(A/N: In my superior opinion, Lucius and Snape greatly resemble Bert and Ernie. Hence this tribute, and Lucius acting so oddly. I had to make him more like Ernie, you see. I fear I have been doing too many tributes, when I should be pulling people off their pedestals. But I promise that shall happen again next time. In The Meantime; enjoy. Oh yes, and anyone who sends me a Frank N Furter rubber duck will get his/her own episode of these stories. I bet you'll be fighting over who gets to send one now. )

Chapter 14: Rubber Lucius Malfoy, You're So Fine, And I'm So Glad You're Mine

Severus Snape was diabolically sleeping, when he suddenly woke up because of something clutching him so tightly it was difficult for him to breathe. Panting, he turned his head, to see Lucius Malfoy was lying next to him in bed, clinging to him like a clingy thing. "Lucius," he wheezed. No reaction. "LUCIUS!" he rasped. Lucius' eyes opened. "What on earth are you doing in my bed? Wearing the most terrible striped pyjamas I've ever seen?"

"I couldn't sleep, Bert." Lucius answered, snuggling up to Snape some more.

"Stop that, you're choking me," Snape said, wrestling free from Lucius' grip. "And what did you just call me?"

"Well, Bert," Lucius said. "if you don't want to keep me company, I'll just talk to Rubber Duckie instead." A squeak came from next to him. "See, Rubber Duckie still likes me."

"Stop calling me Bert." Snape said. "Don't you have a wife you can go to when you can't sleep? Or a son, for Slytherin's sake?"

"Say, Bert......."

"My name is not Bert."

".....Bert, there's a banana in your ear."

"There is not a banana in my ear."

"Hehehe. Well, it's your ear. He's silly, isn't he, Rubber Duckie?"

"Squeak."

"Stop pretending that toy is a thinking creature. Go to sleep."

"Okay, Bert. One sheep, two sheep, three sheep, four sheep....."

"Stop counting sheep, Lucius.....is that a sheep on my right? Aaah! Get it off! Why is my bedroom full of sheep? No! no! Let me down!" Snape began to panic as he was carried around his bedroom by 15 sheep.

"That'll teach him to ignore me when I try to tell him there's a banana in his ear." Lucius said to his Rubber Duckie, turned over, and fell asleep.