Underneath the same blue sky
Part 2
So tired of the straight line
And everywhere you turn
There are vultures and thieves at your back
And the storm keeps on twisting
You keep on building the lies
That you make up for all that you lack
It don't make no difference
Escaping one last time
It's easier to believe in this sweet madness oh
This glorious sadness that brings me to my knees
ST
It's dark when we draw up to the motel. I wanted to get here around 4 but we had to stop twice cos Alex needed to use the bathroom and then we got lost. A few times I pull into the car park and turn off the engine.
Alex is fast asleep in his seat, the chair tilted back with a blanket tucked under his chin.
"Hey Alex, wake up." I touch his shoulder gently. He stirs but doesn't wake up. "Kiddo, wakey wakey." I laugh as he snuffles and buries his head in the blanket. "Come on then."
I get out my door and go round to his side. Scooping his little body into my arms, I lock the door and go into the reception.
"Hi, could I have a double room. Two single beds."
"Sorry ma'am, the only rooms we have are single rooms with sofas or a double bed."
"He's my son, I'll take the double." The girl nods and taps in my details. "Could I have some help with my cases?"
A spotty teenage boy follows me to the car and unloads our cases. He leads me to the room and deposits the cases just inside the door and rushes off. Alex is half awake by now, but taking the chance to be carried around and so he keeps his eyes shut.
I'm surprised that he's letting me carry him in the mood he's been in the last two days. I do worry that pulling him away from a home every couple of months may not be so good but I know the consequences of staying and letting Steve infiltrate our lives.
I was stupid enough to find out when I was 17.
I was living in a small rented flat with an unruly toddler, earning just enough to keep him in nappies and with enough food. Suddenly, as if by magic, Steve turns up on the doorstep, 25 and unemployed. I thought he had come to rescue me, come to be a family with us.
2 months later, with even less money available I realised all he wanted was a roof over his head, food and a little...pleasure on the side. So, I asked him to leave, he kicked up a fuss, then left but stole all my savings at the same time.
This meant I had to beg my mother to let me stay so I could save the rent money to buy clothes for Alex. I cried every night for 3 weeks for the love I'd lost. Looking back, it's so easy to see how I'd managed to get pregnant, thinking Steve loved me and would look after me and the baby.
I lay Alex on the bed and hear the springs squeak. I hate myself for bringing him here, but there's no other choice.
Leaving him on the bed, I drag the cases into the room and pull out our nightclothes.
"Alex, you've got to wake up. You gotta brush your teeth." I shake him til he opens his eyes.
"Okay, okay. Just quit the shaking." He frowns as he sits up and yawns. Still groggy he shuffles into the bathroom, cleans his teeth, washes his face and even checks his sugar without me nagging. I clean my teeth and cleanse my face which makes him look at me funny.
"It's so I don't get spots."
I've had my share of pain
And I've tasted pain
I never thought I'd touch an angel's wing
There's a journey in my eyes
It's getting hard for me to hide
Like the ocean at the sunrise.
AT
"It's so I don't get spots." Mom says as I look at her.
"You don't get spots." I note.
"Exactly. This works." She smiles and holds up the bottle like a commercial.
"Can I use some? I think I have a spot coming." I joke, pointing at a freckle. Mom smiles.
"Just don't grow up too quick Kiddo. Okay?" I nod. "Done? Right, bed." She shoos me back into the bedroom.
"Ew, do I have to sleep in the same bed as you?"
"Yes. That used to be the only place you slept when you were about 10 months."
"Well I'm 10 years now."
"Bed! And don't hog the cover."
We change into our sleep stuff with our backs to each other and I get into bed, feeling very sleepy. Mom gets in the other side and turns off the lamp. I hear her sigh and turn my head to look at the dark patch where I think she is.
"Mom. Why did we leave?" She sighs again.
"Because...I want you to have a normal life. And if Steve...your dad settled with us, that's one thing you wouldn't have got."
"But he was cool. He gave me candy and chips."
"Yes but what happened that night? Who was up all night rubbing your back as you puked up all those candies and chips?" I feel her hand brushing a strand of hair out my eyes. "There are a few things you want for your child when it's born. One is for them to be healthy. And well, I didn't exactly get that. Another is for them to have the best life possible. And I've tried my hardest to give you that. And another one is for your child to stay the right side of the law. I don't want you smoking dope at 11, doing coke at 18. I don't want you to be like your dad."
"He did all that?" I'm sort of shocked. Coke? Heroin?
"Erm...yeah. He was 23 when I met him. The coke was only very rarely but...the dope was most nights."
"I don't want to do any of that. I've heard what it does to you." I say earnestly. (One of my new words!)
"Good. Now, sleep mister."
Thanks to the reviewers: Hoeft, NaomiP and MrsClooney, and for your corrections. I now know about the sugar levels and the correct distances in America so I shall try and get them right from now on.
I don't know anything about Steve's drug habits so I made them up. Hoping it's never been mentioned but if it has, I apologise.
So, thanks again and review away!!!
