor, grinning crazily. He hadn't done this since he'd moved in to the Potters'. James had found out and had made him promise to stop. So he had. But Sirius didn't care about promises anymore. His parents were supposed to have promised to love him forever when he was born. No one had kept a promise to him – so why should he keep promises?

                Sirius dug the knife in, cutting deeper, tears brimming his eyes. He wondered then whether he could end it all. He'd thought about it dozens of times before; just a little more pressure on the knife, and...

Pausing, he thought about what his friends would say. They'd probably cry a tear or two and then move on to find another clown. The Potters' would be sad about the wasted life of a poor, sad boy, but then just feel glad that they got their house back, free from unwanted visitors. His parents would most definitely be ecstatic – they could carry on pretending they only had one son, just like they'd always wanted...

~ Won't quit ~

Sirius threw the knife across the room with such a force that it hit the wall opposite, leaving a dent, and then fell clattering down. Sirius would never give his parents the satisfaction of his own suicide. They would know that they were the ones who broke him, leaving smiles on their faces – and the last thing Sirius wanted was their happiness.

                Standing up unsteadily, he looked at the blood still leaking through the long, ragged and very deep cut on his arm. He felt weak, and wondered how much blood he had lost. Still feeling high and strangely happy from the stinging pain he felt, Sirius looked around him spotting an old muggle t-shirt lying on his bed that he;d been using to slepp in. Picking it up, he mopped the blood gently, grinning in pleasure as each time the shirt touched his cut he felt a new buzzing, releasing pain. When he had soaked up most of the dark blood on his arm, he spread the shirt out and, with some difficulty, wrapped it tightly around his cut. Sirius pulled his robes back on and glanced in the mirror, hoping his eyes weren't too bloodshot. Examining his arm and face in the mirror, he decided that no one would notice anything was up.

                As Sirius walked down to his second lesson after realising that he'd somehow missed his first, he promised himself that he'd never let himself get so close to ending it all again. He wasn't going to give in just because his mum and dad were arseholes. He wasn't going to give in; he wasn't going to just quit...

~ Never quit. ~

PART THREE:

Notes and Hidden Meanings

James stared at the wall, expressionless. Sirius hadn't turned up to Care of Magical Creatures, and James had spent the whole lesson worrying over his best friend's reaction to a few angry, in-the-heat-of-the-moment words that James hadn't even really meant. He had met Sirius' parents before, when the friends were but seven years old and not yet friends. He seemed to remember a distinct air of feeling unwanted and unsafe the moment he had stepped through the doorway of the large house that had belonged to the Blacks for centuries, clasping his mother's hand and feeling a comforting feeling from her own sweaty hand; James supposed she had felt that same was as he did about entering the dark and dreary home they were supposed to be making friend with.

                The Potters lived just outside London in a cosy little cottage on a small, almost empty lane called Godric's Hollow. They had moved in there when the house's previous occupants, James' grandparents, had passed away almost simultaneously, leaving the home to their son, Mr Darrel Potter, in their will.

                Why in a personal letter addressed to James' parents had his grandfather suggested becoming friends with the Blacks was a question James was still unsure of the answer to even after finding and reading this letter himself. But when his grandparents passed away, Mr Potter had sworn to give up all that "evil dark arts stuff" his parents had believed in, and James supposed that the Blacks had the dark arts in common with the late Mr and Mrs Potter seeing as how they all schemed and planned their lives through it. But why want their son and his family to be friends with them?

                After Mrs Potter had persuaded Mr Potter into just meeting the Blacks (purely for social interests), they went to the house never wanting to return ever again. James could recall the unpleasant scent of dark magic you received when going into each room, and didn't blame his parents for not wanting to go back, but the two seven year old boys, Black and Potter, once met were not easily separated.

                James smiled as memories of his and Sirius' seven year old selves playing together, so easily satisfied, flittered through his mind, and saddened him as he thought of the troubles they had just ten years later, not even finished as school boys.

