(A/N: I'm beginning to feel I could fill an entire series with all the stories I can make up about the silliness of the Prisoner of Azkaban film. Partly inspired by the wonderful Evadne, who made me realise the vague thought that had been nagging me for ages. Alphonso Cuararararaoroan, what a funny little man you are, to paraphrase the non-genius of Bosie.)

Chapter 12: Science Fiction Double Feature Picture Show

"Do not turn to page 394." Snape said authoritatively to the cowering Defense Against the Dark Arts class, as a screen unfolded behind him. With a scary 'click', a hazy picture appeared on the screen. Snape's face contorted into a wide smirk. "Today, we're watching slides!" He stepped aside, and with a flick of his wand the projector went on to the next picture.

It was a picture of Lucius Malfoy in Grecian shepherd's costume. Several students sniggered. Draco Malfoy hid his face in his hands. "This is Lucius Malfoy in Knossos. We went there last year!" The picture changed. This time it was Snape in a Grecian shepherd's costume. No-one in the class dared laugh. "Ah, yes, we had some good times in those Grecian shepherd's costumes..." Snape said. At least half the class (mostly men), looked ready to be sick. The rest ranged from disinterested (those who didn't get it), to very interested (their names will not be mentioned). Another 'click', and on to a picture of a muscular, bronzed Greek boy.

"This was Georgios, he was our sla....guide for the first two days." Snape said. The class raised a few eyebrows. Click. "This is Fabio, he immigrated from Italy. He was our guide for the three days afterwards." Click. "These are Proitos and Akrisios, they were twins. They showed us around the....er....hotel. Yes." The procession of portraits went on, and on, and on, and the class' faces were turning ever more extreme shades of green. 'And now, the coupe de grace,' Snape thought, and click!

"This is me and Lucius skinny dipping in the Mediterranean," Snape announced, and smirked in satisfaction as every student in the class passed out.