"Everybody Hurts"
Rowan Arkenson
Summary: Everybody hurts – especially when you're in love with a girl who won't even look at you. But James will soon realise that he's not the only one with problems...
Disclaimer: I don't own the characters or the setting. JK Rowling does, and I guess she owns the general plot, but the story, lucky me, is mine. :) enjoy.
A/N: ok not many people reviewed chapter four. I guess that might have been because I only put the chapter over the author's note so it didn't come up as being updated. Ah well. Cheers to the people who did anyway:
Edolie – wow I love you so much that was one helluva long+lovely review!!! :D Well, to answer things you said in your review: Yeah I really love writing and I love my reviewers, and I know how annoying it is when someone doesn't update for ages, like I'm doing on my other stories – I feel so guilty! – so I'm trying to write this as much as possible. Ah, the Remus thing – there was something I was going to do with that but I'm still not sure about it, so…yeah. Lol. Not very enlightening I know, but oh well. In most fics it's all about Lily and James and that really annoys me, because I LOVE Sirius and the others, and I know they must have crap going on in their lives, but no one really focuses on them much. So mine is more of an L/J / MWPP / EVERYONE ELSE fic, lol. On the Lily thing, there is this one scene I might put in near the end that will let you into her mind a bit, but if not, then definitely the very last bit of this story which I've already written let's you see into her more. And you will learn a helluva lot more about her in the sequel. Oh, BY THE WAY, there's going to be a sequel! What do you think it should be called? Not that it matters yet I guess 'cause this still has a LONG way to go. I like Lily being hidden because I think it shows you exactly how James feels. I'm glad you feel that too! Ah, poor Sirius and James. They have rather a complex relationship don't they? Love each other to bits but things keep going wrong. I guess it's just hormones. But stuff's going to happen soon that you are SOOOOOOO not going to like. It's so horrible, but sometimes your best friend can be the person you hate the most, because they're the ones who know you best, and so can hurt you the most. Oh wow I'm so glad you think this story's realistic – I never really think about it in terms of realism because a lot of the fics on here are so UNrealistic, so you saying that to me is a huge compliment, thank you. I think I usually put too much of myself into these things though, lol. Oh well. I guess it helps, right?! Yeah, onto the Sirius thing, I felt so sorry for the younger version of himself when reading OotP, I couldn't believe that JK portrayed him as being such a "funny", charming dickhead in the pensieve. So I thought maybe it was just a shell; my life is nowhere near as bad as his was, but we all have our problems, right? And I don't tend to enjoy sharing mine, so most of the time I just smile and laugh and hope no one will notice. So I guess if I had to pick a character that was most like me in this story, it would definitely be Sirius. And don't worry; "light-hearted teasing" will hopefully be back at the start of this chapter, I don't wanna make this too depressing for everyone! Oh, and by the way, I sincerely hope that you are a wacko who's obsessed with my stories!! I loved reading your review; I'd had a seriously crappy day, and reading your review put a HUGE smile on my face for like, an hour! Heehee. Right, so I'll let you go now, enjoy the chapter!! :D
Leigh – yeah I prefer this one to secret love (that's the story you were talking about, right?) well here's your new chapter, thanks for reviewing J
A/N: sorry about that everyone but Edolie put up such a huge review I had to answer all her (?) questions. Anyway, I hope you like the chapter, should be angsty – poor James :( anyway, review pleeeeeeeease and ARGH BACK TO SCHOOL SOON grr hate school. I'm back on the 5th of September, SUCKYASS. Oh well. So, yeah, I'll defs still write as much while at school, because, well, fuck school basically, but I'm going into Year 10, and I don't know how the American system works AT ALL but people living in England will know that I probably have a huge amount of coursework coming up, so I might be a little stressed at first, but I'll still try and find time for this story I promise! This chapter's a bit shorter than the others, but when I finished writing the last paragraph, I couldn't write anymore, and decided to end the chapter. Hopefully the next one will be along soon! :) ~rowanx (by the way, I haven't gone over this chapter at all, so I apologise now for all the typos there's bound to be!)
~ Dedicated to Edolie for giving me the longest review I've ever had for this story :D ~
Chapter Five – A Warm Welcome
James breathed in deeply. He held his breath for a moment and then let it out again, slowly.
"And again," said Remus soothingly, in hope to aid his friend in not having a heart attack.
"Lucky buggar," said Sirius miserably while James continued to breathe. "I didn't actually think Dumbledore would let you go. It's not even a proper break!"
"Should be though," mumbled Remus.
