Katie- Lol...yes, that would be pretty funny. Lol. And ironic too...^_~ I'm glad you've enjoyed the past two chapters. It makes me really happy. ^_^ Yes, yes. Julie is being good. And as nice as that is, I totally agree that you and I would make much better candidates. ^_~

Nebula- *nods* As you should be in shock! I'm whippin' them out. The inspiration for this story shocks me, actually. Lol. Aw, still anti- Charlie, are you? Well at least you are giving me plenty of time to redeem him. It WILL happen and things WILL get better, I just need lots of time to build it up. Lol. ^_~ I'm just dramatic that way. Lol...I guess Julie is blinded...lol. Talking may be a teensy-bit dangerous, but shush. ^_^ Aha! I was unpredictable! Rah! *grins really big* Yay! I'm still a little spontaneous! *hugs Gordon* Yes, he is suffering lots. Poor dear. It's just an all-around angst-fest here! YES! *does happy dance* I ALMOST made you feel sorry for Charlie again! Mission accomplished! I hope you find this chapter suitable.

Sloane- Aww! Don't throttle Charlie! It's not HIS fault he's a warped and twisted little fellow! Ah, I don't know if Charlie is prone to Gizmo's naval-poking ways. You can never be too sure. Lol...yes, it seems lots of people are liking Julie. That's good news. ^_^ Heehee...yeah, it did sound kinda stalker-ish-ly-like. But that's okay. Lol...*pats head* Don't stress your brain too much.

Banksiesbabe99- Lol, I don't blame you for thinking I had disposed of George. I really almost did, but then thought better (or worse?) of it. ^_^ At least YOU have some sympathy for Charlie! My whole idea was for people to feel sorry for BOTH, not just the Ducks and hate Charlie! Lol...that was not quite the plan. But at least you don't hate him yet. ^_^ I'm glad you liked the chapter! *hugs* Thanks for reviewing!

Joey424- You'll just have to see, now won't you? Lol...I'll probably end up making it a C/J fic, just because they are so cool that way. Lol. They're my favorite Duck couple. ^_~ Thanks so much for your encouraging comments! Really, it made my day. I'm glad I have the 'battered child' down good enough. ^_^ It makes me feel relief that I'm not totally screwing it up. ^_^ Thanks SO MUCH for your feedback, and I loved hearing from you! Thanks again!

Allie- Lol...heeheehee...That circus needs to keep better watch. Ooh! Ooh! I want blinking powers too! Ooh, ooh, PICK ME! PICK ME!!! PICK MEEEE!!!!! Hehehe...yes, Allie, most dead people are unconscious. ^_^ I am a wee-bit mean to him...lol...*cough* understatement *cough*...And as for the little C/J moment...I couldn't help myself. ^_^ Yeah...but Charlie doesn't like listening to people. He's stubborn. And angry. And...yeah. He just is. Poor Bombay...poor Ducks...poor Charlie...poor EVERYBODY! *gasp* I GOT SOMETHING WRONG?! Say it isn't so! *gasps of horror and shock* Inconceivable! Lol...shush you! ^_^ Pretend I'm right. ^_^ Just kidding. We'll just pretend George bribed the mail people! Yeah! That's it! He bribed them. *nods* Yep. ^_^ Everybody DOES need a happy-list. But Charlie is having difficulty with his. It's very sad. *claps* Yay for Allie's happy-list! I'm glad you like my story so much! *feels honored* Your review REALLY made my day! ^_~ And as for your update; I'll be waiting! ^_^

