"Everybody Hurts"
Rowan Arkenson
Summary: Everybody hurts – especially when you're in love with a girl who won't even look at you. But James will soon realise that he's not the only one with problems...
Disclaimers: I don't own the characters or the setting. JK Rowling does, and I guess she owns the general plot, but the story, lucky me, is mine.
Warning: Frequent angry strong swearing. In the second warning and in the chapter methinks.
A/N: (Go me on hitting 70 pages with this chapter. I mean, the chapter itself is only about 5 pages, but the story is now 70. Yay.)
laughs lots Hmm. Tbh I didn't see the last chapter as controversial as someone made it out to be, but to be honest I wouldn't have a problem at all if James and Sirius WERE gay. I just thought you'd all understand that some love goes beyond kissing ya know? sigh ah well, love everyone who got that :D and if anyone's worried, then, like, HELLO? I would have put a warning up at the very first chapter if I was planning to do that. So there. … ok enough ranting now. Just thought I'd explain all that. Sorry for longness of update. Coursework, depression, ya know? Love me, Read, Hate me, then Review. –rowanx
Ps, Please read my other story (just a short one, one chapter) "At The Edge Of The World", and tell me what you think. :)
Warnings: If you are offended by fucking fuck-off bastards who have cunts growing out of their arseholes because they have dicks shoved so far up their heads that shit multiplies out of them at a growing speed of LOTS – then I should probably warn you about Mr. and Mrs. Black.
Chapter Thirteen – Black
Almost the whole of the Gryffindor 7th and 6th years and a few known-5th years had come to visit Sirius at some stage, and even the same of Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff. James had wondered how they all knew that Sirius was in hospital and how they thought that he was in because he'd braved a spell from a shameless randomly-attacking Slytherin, though for some reason no one knew they Slytherin's name. James chuckled to himself as two Gryffindor 5th years asked Sirius to retell the duel in tight detail. People believe what they wanted to believe, he guessed.
Sirius was telling how he dodged the first curse behind the Whomping Willow and then let the tree attack his fooled Slytherin, when James saw a flicker of exhaustion behind his smiles.
James stood up. "Right, that's it, we've sold all out today, shops closing, come back tomorrow," he said, shooing the two confused-looking boys from the hospital wing, closing the door severely behind them. He came back down to sit by Sirius, ignoring his hintingly weird looks and started reading aimlessly through Witch Weekly.
"Excuse me, mummy, but what was all that about?" asked Sirius, looking amused.
"Hmm?" came James' reply, as he pretended to be very interested an article suggesting different spells for making your bum smaller, bigger or tighter. There was a picture of a witch model, grabbing her bum and grinning. It wasn't too hard to pretend to find it interesting.
"What was that? Not that I even vaguely remember their names…I think one of them was called Stephone…or maybe Murial…but why did you tell them to leave? I don't mind talking to them Prongs. I'm not severely damaged or anything you know. You don't need to act the mother."
James thought about this for a moment. "Yeah I do," he replied, and returned to his article.
Sirius laughed shortly. "Ok whatever," he said, giving in and pretending to look annoyed and cross, but grinning all the same.
---
"Proooooonnnnnnnnnngggs?"
"Mm-hmm?"
"PrOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOngs. Proongs."
"Yes?"
"Perrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrron-"
"Padfoot shut up!"
---
"What are you reading?"
"Mfshu.awer…"
"What was that?"
"sigh I'm actually reading up on annoying people and how – they – can – be – dealt – with. – QUICKLY."
"Ohh. … Can I have a look?"
---
"Did you know that one hundred and forty five take away one is twelve squared?"
"…Yes."
"…Oh. … Did you know that five thousand and…"
---
"Wanna hear a joke wanna hear a joke??"
"Well, actually Padfoot I'm…"
"Ok, a panda walks into a pub, and goes up to the bar. The barman says, 'What would you like mate?' And the panda says '………………………………………….A packet of crips and a beer.' The barman asks, 'Why the big pause?' and the panda holds up his hands and goes, 'Hey, I can't help being a panda mate!' Do you get it? HAHAHA genius, heehee, you know, with the PAUSE and PAWS thing? Hahahaha…."
"…"
---
"Jaaamesybo-"
"Ok we really need to get you out of here." James stood up and was just about to hit Sirius with a pillow for the hundredth time that day when Dumbledore walked through the door.