"Yeah but if we went home we'd miss the Halloween feast," pointed out Peter. "Nothing could make me want to miss that."
"Mrs Potter's cooking could," said Sirius dreamily, licking his lips.
James frowned. "Yeah, well you're welcome to take my place." He groaned. "I really don't think I can do this."
"What, because…you don't like your mother's cooking?" Peter asked slowly, a confused look on his face."
"Um, actually I think he was referring more to the 'Lily' situation," said Remus quietly.
"Ohhh." Peter took a moment and then his face brightened up. "Oh, right." He gave James a sympathetic look. "It'll be ok, Prongs."
James put his head in his hands and groaned again. Remus, who was sitting nearest to him, nudged James in the ribs. He looked up into Remus' face inquisitively, but his eyes strayed almost immediately to the stairs, and it took all of his body's strength just to keep from gasping.
Lily stood at the top of the stairs, radiating beauty from just smiling down into the common room, where James managed to smile shakily back. Even in the plainest of clothes, she looks gorgeous... Wearing tight, light blue, flared jeans with a cute butterfly patch sewn onto a pocket, Lily descended the stairs, her plain white trainers uncovering occasionally as her knees worked the steps. A crinkly beige jacket lightly covered her arms and shoulders, and a small tight t-shirt, blue in colour, let way for Lily's cascading red hair to spill over her shoulders and curve by her breasts. James wondered with a smile if Lily would ever tie those gorgeous waves of hair away from everyone's sight. He hoped she wouldn't. As Lily approached with a small, "Hi," James saw she was wearing soft pinky-purple eye shadow and a red lipstick that James realised made her lips even harder to resist.
"How do I look?" Lily asked nervously, looking up at a now standing James.
"You… Incredible," James breathed. Lily's already pink cheeks flushed a dark red as she stuttered a thanks.
"What's with the casual look, Lils?" asked Sirius, standing up.
Lily shrugged. "Didn't really want to dress up. This shows more what I'm really like, right?" She smiled at James who nodded in agreement.
"Well, you look really beautiful," Sirius said, making Lily smile brightly. "You sure you don't want to pretend to be my girlfriend?"
She pushed him away playfully. "Maybe," she teased. "When I've finished with James."
"Well, good luck with him," said Sirius in a sympathetic voice. Lily laughed.
James' already dark face creased into a frown as his pursed lips managed to force a cough. "Shall we go then?"
"See?" said Sirius quietly. "Bit of an impatient one, he is. Well, don't say I didn't try to warn you."
Lily's laugh could be heard following behind James and he waved absent-mindedly to his friends, wondering if Sirius even knew what he was doing, and that if he did, James was going to kill him first chance he got.
"James? Is that you, dear?" James coughed and stood up, pulling his bag out of the fireplace. He brushed himself down as Mrs Potter came rushing into the living room, her flowery dress making her looking very much like a housewife; which she was, plain and simply. "No no dear, you'll get all the dust on the floor. Oh for goodness sake." She pulled out her wand and said, "Frillicus." James was immediately cleaned up and he stepped back, waiting for Lily to appear. "Aren't you even going to greet your own mother?" asked Mrs Potter.
"I'm just waiting for Lily, mum," said James patiently. A few moments later a tumble of red landed in the fireplace. James held out his hand, and Lily took it gratefully, pulling herself up as she said the cleaning spell on herself so that she wouldn't ruin the floor of a home she had never been in before.
"Well, it's a good thing Lily knows her magic!" Mrs Potter said. She smiled. "Hello, dear. I'm James' mother."
"Nice to meet you," Lily said, holding out a hand. "I'm Lily, James' girlfriend." James grinned. He never thought he would hear Lily say that sentence.
"Well of course you are, dear," said Mrs Potter kindly, but with the kind of straight face that lead James to believe she was only being polite. "I'll just go and fetch your father, James."
As Mrs Potter left the room, Lily turned to James and said quietly, "It's going ok, right?"
"Of course it is," James lied, waiting with dread for his dad to arrive. "When you're talking to my dad, just make sure…"
At that moment Mr Potter entered the room, wearing black robes over his blue shirt and black shoes. He looked from Lily to James and said, "So this is your girlfriend?"
"Hello to you too dad," said James with a smile. "Yes I have had a great time at Hogwarts so far, thanks for asking."
"How come we've never heard of her before?"
James could feel Lily's eyes on him but tried his hardest to ignore this. "Well we only really got to know each other at the start of this year, dad…"
His dad shook his head disapprovingly. "And she's already your girlfriend? In my day we took the girl out far longer than that before we became inclusive."