Kate- WHHEEEEEEE!!!! KATE! KATE! *hugs* You're still alive! *throws a party* And I'm sorry about all the reviewing-issues you had. Lol...That's a bummer. Hehehe...busy life, huh? Lol...I've had like 2-billion (no exaggeration ^_^) projects in EVERY class; that's how I've been. Lol...projects are evil, and my teachers are sadistic. ^_^ I'm sure of it. Hehe, yeah, you are a slacker. I was seriously beginning to wonder if you had died. I was about to cry really hard. But you're still alive, so that's good! ^_^ Yep, the guilt-birds attacked you. Lol...I think I am physically- incapable of NOT reviewing something I've read...Lol...I practically have a brain spasm and am often attacked by the guilt-birds, thus driving me to review. I'm just weird that way. Lol...*nods* Wow, that does make a lot more sense...hehehe...20,000 is quite a bit more than 200. *nods* Yeppers...lol...Third chapter, you say? *quirks an eyebrow*...*shrugs and smiles anyway* Okies, well as long as you post'm soon, then I'll be okay. Lol...Because I'm serious; the lack of Charlie angst is shameful. And Charlie Angst Withdrawl has been exerting its evil clutches on me due to the fact that you haven't posted it yet...lol...Ooh! *smiles and perks up* Yes, yes, that sounds lovely! Do please work on it! ^_^ Yeah, Charlie does need to talk to Adam. But what can I say? He's a stubborn little dude. Why? Because I said so. Lol...^_~ And Dean Buckley and the officer-dudes are kinda dumb. They don't quite make the bright connection that he isn't stupid enough to smoke, considering it could jeopardize his playing. But we need at least SOME stupid people in my story. ^_^ It's a rule. And I know that there has been a lackage of hockey...lol...The season is over in my little world, and the world revolves around Charlie at the moment. Charlie is unable to play hockey at the moment; therefore it is currently is nonexistent Lol. ^_^ I'm glad you liked "Let the fun begin." ^_^ Thanks so much for reviewing! It made me REALLY happy! *smiles real big for effect* I LOVE YOU! *huggles*

Rachel- *hugs* Thanks so much! I'm glad you think I have the reality thing down. Yes, there is MUCH angst to come. It may never end...lol...and trust me, I do feel honored that you have been the SWEETEST person and reviewed every chapter! ^_^ Really, it's greatness that you're so nice! And so flattering too. ^_^ Thanks again SO MUCH, and I'm truly glad you are enjoying the story.

Hockey_Luvva- Aw, thanks! *nibbles on half-cookie* You're sweet. *eyes light up* A muffin too? Thank you! *eats muffin* Yum yum! ^_^ Thanks so much for all the compliments! *smiles* I'm glad you think I'm doing a good job. ^_~ I hope you enjoy this chapter!

Meggiebaby81- I'm glad you got around to reading my story. *hugs* I'm glad to have your feedback. It's very much appreciated. It makes me feel good that you're into the story. ^_~ Thanks again for reviewing!

Adriana- WHEE! IT'S YOU! YOU'RE STILL ALIVE!!!! *does happy dance* YAY! *throws a party* I forgive you for having issues with reviewing...lol...it happens. Ooh, I like penguins! *smiles goofily* TWO CHAPTERS?! Wow, that's exciting! ^_^ I can't wait to read them, then. More Charlie-goodness. Oh, have no worry. I've just upped the chapter amount to say...around fifty. Lol...this is gonna go for a LONG time. It may never end. ^_~ There's a strong possibility it might even hit sixty if I go into great detail. Lol...^_^ If not, it'll be close. And your updates were quite lovely! ^_^ As for Author Alerts, I would have you on mine...except my email kinda doesn't work. I'm too lazy to change it to a new email address. Lol...and my friend is borrowing my email address for her account, so yeah. ^_^ I just keep a close watch on the Mighty Ducks section, waiting in impatient anticipation for updates. ^_^ Thanks for reviewing, and I'm glad you're not dead! ^_~

Angel Spirit- I know exactly how it is with the whole 'guessing the plot' thing. Lol...I do it all the time with TV shows, and try with fics. It's fun. But it's always good to get it wrong sometimes...lol...serves for better surprises. Yeah, especially compared to THIS chapter, the last one was lighter. Of COURSE updates always occur when one's computer isn't working! Lol...it's a law of nature. Anyway...thanks for your review! ^_~

Liz- Hey Liz! Thanks for reviewing! I figured you liked the Julie part. Lol...^_^ And this is the first chapter in awhile that you haven't read my changes. I added the new part so you'll actually get a semi-surprise! Lol...^_~ Thanks again, Liz!

