My brain has been infested my poetic influences, so don't kill me! Lol...My Pre-AP English class is working on poetry, so I guess I'm in a poetic mood. I can't help it. ^_^ Lol. And I'm listening to this pretty, yet bittersweet song. Or at least, I think it's bittersweet....lol...I got Final Fantasy X- 2 for Christmas, so I've been playing it alot. Yuna sings in it, and I fell in love with one of the songs. It's called '1000 Words,' and with my record, it might possibly end up in this fic at some point in time. There's just no telling. By the way, I'm sorry in advance over any major spelling errors; my brother reformatted our computer and now the program is different. I don't think it's Microsoft Word anymore...So I don't have spell-check. Just thought I'd say that. ^_^ Oh, and I don't really know how LONG this chapter is. It doesn't tell me the amount of pages anymore. I'm gonna ask my brother for Word back...because this is not helping me any. o.O

Okay, the song lyrics at the end are done by the great "Evanescence," as always. The song is "Breathe No More," and I've never actually heard it before because it's on their "Origin" CD...which I want DESPERATELY, by the way, but it's far too expensive on eBAY for poor little Chelsea, so I will just have to sufficiently cry myself to sleep every night. By the way, I changed one word from "her" to "him" because...well...Charlie's a guy. Lol. ^_^ Makes sense, huh?

I just realized my Trusty Green Notebook is nearly full! *gasp* My dear, tattered, 70-sheet college-ruled notebook that is packed full of random fragments of chapters is about to be full! I only have, like, two pages left...o.O It's scary. I'm confused; what will I use to write in while I'm supposed to be paying attention in class? Where will I write my ideas while getting very carsick on the danged school bus? What will occupy my thoughts and inspirations while waiting in class for the bell to ring, thus starting my long, boring, perilous day at school? I'll spontaneously combust if I don't find answers! Gah! .......And I lost my Trusty Purple Notebook, so I need to find something to carry on the Trusty Green Notebook's legacy, and fulfill the next billion chapters I have planned. Lol. ^_^

Not that you care, but I just realized I have been on ff.net for exactly two years and four days. o.O I'm in shock a little bit. Lol...

Banksiesbabe99- Lol...Yeah, it won't be the same if I change my name, but I may just see how it goes to experiment. I can always change it back. ^_^ That'll REALLY confuzzle people. ^_^ Hehehe, yes, stupid Connie. Interrupting like that. Lol...Thanks for the review!

Nebula- Hehehe, yeah, Adam is a bit stupid for letting it go. But what can I say? Good point. I wouldn't wanna hear ya if it WASN'T Adam. ^_^ Yeppers, the Connie-meister definitely screwed things up. ^_~ Lol...have fun being trained on the new keyboard. :p

Angel Spirit- I don't know why you always see to miss them. Lol, just kidding. ^_~ Julie DOES need some nice quality alone-time with Charlie...lol...Thanks bunches for the review! ^_^