"Dad…" James sighed despairingly.
"I mean I see no reason you can't date Anita as well as this girl, no offence love," Mr Potter said in Lily's direction. Lily simply shook her head tightly, but Mr Potter went on before she had a chance to say anything. So it starts, thought James miserably, glancing painfully at Lily's uncomfortable expression.
James motioned Lily to sit down and she did so, despite looks of scorn from his mother. "Dad," said James interrupting. "Dad, listen." Mr Potter stopped talking mid-sentence. "Dad, how many times do we have to go over this. I don't like Anita. So can we just drop it?" Mr Potter frowned and the two men stared at each other for a while.
Mrs Potter coughed and said, "Well, James, why don't you show Lily your room? No doubt you'll want to share." James didn't have time to blush because his mum rushed him and Lily out of the room with their bags and shut the door. Soon enough you could hear some quiet but obviously 'heated' discussion coming from inside.
James sighed. "God Lily I'm so sorry…"
"It's ok!" Lily said with a smile. "Everyone has parents to deal with, right?"
"Right," James said, feeling comforted slightly as the two made their way upstairs. James led Lily past his parents' room, past the small bathroom he quickly introduced her too, and stood by his bedroom. Pushing open the dark oak handle, Lily walked in and James closed the door behind them.
James took Lily's bag and put it on his bed. "Sorry, looks like we'll have to bunk up tonight," he said apologetically.
"Don't worry, I don't mind," Lily said quickly, and then blushed as she turned away. "Love your room," she said with a small cough. James' room was quite small with wooden walls, ceiling and floor. There was a fire that didn't look as though it had been used in centuries, and above it on the mantel piece pictures. Lily picked one up and James came round beside her to see her smile down at the eight year old selves of James and Sirius fighting over a small toy on the floor of the very bedroom she was in. "He hasn't changed much has he?" Lily said quietly.
James smiled. "No, not really. The will to have sex with every girl he meets is a new development though…I think."
Lily laughed. "I'll tell him you said that!"
"And what do you expect him to say? He'll be flattered I've noticed."
Lily laughed again and continued on her tour of the room. She stopped after a few seconds. There wasn't much else in the room, except for a cosy-looking beanbag stuffed in the corner by the slanted wall. She moved to sit on it and settled herself down comfortably. James looked around him and decided on the floor by his dresser which held absolutely nothing seeing as how he had all of his clothes with him at Hogwarts.
"So…happy Halloween, I guess," Lily said with a wry smile.
James smiled. "Thank you so much for coming, I know this can't be much fun…"
"No, it is. I'm happy," said Lily quietly.
There was an awkward silence in which James thought of a thousand things to say but deflected them all from coming out of his mouth on the impulsive feeling that they all sounded lame. "So," he said eventually, "You're parents…are they any better than mine?"
Lily smiled. "Uh, yeah, I guess. They treat me well enough."
"How did they take it when you got your letter to Hogwarts?" James asked, knowing she was a muggle-born.
"Pretty well. Ecstatic, actually," Lily said with a small laugh. The light in her face quickly faded as she added, "My sister didn't take it quite so well."
"Why not?"
"Well, she always hated me anyway, and she's older than me so when I was born I think she got a little jealous of all the attention Baby Lily was getting." James smiled. "So then when I found out I was a witch but she wasn't, I got even more attention, and Petunia – that's my sister – she just got even more jealous and hates me even more."
James frowned. "How can she still hate you? She must be…19?"
"20," Lily corrected.
"Ok then, 20 years old. How can she still hate you? Isn't she supposed to be an adult?"
Lily shrugged. "I don't know. She's always managed to make me feel inferior to her though. Like, she's so much prettier than me, and more intelligent, and she's getting married soon for God's sake and I…" Lily stopped abruptly, looking embarrassed. She turned her head away from James who felt intrigued and stood up. He walked over and sat by the bean bag Lily was sat on.
"You what?" he asked gently.
Lily sighed and spoke quietly, still turned away from James so that he could barely see her. "I've never…you know…never…well, I mean, I'm still…"
James grinned knowingly. "Still a virgin?"
"Shush! We don't want your parents to hear!" Lily insisted, glowing bright red.
"You want to know a secret?" James asked, playing with Lily's hair. She nodded enthusiastically and he laughed, bent his head close to her ears, and whispered, "So am I."
Lily gaped and pulled away, smiling broadly. "Are you being serious?" James laughed, trying to push down the flush he felt creeping into his cheeks. "James Potter, the guy who's been out with any and every girl in the school?!"
