Charms: The Cereal?

"Oh, this is a STD clinic!"

A/N: Oh how I love this story...So fun! Six solid paragraphs of panic! Thanks for the reviews.

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter...But how do you know I'm not him?


Oddly enough, Dumbledore seemed highly amused by the whole spectacle. Perhaps it was amusing, really. Amiable as he was, Dumbledore soon took in the situation, or most of it. The sight of Hermione and Draco together was quite paradox indeed. The Muggle was an aberration too, but hardly a major problem. It was perfectly plain to see the Gryffindors frightened and Slytherins amazed in Potions class, though the means was a nifty charm he'd never seen.

"Do be kind to our guest, Severus." Good-naturedly, Dumbledore flicked his wand and the blood became pink lemonade, quite sour to judge from Snape's face, unless he was just disgruntled at having his game ruined. Snape did not argue, but watched calm as ever from his desk, while the students did much the same.

Approaching George Lee, who looked nigh onto fainting--and no surprise considering how much work his heart did--Dumbledore offered the man a lemon drop of all things. George stuttered a refusal and Dumbledore cheerfully ate it himself.

"Well, Mr...?"

"George...Er, Lee."

"Mr.Lee, then, if you'll come along to my office, we'll have this worked out in no time at all. You come too, Severus, and I'll find Minerva. Ron, would you please get Mr.Flich to watch the class. He's in the Great Hall, last I checked. Oh, and ten points for Gryffindor. Ten to Slytherin as well, for your nobility, Mr.Malfoy." Dumbledore said in a rush, and with immediate chaos resulting.

George panicked and raced to the far end of the room, yelling he wouldn't go anywhere with Snape, and even more terrified now that pink lemonade was gushing from his hands. Draco was very loudly defending his honor and utter lack of nobility while Ron was fervently seeing to Hermione, having decided that Draco had taken undue liberties. Those two were ready to get into fisticuffs, with many of the other pupils jumping up to represent their respective house, the peaceful couples gone. A few were trying to prevent that fight, while Harry was trying to hush Simone Anderson, a flighty Gryffindor who kept shouting that Voldemort was coming--Yes, using that name.

Hermione managed to stop the escalating brawl, but only after both Draco and Ron had accidentally punched her. Neville dragged her to an out of the way corner, where she searched for her wand. Neville offered to heal her broken jaw, but she declined. That might have ended well, but George Lee ran right into Neville, and the unfortunate boy was hit with the curse meant for the Muggle. He collapsed, pinning Hermione, all his limbs immobile.

George Lee continued darting precariously around the spacious dungeons, still free only because of some ill-placed students. Dumbledore was still treating the man like a frightened cat, trying to coax him while Snape counterproductively made threats and did something else, no one could tell what.

George now knocked over Harry and Simone into a cauldron of greenish liquid that was being mixed before this interruption. Compounding the fact that it was Neville's potion, several drops of pink lemonade had been added, and the stuff had been cooking far too long. When the two emerged, there wasn't anything on their bodies but the remaining green drops. Amid some interesting comments from Malfoy about Harry's orientation, and Lavender defending Harry, for reasons quite obvious to any of the girls looking that way, George Lee was making catcalls to Simone, of course.

Ron, in his haste to either save Hermione or to keep her from observing Harry, was sprinting across the room and his elbow brushed Snape's blue-white vat. The liquid pouring out swiftly ate a hole in the stone floor. Snape, who was bent down, furiously peering into the chasm, was directly in George's path, and the screaming, stupid Muggle tripped, falling into the catacombs. Luckily, it was not any great height.

With amazing speed, Dumbledore cast a transportation spell and George was sent to his office, with Fawkes to look over him while Dumbledore restored order. Harry was blushing, Simone was in tears, Hermione's jaw had swelled, Neville was as embarrassed as Harry, and Ron repeatedly tried to yank Neville off roughly. Draco was now quite envious of all the attention Harry was getting, and was attempting to make up for it, Blaise and Lavender were in a gossip-worthy position, Eglantine Gabriel was shreiking, having been given a pair of translucent fairy wings, and Pansy kept jeering at poor Simone. Snape was being utterly useless, focused on repairing his floor, and Peeves had made an entrance.

Dumbledore sucked on his lemon candy, uncertain where to start. Minerva took over with the unwelcome aid of Mr.Filch, leaving Dumbledore free to tend to the Muggle.


"Let me put it this way, Mr.Lee," Dumbledore said, seeking a way to explain, "you are at a school; I am head here, and both Severus and Minerva are teachers. Do you understand that much?"

"No, he's a Muggle, sir, of course he does not." Snape bitterly interrupted, still sore over the large patch missing in his classroom.

"Severus, honestly." McGonagall chided.

"But...but..You did...spells!" George called, bewildered, as though he'd try fleeing.

"It is a school of magic." Dumbledore said sympathetically.

"Magic?"

"You know...unicorns, giants, dragons." Snape told him, marking each creature listed on one long finger.

"Oh, dragons! Like Puff the Magic Dragon! Is this a rehab center? I've been there before. Are you sure somebody wasn't smoking something? I could have sworn that you all had spells and stuff." George said, visibly relieved.

Snape gawked at the man, struck dumb, but he still couldn't get more stupid than George Lee. McGonagall's patience was strained as well, and Dumbledore looked weary.

"No, Hogwarts is--"

"Oh, it's a STD clinic? I went there one time...Asked this nurse on a date but the bi-- "

"Sir, may I suggest a memory charm?" she asked.

Snape answered before Dumbledore could and explained "We have to find out why he's here though. We can't use Veritaserum either, because he could be under Imperius."

"What?" George asked. It was plain to see this would take awhile...