James withdrew the pillow and Sirius grinned triumphantly. "Good afternoon Professor Dumbledore," he said cheerily.
Dumbledore's mouth twitched. "Well, you seem to be feeling well today Mr. Black."
"Yep, he's been having fans round and everything," James said, sinking into a chair.
"Really?" said Dumbledore with a smile. "Well now I wonder if you're up to any more visitors today Mr. Black."
Sirius' face lit up. "Yes, of course, bring on the fans." James rolled his eyes.
But Dumbledore's face was suddenly grave and serious. "You don't have to see them if you don't want to, Sirius, but…your parents are here." Sirius' face faded completely of colour. He shone a sickly white.
James jumped up, his heart racing a thousand beats per second, jaggedly. He felt rage take over him; it was as if all of Sirius' anger at his parents was fading with the colour from his face and burning into James. "You just let them in here," he said to Dumbledore. "I can't wait to meet them."
"Mr. Potter…"
"What do they think gives them the right to even show up?" James asked angrily.
"James shut up," Sirius mumbled. James looked at his friend, staring intensely at his own hands, and sat down on the bed, shutting up, and trying his hardest to calm down.
Dumbledore nodded, seeming to understand, and leaned his head out of the door to call "Mr. and Mrs. Black?" James tried to steal a look from his friend while Dumbledore was looking away but Sirius was still just staring at his hands.
James could practically hear the silence that accompanied the tense wait for Sirius' parents. Suddenly James heard a footstep from outside the door and Dumbledore stepped in with Mr. Black by his side.
Raging temptation spread across the room making James want to hit the man that stood by the door, a look of such anger on the older man's face directing towards the feeble lump that looked cowardly and scared on the hospital bed. James kept his anger to lash around inside his beating heart and instead James took to studying the man before him. He hadn't seen Mr. Black since he respected him.
Mr. Black's hair was black, looking in outline as perfect as Sirius', but James spotted the few grey hairs in there, and smiled happily. He wore thickly-black-framed glasses with dark eyes hidden behind showing not even a small twinkle of light. His robes were long and black, everything Black to the core. His wife stepped out from behind, revealing at first sight to James the same narrowed eyes, brown and misty. She wore similar robes of black but Mrs. Black's robes had a silver lining, and James thought of the irony of that sentence that drew together in his mind as he tore his eyes away from the parents and looked to the son.
Sirius was now sat upright in bed, eyebrows creased, arms wrapped around his knees, covers pushed to the edge. Dumbledore said, awkwardly, "Um, James, I'll be in my office if anyone needs anything." He smiled, looking confident, and walked out.
A lock of eyes from Mr. Black to Sirius until Mr. Black walked round the side of the bed to Sirius and clipped him round the head.
James didn't move. Couldn't move. Couldn't move as he watched Sirius cower back onto his bed, hand raised over his head in protection. And Mrs. Black stood there, not exactly smiling, but looking resigned and content.
"How could you do this to our family?" she said, walking forward, as Sirius sat on the bed, looking like a lost child, looking down, hand to his sore head, as he frowned at the covers, holding a steady gaze with them. "Were you even thinking of us, of anyone else, when you decided you would just kill yourself?" she said in a squeaky voice.
James' mouth dropped at the bluntness of her tone and he wondered if they even knew he was there. And he still couldn't move from his bed.
Sirius hadn't moved. He was breathing deeply, his eyes now shut intensely, as if to ignore the fact the Blacks were even there.
"I don't even care why you did it, Sirius," said Mrs. Black, still staring at him in contempt. "You've done enough to dishonor our name. But to run to your headmaster, that Dippet, to get even more attention and then have him contact us? I just don't understand."
Mr. Black hit him again, harder this time, and a tear escape Sirius' eye. "Stop crying," Mr. Black said angrily, and hit him again. "You're a pathetic excuse for a man."
Sirius got out of bed quickly and faced his parents, fists clenched at his side. "If you're supposed to be a good example of what a man is I'm glad I'm not one."
Mr. Black's eyes went aflame and he moved forward, but James was there in a flash this time, fully recovered from his shock, and his hand went straight to Mr. Black's raised arm. The older man saw James, took him in and lowered his hand, not even saying anything about it.
"You disowned me, what are you even doing here?" Sirius asked, a mixture of feelings pouring from his tone and expression freely as he stared at the space between his parents, looking neither in the eye.