"Well, not quite every…"
"You don't expect me to believe you didn't sleep with any of them!"
"Yes I do," James said quite seriously. "I mean, a lot of them wanted to, but…" Lily grinned. "I just didn't feel ready, or something. I don't know. … Stop grinning at me like that! You're one too!"
Lily shrugged. "Yeah, but I never pretended I wasn't. I bet Sirius doesn't know."
James smiled. "Of course he knows, he's my best friend. So do Remus and Peter. But it's only you four, and I want it keeping that way."
"What's in it for me?" asked Lily teasingly.
"It's more what I'll do to you if you tell than what I'll do for you if you don't," James threatened.
"Like…what?"
"Well," James said dangerously as he leaned in closer again. "I happen to know from talking to a very reliable source that you…are…ticklish…"
James began tickling Lily furiously who, sure enough, began howling in fits of laughter. "James! James, no…no, stop!"
There was a tap at the door. Lily and James stopped and stared at the door, alarmed. "James I don't know what you two are doing in there but will you please keep it down. Dinner's in an hour."
As soon as the two heard Mrs Potters' footsteps patter away down the stairs, James and Lily laughed hysterically. Over the next hour they fooled around and talked, James learning more about Lily than he thought was imaginable. He found out she was in love with recent music and tried to make him listen to something on her tape player that blasted into his ears and made his nerves drum. I really have to listen to music more, he thought, feeling apart from the muggle world Lily obviously loved. He discovered she had a cute male dog called Mountain, or "Tin" for short, that she showed him a picture of: he was small, fluffy and black. James had to admit the little fur ball did look rather adorable. He learned all about her passion for art; particularly for sketching self-portraits which James gradually and sadly understood from her melancholy accidental hints about ugliness and imperfection that they were not sketches in vain, but sketches to make her understand herself more; James thought this was both brave and strong-minded in not hating herself, which he knew she must have done in the past with an apparently perfect-looking sister. To show that he understood and that he thought she was perfect, James leaned over and kissed her softly on the cheek.
"What was that for?" Lily asked, taken back.
James, surprising himself, said, "If I could have a million paintings of your beautiful face, I would pin them up all over my life, so that I would never have to go without looking at you."
Lily looked into James' eyes. Brown meeting green, James watched the colours blur before he leaned in and almost kissed those lips he'd been longing to touch…
"James? James I've been calling you for ages! Dinner's on the table!" Mrs Potter's sharp voice came, ruining the moment, and making both Lily and James' eyes snap wide open. The two looked at each other from the same position they had gradually moved into over the last hour lying on James' bed, before slowly moving apart and over to the door, trying to think only of the Halloween dinner Mrs Potter had made them, and not of what would have happened if she hadn't interrupted them.
James sat down without making eye contact with Lily. She was sitting next to him, their arms brushing, so it was hard to simply ignore her. His parents sat opposite, politely passing potatoes and carrots and peas and chicken dressing, of which Lily politely declined.
"What's the matter dear?" asked Mrs Potter stiffly. "Do you not like my chicken?"
"No, no I'm sure it's great," Lily said awkwardly. "It's just that…I'm a vegetarian."
James looked at her for the first time in the last ten minutes and raised an eyebrow. "Since when?"
Mr Potter made a grunt of disapproval. "You don't even know what your own girlfriend eats, son?" James ignored him.
"Well, you should have told us darling, I would have made you something else," said Mrs Potter. "Or perhaps James should have been looking out for you better."
James opened his mouth angrily, all ready with a comeback, but Lily cut in, "No, really Mrs Potter, it's ok. I wouldn't want you to go through the hassle. I'm fine with just vegetables. I'm not really that hungry anyway, thank you though."
Mrs Potter frowned slightly before nodding and digging in to her own food. "Happy Halloween," James said, his pulse beating a thousand beats as he wondered whether the dinner could get any worse.
"Happy Halloween," echoed Lily, smiling around the table. James' parents eventually said the cheery phrase and soon the four of them were tucking into their food, Lily most enthusiastically eating away at her measly pile of vegetables. James gave her hand a small squeeze of thanks that she was putting up with so much, and it stayed there for a long time as Lily made no sign of wanting it to move.
After ten minutes of the usual boring, polite conversations that wafted through the meal (including how school was going, how work at the ministry was (where Mr Potter worked), that yes the whether did indeed look good that evening, and how great it was that they hadn't had any trick or treaters yet ("Annoying little buggars, don't know the true meaning of Halloween; well it isn't going around with a bucket stealing other people's chocolate," motioned a grumpy Mr Potter)), Mrs Potter made the mistake of asking James how his friends were.