-WARNING- Contains cutting. If that bothers you, then you probably won't enjoy much of this chapter. Just thought I'd warn ya beforehand.

Disclaimer- I don't own the Mighty Ducks. But I love Charlie and I wish I owned him. ^_^

-Chapter 39-

Charlie trudged up the stairs and collapsed on his bed. He was exhausted.

He curled up in a ball and soon found himself falling asleep...

~*~*~*~*~*~

He saw his mother...he could see her face clearly...she was...smiling at him...

'Hello, Charlie.' Her voice said softly to him.

Charlie reached out for her, but the image began to fade...she was just out of his reach...No matter how hard he tried, she was just out of his grasp. There was nothing he could do to get her back...

Suddenly, the kind face of his mother began changing. It shifted around, morphing into something new. Soon enough, the illusion had faded completely, becoming the face of his father.

'You think you're getting away?' the face said menacingly. 'You can't...you know you can't. You're too afraid to let go...You always will be. You don't know it, but you need me. You can't make it without me, and now you're stuck. They don't want you there either, and you need to realize they have no reason too.' His subconscious "father" said to him.

'They don't want me?' he asked, his mind floating.

'No. They don't want you. Did they make any effort to call you? Do they care at all? No, they don't. They thought you were better off gone. I was doing you a favor...' the "subconscious father" continued.

'They don't care...' Charlie thought.

'Yes...and you're too weak and small-minded to figure it out by yourself. You can't even control your own life; you need me. You know you do...you're lost and confused without me, and you know it.' The image said before everything flashed black and Charlie saw the random image of a glass bottle...

~*~*~*~*~*~

Charlie jolted awake, caked with sweat. He breathed in shuddering gasps as his eyes were empty and wide.

How could he let his father control him? Even in his dreams...even after everything that had happened...

His mouth tightened and he stared forward; he had just been shown how little control he truly had...

Charlie felt his throat tighten and his eyes fill again. He punched his pillow in frustration at his own weakness. Curling up in a ball, he shivered slightly.

Still shaking, the boy stared up at the ceiling, replaying the dream in his head...every word he had 'heard.' Every thought that crossed his mind...His father controlled him...he couldn't be controlled...

After lying there for awhile, the teenage boy stood up and walked to the bathroom connected to his bedroom. His hands were shaking as he steadied himself against the counter, locking the door behind him.

The reflection he saw in the mirror surprised him every time. He was unnaturally pale and looked like the walking dead. He saw a hollow, weak depth in his own eyes. He was broken...

He breathed shakily, biting his lip.

Suddenly, a shiny object caught his eye.

The boy's gaze shifted quickly to identify it.

A razor.

His hand slowly made its journey to the piece of metal. Gently retrieving it, he studied it.

It wasn't very big. It seemed innocent enough, just sitting in the bathroom amongst toothbrushes and soap.

He was so tired of being submissive...so tired of not being in control...

With trembling hands, he removed his sling and brought the cold metal to his wrist, slowly sliding the sharp blade into the soft flesh.

His eyes clamped shut as he felt the searing pain shoot through his arm. He shuddered and opened his eyes slowly, watching the red substance pour from the cut.

He exhaled shakily and made another cut going the other direction. The razor was stained red and he felt the blood trickling down his arm.

He let out a sharp sigh as he winced, trying to channel all the emotional pain to the two cuts on his wrist. Charlie leaned up against the counter and slid down to the floor, his breath coming in short gasps.

He had told himself that he wouldn't cry; that he deserved it. That he didn't deserve the right to cry...

But he just couldn't stop himself. He made a third slice as his eyes blurred over. He blinked them closed, trying to will away the pain.

Charlie had never really considered it before, but with every passing second, he felt control. He felt himself governing his own pain and emotions. No one was standing by, telling him what to think or feel, and no one forcing him to do anything...No matter how much physical pain he felt because of it, at least it could distract him from his screwed up life for even a few seconds...

He was startled out of his trance when there came a knock on the bathroom door.

"Charlie, come on down. Coach said that the rest of the Ducks are here and the pizza's arrived. He said that you need to come on downstairs." Charlie heard a muffled voice say through the door.

