Disclaimer: Nope, they were never mine.
A/N: okay people, only two more chapters to go. That's it and no epilogue. Well maybe not. It depends on you all. If there is anything you need answered I can answer them personally or put up an epilogue to clarify things. Keep reading and reviewing, I really do appreciate all of it. Read on then and sorry about the cliffhanger in previous chapter and chapters to come.
Chapter 23: A Villain's Heart
A Villain's Heart
I finally realize who I was that day
I saw the truth when I looked into her eyes
I found the pain she had hidden away
There was nothing more to say, she would no longer fall for my lies.
She knew I couldn't change the character I played
Because I was made to be that way
No lies could rid her of her pain
Bombarded with guilt, I became insane
Swept away in the currents of the blackest sea
I drowned and learned I couldn't see
Engulfed in the color of the night, I rejoiced and laughed in glee
I shed all that was left of me except for a shrunken heart that claimed to be me.
I never came to her that day
No, all I would cause is pain the moment I stayed
I soon lost all memory of her while I was dwelling in a cave
But one day while I was cursing the stars, I found who I truly craved.
Eyes red with tears she stared into my shrunken heart
Lip, warm and forgiving, was planted on my chest to mark a love that couldn't be part
And with each one, I shed the evil and she absorbed the dark.
I couldn't stop her from giving me her heart
I awaken to see the beauty of the stars
I awaken to see the mystic lady which was the sea
I awaken to see the girl I loved lifeless and far apart.
I awaken to see our hearts, once separated now one, forever destined to be
- Anthony U.
The last week in June came along in a flash, as Hermione saw it. Every seventh year had completed all of their required N.E.W.T's by the second to last week in June and now all they had to worry about was the Graduation Ball, which was steadily approaching. For every seventh year girl the ball is what they had been waiting to attend since the day they stepped into Hogwarts. It would surely be a night to remember.
Hermione sat in her room and waited for the bustling outside her window to cease. She had to admit that she had felt the same excitement. However as she sat in her dorm room alone, locked away from all that troubled her, she began to feel less than optimistic about the upcoming ball. The Graduation Ball was for people who intended to have a good time and according to Hermione, she was not one of them.
It was a gorgeous day out and with the Ball in approximately 24 hours many students who thought that procrastination was key, were hurrying into Hogsmeade. All students who were still in need of Ball attire were venturing to Hogsmeade today that included the entire school. Ball preparations were taking place all over the school and a festive air began to circulate. Females were gossiping about who would show up with who and from which house. Boys were still trying to find the nerve to ask girls they fancied to the Ball. Teacher's waltzed through out the school acting just as giddy as some seventh years; they were reliving their teenage years through them.
As Head Girl, Hermione was expected to attend and until now she presumed the same. Her gown was still hanging in her closet. Hermione fingered the silky material on the dress, remembering the day she bought it. While in Italy during the Christmas Holiday she found the dress. On her way to meet Draco in the alleyway, she passed it and could not resist stopping to buy it.
The gown was the color of the deepest red and looked as if it were from the Edwardian era. It was an antique made of the finest silk and had an intricate pattern of roses embroidered using tiny crystals that were sure to catch any one's eye. The bodice of the dress exuded simplicity but still showed how simple can be beautiful. It was a simple sleeveless top which formed a rounded collar. Underneath the bust line was a corset that was laced up with silk strands in the front. This corset was attached to a layer of the lightest organza which supported the intricate embroidery on the dress. Underneath this layer was the remainder of the A line skirt made out of blood red silk.
The dress was a secret to anyone she knew, including Draco. She was waiting for the night of the ball to show off her dress, and make a grand entrance with Draco by her side. However after recent incidents, as she liked to refer to them, Hermione was not sure she would be making an entrance with Draco or whether she would be making an entrance to ball at all.
Hermione sank onto her bed as she let the harsh reality of her life set in all again. . The way she saw her life now could be directly compared to how she felt before she met Draco; Lost and hopeless with no purpose to live. It was enough to drive her mad, but somehow she had found comfort in thinking about Draco. It was true that he was the cause of much of the pain but thinking of better times between them brought Hermione comfort for the aching pain.
Hermione lay in bed, starring blankly at the canopy of her bed and wished she could wrap herself up into that same canopy and leave this place. She hugged her body trying to trap the heat and somehow hoped it would quell the ache. Questions ran through her mind but for today she decided it would help to leave them unanswered.