James hoped this wasn't going to go where he thought it would. "They're fine mum why do you ask?"
"I'm just interested," Mrs Potter said, sounding defensive. "Am I not allowed to be interested in my son's life?" She looked at Lily who smiled in fake amusement.
James frowned. "Ok," he said slowly. But before he could take in another mouthful, she hit him again.
"Anita one of your friends?"
"Mum…"
"I was just asking. There's no reason you can't be friends with the girl."
"Yes there is," James said angrily. "The fact that generally you're supposed to actually like your friends."
"Now that's not fair son, you hardly know her," argued Mr Potter fairly.
James (with the hand that wasn't holding Lily's) counted on his fingers. He held up one finger. "She's rude." He held up a second finger. "She's two years younger than me." He held up another finger. "She never leaves me alone." He held up a fourth finger. "She doesn't quite understand the difference between playing hard to get, and ignoring someone because you don't like them, don't want to be their friend, and most definitely do not want to go out with them!"
Mrs Potter sighed as though James were being difficult but his dad got their first. "James, I will not have you talk about one of my colleague's daughters like that. Anita is a lovely girl, beautiful, well brought up, and I will not have you speaking of her like she was stupid."
"I agree," added Mrs Potter. "You are being a bit picky, darling. I'm sure it's not as though Lily here is all that intelligent and perfect."
James slammed his fork down. "You have no right to say that you've only known Lily for two hours and you've barely giving her a chance! Lily is the brightest girl in our year, she tops me and your darling Sirius at a lot of things! She is perfect because I have not found one thing yet that I don't want to be with her because! She's generous, she's kind, she's beautiful, sometimes she makes me laugh and sometimes she makes me feel sad because I know that sometimes I won't be without her. I love her. Ok? So could you two at least make the effort to be even just a little courteous to her because she has shown nothing but politeness since the moment she got here and all you two can go on about is Anita which is a waste of time because I will never go out with Anita! Are you finally getting this message?"
There was a long silence. James felt the heat rise up in his face. He could feel Lily's astonished gaze on him and stood up, holding her hand, and turned away from her so she couldn't see how embarrassed he looked. He stormed out of the dining room and out of the house, taking Lily with him. After walking a few streets he began slowing down and tried to breathe in deeply, letting all his anger flow out before he had to talk to Lily. But it seemed she had thinking of her own to do, so the two walked around hand in hand, each lost in their own thoughts.
They reached a small park and entered, Lily sitting on a swing and James climbing to sit up on top of the monkey bars. After a few moments Lily said, "Thank you for defending me; even though I'm not really yours to defend."
James had the feeling that she had taken a long time choosing those words and wondered if they had any hidden meaning in them. Eventually he answered, "Your welcome," in a low voice.
"I'm sure your parents aren't all bad. They – they just want what's best for you…"
"That's exactly what Sirius said," James mumbled. Lily laughed and James smiled. "I'm sorry about all that. I know you were expecting just to have to pretend to like me for two days and then that would be it." Lily nodded but didn't say anything. "I guess we'll go back tomorrow. The plan was to stay tomorrow night as well, but I don't think I can take anymore of them." James sounded weary and turned so he could lie uncomfortably across the tops of the bars.
Hesitating, Lily said, "James, before, when, well, you know before when you were telling your parents how much you, liked me?" James was glad she couldn't see his face glowing a darker red by the second. He grunted in reply. "Well, I was just, you know, wondering, I mean, it was such great acting…"
"But it was just acting," James said quickly. "I happen to be pretty good at lying."
After a moment Lily answered, "Oh. Ok then. Good. So, so you don't like me…"
James turned his head. "Of course I like you. Just not in the way they think." All tension broke as Lily's laughter filled the park and moanings about parents lead onto moaning about friends, school, and life in general.
It started to get dark as the two walked back home; eerie shadows were thrown out of the way as their own thoughts tried to push to the surface. When James opened the door with his key and looked about the ground floor, he found to his delight that his parents had either gone out or had gone to bed.
Without a word Lily and James walked up to his bedroom, exhausted from thought and movement. James shut his oak door behind them and immediately found a blanket in his drawers. He moved to the corner of his room and snuggled up on his bean bag. After a few moments, he heard Lily climb into his bed and pull his quilt around herself. Neither had bothered to change. Neither felt the energy to. As the depression of teenage hormones crept in to James' restless sleep, he wondered miserably if he would ever feel anything else.