                Looking up as Sirius walked in, face pale and weak, James felt a surge of guilt as he thought of how stupid he'd been that morning. His parents were great really – they were always there for him, even if sometimes the tried to control his life a bit too harshly. James doubted that the Blacks had ever been there to care for Sirius.

                Professor Kilwoed gave Sirius a sharp look as he walked through the door and stopped at her desk. "Why are you ten minutes late to my lesson, Mr Black? What is your excuse?"

                "I...I didn't feel too well, professor," Sirius said, performing the little routine of a pained face and a hand to his stomach that he and the Marauders had practice to perfection.

                Kirlwoed's face softened slightly. "Did you go to the hospital wing?" she asked sweetly.

                "I was just on my way there when I realised I would miss my favourite lesson of the week. I'm really sorry I'm late, miss." Sirius gave Kilwoed the pained smile of an invalid trying to be brave.

                Kilwoed gave Sirius a sympathetic look in return. "You go and take your seat, Black. And take it easy," she added before Sirius walked away. James hadn't even realised he'd been grinning at the excellence of Sirius' performance until Sirius' own fake smile vanished and he walked to the only seat left in the classroom, next to Peter, three seats away from James. James remembered then with a pang that Sirius probably wasn't talking to him – and why should he? James had been an arse and had reminded his friend of feelings that Sirius obviously didn't want to think on.

                Deciding to do what he hadn't done for a while, James found a scrap of parchment in his bag and wrote Sirius a quick note:

                                Padfoot

                                       You alright?

– Prongs

                James flicked the note across Remus and Peter so that it landed on Sirius' desk. James watched as Sirius took a while in contemplating the note in front of him before opening it and slowly reading the words in front of him. Sirius frowned before taking time in scribbling something and flicking it back without a glance in James' direction. James opened the note:

                                Why shouldn't I be alright?

                                Well, ok then. Good.

                                So, any ideas on how to annoy the Slytherins

                                today? It's been too long since I late saw

them mad at us!

                James sighed. Sirius was hiding again; like he always did when he wanted to shut people out. Changing the subject to playing jokes on Slytherins was always a clear sign to James that Sirius didn't want to talk about something. But maybe they should talk about it this time.

                                Look, it's obvious you're not fine in any way.

                                I'm really sorry about what I said this

                                morning, it was really out of order – but I

                                feel like you're only pretending you're not

                                mad at me.

                                Prongs, if you don't stop acting like a girl this

                                instant I'm going to act my evil wrath out on

you instead of Snape!

                Realising Sirius was properly hidden under his shell and that there wasn't much he could do about it, James gave up and began plotting evil schemes against all Slytherins, and by the end of the lesson, the two had a long and devious plan for their amusement that was sure to get them expelled at least eighteen times if they were caught...

The fireworks that exploded out of Snape's soup that evening bounced all across the Slytherin table. Each time it entered someone's soup, pink sticky fairy dust flew out and covered all the Slytherins nearby, and somehow produced more fireworks so that within ten seconds there were hundreds of these tiny fairy dust soup-exploding fireworks splattering all over the table. There seemed to be some sort of force field around the Slytherins, because none of the other houses were getting hit with the dust, and all were screeching with laughter as the teachers rushed around trying to catch the fireworks and to break the protective spell around that was doing more harm than it was protecting.

                James only managed a meek smile as friends around him were having to make an effort not to fall off their chairs with the force of the laughter that escaped their throats.

                "H-h-how?" was all Remus managed to get out as he wiped a tear from his eye.

                Sirius' grin broadened. "Well, I sneaked down to Hogsmeade to get the fireworks, and James here," Sirius clapped a hand on his friend's shoulder, "worked on the fireworks to get them all to fit into one and to explode out with the pink dust I found in Zonkos – this boy's so clever and wonderful I could kiss him." Much to James' misfortune Sirius actually did kiss him, and left a slobbery mark on his cheek in doing so. "It's been too long," Sirius said with a contented sigh as James tried to wipe his cheek with his robes.