Soph- Ooh! So now you're back to surfing ff.net? *grins* Yay! Ooh...*eyes glass over and smiles* Looong review...*smiles again*...Oh, don't worry Sophie. I make an idiot of myself ALL the time. ^_^ Idiocy makes the world more fun. Lol...I'm glad my updating speed has managed to amaze and peeve you at the same time! Whoo-hoo! Lol...^_~ I'm sad to say my poem wasn't deep or dark or anything of that nature...It was just a boring little nature poem because I would never write anything deep or dark for school. ^_^ They would think I'm a psycho and send me to the crazy-people's facility. Lol...but apparently they liked it anyway. *shrugs* Works for me. ^_^ But I could try and write a deep and dark poem just for you! Lol...and it will probably be really bad and an embarrassment to me, so I'll just claim I lost it and never send it to you. ^_~ Lol...I love angsty stuff now...This fandom morphed me into an angst-lover. Lol...I assure you, I can NOT play sports at all...I always end up looking really stupid. Lol. And I can't speak publicly without first totally freaking out...and...yeah. Lol. Oh! And I can't whistle either! It just simply does not work for me. LOl...NO SOPHIE! I'm perfect in every way! Lol...just kidding. *giggles* Okay...I won't picture everyone naked. My English teacher would KILL me if I burst out giggling on the stage while reading the poem...lol...Yes, I have an email hat WORKS! Shocking, I know. Lol...I just figure 'spazzychick' applies to me more. Lol...I truly am I spaz, though. It's sad, really. ^_^ And the "chan" thing is a Japanese suffix or something for 'friend' or something. I forgot. ^_^ I came up with it like 2 years ago. I was 12; young and clueless. *winks* I noticed that the reply to your reviews was nearly half the chapter...lol...I was like "Ehehehe...^_^" Yeah. Lol...Just like that. Lol...rah for me! For I am the only one who can physically hit you over the internet! *does happy dance* Bwaha! Wow...I ACTUALLY explained something good? *is shocked* Cool. Don't worry, my friends don't understand my MD obsession either...I'm all alone...*mourns* That's true. They just don't have as advanced taste as us. *nods* That must be it. Yep yep...Hehehe, I do need stupid people in my story. They're there to add suspense and contrast to the not-so-stupid people. Rah! Lol. ^_~ Heh...yep, Chuck is a nickname for Charlie. In fact, scarily enough, my dad went by 'Chuck' until the sixth grade when he started going by his middle name, Cullen. Just a little Chelsea family trivia for ya. Lol...and my friend Connie's little brother's name was Chuck...but then he started going by Charlie, but I could never call him it. He will always be little Chuck to me. ^_^ Sorry, went off on a tangent there. Lol...Hehehehe...*giggles* "How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?" I love saying that! ^_^ Anyway. "Ronnie and Julie" is an uber-cool movie. Yep yep. But I dunno how they got cast in the same movie again. The producers must have thought it because it was only made one year after D3...*shrugs* Oh well. Lol...yes, "lol" is quite useful. I "ve" you Sophie! Lol...Anyway...Whoo-hoo! I get to be the Queen of Mammoth Reviews! *does happy dance* I try. Lol...^_~ The wit IS astounding. ^_^ Yes, I had to add the dead crickets on the floor...*nods* Yep. *giggles* Okay, that's really funny. "Would you mind just hanging on a tick, Adam? I just need to check my bag for the razor I'm using to cut myself with. Shouldn't take a moment." *giggles again* Oh, I can see it now...I can see it now...*giggles* Oh, do you not like my saying? ^_^ I made it up myself! Lol...I actually started saying 'Holy crackers!' and people think I'm strange. ^_^ But it's more fun that way. Heehee...was I bad again? Yes, I was...I misled you to believe that I was ACTUALLY going to get him to tell. But nope. *smiles cheekily* I'm too mean. Well, I feel special that I'm an exception. *smiles cheekily again* And I sometimes come off a wee-bit imbalanced too...lol...but alas, I can be normal at times as well. *gasp* Shocking, I know. Ooh, SpongeBob Squarepants! Lol...I've seen that before...in my French class, we got to watch them all in French! Well, a few at least. They were like "Blah blah blah blah" and we pretended we understood to humor the French teacher ^_^ *smiles sheepishly* Yeah, it is a little bit fun to torture the readers. ^_^ A story just wouldn't be mine if there wasn't sufficient torture. Lol...Thanks for the BEAUTIFULLY long review, and I hope you like the chapter.

Liz- Yes, alas it the beginning of the "Julie caring" chapters. Lol. I'm not surprised that the 7th Heaven and Everwood eps depressed you...I still haven't watched the 7th Heaven one, but I saw the Everwood one and DANG those are some majorly screwy lives they lead...lol...Thanks for reviewing!

Chorins96- Hey, nice to see a review from ya again. ^_^ I'm sorry you're not a huge Charlie/Julie fan, but the angst is not going away. Trust me. Even if I add some C/J moments every now and then, I'm not getting rid of the angst. And the coma idea is pretty good...I might use it later. As a matter of fact, I really like that idea. I just have it planned out for awhile, but I will probably end up using it eventually. ^_^ And yes, that penalty box scene in "Ronnie and Julie" was pretty freakin' funny...lol...Ooh...those ideas are oh-so-very angsty! I already have everything planned out, but if I see a way to incorporate them, I'll be sure to give it a try. Or maybe I'll do a sequel or something...lol...maybe make a trilogy...I already have a prequel in the works, but I won't post it till this is done and I get back on track with "One Way Ticket." Anyway. You probably don't care, so I'll shut up. Lol...^_^

Rachel- I'm glad my research is evident. Lol. *hugs* I always love getting reviews from you! It makes me feel sufficiently loved. ^_~ Heehee, I made up the "Holy crackers" all by myself! Lol...I started saying it, and now my friends all think I'm a weird little psycho. Lol...they make fun of me. ^_^ I'm glad it made you laugh. "Ronnie and Julie" is a super-cool movie! Lol...but I already said that. And I agree with the coolness of Liz and Chris. Lol. They're the only ones I trust to read my stuff; no one else I know is even aware I have an interest in writing at all. Well, my parents know I lock myself away in my room and type away at the computer, but they don't know what it's about. Lol...Liz has been a sweetheart and reviewed everything I've ever written, and Chris reviewed twice after lots of pestering. Lol. He's a bit slow. ^_^ I'm glad I can keep you guys gripped. *grins happily* I'm so happy you enjoy the updates.

