"Everybody Hurts"

Rowan Arkenson

Summary: Everybody hurts – especially when you're in love with a girl who won't even look at you. But James will soon realise that he's not the only one with problems...

Disclaimer: I don't own the characters or the setting. JK Rowling does, and I guess she owns the general plot, but the story, lucky me, is mine. :) enjoy.

A/N: Hello. THANKEE TO EVERYONE WHO REVIEWED!! * :) *

Brazen Angel – She came back!! *hugs* I love you, I seem to remember you reviewing most of my previous chapters, you've stuck with me and I am so grateful for that. It's muchly appreciated :) Good luck with your story, I'm sure it'll all come to you eventually.

Kat – Your good luck charm worked :D Thank you very much!!

miss taken – Well aren't you just lovely! *hugs* Your review brightened my evening, thank you SO much!! I'm one of five?? SERIOUSLY? Well yeah most of the LJ stories on here are bollocks now, but thank you so much for thinking mine isn't! If you're like me and only go for the well written actually-has-a-point stuff, you should read "The Parents Who Died" by Someone The First (which unfortunately isn't finished, and I haven't read it for a while, but I seem to remember it being amazing) and if you go for the slash stuff (and even if you don't to be honest) read "And I, Blindly Looking, Fall", by ShinigamiForever – this one is a trilogy, if you like it read the next two, they're my favourite stories of all fanfiction.net stories. All are in my favourite stories list, near the bottom. (-Ok sorry for going on about stories and shit when I should be editing my chapter, but I need to spread the love!! xx)

oAngel85o: (Love your name by the way – very unique!) Thanks for understanding. A lot of people on here just go "oh, you haven't updated, you're a shit writer, you're lazy, I hate you, you're poo" which may be true but it's nice to get people who like my story enough to have patience with it.

franseca: Thanks for reviewing :D

Nestle: Yay, you thought it was brilliant! *shines* Well, I've done this next chapter, ENJOY.

Mythology: Well cheers for coming back :) It means a lot to me that you came back and STILL like my writing!

Holly: Love you pikey. Thanks for reading *amazement that you could stick it*. Means a lot to me. xx

I was going to write to the people who reviewed chapter five as well, but WAY too many people. And sorry if I missed anyone out who reviewed chapter six, you know I'm grateful for your reviews anyway :)

*cookies*

Oh yeah, I almost forgot:

Em&Zo: You rock my world.

Hehe.

There's a bit of this chapter that goes a little weird. Um, yeah. Just thought I'd mention it. Warn you in advance. It goes a little metaphorical, a little poetic even, you might even say.

Also, this chapter's ALSO shorter than usual, but bugger you all, I didn't want it longer. It was good ending where I ended it. So there. :p

lol. Enjoy.

(ps, chapter = un-edited and uncared for. I apologise for suckyness.)

DEDICATED TO EM&ZO FOR ROCKING AND STUFF. xx

-rowanx

Chapter Seven – Dark Light : Poison of Self-Absorbed : Surprise, Love

James wasn't sure how long he'd been lying on the floor for. He knew the brown circular patterns on the ceiling had blurred before him. He wasn't sure where the ceiling was. He knew his left arm was feeling cold and sore. He couldn't remember why. He knew Sirius had stood up and left, but he didn't know how long ago that had been. He knew the sun had set and dark light was pouring through the windows, but he couldn't remember where the windows were. He knew he was feeling the worst he had in a long time, but he knew he wasn't feeling half as bad as his best friend was.

                Going through this list made James feel queasy and dizzy, so he stood up, feeling the ache in his leg, and looked around the room, recalling facts: where the ceiling was, where the windows were, listening to the echoes of a door slamming. He crossed the room and shut the curtains. The room fell dark. James wished it would swallow him away from worry and guilt. He wished he could stop thinking for just two seconds, but electricity was buzzing around his brain, and his head hurt to the point of near explosion.

                James picked up an unfortunately-placed practice quaffle from his table and threw it hard against the wall. The red smashed into pieces and fell sadly to the floor, just reminding James even further of Sirius' blood… James gripped his head, ordering it to stop thinking. He had to stop thinking. He had to talk to Sirius.

                Opening the door he walked calmly down the stairs and into the common room. Everyone was there, bar November. Sirius was there, tickling Lily with his right arm.

                Shut up. James forced himself not to dwell on Lily. Just on Sirius. Look past it all.

                Sirius looked up and saw James coming down the stairs. His grin faded and he said nothing.

                Instead it was Remus who broke the impending silence. He looked at James and said, "And where have you been?"

                "Probably doing things he shouldn't have been," grinned Peter. "You better not have been doing that on my bed again!"

