Well, I'm sure everyone must have forgotten all about this fic, because I haven't updated it in so long. The truth is, I kind of gave up on updating it here as I just got so fed up with my formatting always going wrong and all the italics and stuff getting messed up. Anyway, this site seems to have finally got it all sorted out, so I'll be updating this a lot now!
The lyrics are from Anywhere by Evanescence, which is just about the most S/V song I have ever heard. It sums up their relationship in S1&2 absolutely perfectly.
Hope you enjoy this chapter – please review! :)
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Time could not pass slowly enough for Sydney on Thursday. All day long she found herself looking at the clock every few minutes and mentally calculating how much time she had left before Lauren handed the photos over to Lindsey. But Time has no regard for the wishes of its travellers, and it passed as quickly as it always did, Sydney trailing in its wake. She approached Vaughn hopefully several times, and each time was greeted with a shake of the head and an apologetic look, which was quickly averted to the floor – Vaughn felt that he had failed her, and could hardly bear to meet her disappointed gaze. But late in the afternoon, just as Sydney was thinking of giving up for the day, Vaughn came up behind her and swivelled her chair around to face him. Sydney's hopes shot up like a rocket; this was the first time he had sought her out all day, and she assumed it was because he had something to tell her.
"Good news?" she asked breathlessly, adrenaline already coursing through her system.
"Sort of," he replied vaguely. "I spoke to my contact, and he can help us."
"Well, that's good, right?" Sydney was confused.
"Yes. But there's a problem," he paused, always hating to be the bearer of bad news, especially when the bad news in question was likely to be a hammer to Sydney's hopes. "He sent me the information we need to clear you, but he sent it in an email. Obviously, it's not safe to send emails with this kind of information, so it's encoded. Your father's been trying to break the code, but so far he's made no progress. I'm so sorry, Syd."
"We still have until tomorrow night," she argued quietly, the last few grains of optimism slipping through her fingers. "I want to see the code."
"Okay," Vaughn agreed; he had known she would ask this of him, and he was hopeful that she might be able to succeed where he and Jack Bristow had not been able to.
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Later that night, Vaughn and Sydney arrived at the warehouse at the same time. He waited for her while she got out of her car, and they walked in together. They didn't speak until the door was closed behind them and Vaughn had sat down in his usual place. Sydney paced back and forth across the floor, her body tense and her eyes focused on her feet. Suddenly she stopped and turned to face him, and when she looked up, he could see in her eyes the faint glimmer of tears about to fall.
"Syd..." he started softly, standing up and crossing the floor to be near her.
"Do you think he'll be able to break it? The code?" she asked quickly, before her emotions got the better of her.
"I don't know," Vaughn answered honestly. "He's doing his best, and if he can prove you're innocent, Syd, he will."
"I know," she whispered, so quietly that even she wasn't sure if she'd said it. "But we only have a day left, and I need to be prepared...in case...in case he can't. Vaughn, if we can't prove I'm innocent, I'm going to run."
As soon as she entered the warehouse, his fears were confirmed. Everything about her - from the dejected slope of her shoulders to the way she walked, the way her dark, mournful eyes looked ready to spill an ocean of tears to the way her hands hung limply at her sides – everything wailed that she was miserable. Of course, he had expected this. He had known instantly, the moment he had answered the phone in his routine brisk way; but this phone call had been anything but routine. He wished it had been routine, he wished that he hadn't picked up the phone to speak to a broken woman ordering a pizza; a woman too broken to even keep up the pretence of caring what was on it. She was supposed to care, she knew that. He knew it too. She was supposed to care, because if she didn't order the regular pizza, how would he know that this was really her, and not some impostor? But, of course, he did know. She knew that, too. She knew that he would always know, that even if she used a voice box to disguise her identity, somehow he would know then, too. He had hoped against hope that she would not truly be broken. He had feared it in the past, but she had always made it through somehow. He had always been able to help her. And every time she fell apart, he was terrified that this time, he would not be able to put her back together.
But as soon as she entered the warehouse, his fears were confirmed. All it took was one look at her, and he almost fell apart too. They had been working together for a year; it would be a year next week. He wondered briefly if she remembered. She wondered briefly if he remembered. And then she was in his arms and he was rocking her gently, stroking her hair and murmuring "Shhhh, Sydney, shhh, it's okay" at her, as if she was a small child. Eventually they pulled apart, and she pushed the remaining tears away from her face with trembling fingers.
"I'm so tired, Vaughn," she whispered. His arms felt empty without her, and they both stood awkwardly, wanting to be back in the embrace, yet knowing all the reasons why they shouldn't, and unsure of what to do instead. Vaughn gently took her by the elbow and led her to sit on a crate. He sat close beside her and put his arm around her shoulders, pulling her to rest against him.
