Chapter 10: L'Enfer, C'est Lucius Malfoy

(A/N : Ha, I'm so smart with my titles!)

Severus Snape was sitting in "Le Baron Noir", Hogsmeade's obscure but very much existent French pub.....er, pardonnez-moi, French café, wearing a black turtleneck, and gazing moodily down at his cup of black coffee. He was holding "Les Mains Sales," for decorative purposes, and, even though he was not reading in it, making notes in the margin with a (black) pencil. Jacques Brel's "Les Bourgeois" was playing softly in the background. When the author was done name-checking, the door suddenly opened and Lucius Malfoy entered the café, looking bewildered.

"Severus!" he said, "What on earth are you doing here?" Snape looked up from his drink, glared at Lucius for a moment, then continued what he was doing in indignant silence. Lucius Malfoy tentatively walked up to him (he didn't want to catch anything French), and sat down opposite Snape, who kept on gazing, turning the page of the book every now and again.

"Severus...." Lucius began again, but Snape stopped him with a gesture of his hand.

"It's Sèvérus, please," he said. "Sèvérus Rogue."

"Yes, er, well," Lucius said, confusedly. "What are you doing here? Why are you wearing a black turtleneck? Why are you reading Sartre?"

"I am mourning." Severus said, looking at Lucius impressively. "Because whatever choices I make, a lot of them are doomed to be the wrong ones." And he went back to his book.

"Yes, so?" Lucius said, nicking the biscuit from next to the cup of coffee. Snape let out an exasperated sigh, letting his book fall from his hand onto the table.

"Aargghh! Now how am I ever going to be the artistic, misunderstood, deep, depressed, and melancholic man people want me to be if you keep interrupting me!!!!" he snarled at Lucius, whose face lit up.

"Ah, it worked! I knew you'd go back to normal!" Lucius said brightly, taking him by his arm and dragging him out of the café.