Silently, they held each other's gaze until Vaughn looked away and the spell was broken. He cleared his throat uncomfortably and looked at the floor. Without even realising it, Sydney mirrored his actions, and her own gaze was drawn to the dirt and dust that blanketed the cold floor of the same warehouse that had been a haven to her so many times in the past.
Suddenly, the tense silence was broken as Vaughn spoke. "Sorry. I…I didn't know you were here."
"I needed somewhere to be alone and think," she explained quietly. "Weiss has been great, but he wants me to stop dwelling on the past and to get on with my life. I know he's only trying to help, but I'm not ready for that yet. I just need to sort things out in my head, you know?"
"I know," he nodded, understanding only too well what she meant. He too had things he needed to think about. "If you want…to be alone, I'll leave."
"No," she said in a shaky voice. A voice inside her told her that it wasn't a good idea; she needed to start distancing herself from him or she'd never get over him, but she couldn't resist asking him to stay, and the words had left her mouth before she had time to stop them. "I want you to stay."
"Okay," he agreed, knowing in that instant that he would probably always agree to everything she asked him to do. He sat down next to her on the crate, and an amiable silence descended over them, all the weight and discomfort of the previous silence gone completely.
After a while, she turned to him. "Do you come here often?"
"This is my first visit in a long time," was his response, which he made while continuing to stare straight ahead. Somehow it was easier to recall the painful time following her death if he didn't look at her. "When I thought you'd died…I was out of the country for a while. I just couldn't bear to be in the same city you'd lived in, the city we'd enjoyed together. It seemed like there was a memory of you haunting everywhere I went." Tears filled his eyes as he spoke, and Sydney instinctively covered his hand with hers to comfort him. A spark of electricity shot through her arm and touched every nerve in her body, and she immediately retracted her hand, murmuring something about static electricity, though they both knew that the tiny fireworks exploding inside them were caused by something else entirely. "When I came back, this was the first place I came," Vaughn continued. "Being back in L.A. overwhelmed me and I came here to think about you, and to let you know that I hadn't forgotten. I cried for hours that first night. After that, I came every day for a while. Then gradually, it became once a week, then once a month. When Lauren and I got married I stopped coming. The last time I was here was the morning of our wedding."
Sydney looked at him, tears clouding her own eyes as he unveiled the depth of the grief he had suffered. She felt both awed and saddened. She could never stand t see him hurt, or upset, and the thought that her supposed death had caused him so much pain was torture to her. But on the other hand, she was amazed by the strength of his love for her, and the way his life had been violently shattered when she disappeared.
"This is my first time here, too. I mean, the first time since… before," she said, wondering exactly what had brought them here at the same time, when neither had been to the warehouse recently.
"What a coincidence," mused Vaughn, as if he had read her mind. He threw her the first genuinely happy smile of the evening and she replied with a smile of her own, not at all surprised that he had known what she was thinking. They always had had a strong connection, after all.
"You think?" she asked, curious as to what he thought about all of this.
"Sure, why not?" was his nonchalant reply.
"Of all the places in L.A., of all the times we could go…. and we both end up here. Together," she continued her train of thought aloud, talking to herself rather than to him.
"But we both came here for a specific purpose, a purpose that only this place would do for," he countered, while he remembered many similar conversations in the past. They had often discussed their unique relationship, and whether or not they had been brought together by fate, or sheer luck. Sydney had always leaned towards the idea of fate, whereas Vaughn, the Scully to her Mulder, had his money on luck.
"Whatever," she waved her hand dismissively in his general direction, having forgotten all about the fact that they were no longer together. "Once is a coincidence, twice is fate."
"Ah, our first happy coincidence." Vaughn, too, was enjoying their relaxed conversation, which although playful, had serious undertones that he was only too happy to discuss. Ridicule it as he might, the idea that he was fated to be with Sydney Bristow was one he loved.
Sydney nodded, knowing, as she always did, exactly what he was referring to. Of all the officers in the CIA, of all the agents he could have been assigned to…
"What if I have an instinct about you?"
"My guess is you don't. Have another double."
"I'm not trying to play you."
"We'll see."
For a moment, they were both lost in the same memory, reliving their first real conversation as if it were only a few days ago. But at the same time, they thought and felt how much had changed between them.
"I have an instinct."
"I still have an instinct about you, Syd. You're gonna be okay," he assured her quietly. He had no basis for his foundations, only what he felt in his heart to be true. Perhaps, she was right after all. Maybe such things as soulmates and fate did exist. Just as he was about to bow to her knowledge and admit that he had been wrong, she halted his thoughts with a quiet interruption.