"What are you tired of?" he asked, already knowing the answer, but thinking that it might help her to talk about things.
"Everything. Life. Mostly I'm tired of lying." Her voice was flat, emotionless. "I'm tired of SD-6 and the CIA, I'm tired of trying to figure out my twisted relationship with my parents. I'm just...I'm tired of this." She waved her hand around at their surroundings to show him what she meant and then let it fall back to her lap with a resounding slap.
"It will end someday," he lamely tried to reassure her.
"Well, if I could just sleep until then, that would be great," she cracked with a wry smile, despite the fact that her mood still had not lifted at all.
"That might not be so bad. You could be like one of those hibernating bears."
"Yeah, a warm furry coat, nice dark cave – no distractions to keep me awake."
"Hey, maybe I'll join you." They smiled at each other before returning to their respective states of gloom and worry. "Listen, Syd, things with your father will get better. Didn't you say yesterday that the two of you actually had a civilised conversation?"
Dear, my love, haven't you wanted to be with me?
And dear, my love, haven't you longed to be free?
I can't keep pretending that I don't even know you
When at sweet night you are my own.
"It's not just that," she sighed. "I just feel like everything's building up and this life is swallowing me. Ever since I found out about Project Christmas I've been thinking about my life, and I think...I think that we say we're fighting SD-6, and The Alliance, but maybe what I need to be fighting is my life. I know, I know, it sounds selfish, but I've been thinking about this, and there are other people who can do what I've been doing to take down SD-6. I mean, there's my father for one. I'm just sick of it, Vaughn. I'm sick of lying to my friends and worrying constantly that knowing me is putting them in danger; I'm sick of worrying that someone will see us together and that...that they'll hurt you. I'm sick of it all."
"Sydney..." he began but she cut him off.
"I want out."
Take my hand; we're leaving here tonight,
There's no need to tell anyone
They'd only hold us down.
So by the morning's light,
We'll be halfway to anywhere
Where love is more than just your name.
"What?" He pushed her back from him and held her at arms length to look at her seriously.
"You heard. I want out."
"You can't just..."
"I can! We can." Shifting her position on the crate slightly, she turned herself in his grip so that she was facing him properly and grasped his shoulders with both her hands. "Vaughn, let's get out," she suggested excitedly.
"You're serious about this," he realised slowly.
"Yeah, I am." She looked imploringly into his eyes, trying to let him know with a single glance how much she needed this, how much she needed him to come with her. "Don't you remember what you said to me, about how you wanted to be part of my life? And how you wanted to actually get to look at me?" He was impressed that she managed to recall their conversation word-for-word.
"Yeah, I remember that," he agreed softly.
"We can do those things! We can go to that hockey game, or go out for a pizza. Wouldn't you like that?"
"Of course I would. I'd love that, Syd. But what you're suggesting is incredibly dangerous. We'd be constantly looking over our shoulders, trying to keep ahead of The Alliance. The CIA would probably look for us too."
"We'd have to be careful, yes. But we'd be free." She knew that she was winning him over. He was only concerned for her safety, and she couldn't fault him for that, but she knew that her smiles and almost child-like enthusiasm was affecting him, drawing him in, allowing him to entertain the idea of running away with her.
I have dreamt of a place for you and I,
No one knows who we are there.
All I want is to give my life from me to you,
I've dreamt so long, I cannot dream anymore.
Let's run away, I'll take you there.
He got up and began to pace nervously, thinking. "I have family in France. I know they'd take us in for a while. We could stay with them until we've got ourselves sorted out."
Sydney shook her head and he looked at her, surprised. He had expected her to be pleased with his offer to meet his family. "That's too obvious," she explained. "They'd know to look for us there. And I don't want to put your family in any danger."
He sighed. She was right. It would probably be a long time before he could introduce her to all his family and friends; they'd have to wait until The Alliance had stopped looking for them before taking any such risks.
"How about Ireland?" Sydney suggested suddenly.
"No, no. Too conspicuous. We have to go somewhere where we can blend in. Somewhere where a new couple won't be anything out of the ordinary."
"Well, wherever we do go, we're going to need new identities, passports, bank accounts...that sort of thing."
"It's going to take a while, Syd. If we're going to do this, we're going to do it properly. You'll have to put up with SD-6 and the CIA for at least another week; I'm not taking any risks with your safety."
"You're always looking out for me," she told him with a soft smile.
"It's my job," he shrugged, trying to be noncommittal but unable to stop his mouth from forming an imitation of the smile she was giving him. She raised her eyebrows. "So what if I'm a workaholic?"
She laughed, and her laughter filled the room, dusting down the old boxes and crates that hadn't seen daylight in years and filling every crevice with the evidence of her hopefulness.
"I'll get you out of this life, Sydney," he promised her solemnly.
