Razor Sharp

Chapter 3

Daddy, I'm so sorry

When Sean woke up the next morning, Ellie was gone. All her stuff was gone, too. But she left him a note on the counter.

Sean-

Ash called, said my mom was looking for me, so I'm headed there. I might stay with her part of this week, so no worries. I'll be fine. See you later, and be careful.

Ellie

Sean set the note down, feeling lonely already. He flopped onto the couch, trying to think off something to do. He lazed around his house for a while longer, then decided to hang around town. He tied his black bandanna around his head as he walked out his door.

"Thanks for covering for me, Ash," Ellie set her duffel bag on her bed, and sat on the floor, holding the phone to her ear.

"No prob. What are friends for?" Ashley said, "Why did you stay with Sean, anyway?"

"He offered, and I didn't want to go home," Ellie dumped her bag out onto the floor.

"You could have stayed here."

"I know. But it was kinda spur of the moment. I'm fine. Really," Ellie replied.

"Okay," Ashley said, but her doubt was obvious.

"Hey, what are you doing tonight? Maybe we could do something. I'm so bored."

"Actually, I have plans with Paige. She wants to do stuff over break," Ashley said, blowing Ellie off without realizing it.

"Oh. Well, um, I gotta go. I gotta clean up," Ellie said, an old familiar feeling swell in her stomach.

"Bye."

"Bye Ellie. Talk to ya later," Ash hung up.

"Yeah," Ellie said to the empty line, and hung up. She started to pace her room. "I can do this I can do this I can do this I can do this." She was shaking, trying not to give in. She wanted to cut. She needed to cut. She had to. "I can't do this."

Ellie sat on the counter top in the bathroom, her back to the locked door, holding a black box in her hands. It was full of notes from Marco and Ash. She pulled all the notes out, and opened the false bottom. She stared at the assortment of shiny razors, needles, a pocketknife and her old protractor in her box, the sharp edges catching the light. She pulled a long razor out, and held it in her hand for a moment, contemplating the chances of anyone finding her. Ellie pulled her sleeves up and looked for a clean spot. Holding her arm over the light green sink, she pushed the blade into her pale skin. She learned a while ago that it was much easier to clean up this way, rather than messing with cleaning the floor or towels. She dragged the blade across her arm, watching the blood bubble up and slide down her arm.

"One... two... three... four... five..." Ellie whispered hoarsely. Blood dripped onto the light colored porcelain. She felt tears welling up in her eyes. She was thinking. Triggering thoughts, of Ashley ditching her, Marco leaving her, her mom ignoring her, her dad being forced away. Her blood oozed down her arm, dripping into the cold hard porcelain, staining it red. She kept playing the conversation with Ashley over and over in her head. Ashley always said she'd be there, but now she wasn't. She wasn't. And her dad was gone. The only person she was ever incredibly close to, was gone on a peace keeping mission.

Well, fuck Kabul. They don't need him, I do. Hey dad, who's more important? Them or me? Do you even care that mom's drunk, AGAIN! Ya gotta know that she is. She's never managed while you're gone. What makes this time any different? Ellie thought. Daddy, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. She threw the blade at the wall, and it bounced off, leaving only a red mark where it hit. Ellie slid off the counter, and turned the cold water on, watching the sink fill with a copper color. She grabbed a wad of toilet paper, and wiped the blood off her arm. She patted at it, and pulled the bottle of rubbing alcohol and a roll of gauze from under the sink. Ellie poured the alcohol on her arm, balling her hand into a fist against stinging relief. She wrapped the gauze around her arm and watched the red seep through the cloth. Her head snapped up when she heard the smash of shattering glass. She hurriedly wiped the sink out, and went down stairs to check on her mom.

"Mom? Are you okay?" Ellie called from the top of the stairs as she pulled her sleeves down.

"Just clean it up, damn it! Eleanor, clean it up! Don't just look at it!" her mom slurred from the couch.

Ellie came downstairs, and saw shards of glass all over the landing of the staircase. She picked all the big pieces up, and threw them into the trash. She came back with the broom and a dust pan, and cleaned the rest of the mess up. She dumped it into the trash just as someone rang the door bell.

"Eleanor, get that! I can't do everything around here!"

"You don't do anything around here." Ellie mumbled to herself. She opened the door. "Sean!" she was surprised.

"Uh, hi Ellie. You left before I woke up. So I, uh," he said, slightly embarrassed. "I was just wandering and I figured I'd stop by. I hope you don't mind."

"Nah, I don't mind. Some company would be nice," Ellie tugged at her sleeve.

"Ya sure?" Sean asked.

"Yeah. C'mon in," Ellie let Sean in and closed the door. "Ignore the mess," she waved her good arm at the array of alcohol bottles scattered about the house.

"It's okay," he said, remembering how his house back in Wasaga used to look.

"So what do you want to do?" Ellie asked as they stood in the kitchen.

"I don't care."

"Uuhhn," Ellie's mom groaned.

"Uh, let's go upstairs. So my mom can get some sleep," she said and they hurried up the stairs and into Ellie's room.