"And then I almost lost you before we'd even had a chance." A twinkle grew in her eyes, as she saw another opportunity to continue their playful banter from before. "But we were brought back together again, weren't we? Someone up there really wanted us to work together," she finished with a grin.
"Yeah, you, Syd," he retorted quickly. Lauren was intelligent and funny, but the quick-witted joking he shared with Sydney was something missing from their marriage. He hadn't realised until now how much he missed it. "As I recall, we were allowed to work together again because someone was incredibly stubborn about it and threatened to withhold intel unless she got her own way. Who could that possibly have been?" By this point, they were both grinning like idiots, comfortably slipping back into their old habits and too far gone to care that, in the long run, this would only make things worse.
"I have no idea," she said innocently, and blessed him with a brilliant smile that lit up her whole face and made her chocolate-brown eyes glimmer with the look of love he had seen shining there a thousand times before.
You're so beautiful. He almost said it. Two years ago, he wouldn't have hesitated. He had loved to tell her how beautiful she was; she always either blushed and smiled, or, if she was feeling mischievous, told him jokingly that he was beautiful too. He stopped himself just in time, but she saw the second where he faltered and it brought them crashing down from their pleasant memories and denial.
"Why did you come here tonight?" she asked, already knowing the answer, and internally cringing before he even gave it.
"To say goodbye," he answered honestly, though not without obvious sadness.
"I understand," Sydney whispered past the lump in her throat and the quickly-gathering tears that set her eyes on fire.
"Syd…" he said gently. "This isn't fair on you…. or Lauren. I have to move on. So do you."
"No I don't!" she replied angrily. "It's not for you to decide what I should do. It's my life and if I want to spend the rest of it crying over what I could have had, then that's what I'll do."
"Syd, don't be so stupid! You can't just give up like this. Don't you see that by doing so you'd be allowing the Covenant to ruin your life? I know it's hard, Sydney. And don't look at me like that," Sydney was opening her mouth to contradict him but stopped when he predicted what she would say. "Don't say that I don't know what you're going through, because I do. I had my life ruined too. You were my life, Syd, and they took you away from me. I felt like you do now, but I picked myself up and I got on with things. You have to try. You can't just let them take your life like this."
"They're welcome to it," she said bitterly, "because this isn't living."
Suddenly, the tense silence was broken as Vaughn spoke. "Sorry. I…I didn't know you were here."
"I needed somewhere to be alone and think," she explained quietly. "Weiss has been great, but he wants me to stop dwelling on the past and to get on with my life. I know he's only trying to help, but I'm not ready for that yet. I just need to sort things out in my head, you know?"
"I know," he nodded, understanding only too well what she meant. He too had things he needed to think about. "If you want…to be alone, I'll leave."
"No," she said in a shaky voice. A voice inside her told her that it wasn't a good idea; she needed to start distancing herself from him or she'd never get over him, but she couldn't resist asking him to stay, and the words had left her mouth before she had time to stop them. "I want you to stay."
"Okay," he agreed, knowing in that instant that he would probably always agree to everything she asked him to do. He sat down next to her on the crate, and an amiable silence descended over them, all the weight and discomfort of the previous silence gone completely.
After a while, she turned to him. "Do you come here often?"
"This is my first visit in a long time," was his response, which he made while continuing to stare straight ahead. Somehow it was easier to recall the painful time following her death if he didn't look at her. "When I thought you'd died…I was out of the country for a while. I just couldn't bear to be in the same city you'd lived in, the city we'd enjoyed together. It seemed like there was a memory of you haunting everywhere I went." Tears filled his eyes as he spoke, and Sydney instinctively covered his hand with hers to comfort him. A spark of electricity shot through her arm and touched every nerve in her body, and she immediately retracted her hand, murmuring something about static electricity, though they both knew that the tiny fireworks exploding inside them were caused by something else entirely. "When I came back, this was the first place I came," Vaughn continued. "Being back in L.A. overwhelmed me and I came here to think about you, and to let you know that I hadn't forgotten. I cried for hours that first night. After that, I came every day for a while. Then gradually, it became once a week, then once a month. When Lauren and I got married I stopped coming. The last time I was here was the morning of our wedding."
Sydney looked at him, tears clouding her own eyes as he unveiled the depth of the grief he had suffered. She felt both awed and saddened. She could never stand t see him hurt, or upset, and the thought that her supposed death had caused him so much pain was torture to her. But on the other hand, she was amazed by the strength of his love for her, and the way his life had been violently shattered when she disappeared.