"Are you sure?" she asked nervously, suddenly doubting his willingness to give up everything for her. "You'd be leaving behind a lot."
Forget this life, come with me.
Don't look back, you're safe now.
Unlock your heart, drop your guard,
No one's left to stop you now.
"I'd be letting a lot go if I didn't come with you," he countered. "I think we have something. If I let you go before finding out... I think we could be really great together, and if the only way to find out for sure is to take you away from all this, then that's what I'm willing to do. And all the pretending is killing me too. I don't think I can take another one of those meetings out in public where I don't get to look at you, but instead I get to look at all the other people who do get to look at each other," he paused while she laughed lightly at his muddled sentence. "I want to be one of those other people, Syd. I want to look properly at you when we're talking, instead of stealing sideways glances and then quickly looking back to a shop window, or a newspaper. I want to see the way the sun highlights the copper-coloured strands in your hair, and the way fresh-air makes your cheeks pink. And I really want to go to that hockey game."
"Just making sure," she managed to say, although she had to force herself to think of the words and structure the three-word sentence. She knew that his little speech would be playing over and over in her mind for days. Suddenly she shook her head to clear her mind, and as if she had just woken from a dream she looked around her and then raised her wrist to glance at her watch. "Hey, I'd better be going. Francie'll wonder where I am," she said regretfully, partly because she would have enjoyed spending more time with Vaughn, and partly at the thought of Francie, who she might never see again when she and Vaughn left.
"Okay, I'll see you here after your SD-6 briefing tomorrow?"
"Yeah. See you then,"
With shared smiles, they went their separate ways; Sydney leaving to go home, Vaughn sitting back down to wait a while before leaving himself.
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"Any questions?" Vaughn asked after he finished explaining Sydney's counter-mission.
"No, it seems pretty simple," she replied.
"Well, let's just hope that nothing complicates it," he said with a smile.
"Look at my track-record, Vaughn. My missions never go wrong," she joked back.
They held their smiles for a moment, before teasing was replaced with a comfortable sense of togetherness, and their smiles faded, exchanged for matching serious expressions on each of their faces. They held each other's gaze for a few seconds, both thinking the same thing, yet unwilling to be the one to say it first. Eventually, Vaughn broke the silence.
"Syd, about last night..."
"It was a lovely dream," she finished for him, knowing just how to make the conversation easier on both of them.
"But that's all it is," he continued.
"For now," Sydney supplied, feeling as if they were sharing a sonnet like Romeo and Juliet at the Capulets' masked ball.
"Someday this will end, Sydney."
"Yeah, someday," she sighed, a little sadly. "Someday we'll go out for a pizza together, and go to that hockey game." She smiled at her own vision of the future, and hoped that it would not be a long time coming.
"No," he stated, and she looked up at him, startled. "No, Sydney. We've waited long enough for that." He reached into the pocket of his suit jacket and pulled out two tickets. He handed one to her. She looked at it, confused, and her face lit up. It was a ticket to a Kings game – for the next Saturday.
"We're really going?" she asked, excitement creeping into her voice.
"We really are. And we're sitting next to each other. It's not ideal; we'll still have to pretend that we've never met before, and we can't arrive or leave together, but it's something."
"It's more than just something, Vaughn." Her voice almost broke. "This is...It's a lot. Thank you."
"You're welcome," he grinned, and then noticed the tears that had started to fall down her cheeks. "Come here," he laughed, and pulled her into a hug, and she laughed too.
"I'll help you," he stated definitely, as she had been almost certain he would. "Anything you need, just ask. I...I can't come with you," he paused, remembering that time all those years ago when he had promised to give her everything she needed, had promised to take her away from it all and make the pain go away. "But just know that I'll do anything to keep you safe, anything at all. And in the mean time, don't give up hope."
"Vaughn, thank you. Thank you for everything," she cried, finally breaking down as the memory of hope for the future washed over her and the waves of reality crashed over her head, pulling her down into the salty depths of truth and holing her under while she blindly reached for the surface. He stood awkwardly above her as she sank to her knees, unsure of how to console her, if she even wanted him to. He dropped to the floor and pulled her to him, holding onto her as if he was the one in tears, cradling her against him as she curled up, holding so much pain in her tired body.
"Sydney, it'll be okay," he promised, aware that he was in no position to promise any such thing. "I won't let anyone hurt you. I'll take care of you." He felt a twinge of guilt that he was promising Sydney all the things he had promised Lauren on their wedding day, but it instantly passed away as he felt Sydney's body shaking in his arms with the force of her tears. He did his best to comfort her, realising that she just needed to cry, to let her grief and pain and worry be made physical beings in tears and sobs, and that the best thing he could do would be to simply hold her and be everything that he always had been for her; her friend, her comfort, and her guardian angel.
TBC...