"'Kay." Charlie said softly, his voice cracking slightly.

After a moment of silence, the voice same again. "You okay in there?"

"Yeah." He said quietly, closing his eyes.

Charlie assumed whoever it was had gone back downstairs because the deafening silence returned.

He wiped his soggy eyes with the sleeve of his shirt. He carefully stood back up and looked himself in the mirror. He truly was a wreck.

Twisting the handle to turn on the faucet, he let out a trembling sigh. He closed his eyes and worked on steadying his breathing while the cold water washed over his self-inflicted wounds, applying pressure to stop the flow of blood.

When they looked presentable enough and weren't gushing anymore, he removed his watch from his right arm and strategically placed it on his left wrist...covering the cuts.

He shivered as he clamped the cold metal of the watch over the open wounds. He blinked a few times and washed his face.

Charlie rubbed his face and tried to bury the urge to break back down and just cry. But he couldn't...he shouldn't...and he won't.

As he was about to leave the bathroom again, Charlie saw the razor again. He quickly washed it off and put it in the cabinet. Wouldn't want anyone to see that...

Taking one last calming breath, Charlie unlocked the bathroom and walked back into his room. He slowly left his room and walked down the stairs to join the others.

He couldn't help but feel bitter. Here they were, happy...and he was suffering. Did no one care? Did no one even notice?

"Hey Charlie." Adam said from the couch where some were munching on pizza.

Charlie nodded in his direction and sat in a chair. He leaned back and stared off into space. He didn't want to be downstairs with everyone else...He didn't want to be surrounded by people who were happy. People who didn't know, or care, anything about him.

Adam watched the curly-haired boy with slight worry. Charlie still hadn't stepped out of whatever little shell he had created around himself. He still refused to have any full conversations with Adam; and frankly, that was worrying the slightly older teen...

Charlie brought his knees to his chest and stared out the window, his arm thrown carelessly over his knee.

"Charlie, Charlie! What's wrong with your arm? You're bleeding!" Adam exclaimed.

Charlie jumped and shot Adam a nervous, rattled look. "Huh?" he said, retracting his arm to the other side of his propped knees, hiding his wrist from sight.

"What happened to your arm? I could have sworn I saw blood." Adam said, standing up to walk over to Charlie.

Charlie's heartbeat rose. How could he have been so careless? He had to come up with an explanation pronto...

"I-uh dropped something on my foot and it started bleeding. So I...uh, I put my foot on the counter to clean it. Blood got on the counter and I accidentally must have sat my watch in it. I guess I didn't notice when I put it on." Charlie said, astonished at the words as they rolled off his tongue. He couldn't have lied better if he tried...

Adam nodded, but continued to look skeptical. He wasn't sure whether or not to believe the guy or not.

Adam Banks gave Charlie's wrist one last lingering glance before returning to his seat. He would give Charlie the benefit of the doubt...for now...Besides, what were the chances?

Charlie let out a quiet sigh of relief as he got up to clean off the blood. He wouldn't make the same slipup twice...

He closed the door quietly behind himself and took a few calming breaths.

The boy clumsily removed his silver watch and sat it on the counter. He ran his wrist under the cold water again, this time opening the cabinet for a bandage.

He quickly unwrapped the tiny package and pealed the paper off of the sticky parts, gently covering the slash marks on his left wrist.

After tossing the trash into the garbage can, Charlie rinsed off his watch and re-clasped it onto his wrist. Much to his relief, it covered the bandaide perfectly.

He surveyed his handiwork momentarily before looking in the mirror again and letting out a sigh. He was good to go.

Charlie walked out of the bathroom and rejoined the rest of the Ducks. Julie watched him with question. After the "homework thing," Charlie had returned back to normal. Or, at least normal as of his arrival back home. He still refused to open up to anyone for any reason.

"I'm gonna go upstairs for awhile." Charlie said quietly as he stood up and scaled the stairs.

Julie let out a sigh and leaned back into the couch, pulling a pillow onto her lap as she watched Charlie disappear.