                James ignored them both and sat down on an armchair, purposely looking straight at Sirius. He could feel that no one sensed the tension apart from Lily, who also had her eyes intently on James' target. Before anyone else realised James was taking longer than usual to defend himself, Sirius' face lit up out of worry and he grinned believably at Peter.

                "He'll never admit to that, especially not with a lady around." Lily blushed and laughed good-naturedly. Sirius looked squarely at James. "He'd never tell us, even though we all know it's true, would you Jamesie?"

                Resistance pulled at James' soul, forcing confliction through his brain. He got the hint. He didn't want to, but he had to get into Sirius' good books again. He wasn't sure how angry Sirius really was at him, or how angry or depressed he was about other things, but talking to him about it all in front of everyone definitely wasn't a good plan either way.

                So James just grinned like his friends would have expected and joked, "You're a one to talk Sirius. Remember when you were caught doing it in Potions lesson?"

                Everyone made a "eurghhhwww!!" noise, and Lily said, "In Potions? Seriously? Oh that's just wrong."

                Sirius said nothing but smiled wryly, faintly, at James. His eyes looked small and bloodshot, his hair looked uncared for and James thought he could see Sirius' left arm even shaking slightly. When James closed his eyes he could even swear he felt Sirius' heart racing, and tears echoing through the screams in his mind. James opened his eyes and looked to his friends, talking and laughing again.

                Why had no one noticed?

                                **

                James

                Lily

                Sirius

                Rose into the air like eagles destined to soar above everyone else.

                Each in a world of their own, their destinies linked in such a way they cannot know of it.

                In a battle between hearts, nothing else matters.

                They search deep within, but all they can do is fly.

                James' eyes didn't immediately click to the other chasers, but to his friend. Sirius caught his eye and James looked away, shamed. He hadn't spoken to Sirius since last night. He didn't know what to say. And he wasn't even sure if Sirius even wanted him to say anything. But no, James knew this was just him making excuses. He had to talk to him and to make him listen to what he wanted to say. Even if he had to use force.

                His friend was depressed, and so far he had done nothing to try and help.

                James looked at Lily. His heart yearned for her, and he laughed. How could he even be thinking of her at a time like this? How could he think of her at all? If she liked him, why would she have pulled away when he tried to kiss her… Shut up. Concentrate on the quaffle, concentrate.

                Lily saw James look at her and laugh. She turned her back. Turn your back and walk away. That's all she'd ever had to do. James mocked her too? Along with everyone else. Lily was once again worthless. Alone in her little bubble. No one could get through to the Marauders. They were inseparable. But recently they had seemed more separate than ever before…

                So then Priscilla was wrong. James didn't like her. He'd barely spoken to her since yesterday, and him and Sirius were acting really weird the previous night. She thought she was probably the only one to notice, and desperately hoped it wasn't about her…

                Shut up Lily, she thought. You are too self-absorbed. You're not exactly anything special to be absorbed over. Shut up shut up shut up. Catch the quaffle, pass, fly.

                Sirius ran his hand down his broom adoringly. Firebolt 900, it was sleek and brown. The Marauders had bought it for him for his birthday the previous year. Sirius jolted up his head as 'Cilla yelled to him. Hitting a rogue bludger he sent it flying towards a Slytherin. But never saw if it hit her or not. He didn't care too much about winning. All he cared about was trying to make a bludger hitting him look like an accident.

                They flew.

                That's all they had to do.

                No one even saw it coming.

                Screams of a whisper through their blind minds,

The poison of self-absorbed,
                no one even heard the screams until Priscilla hit the ground.

                The poison of a self-absorbed Self.

                                **

Irrational thoughts whizzed through James' mind as he walked up and down impatiently outside the hospital wing. The Quidditch match had been a blur for him. He even thought he might have completely blanked out for a lot of it. His mind had been on other things. The most recent thing he remembered was Priscilla falling to the ground. And, of course, seeing the scoreboard that hosted the embarrassing "Hufflepuff 130-0 Gryffindor". James guessed Lily and Priscilla were feeling distracted that game too. But losing badly to Hufflepuff and then having to forfeit was not good.

                James kicked the wall with his foot, welcoming the well-deserved pain through his leg for thinking about anything other than his failure as captain.

                "I know you're angry at the wall right now James but kicking it really isn't going to solve anything," said Sirius, who sitting on the floor against the corridor wall, rubbing his face in his hands. He looked up at James. "Is she going to be ok?"

                "Of course she is." James slid down the wall opposite Sirius. "Of course she is…" he said quieter. "But that isn't the point. I can't believe I wasn't watching out for her…"

                Sirius shook his head. "No. That's my job. I'm the beater, not you. If a bludger gets near anyone it's my fault."