The little compassion she had gained for one person was leaving as she let the truth fill the blank spaces in her mind. She thought he cared, even loved her. The feeling was mutual and Hermione, deciding she had no one else to hold onto, gave everything she had to Draco. She should have known he would disappoint her. A person can not be changed easily, especially one so complicated as Draco. Draco would always be the same heartless man in the future and present, if not worse. He will always find reasons to taunt himself for being the way he was. The hollow smiles, the conniving acts, the wicked smirk, the heart of ice, the dark heritage: that was Draco Malfoy, the man she loved. She let her self live with the lies; she had embraced them, slept with them, ignored them, and loved them. The one true lie, Draco Malfoy.
Hermione knew herself better, she knew that the minute Draco apologized she would mentally and emotionally forgive him, but physically she would resist him. That was her strategy for when she would go meet Draco tonight in the Astronomy Tower. Earlier that day before he left to some unknown place, Draco bolted into her room and pulled her close to him.
Whispering in her ear, he said "Please meet me in the Astronomy Tower tonight." It sounded more like a desperate plea than a casual statement. All this time Hermione avoided his touch and his eyes, which would cause her to say yes. She stepped away from Draco and exposed her back to him. She could hear him sigh behind her and turn to walk out the room. Before Draco could step out, she turned to him and asked him "Why the astronomy tower of all places?"
He simply replied with a lazy smile and relief which reached his eyes. "I love the view."
"Draco, my boy." Lucius exclaimed as he greeted Draco at the entrance of his study. He approached him and directed Draco to come in and take a seat across from him.
"Good day, Father" Draco said this in the most dull tone he could conjure. He was not looking to show excitement he did not feel.
"What happened to you?" Lucius asked, cocking an eyebrow. Draco's hand subconsciously fingered the bruises on his check after falling under scrutiny of Lucius. He could imagine the look on his face if he told Lucuis that he had fallen victim to the rage of a betrayed witch, so naturally he lied.
"Quidditch match." His response was short and needed no further explanation. Lucius, who seemed to understand this, moved the conversation along.
"Your Graduation Ball is tomorrow night, isn't it?" Draco nodded to this. "As is your initiation." Lucius finished getting out of his seat. He paced the room and Draco sat like an obedient boy and followed him with his eyes. Lucius stopped in front of his large regal windows draped in the darkest green curtains. He opened them to reveal the sunlight, which the room had long forgotten. The light cast a halo around him of gold, making him look like a saint he would never be.
"I don't expect you to play hooky Draco," Lucius talked to Draco with his back facing Draco. He was still looking at the sun. The sky began to turn a light gold, with streaks of blue, purple and red stroking it. Sunset, it was his favorite time of the day.
"Show up and do not be tardy. Now, about the girl?" Lucius turned back to his son. A vindictive smile spread across his chapped lips. Draco's heart did a flip flop at the mention of Hermione. "I've found something we can use her for."
"What is that?" He asked dreading the answer.
"As you told me, she's a play toy for you." He waited a moment for Draco to confirm this. The tightness in his throat caused his voice to come out as a croak. Instead of attempting to talk he nodded, swallowing the sick feeling he was getting.
"She can be a play toy for all the new inductee's tomorrow night, just for entertainment purposes." Draco felt something inside his being explode. If he was standing he would have collapsed.
"What do you say boy?" he asked his son. Draco's response came a moment to long for Lucius' own liking. It made him wonder.
"She'll be there." Draco answered swallowing the bile in his throat.
The memory of what he agreed to this evening made Draco feel great animosity towards himself, and only to himself. He was the only one to blame. Everything was going wrong all because of him. His irresponsibility, selfishness, disregard of emotions. Thinking about his flaws made him feel weak. It was the last thing he wanted to feel after years of convincing him self that no one could break him.
Draco leaned against the heavy gold door in the barren tower. He had stripped himself of his robes because of the sweltering heat, leaving him in trousers and a shirt in the usual color, black. He stood there hoping that Hermione would come just so he can set the record straight before he loses her, permanently.
Absentmindedly Draco ran his hands through his blond locks, which fell into his face, thinking about how life had come to be so complicated for him. He tried to retrace his steps to figure out where it all went wrong and how to erase that mistake, but he knew that this was not possible. Sleeping with Pansy was one thing, but getting caught was something entirely different.
The expression of betrayal displayed on Hermione's face was one Draco could never forget. It was that moment that his relationship with Hermione as he knew it was coming to an end. He had something so good and took advantage of it, played the fool, acted like Hermione would always be there. It seemed as though everything was working against him, but despite all of this he would still give it a try.