"This is the last you'll hear from us, don't worry about that," Mrs. Black said tartly. "You're just as bad as a Mudblood."
Mr. Black took one look at his son. "I'll see you on the other side," he said, rather mysteriously, and grinned, scaring James a little. The Blacks walked out of the Hospital Wing, leaving silence behind them.
---
Sirius laughed. "And I missed it?"
Remus grinned as Peter blushed a deep red. "How was I supposed to know that putting root of grottle into my potion would do that to my ears…" he mumbled.
"Did Pomfrey manage to de-bunny you?" Sirius said, grinning. He moved forward to pull on Peter's ears. "They still look fairly rabbit-like to me. You might want to go back, complain."
Remus laughed, loudly, and even Peter joined in, making Sirius look content. James sat in his chair. He stared at nothing.
Peter nudged Remus and pointed at James. Remus coughed. "Prongs, you alright?"
James blinked, nodded at Remus and his eyes glazed over once more to stare.
Sirius examined his nails and looked away. After a while he said, "Right, I'm starving, and I'm restless – I haven't been able to walk around for ages. Want to go for a run around before lunch, Prongs?" he said, grinning and wiggling his eyebrows.
James shook his head slowly, still feeling completely out of it.
Peter looked at James and then to Sirius. "I'll come, Padfoot. Just don't try and eat me this time, ok?"
"Aww, come on, you know you love the thrill of the chase," Sirius said grinning evilly and standing up.
"You try being chased by a huge black dog and then we'll see who grins," said Peter, narrowing his eyes.
Sirius laughed again and the two walked out of the common room.
Remus hit James, hard, on the shoulder.
"Ow!" James said, finally snapping out of his stupor, frowning at Remus whilst rubbing his arm. "What was that for?"
"What is wrong with you?" Remus asked, annoyed. "You're not still mad at Padfoot, are you?" It wasn't a question. James looked away. "You told me you two had sorted that all out. I came to see you both in the hospital wing, you were fine. So why aren't you talking to him? Why are you being all down when you know he's – fragile – at the moment?"
James shrugged. "Just because he…it doesn't change…"
Remus leaned back, silent. "You haven't forgiven him really, have you."
James shrugged again, hating himself.
"You're going to have to eventually."
"I know. I still don't understand it," said James quietly. "I know it's not like he – beat me up or killed me or anything, but…"
"Sometimes…these kinda things hurt more," Remus said with a small smile.
James grinned. "Yeah. I'd have preferred it if he'd actually ripped out my heart and tore off all my arms and legs and shredded them into thousands of pieces."
Remus nodded. "Bastard." James laughed.
"What are the Blacks like now then?" Remus asked.
James frowned. "I hate them," he said, shaking his head.
"I know. But Padfoot hates them more."
"How dare they treat him like that," James said, feeling angry. "He's a thousand times better than they are. And he's 17! Nearly 18…they can't treat him like that anymore."
Remus looked thoughtful. "What did you say Mr. Black said before he left?"
James shrugged. "Something really weird like 'See you on the other side' or something… I don't know what that was supposed to mean."
Suddenly Remus stood up with a smile. "I'm hungry. And I'm bored of being depressed." He looked at James. "Let's go get some Slytherins before lunch."
James grinned manically.
---
The crowd roared as a much-missed Sirius took to the air. James couldn't help grinning. Despite having missed practices, Sirius refused to miss this game. Priscilla was there, also long recovered, and the two smiled widely as they flew side by side. James tore his eyes away from them and looked to seek out the fourth year seeker.
"Julie?" he called, and she flew up to his side. "Try not to catch the snitch too soon, right?" James said with a grin, and Julie nodded in understanding as she laughed as Sirius, doing loop-de-loops in the air. "He hasn't been out here for a while, it'll do him good."
"Sure thing." Julie grinned and flew to her position.
"Are you sure he should even be up here?"
James turned automatically at the voice. "Lily, he's fine, ok?"
Lily raised an eyebrow. "Maybe to you he is. But then I've known our James Potter to ignore things in the past because he didn't want to deal with them."
"Uh, and what's that supposed to mean?"
Lily shrugged. "Maybe that you're still mad at him, for, whatever reason, that he's still angry inside at – whatever – and that I'm…not just here."
"Lily, what are you on?"
