Disclaimer-All characters belong to JK Rowling, and if anything else is here that's not mine I'll be sure to put it in another one of these...or if I miss one let me know;-)
"So what if I don't know what I'm doing. Its okay" I told myself, hoping beyond hopes that I could believe it someday. Yet the other part of me just kept saying "you cant, you don't know what you're getting yourself into. This could end up being the mistake that ruins your life and you'd never know it." "Stop being so pessimistic! If I went around thinking that about every decision I had to make, I wouldn't have made any at all!!!"
As I contemplated my next move, I thought about last year. It was the best year of my life. My feelings for a special someone just couldn't have been any stronger and we had the time of our lives. Of course, it ended all too quickly. It felt like not even a minute had passed before I had to pack my things and go back home. I tried writing to this person, and I tried anything you could possibly think of to remain in contact, but it just wasn't working out. I didn't want to say I wasn't surprised. I knew we wouldn't be able to talk as much as we used to, but I just hoped. I seem to be doing a lot of that lately. Hoping doesn't get you very far though, it only taunts you. It dangles what you want in front of your nose, and lets you smell the salty sweetness of it all. How you know its impossible, but you wish for it anyway. Of course that's all useless now.
I knew I was never going to get the moments back. The night we spent under the stars, being able to confide in each other, helping one another with our silly little problems, and the more important ones. But being away from it for this long, without one little reassurance that someone else was feeling the same way, I just couldn't stand it. I had nothing to do, sitting there during a heat wave alone. I was away from both worlds, the world with my family, the world with my friends, the world with my school friends, because it was summer. My parents were working, my friends all had lives to live, and my school friends were doing the same and I just couldn't find anything to do. With all that time alone, I had so much time to think. When you have hours upon hours to think, wouldn't you think that what's bothering you would come up a few times? Well it did. And that's when I seriously reconsider my position. Can I really stand this? Being isolated by my world? What if he finds another girl over the summer? I mean he'll definitely have many swooning over him, that's just the kind of person he is. But he won't shoo them away either, he'll make friends with them. Then they'll see how great he is and want to spend more time with him and such. And of course I wont be there to remind him that he likes me.
It's all so confusing. One minute I think I'm in love and then I seriously re-consider it ever being close to that. I know its far fetched, but I might even be starting to have feelings for someone I talk to more often. He's not as good looking or as mature, and he certainly isn't as willing to be with me, but he's my friend too and he has a really great personality.
I bet you're wondering why I'm telling you my confusing lonely story. Maybe its because you've probably heard of the guy who I'm supposed to be "involved" with. I mean who hasn't? He's famous beyond fame, he's saved my butt as well as yours most likely, and he's just incredible. The famous mark on his forehead makes him impossible to confuse with anyone else. You all know who I'm talking about.
Now I'm even more confused. I tried to contact him again, but instead the guy I said I might have feelings for wrote back. Here's the letter I wrote him if you were wondering...
Harry,
I know you're probably not allowed to get owls during the summer because of your aunt and uncle, but I wanted to try anyway. I really miss you and I wanted to talk to you. We haven't talked for a long time and I'm starting to get worried about you. I also wanted to wish you a Happy Birthday, since I remembered its tomorrow. I'm not going to lie, its been really hard trying to get you a gift, so you may have to wait a little while until I find something suitable. Then again, I don't know if it would be safe to send it, being how your aunt and uncle are being really strict about owls this summer. Well, if you get this, owl me if its safe to send a gift, if not I'll save it for a belated gift and give it to you on the train.
Love Always,
Hermione
Yeah I know, it sounds kind of corny, but what was I supposed to write?
The odd thing was what I got back.....
Hermione,
I'm so sorry, but that ruddy bird Errol was bringing Harry a letter the same time as your owl...well you can guess it wasn't a pretty sight. Errol ran straight into your bird and they both fell onto Harry's aunt and uncles windowsill. They screamed their heads off, which scared the bloody hell out of the bird, making him fly about and drop my letter. Your bird thought it was a reply to yours, and Errol thought the same about your letter. They both took off and I don't know how long it'll be before you get my letter and I get yours but they were both pretty shaken so it could be a few days. Harry wrote to me telling my about the whole sight, and how he was rushing to write a last letter before they barred his window again. I'm truly sorry I sent that bird, but its Harry's birthday as you know tomorrow and Percy was locked up in his room obsessing about how his girlfriend broke up with him so I didn't want to bother him. Mum says he needs time to recover, and with Fred and George around taunting him about it I thought it was better to leave him be. He's been very uptight you know. I'd use Pig but she was off sending a letter for Ginny, Ginny's always borrowing her, it gets quite annoying actually. Anyway, I just wanted to warn you about your letter not getting to Harry and how you're going to get my letter...oh and about that. Please don't open it, it's...er...kind of private and I wanted to still be able to give it to Harry. Its not that I don't trust you or anything, don't get the wrong idea, its just guy stuff and, yeah. It's not like its anything important so if you'd just bring it to school with you and I'll do the same with yours that would be fantastic. Well, see you at school!
Love,
Ron
I didn't know which part was weirder. The part where the birds actually thought the other bird was carrying the reply to their letter when the person the letters are for didn't even get the letter yet, the part where Ron was obsessing over me not reading his note, or the "Love" at the end. I know we've been best friends for a while, but he always signs "Bye" or "good luck" or "sincerely"...never anything that personal.
Well Ron seemed open for a letter, and luckily his bird stuck around so I gave it a treat, telling it to wait while I wrote the letter since my bird obviously wasn't back yet, and started writing.
Ron,
Thanks so much for telling me about the letters. I guess Harry was too busy to write to me to tell me about it...either way thanks. I would have been a little freaked out if I got a letter back addressed to Harry. Well since I have nothing to do and it seems like you have plenty of time on your hands also (referring to the really long letter you wrote me) I thought I'd write you. Do you think Harry...you know what, lets not talk about Harry, I think enough about him already. Hmmm...what to talk about. Well I've come up with a new game we can play this year during the times we're too bored to think straight. I'm not all that sure it will work or if you guys will like it, but I've had a lot of free time, so I've been thinking a lot. I won't tell you now and ruin the surprise, but maybe in my next letter I'll give you a hint or tell you the name. So what have you been up to?
Love your friend,
Hermione
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AN-Well this is my first fanfic, and I didn't really know what to write about so I just sat at the computer and started typing. I've been signed up for this thing for ages and I haven't written anything, but I can't sleep so I needed something to do. Welcome to suggestions if you've got 'em:-)