The astronomy tower was exceptionally quiet and it made him think, which he was tired of doing. Walking over to the balcony edge he placed his hands on either side and leaned over to get a better view of the sunset. Hues of blues, gold, deep red and orange streaked the sky. The bold sun grazed the horizon as it went under, determined to leave its mark but also grateful that night would soon take over. The day was long and tiring and it had done its work, faced it problems, and now it was ready to rest beneath the horizon line and away from those who despise it. In its own little world it would find comfort and security, knowing that it was finished with constantly fighting. That is a feeling that Draco wished he could have.
The echo of footsteps in the silent hall broke into Draco's reverie. He took a deep breath and released all the tension inside of him with a sigh that shook his body. The heavy golden door creaked open and Hermione let it close, sending vibrations of sounds through out the room. For a moment they both stood stationary, listening to the other's calm breathing. Draco's eyes were still fixed on the horizon and Hermione's eyes were fixed on his hair glinting in the sunlight.
"Shouldn't you be getting ready for the Ball?" Draco asked as the new thought dawned on him. He was still watching the sunset counting the seconds until it disappeared beneath the horizon.
"I'm not going." Hermione replied. Her reply was very soft but carried its self through air, reaching Draco's ears and making him shiver.
"How would Potter and Weasley feel about that?" This time he turned to look directly at her.
"They can taunt me about that another day." As Hermione talked Draco noticed how her lips moved to form her words and instantly remembered how the felt against his skin.
"Do you want to know how I feel about it?"
"Not really." Hermione replied but saw that Draco was still going to give her his say on it.
"I think it is bullshit. You deserve to go and have fun."
"I'm not in a fun type of mood." Hermione shot back, her voice dripping with bitterness. A momentary silence followed her comment. Draco cringed at her tone before he got the nerve to speak again. This is what he had done to her.
"Look I'm sorry." Draco voiced at the same time that Hermione said "What do you want?"
They both stared at each other after speaking. Hermione's bluntness surprised Draco. Draco's sincere act made Hermione sick. The unnatural tension between them grew. It was a feeling that they thought they would never experience towards each other again.
Hermione stood across from Draco who was leaning on the banister. His bashful expression made her melt but she reminded herself that she had to resist falling for him. He would only bring more pain.
"I guess this is all supposed to make it all better then?" Hermione spat still keeping the bitter tone she had been using.
"Not better," Draco said as he inched closer to her. The closer he got the more Hermione felt the urge to bury her head into his chest. In response to this desire she inched back. Draco saw this and decided against moving any closer. Hermione was pushing him away from her, not only physically. He was losing her to her own conscious. "But I hope it would count for something. Nothing can compensate what I did to you."
It surprised Hermione how considerate Draco was being. He did not seem considerate the night before when he was laying in his bed with Pansy on top of him. It was always like Draco to think that apologizing would make everything better. If that was the case then he had something new to learn.
"Why do you keep coming back?" Hermione whispered. It was a question that plagued her mind for hours on end. Questioning his motive would only help her push him away.
"For the same reasons you do, I'm in too deep and it is not that easy to walk away so I refuse to." Draco moved towards Hermione and caught her chin in his hands, tilting it towards his face. He stared into her eyes, just so he could reassure himself that she had some feelings left for him.
Hermione realized that Draco's response was the opposite of how she wanted to feel. Revealing the truth only meant that she had to deal with it and dealing with it was not an option. Frustrated Hermione knocked away Draco's hand and moved to the other side of the tower.
"What is happening to us, Hermione?" Draco yelled, desperate for a response. Hermione was not being as yielding as he thought she would be. She was not making this any easier for him. "I feel myself distancing from you."
"That's not necessarily a bad thing." Hermione replied, nonchalant. The comment made Draco's compassion for anything plummet into the depths of him.
"What are you saying? You do not mean that." Draco replied shrilly trying desperately to make Hermione understand it can work out for them, if she would just let it. He was about to lose her, that he knew but he was not quite ready to except that.
Hermione took her time and approached Draco across the room. She kissed him softly on the cheek before whispering in his ear. "It's amazing how you, Draco Malfoy, can rip out my heart and stomp on it over and over again. You're not even worth half the trouble you bring." Paralyzed, Draco swallowed the hard lump in his throat.
"Look you can make me cry terribly easy and you may break my heart occasionally but I've always forgiven you and this doesn't change anything because I love you…" Hermione lifted her head to meet Draco's piercing gray eyes, which now seemed to show a great deal of remorse. Hermione waited a moment longer before replying. She took the time to search Draco's eyes, inhale his intoxicating scent, and caress him.