Adriana- Lol...you're silly. But trust me, if you had reviewed, I woulda replied. ^_^ But that's okay! ^_^ Yeppers, Connie is quite an idiot; she can't help it. *smiles and blushes* Aw, thanks for the congratulations! You're so sweet. And thanks for the suggestion about waiting to change the pen name...I'll just have to see how it goes, and your opinion does matter! Lol...^_^ Thanks for reviewing! ^_~

Katie- Lol...^_^ I'm glad you agree with my pretending Julie isn't Linda...It's just too weird if I don't. ^_^ Or perhaps if I pretend Julie is ME! Yes, that will work nicely. Lol...I could live with that. ^_^ Thanks for the review, and I hope you like the chapter.

Hockey_Luvva- Well, I'm glad you're okay. It must've been rough...But I'm glad you like my frequent updates. ^_^ It makes me happy. *gets excited* You mean now I get the other half of the chocolate? Whee! *does happy dance*

Disclaimer- I don't own the Mighty Ducks.

-Chapter 42-

Charlie closed the door to Julie and Connie's dorm room behind him and closed his eyes, taking a quick breath before walking down the hall in a hurried pace.

He couldn't believe how close he had been to telling Julie...telling her what had happened. But he couldn't tell them...they would never understand...

Flurries of faces passed his vision as he sped down the stairs and jumped down the last few. Several people eyed him strangely but continued on their way. No one gave the hurried boy a second thought.

As he flung open the door and walked out into the fading cold weather of springtime, he quickened his pace. He still didn't have any money for the bus, and it was getting late. He crossed his arms and a shiver crept down his spine. The bare skin of his arm rubbed against his sling. The boy couldn't help but wonder when the wretched thing would come off. He wished it would just be gone, though it was better than having to wear that stupid cast...

He untied his hoodie from around his waist and slipped it over his tee- shirt. It was still pretty chilly outside.

The crisp wind blew against his face, and he pulled the hoodie tighter around himself. The stars were hidden behind feathery clouds in the sky, and Charlie watched them peek out from time to time as he walked down the sidewalk.

He allowed his gaze to float from the sky down to the sidewalk. It was cracked slightly, a few weeds protruding from the concrete walkway.

Why had anyone even bothered to bring him back? He missed Alyssa...He missed April and Karen too...Heck, Charlie was even beginning to miss Agatha's drawn-out lectures.

But they knew...They knew everything that had happened. Charlie could even assume they knew about it while it was happening.

His thoughts drifted to that fateful day in school when they withdrew him from class, asking him to admit everything. Admit defeat. Expose his 'situation.'

Charlie had wanted nothing more than to crawl up and die. The humiliation of the social workers knowing...everything. He was relieved he hadn't been forced to go to school after that. The fear of forced sympathy...condemnation...everyone treating him different. He knew it would happen. That's why he could never tell the Ducks...They didn't understand him...He didn't want, or need, their false sympathy...

He let out a sigh as he dug one hand into the pocket of his sweatshirt, again wondering when the sling would come off. Most of the bruises were starting to fade, and the scar on his forehead was covered by hair for the most part, but the sling was a badge; a constant reminder of what he had allowed his father to do. He could have stopped it...

This thought only further propelled the mindset that he deserved it. He hadn't deserved to leave his father's house.

Who had told? Not many people knew...Very few would have said anything. As much as he knew Agatha, Alyssa, Karen, and April had been worried, he doubted they would turn in their former boss after the accusations that had been placed on them during his 'kidnapping.'

The teachers had been suspicious, but most listened to his lies. It was easier to look the other way, though he had given them every reason to.

That left...Jesse.

Had Jesse told? Charlie had told him not to...but could he have told someone?

Charlie then remembered something Bombay had said they day he was taken from school. Something about jumping on the first plane when he had heard...Who could he have heard it from, other than Jesse?