"This is my first time here, too. I mean, the first time since… before," she said, wondering exactly what had brought them here at the same time, when neither had been to the warehouse recently.
"What a coincidence," mused Vaughn, as if he had read her mind. He threw her the first genuinely happy smile of the evening and she replied with a smile of her own, not at all surprised that he had known what she was thinking. They always had had a strong connection, after all.
"You think?" she asked, curious as to what he thought about all of this.
"Sure, why not?" was his nonchalant reply.
"Of all the places in L.A., of all the times we could go…. and we both end up here. Together," she continued her train of thought aloud, talking to herself rather than to him.
"But we both came here for a specific purpose, a purpose that only this place would do for," he countered, while he remembered many similar conversations in the past. They had often discussed their unique relationship, and whether or not they had been brought together by fate, or sheer luck. Sydney had always leaned towards the idea of fate, whereas Vaughn, the Scully to her Mulder, had his money on luck.
"Whatever," she waved her hand dismissively in his general direction, having forgotten all about the fact that they were no longer together. "Once is a coincidence, twice is fate."
"Ah, our first happy coincidence." Vaughn, too, was enjoying their relaxed conversation, which although playful, had serious undertones that he was only too happy to discuss. Ridicule it as he might, the idea that he was fated to be with Sydney Bristow was one he loved.
Sydney nodded, knowing, as she always did, exactly what he was referring to. Of all the officers in the CIA, of all the agents he could have been assigned to…
"What if I have an instinct about you?"
"My guess is you don't. Have another double."
"I'm not trying to play you."
"We'll see."
For a moment, they were both lost in the same memory, reliving their first real conversation as if it were only a few days ago. But at the same time, they thought and felt how much had changed between them.
"I have an instinct."
"I still have an instinct about you, Syd. You're gonna be okay," he assured her quietly. He had no basis for his foundations, only what he felt in his heart to be true. Perhaps, she was right after all. Maybe such things as soulmates and fate did exist. Just as he was about to bow to her knowledge and admit that he had been wrong, she halted his thoughts with a quiet interruption.
"And then I almost lost you before we'd even had a chance." A twinkle grew in her eyes, as she saw another opportunity to continue their playful banter from before. "But we were brought back together again, weren't we? Someone up there really wanted us to work together," she finished with a grin.
"Yeah, you, Syd," he retorted quickly. Lauren was intelligent and funny, but the quick-witted joking he shared with Sydney was something missing from their marriage. He hadn't realised until now how much he missed it. "As I recall, we were allowed to work together again because someone was incredibly stubborn about it and threatened to withhold intel unless she got her own way. Who could that possibly have been?" By this point, they were both grinning like idiots, comfortably slipping back into their old habits and too far gone to care that, in the long run, this would only make things worse.
"I have no idea," she said innocently, and blessed him with a brilliant smile that lit up her whole face and made her chocolate-brown eyes glimmer with the look of love he had seen shining there a thousand times before.
You're so beautiful. He almost said it. Two years ago, he wouldn't have hesitated. He had loved to tell her how beautiful she was; she always either blushed and smiled, or, if she was feeling mischievous, told him jokingly that he was beautiful too. He stopped himself just in time, but she saw the second where he faltered and it brought them crashing down from their pleasant memories and denial.
"Why did you come here tonight?" she asked, already knowing the answer, and internally cringing before he even gave it.
"To say goodbye," he answered honestly, though not without obvious sadness.
"I understand," Sydney whispered past the lump in her throat and the quickly-gathering tears that set her eyes on fire.
"Syd…" he said gently. "This isn't fair on you…. or Lauren. I have to move on. So do you."
"No I don't!" she replied angrily. "It's not for you to decide what I should do. It's my life and if I want to spend the rest of it crying over what I could have had, then that's what I'll do."
"Syd, don't be so stupid! You can't just give up like this. Don't you see that by doing so you'd be allowing the Covenant to ruin your life? I know it's hard, Sydney. And don't look at me like that," Sydney was opening her mouth to contradict him but stopped when he predicted what she would say. "Don't say that I don't know what you're going through, because I do. I had my life ruined too. You were my life, Syd, and they took you away from me. I felt like you do now, but I picked myself up and I got on with things. You have to try. You can't just let them take your life like this."
"They're welcome to it," she said bitterly, "because this isn't living."