"Deny it all you want James. Neither of you have spoken to me all week, since I visited him in hospital, and all you've done is speak to each other." Lily gave James a very hard look. "As if you have to try so hard or it all might fall apart. But I've seen you when you think no one's there. Looking as if you're trying hard not to fall apart. Same with him. This is too difficult, too huge, for you two to carry on trying to deny it all ever existed."
James looked away. "I have no idea what you're talking about."
"That's because you keep looking away," Lily whispered, sadness and disappointment dripping in her tone. James turned back but she'd already flown away.
The whistle blew.
---
James walked into the changing rooms and ran his hand through his hair as his teammates exploded around them. They had won against Ravenclaw, 250-80. James didn't care as Priscilla tried to give him a questioning look, Lily ignored his existence, and Sirius was trying to hug him so hard he nearly fell over.
"Oh man, that was the best game ever!" Sirius said. "Did you see me knock that bludger aiming at Weasley towards Purkiss? Knocked him right off his broom! He'll never chaser again MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA-"
"Padfoot – breathe. Calm yourself." James made the breathing motions and managed to sit a slightly hysterical Sirius onto a bench.
Lily's words were still raging through James' head, and whilst he understood and believed every word she'd said – his mind was still ignoring it.
He watched Sirius sitting on the bench in front of him, laughing, and talking to Arthur Weasley who was sat next to him. Was it real laughter? Or, like Lily said, were they both just pretending too hard?
As desperate as James still was to ask his best friend why he'd gone out with Lily – he didn't. As desperate as he was to end the charade and tell Sirius they couldn't be friends anymore – he just couldn't. He didn't know what it was that made him forgive Sirius so easily, or perhaps made James afraid to hate him, but he knew he just had to go with it.
Lily was only another person after all. He and Sirius were practically brothers.
James grinned. "That was a pretty good dive Anne," he said to her as Sirius was hugging her tightly.
Sirius punched the air. "Go Go Gryffindor!"
"Go Go Gryffindor!"
Everyone got changed and left the common room. As Lily left James tried to catch her eye and smile at her; he hadn't realised he'd been ignoring her, and he didn't want to, but she brushed right past him. He sat down wearily.
"Prongs! Prongs come look at this! I can't believe we didn't see this at breakfast…" James looked up to see Remus belting through the door of the Gryffindor changing rooms, waving a daily prophet about in his hand. Before James had time to ask Remus was stood next to him shoving the front page under his nose. James took the paper from him and read the headline, his heart beating.
"MORE MUGGLES MURDERED MYSTERIOUSLY
- MINISTRY BAFFLED"
James' eyes widened.
"Yesterday evening at 20:03 the ministry was called to a street in London to clear up the deaths of twelve muggles. The muggles in question had been blasted apart, heads severed from their bodies."
James winced.
"Lovely, isn't it…" Remus said sarcastically.
"Obviously this had been the work of wizards, as there were no signs of muggle knives or guns having been used. Words magically sprayed into the air read the words 'TAKE THIS AS A WARNING. SEE YOU ON THE OTHER SIDE, WHEN IT WILL BEGIN'."
James looked at Remus, but his friend urged him to read on.
"The ministry are of course taking immediate action into the investigation of this terrible crime. There are no eye witnesses, but the head of the ministry, Cornelius Fudge, says he has one or two theories as to who could have done this and blanked the memories of surrounding muggles immediately.
'There was a man a year or so ago who killed 23 mudbloods in four different parts of the country. The ministry was baffled,' says Fudge, 'and today we still cannot find this person who called himself Voldemort. We think this might be another work from him, but this time he probably has many allies.'
The ministry warns people to be careful as the killer could still be around and ready to give more warnings.
The familes of those murdered…"
James stopped reading; could hardly bear to read anymore. His heart was pounding fast and his eyes stared at the paper, wide open and almost disbelieving, afraid. He looked at Remus. He said, slowly, "Shit…I hadn't even thought about that. What Padfoot's dad had said to him…see you on the other side…"
"Be careful Prongs. This doesn't mean it was Mr. Black." Remus looked hard at James.
"I know, but it means he's got something to do with all this." James shook his head and turned back to the paper. "You don't think…"
"It's not for us to think about." Remus grabbed the paper and started walked out of the changing rooms. James grabbed his broomstick and followed. "I don't know what's going on, but can't you just tell that something's about to explode? I'll bet the argument Sirius had with his parents will seem miniscule compared to war we're about to have with them…"