"Draco I love you but I can not continue to let you hurt me like this." Hermione's voice quaked as she continued passionately. Hermione leaned in to place her lips lightly onto Draco's but stopped, hovering inches away from his lips. Draco was itching to kiss Hermione for what he thought would be the last time. Instead of kissing him she whispered, grazing her lips onto his own ever so lightly "I just thought you should know."
With that said and etched into Draco's mind she began to walk away, never leaving Draco's gaze. Draco advanced on her determined not to let her go. "It does not have to end this way."
"I wish it would." Hermione replied still drifting away into the darkness. She was getting closer and closer to the door.
"Think about what you are doing."
"I will. Time is all I ask you for." Hermione's response was airy and left Draco with no comfort at all. He would just have to wait because now it was all about Hermione.
At minutes to eight the entrance to the Great Hall was still locked and the entrance was crowded with 7th year students from Gryffindor, Hufflepuff, Slytherin, and Ravenclaw. Draco stood atop the Grand stair case looking down on a sea of students dressed in formal robes from garnet to periwinkle and the ladies attired in stunning dress. Draco, him self, was dressed in robes of black. It was nothing too fancy because he had other appointments that night. Of course he was not concerned with being a fashion critic for tonight.
Draco scanned the crowd from his post and found many familiar faces including Pansy, Blaise, Potter and his crew of worshipers, but Hermione's was no where in the mast of exited students. As Draco subjected the crowd to more scrutiny, it became more evident that he was the only one who did not have a lady by his side. Disappointment set in. He was hoping Hermione would still show up despite what she said to him yesterday in the Tower. He had not expected her to be true to her words.
The large oak door opened and the swarm of students thrust themselves into the Great Hall. As each student stepped in to the reformed chamber, they were thoroughly convinced that they had stepped into another world. The females elicited screams of delight, clinging their escorts closer to them. Male as well as female became enchanted with the Great Hall.
The Great Hall was decorated with the most luxurious elements that Hogwarts could afford. The regular wooden chairs and house tables had been transformed into smaller tables meant to seat two to three couples. Each table was traditionally adorned with a satin covering with the schools emblem traced in the center. On top of each table was new china no one had ever seen at any Yule Ball or Christmas Dinner. They were also graced with the luxury of having new golden goblets along with wine glasses. A vase of white and red roses served as the center piece for each table. Around the roses a band of fairies danced around creating a silver frost halo.
The dance floor which lay a few feet away was bewitched to look like water along with the ceiling which was bewitched to create the image of being under a starry night sky with a few shooting stars flying past on occasion. The walls were covered in frost which turned colors according to the dominating mood in the room at the time. At the moment the walls were a soft pale blue due to the airy and calm feeling floating around. The choir of nymphs helped to set the mood also.
Draco pushed his way through the mob of students with no particular place to go. It was amazing how alienated and invisible he felt in a crowd of over five hundred students. Tonight he was no longer fearful Draco Malfoy, Slytherin Prince. He walked through the crowd and noticed some females scrutinizing him. They were not looking at him then whispering madly to their mate and blushing wildly as usual. They were actually shaking their heads as if they pitied him. It was the miserable aurora about him that they could sense. He did not want anything more at the moment than to dissolve in to the crowd.
From where he stood, Draco could see the Slytherins gearing up for a full night of partying. He did not want to be any part of that. Although she was supposed to be caught up with her friends he could see Pansy searching for him. Trying to avoid her, Draco moved out her line of sight.
Draco hid from his fellow Slytherins thinking about his awaiting task, weighing on his conscience. The only form of protection he had was the dagger his father had given him, Cleopatra's needle and his wand. Anxiety set in immediately. Tonight he would have to put on a double act. He would have to play two clichéd roles in the tragedy that was his life. A wave of despair swallowed him when he thought about if his plan did not work. To him it seemed like he was walking on a tight rope, blindfolded. He had no idea where to go but forward, hoping that his sense of direction would help him through it. Tonight could end one of two ways, one of them leading to his freedom and resurrection or to his downfall.
The nymph orchestra struck up a slow waltz which was skillfully composed in Draco's opinion. The frost on the walls turned to gold and the starry night sky depicted on the ceiling let burst a string on fireworks. Harmless flecks of red, white, and gold sparks fell softly like a coat of flurries. The sparks obscured Draco's vision but did not stop him from spotting a certain woman enter the room.