                As he turned his head in order for the material to meet his saliva-covered skin, James caught the disgusted look Lily was sending his way and his heart fell. She turned away looking almost hurt, and James saw her mutter something to November and Priscilla before exiting the hall leaving her friends to exchange confused glances.

                James stood up.

                "Where are you going?" asked Sirius. "You haven't witnessed the main event yet!"

                "Don't feel well," muttered James. Leaving his friends to hear from Sirius how he and James had managed to bribe the house elves in the kitchen with tea cosies to put their firework into Snape's soup, James ran out of the hall just missing the second round of fireworks he and Sirius had planted, this time in every Slytherins' soups.

                Leaving behind the booms of laughter, James ran up the stairs in the entrance hall to find Lily a little ahead of him, walking slowly in the direction of Gryffindor Tower.

                James caught up with her. "Hey Lil. You ok?"

                Lily gave him a sideways look before she decided to stare at her feet. "Of course I am, Potter."

                Ouch. Lily hadn't called him Potter for a while now.

                "I know you know that it was me and Sirius who planted those fireworks..."

                "Why should I care?" Lily interrupted angrily. "I thought perhaps you'd changed from the childish, immature little boy you used to be, but I was wrong. My mistake. My problem, my fault, not yours."

                James bit his lip, ignoring the surging pain he felt at the pit of his stomach. "I know you don't care but you have to understand I didn't do that for my own personal amusement. I did it for Sirius..."

                "Oh yeah," Lily retorted sarcastically. "You made all that effort to annoy the Slytherins because...what this time? Sirius' birthday today? An early Halloween gift?" James shook his head. "Well what then?"

                Despite the promise James had made about Sirius' home life staying within the Marauders, he ended up telling Lily everything: from everything about Sirius' awful parents, about him running away to live with James, right up to explaining why Sirius had been so upset that morning at breakfast.

                "He just keeps it all to himself, all the time," James explained. He and Lily were sitting on the floor of the common room, leaning against a wall. "Never lets anyone in. That's why he tries to be the fool all the time. I think it gives him attention, makes him feel wanted."

                As Lily edged forward her face caught light from the flicker of flames in the warm fire and James saw she was looking slightly apologetic towards him. "I can't believe it," she said. "Poor Sirius. I had no idea..." She turned to look at James properly. "Sorry I had a go at you."

                "Forget it..."

                "No. No, you didn't deserve what I said about you still being stupid and immature. You really have changed, James. I just – didn't fully see it before..."

                James wanted to smile all his pains and all his joys out, but as Lily moved closer and closer to James all he could do was try to push back his anxiety and close his eyes...

                At that moment the portrait hole was filled with people as Gryffindors returned from dinner. Lily and James sprang apart and glanced around before catching each other's eye and laughing nervously.

                "We're acting like a guilty couple!" Lily said weakly.

                Sirius rushed up. "James James James James you should have seen it it was fantastic..."

                "Padfoot why don't you go upstairs I'll meet you up there in a second." James gave Sirius a long, meaningful stare before his friend finally understood, grinned, and ran away to share his fireworks explanation with various fans who crowded around him.

                James looked at Lily and smiled nervously.

                "So, Halloween in a few days. Were your parents really that angry at you?" Lily asked sounding worried. James had told her what the letter he had received back from his parents had said.

                "Yeah... But they are good people really," James added quickly. "They won't be mad at you, just at me. Don't worry, they'll love you, why wouldn't they..."

                Lily smiled at James. "Thank you," she said softly, touching James' arm lightly.

                James moved away suddenly and laughed to get rid of the tension. "Look at us, we're already acting like we're going out!"

                Lily bit her lip. "But we're not," she said, laughing weakly. "It's just pretend. For your parents, right?"

                "Right," said James quietly, not sounding as sure as he would have liked in front of Lily.

                The two walked away with short goodbyes and as James headed towards his dormitory he felt more confused about Lily's feelings towards him than he would have liked just a few days before they were supposed to be putting on a show together in front of his parents...