The teenage boy pursed his lips slightly and watched the people pass by, each carrying on with their lives. Oblivious to him and his problems.

He had trusted Jesse...He had shared something in confidence, only to have that trust betrayed. Though he knew Jesse had the best of intentions, why did he have to meddle in it? Why couldn't he have just kept it to himself?

Charlie kicked a stone against the hard brick of a wall. He watched the rock collide with the solid wall and bounce back off, a cracking sound mixing with the clamor of voices. Just another sound in the night. Just another boy in the crowd...

Would anyone notice if he disappeared? Would they even miss him? Had they ever truly missed him, or had they fooled themselves into thinking they did? Knowing that it was how they were supposed to act. Knowing that was what 'Ducks' were supposed to do.

Ducks fly together.

Or so they say.

If Ducks flew together, why was he alone? Why had no one called when he was all by himself in another state? Why did everyone accept his half-hearted responses? Why did he feel like such a stranger among a tight-knit group? A group that was leaving him behind...forgetting him as they moved forward in life.

As Charlie passed a small convenience store, he paused. Sending one last glance as the full, glowing moon, he stepped inside the building, a rush of warm air engulfing him as the shrill ring of the bell sounded above his head.

Not many people were in the store, milling around. Charlie assumed most had gone home. It was nearly nine, and Charlie assumed most people were either at home, or out doing something. A janitor was mopping the floor. It was nearly closing time.

His fingers grazed the packages as he slowly walked down the aisle. He wasn't sure where it would be, but he would keep looking...

Suddenly it caught his eye. He picked up the package and looked it over. It would have to do...

He pulled out what money had had left. Digging around his pocket, he found some spare change he hadn't seen before. It wasn't alot...not enough for the bus fare, obviously. He checked the price of the item, letting out a sigh. Hopefully he had enough...

Charlie walked up to the counter and placed the package on the counter.

The young woman nodded and scanned the item, telling Charlie the price.

Nodding, Charlie handed over the money. He barely had enough.

Sacking the package, the woman handed it back to the boy. Charlie nodded a thank you, and walked away from the counter.

He passed by the men's restroom. He paused and checked the door, seeing if it was in use.

When the door creaked open, Charlie walked in, closing and locking the door tightly behind him.

He slid down the door, landing on the floor; a thin layer of dirt coated the tiles.

He pulled out the item he had just bought, and ran his hands over the packaging. He opened the package, pulling out the cold metal razor.

The boy couldn't help but feel enslaved to the tiny piece of metal...But...no...It didn't control him...He controlled it...He was in control...

He clumsily ripped off the watch.

Feeling the familiar sensation of burning pain and warm blood mixing, he closed his eyes and leaned against the door roughly, biting back the pain. Reveling in it. Knowing he didn't deserve to be happy...

"They don't care about me..." he said as he made another cut in his wrist, feeling the blood stream down his arm, dripping on his jeans and hoodie; starting in one spot and slowly spreading, staining the material.

He gradually deepened the cuts, not caring that they couldn't be covered with a simple watch. What did it matter?

He felt his arm numb, the pain becoming less and less unbearable. The pain was almost...comforting. Reminding him. Soothing him...

Closing his eyes, he dragged the blade deep into his skin, feeling his head go light. He felt like he was floating...no pain...no one could hurt him...

His mind was swirling and he wondered if he would die...

Another cut.

Wondered if he would finally see his mother again.

Warm blood staining his arms.

Wondered if they would even know he was gone...

'I've been looking in the mirror for so long

That I've come to believe my souls on the other side.

Oh the little pieces falling, shatter.

Shards of me,

Too sharp to put back together.

Too small to matter,

But big enough to cut me into so many little pieces.

If I try to touch him,

And I bleed,

I bleed,

And I breathe,

I breathe no more.

Take a breath and I try to draw from my spirit's well.

Yet again you refuse to drink like a stubborn child.

Lie to me;

Convince me that I've been sick forever.

And all of this

Will make sense when I get better.

I know the difference,

Between myself and my reflection.

I just can't help but to wonder,

Which of us do you love.

So I bleed,

I bleed,

And I breathe,

I breathe now...

Bleed,

I bleed,

And I breathe,

I breathe,

I breathe-

I breathe no more.'

Charlie felt himself slip in out of consciousness. He was so sleepy...Sleep felt so inviting...just a quick rest...

His eyes fluttered shut and his body went limp...