                "Julie has the same job, you know. You can't try and blame it all on yourself…"

                "Julie has been on the team for a year. I've been on it for four. It was my fault." Sirius set his head back against the wall and turned away from James, looking despaired. James decided now was not the best time to argue with him. … No, that was just another excuse.

                "I'm sorry Sirius."

                Sirius didn't say anything for a moment. When he did he spoke very quietly, sounding like a lost child. "Why? It's nothing to do with you."

                "Yes it does. Maybe not why you did it, but… I know I haven't been there much lately, and I've been a moron, just thinking about Lily all the time. I should have talked to you more. I should have seen something was wrong…I'm sorry."

                Sirius looked across at James. "And that makes it all ok, does it?" he said in the same lost voice.

                Before James had a chance to answer (fortunately, as he had no idea what to say to his friend in the shame he felt) Lily came out smiling. "Pris is gonna be fine." There were several sighs of relief. "She's broken a few bones in her leg, but will be out and about in less than a week."

                James nodded. He stood up and put his hands in his pockets. "That was a weird match. I don't think I was quite…with it."

                Sirius stood as well. "I know what you mean. I should have been helping Julie with the bludgers, but I was just…it was like I was somewhere else.

                "I know, me too," Lily said. "I can't even remember being there. Maybe our minds were just on other things…" The three looked uncomfortable. Each locked in their own little world. "Did we even win?" she asked.

                After a moment James and Sirius both started laughing. "Yeah Lily, sure."

                "The end score was 130-0 to them," Sirius said with a grin.

                Lily laughed. "James, you better come up with some good tactics for the next match. That's the kind of score Ravenclaw get!"

                Sirius grinned. "Well, I better go. There's lots of last-minute homework to be done."

                "Uh, Padfoot? It's a Saturday."

                Sirius looked amazed. "So it is. Well then hooray for no homework!!"

                Lily rolled her eyes. "You know, you could just do it anyway."

                "I could… Or I could just sleep and eat like a pig, laughing at people all day." Sirius grinned. Then he turned to Lily. "Actually, I need to talk to you about something Lils... Meet me outside by the lake in – ten minutes?"

                Lily smiled. "Sure. See you then." James frowned. He was almost certain he had to spy on Sirius meeting Lily on his own, but then his rational mind came back to life. It was probably just something about homework and knowing Sirius he was too embarrassed to admit to it.

James realised Lily was looking at him and stared back. Suddenly he felt angry. Angry that she'd made him so distant from his best friend.

                "I just saw Sirius…is Priscilla ok?" James turned to see November looking straight past him to Lily. She looked really worried and for the first time James noticed the lines creased beside her eyes, and the way she bit her lip over and over again, pulling at it. He assumed this was how she looked when she was truly worried about someone. James realised he'd never seen November look this upset before.

                Lily smiled. "She's fine. Of course she is. All she did was fall from her broom – you've been through worse, right James?"

                James tore himself away to Lily and for a second was silent. "Yes, yes, right of course. Much worse." Lily raised an eyebrow at James, then turned to November and the two girls hugged.

                "Thank God," murmured November. She pulled away from Lily and smiled. "I knew she would be really. But I just wanted to…you know…check."

                Lily laughed. "Sure, Em. So did the rest of us." She smiled at James. "You coming?" James looked blank. "You know, to our common room…are you alright Potter? You look a bit fazed out…"

                "I'm fine. I just…you know, worried about Priscilla." Lily nodded, unsure.

                "Actually, James, there's something I wanted to talk to you about," said November, looking a little shifty. "I'll meet you back in the common room Lils?"

                "Sure. " Lily looked between the two of them and for a slight second James could have sworn she had frowned at them, but then the Lily smile reappeared and she flounced off, same old happy self.

                James turned to November. "So…what did you want to talk to me about, Em?"

                "Um..." November turned around. James wasn't sure what or who she was looking for, but when she turned back to him he saw she had been pleased with the result of only themselves being in the corridor. She smiled at him strangely. James opened his mouth to speak but she traced a delicate finger over his lips which made him shiver and lose all sense of words.

                November walked towards him and James stood stock still. "James…"

                "What did you want to talk to me about, Em?" James said a bit shakily, cutting her off.

                Em pressed her hands onto his shoulders and ran them down his arms. "I've been thinking about you a lot recently." James was silent. November went on. "About you, me, us…"

                "You realise that 'us' would be the same as 'you, me', right?" James added quietly.