Hermione in all her beauty and grace stepped into the room and headed straight towards Draco, turning heads as she walked in her classic garnet gown. The closer she came the more the music picked up a crescendo and without notice Hermione captured Draco's lips with her own, giving the kiss all that she could offer Draco, making it full of life. Hermione did not care who was watching. As far as they both were concerned no one else was around but themselves.
Hermione lifted her hands and tangled them in Draco's flay away blond locks. She snaked her tongue between his soft lips and the touch electrified Draco. It had been a while since he was able to identify the feeling of absolute bliss. He was taking in all of her. He could feel her chest heaving as he selfishly sucked in the breath of life from her.
Hermione released herself from the kiss, still leaning close enough so that their lips were slightly touching and their foreheads pressed against each other. "Dance with me." She whispered and Draco could nothing more than oblige. He pulled her closer and took her hand in his and placed the other around her waist. In response Hermione laid her head on his chest, taking in his scent.
Two of them felt each others heart beating, a syncopated pattern, much like the way they lived with one another. One heart beats in one regular metrical pattern and the other, falling on the off beat, temporarily disrupting the norm. This oddity and difference gave them a reason to be together. They hurt because of the other; they lived, breathed, and existed for the other. Everything about them made sense, they were two beings destined to be one in this world or another.
Hermione felt that she was at the apex of her happiest times in life. There was nothing that could sway her from falling for him again. This time she would not even let her conscience sway her away from Draco.
"Walk with me?" Draco asked Hermione as the song came to an end. While holding her he could not feel any physical resistance.
"My pleasure" she answered him sweetly and followed him out of the Great Hall.
As Draco and Hermione neared the Forbidden Forest, they both noticed a change in the appearance. The sky was clear but a layer of fog still circulated the woodland. The only thing that prevented it from looking anymore daunting was the illuminated tree tops, due to the fairies frolicking in them. It was not the usual frightening forbidden forest. It seemed more like a safe haven for the two who needed a private moment.
Every now and then Draco would cast a sidelong glance at Hermione, trying to get a mental photograph of her at her time of peace. The moment was too good to last any longer. Soon he would have to end it. Draco held onto her hand tightly as he led her through the forest, like she could easily be snatched away from him.
Before speaking Draco magically conjured a white rose for her, it reminded him of her. So delicate and fragile the petals were, much like Hermione emotional being. It was easy to tear it apart but something that beautiful is not worth destroying. Head strong she was and able to do damage, like the thorns on the white rose Draco now presented to her.
Hermione accepted it graciously. It had been a while since Draco made her blush this furiously.
"Our time here at Hogwarts is coming to an end." Draco could not ignore the sense of dread that came over him.
"I know. What are you planning to do after graduation?" she asked the question but feared the answer for it might kill her to hear it.
"No the question is if you'll allow it, what will we do after graduation?" Draco advanced on her smiling a genuine smile. He could see that Hermione was tossing the idea in her head as a play of emotions flew across her face.
"I allow it and I'm asking you now, what will we do after graduation?" She was slowly falling victim to his charms.
"Anything you want. We can leave London, move to Venice, Paris, where ever. Go into Auror training if you want." Draco tried to make him self sound enthusiastic, but underneath that Hermione could hear the desperate tone seeping in.
"If only it were possible." Her smile fell at the thought.
"It can be Hermione. I just need to fix somethings and we'll be on our way."
Draco pulled Hermione into his chest. He waited a moment before he could gain the courage to apparate with an unconscious Hermione in his arms. He smoothed her hair and tried to quell her. His time was running out. He had to do it soon. All he needed was an extra moment to smell her floral scent, touch her, and leave his mark on Hermione.
Closing his eyes and biting his lip hard, as the task was hard for him to do, Draco bent down to kiss Hermione's lips and then whispered "Consopio". It was amazing how handy Dark Magic was in certain situations. A dark green cloud of smoke belted from the thin line of Hermione's lips and Draco's sucked it in. He would take just enough not to kill her but to keep her unconscious for an hour.
It took Hermione a while to register that she was suddenly very tired. She looked up at Draco, bright eyed and then as if in a trance began to shut her eyelids and slump on to Draco for support. The strength she had earlier was diminishing with great speed. Fatigue was all she knew.
Before he was sure that Hermione was falling into deep subduction, he whispered into her ear "Im sorry." And then apparated to the Malfoy manner. If only Hermione knew what for, if only she knew about what he would soon drag her into. And if all does not end well then he would be terribly sorry for the tragic fate he would lead her into.
After apparating Draco did not notice the white rose had fallen from Hermione's grips, falling softly and shedding petals as it floated through air and then finally hitting the moist earth….finally just letting go and breaking.
