Author's Note- Sorry it took a while to update. I've been busy with my other stories.
Chapter 2, The burden of grief
"Even his griefs are a joy long after to one that remembers all that he wrought and endured."
-Homer
Sirius plopped down onto his bed, not even bothering to get changed. He was too tired to move, and soon he was falling, helplessly, into a deep sleep.
He was abruptly awoken by a loud 'pop'. His eyes snapped open, and he tried to focus but his mind was still disoriented from the deep sleep. Then he heard a familiar voice calling his name. He slowly sat up and turned around. James' head was floating in his fireplace.
"Sirius!" Sirius stared in confusion, then he desperately tried to blink the sleep out of his eyes. He got a better look at James' face. He looked weary and sad. Something was bothering him, and by the sound of his voice Sirius could tell that something was wrong.
"James? What's wrong?" Sirius asked, his voice still heavy from sleep.
"It's horrible. Augustine...her house...everything destroyed." James said, more to himself, as if he was trying to tell himself that this was true.
"What?! What are you talking about. What about Augustine?" Sirius said, a knot forming in his throat.
James shook his head sadly, took a deep breath and then looked into Sirius' eyes before continuing.
"Voldemort came to Augustine's house. Well we don't know if it was actually him or if he sent some Death Eaters, but her house is completely destroyed. Everything is gone, burnt to ashes. And Sirius-she-she's dead. She was murdered. I'm so sorry."
Sirius felt as though his heart was ripped out of his chest. He shook his head furiously.
"No! NO! This can't be happening! Not now, not to me!" he yelled.
"I'm sorry Padfoot. I'll leave you alone, I have to go check on Lily. Don't even bother going to her house. There's nothing there." James said looking at his best friend sadly one more time before disappearing with another loud 'pop'.
Sirius stood up angrily. He turned and saw a glass of water on his dresser. He grabbed it and threw it at his mirror, sending shards of glass and water everywhere. He furiously turned away from his broken reflection and wiped the tears that were now streaming down his face with the back of his arm.
He suddenly felt as though he were going to be sick and pass out so he grabbed the wall for support. The tears kept coming as he slumped against the wall and slid to the ground. He dug into his pants pocket for something and took out a small black box. He slowly opened it, and revealed a beautiful sapphire diamond ring, and engagement ring. He was going to propose to her on her eighteenth birthday. That was two days away! They never made it.
He traced the ring with his thumb for a moment before thrusting it back into his pocket. Then he quickly stood up, and headed outside. It was pouring outside, but that didn't matter. He just walked, and angrily wiped the tears that still threatened to escape.
He made it to his destination in about half an hour. He looked around. James was right. There was nothing left to her house. All that it was now, was smoldering ashes. There were still some remaining flames, but they were dying out due to the rain. It seemed that all the Ministry officials had cleared off, and Sirius was happy no one was there.
He walked around the foundation for a bit before walking to the middle. He had no more tears to wipe away, and he ignored the fact that he was soaking wet and shivering. He slowly removed the small black box from his pocket, and removed the ring. He held it in his hand for a while and looked at it, lost deep in thought.
He couldn't keep it. He had no use for it anymore. All it was now, was a stupid reminder of what he didn't do, and promises he didn't make in time to- in time to what? Save her? As if it would have made a difference. He laughed bitterly, and then tossed it into the one remaining flame.
If only he had stayed that night. After all she did ask, but he blatantly refused. All because he was tired. Screw his selfishness. He should have listened to that gut feeling inside of him that told him to stay. But no. He ignored it, as would most people, I guess.
Now she was dead. Dead, and because of him?! Because he was tired and selfish!
'Like you would have been able to fight off Lord Voldemort. Ha! Well we would have at least died together.' he thought bitterly.
As he slowly turned and headed back the way he came, without even as much as a backward glance, he assumed the initial shock was over. But he knew deep down inside, that it hadn't really sunk in yet, and it wouldn't for quite some time.
But as he walked back to his empty apartment, he couldn't help but feel greatfull that he now felt nothing. He was numb to the pain, and to the grief, and to the helpless anger and guilt that he assumed was eating away at him somewhere deep inside. He thought the worst had passed, when it really never passes, but stays with us forever.
Wow, was that chapter hard to write or what?! I'm sorry if it wasn't that great, but it's quite late right now, and I'm actually quite proud of it. Anyways, please review, for Sirius' sake, and tell me what you thought. Was it too dramatic or just right? Review!
Thank yous:
eternity's star: I'm glad you liked the last chapter! Well, whatever you decide, I can;t wait for a story! Good luck, and thanks for reviewing!
draco and me 14142: Thank you so much for reading and reviewing! It means a lot to me! I hope you liked this chapter!
Thanks again! You guys are the best! And I have a deal for all of you readers and reviewers. I will have a faster update if I get more reviews than last time. So it's all up to you guys! Can you handle it? :p