                "So you admit it…that there's been something between us lately…"

                "What? I never-"

                November laughed. She was acting so completely out of character that James had to wonder what she was taking. He nearly asked her when she grabbed his arms and shoved him against the wall forcefully.

                James raised his eyebrows. "…Are we playing a game?" he asked slowly, swallowing hard.

                "If that's what turns you on," November teased. James opened his mouth to speak but November shook her head. "James, do me a favour? Shut up." And she kissed him.

                At first James felt shock, and froze. He let Em's hands run through his hair before he relaxed and let his hands wander over her back as he melted into her. All anxieties and worries he ever even imagined having melted away in this one kiss…

                He could feel November smile beneath his lips and he pressed himself into her even more. Suddenly he found himself thinking about Lily but dismissing her. November was beautiful, just as Lily was. Except November at least knew what she wanted.

                "James, I need your…"

                James broke away from November and looked up, terrified. There was Lily, standing but five feet away, looking absolutely horrified.

                November turned around and giggled a little. "Oh, how embarrassing," she said casually, not sounding at all shamed. "Well, I guess you had to find out about us sooner or later."

                Lily looked at James with her mouth open, and just before she spun away James caught a glimpse of a tear running down her cheek.

                James grabbed November's shoulders angrily and shook her hard. " 'Us' ??" he said , and ran away from her and after Lily.

                She had slowed to a quick walk, a few paces ahead of him. James caught her shoulder. "Lily, wait, you have to understand…"

                Lily turned round and slapped him hard.

                James creaked his jaw in pain and rubbed his cheek. He could feel a bruise and stared at Lily in shock. "Ok, I'm sorry for making out with your best friend but did you have to slap me?" Lily made to stalk away again but James grabbed her arm. She shook him off.

                "How could you? What about me??" she asked, tears running down her face.

                James' mouth dropped open. "What about you?!" he asked angrily. "You hate me! You didn't speak to me for a year!"

                "That doesn't mean…" Lily stopped abruptly, fear in her eyes. She changed pace. "Look, fine, you're right I have no reason to be mad. I hope you're happy with that whore."

                James stared after his love as she walked away from him, looking as lost as he felt.

The castle seemed completely empty, as James walked through it, oblivious to everyone who passed him in the crowded corridors. He walked outside and stood freezing in the cold for a while before he realised it was cold and sat down, shivering against himself in hope of warmth. It was early November, and the sky was starting to cloud over in grey shifts, sending an icy breeze against James' barely-covered arms. Ice poured into his mind, making thoughts about Lily and November become even sharper focused at the front of his brain; pain made him close his eyes.

                He couldn't even remember now what had possessed him to kiss November back. Maybe it was the way she smelled, or the way her hair fell around her, enticing James to run his hands through it, or perhaps the comfort and happiness he just felt, knowing someone wanted him, the way he wanted Lily…

                Lily.

                Oh, Lily…

                James could spend several eternities following Lily Evans around, studying her, caring for her, loving her…but he didn't think he would ever understand her.

                So maybe instead he would have to make her understand him. A step closer at least to finding out what was really going on in his love's mind.

                James stood up, hugging himself tightly. He walked back inside and slammed the large doors shut. He leaned against them for a moment, eyes shut, arms wrapped protectively around himself. James set his jaw straight and physically shook himself, as if the action would throw away any thoughts of November or of nervousness of a teenager ready to pour his heart out.

                It was the only thing he could do.

                If he wanted Lily to talk to him ever again…

                He had to tell Lily he loved her.

***

A/N: MWAHAHAHAHAHA. …I say that, and you don't know why, BUT YOU WILL. And this was *so* not where I was going to end the chapter, but I got bored, and I daresay you got bored of waiting as well, so you'll have to make do. Review if you love me, and review if you don't – I'm desperate for any kind of feedback here; I feel like I've lost what this story is. So if you could tell me TRUTHFULLY if you like it or not, THAT'D BE GREAT. Love you all –RowanX

(PS, Matrix lovers! I HAVE A STORY FOR YOU. In my favourite authors, Dudette2004 has a great story and I love her to bits and go read cause it really is good, and its short but it will get longer as she writes it I'm sure :P lol.

Next:

Pirates of the Carribean(sp?) lovers! (Aren't I a great advertiser, lol.) My darling friend Zoe (shes so lovely) who on here is like zigzag, again in my favourite authors, her potc story is the only one I read, and it is really good, so GO READ IT. The next chapter's gonna be up soon, she just has to send it to me so I can put it up (her computer's crud.)

Anyway, you don't wanna know any of this. You just want to review to tell me how wonderful I am. But after you've done that, if you love me, go and read these stories because because BECAUSE – because of the wonderful things he does!!

xx