"What's up with him?" Portman asked as he took another large bite of pizza.

"I dunno." Averman said, licking the chips crumbs off of his fingers.

"Coach, do you know what's going on?" Goldberg questioned Bombay.

The ex-peewee hockey coach let out a sigh and glanced at the stairs. "Sort of...I don't know the details though." He said, pausing his speech.

The Ducks all waited expectantly.

"Well?" Adam probed when their old coach hesitated.

"Well it isn't necessarily my place to say. I think it might be better if you heard it from him. If he wants me to, I will...but I don't want to agitate and enlarge whatever rift exists between us at the moment." Bombay said reluctantly.

"What? Why can't you just tell us?" Portman asked, collapsing on a chair. A chorus of 'yeah!' erupted for a second.

"I don't want to violate what little trust he still has in me. It isn't my place to say." Gordon said again, walking into the kitchen.

"That's not fair..." Portman said as several agreed.

"Why don't we just ask him?" Russ asked.

"Because he'll do what he always does. Either ignore us, or push us away." Adam said, recalling his past attempts at questioning his friend.

After a moment of brief arguing, Julie piped in.

"Guys? Maybe we oughtta lay off the pestering a little bit." She suggested.

"Why? How else will we ever know?" Fulton asked.

"I was just thinking...he'll tell us when he's ready. The more we push at him to tell us, the more he'll pull away." she explained, silently remembering the brief moment that Charlie let her in...even if it was only helping him with his homework.

"But what if he never says anything?" Ken asked quietly from the corner.

"Yeah, what if he doesn't tell us?" Connie asked with worry.

"I'm sure he will..." Julie said, trying to convince herself as well. "Maybe he just needs time..." she said softly.

They all nodded, hoping she was right.

~~~*~~~

Charlie opened the door to his room, closed it behind himself, and collapsed on his bed.

He rolled over and settled his gaze onto the letter his father had sent him...

The boy tentatively reached out to clasp on to the letter. He flipped it over a few times in his hand and examined it. He couldn't help but wonder what he did wrong...why didn't his dad love him?

A chill crept down his spine as he curled up in a fetal position.

He thought of all his friends and how they had nice, happy, nurturing families to live with. Why didn't he? Why did his mother have to die? Why did his own father have to hate him?

Had he really been such a bad kid that he didn't deserve his father's acceptance and affection? Maybe it was his fault after all...Maybe his father would have loved him if he hadn't pushed him away at first...Maybe his father was right...His father was always right...

Charlie buried his quivering chin into his non-casted arm. Why couldn't he feel happy...even for a moment?

~~~*~~~

After almost everyone had gone home and Bombay was outside picking up the mail, Julie hung behind.

She carefully walked up the stairs, mindful not to make a lot of noise.

Checking in a few doors, she let out a sigh. Suddenly, she saw a door she had missed.

The blonde girl walked quietly over to it and timidly opened the door.

She saw Charlie curled up on top of the covers. A pang of protectiveness shot through her momentarily.

Tip-toeing over to the bed, she grabbed a loose cover and gently placed it over him. She sat on the edge of the bed and watched him sleep, admiring the final serenity on his face as he gently breathed; the slow and steady rise and fall of his chest.

She couldn't help but think of how peaceful he looked.

He stirred and furrowed his eyebrows in his sleep. He tensed slightly and dug his head deeper into the pillow.

Julie gently caressed the side of his face with her fingertips. She studied his face closely and noticed something under the hair covering his forehead.

She traced her thumb along the scar as she brushed away the brown curls.

Julie felt a surge of compassion as her eye moistened. She wished he would tell her what had happened...tell her what was wrong and what was bothering him...She wished he would let her help.

The girl began brushing the dark brown curls with the tips of her fingers as she watched him sleep. She wasn't sure why, but she didn't want to leave him. She would have been perfectly content with just sitting there all night, watching him sleep. But she knew she had to get back to the dorms.

She bent over and brushed his hair out of his face, placing a soft kiss on his forehead. The female Duck then stood up and walked to the doorway, lingering for a second before closing the door behind herself.