A/N: I do not own Drop Dead Fred. I have never had an imaginary friend, and I think, although great, Fred would do more damage than good so I'm quite glad I don't own him. Or Natalie, or Elizabeth, or Mickey Fartpants. So, with that all done, on with the show!

Chapter One

"Dad! I'm going out, see you tomorrow, don't wait up!" shouts Natalie as she opens the front door. Clad in black leather pants and a dangerously low blood red halter top she shuts the door behind her, runs down to her car and gets in.

Natalie gets to Mik's house about nine o' clock, pulling up at the driveway and beeping the horn twice. She turns down the blaring rock music and waits for her friend who steps out of her front door like a celebrity, heels that had to be over four inches high and a skirt that only just covered her behind. She waves to her extravagant mate and Mik totters down the steps to meet her.

"Mik, you look beautiful, I could stand you on a street corner and you wouldn't look out of place," says Natalie, revving the car up as Mik puts on her seatbelt.

"I shall take that as a compliment," her friend replies as Natalie speeds off at over forty miles an hour.

At the club, the scene was jumping. Natalie and Mik sidled over to the bar and put their orders in. The bartender serves them and they swallow the shots in one. Leading her friend to the centre of the dance floor, Natalie stops and dances for a second with every guy she meets.

"What's your name?" asks one.

"What's yours? Gullible?" she asks in return.

"Jack."

"Melissa," answers Natalie. It was the name she always used in clubs, guys couldn't find her the next day if they didn't know her name. The DJ swaps tracks to some fast moving club music and after a while, Natalie and Mik escape the hordes dancing and get more drinks.

"Smirnoff Black Ice," orders Natalie, she looks at Mik. "Make that two. You ok?" she asks her friend.

"Too right I'm ok. Have you seen the cute guy with the blonde hair and white shirt?"

"Yeah I've seen him, have you read his shirt?"

"One of us is thinking about sex. Ok, its me," replies Mik. "I want that shirt." Natalie takes a swig of her drink.

"I'm sure we could get it off him by the end of the night. You fancy going back in there?"

"Nothing would give me more pleasure," says Mik, swigging from her own bottle.

"I'm sure there's something else would," both girls laugh and head back to the dance floor. Passing, Natalie is sure she sees a skinny little man wearing a lurid green suit with fiery orange hair, sticking up at all angles. She laughs, but the next second he is gone, maybe she just imagined it? But she wasn't going to let him spoil her night, she soon finds the guy with the shirt and both girls begin to dance.

Two hours later and the club is full. People are waiting outside to get in and no one is going out. Natalie and Mik are both a little worse for drink and Mik wears the shirt displaying the fact that 'one of us is thinking about sex, ok, it's me.' Wondering where the topless guy is she took it from, she stumbles back to the bar to find Natalie.

"Got your shirt then?" asks Natalie.

"Yup, all miney mine," replies Mik, slurring a little.

"How many guys?" asks Natalie.

"Snogged four, danced with unlimited amounts of really good guys."

"Snogged four? You're a bad girl Mik, a very bad girl," she laughs and Mik cracks up too. Natalie orders more alcopops and they wait by the bar for a minute. A guy comes up to Mik.

"Wanna dance?" he asks, seductively.

"Already danced, thank you Mr. gonna puke," she rushes towards the bathroom, pushing people out of the line, snagging a free cubicle and throws up. Natalie follows her into the bathroom.

"Mik, you ok?" she asks, leaning against the door.

"Ask me in two minutes," replies Mik. Natalie sighs and fights her way over to the mirror. She checks out her make-up, and applies some new lipgloss. Mik comes out of the cubicle.

"Alright?"

"Yup, never been better," replies Mik. "More Smirnoff?" she heads out of the bathroom. Natalie pulls her back.

"I think we've had enough tonight, lets dance," she advises. Opening the bathroom door she almost bumps into the man in the green suit. He turns around and wrinkles up his nose.

"Hey, watch it!"

"Piss off," says Natalie. "Stupid pervert hanging round the ladies." The man doesn't get out of her way.

"You said piss off, that's naughty, naughty naughty naughty, what would your mother say? I can say something too, shit! Shit shit shit, you look like shit!"

"Do you want a broken nose asshole? Get outta my way." The man opens his eyes wide in realization.

"You know Elizabeth!" he exclaims, pointing a finger in Natalie's face.

"Go away!" says Natalie, bringing Mik into the middle of the dance floor, Green Suited Guy doesn't seem to follow. Natalie can't help the feeling that he was incredibly childish, not how he looks because clearly he was an adult, but in his speech and the way he conducted himself.

"Asshole," she thinks as she dances with Mik. Suddenly, he appears in front of her. Natalie jumps.

"You know Elizabeth!" he says again. Natalie groans and leaves the dance floor, with him in hot pursuit, she leaves Mik dancing with a guy she'd bumped into. Natalie leaves the club, getting her hand stamped on the way out so she could get back in, he's following her.

"Look, I don't know what you want Mr. But I'm trying to have a good night out here, and you are getting in the way, why don't you just fuck off and leave me alone?"

"Because you know Elizabeth," he says, smiling as if she had just given him candy.

"She's my step-mom, so?"

"No way! Natalie? You're all grown up! What the bloody hell happened to you? I suppose now you're not going to be any fun anymore, just like your mum was when she grew up, bitchy bitchy bitchy, I told her, I said, Elizabeth, you've turned into the Megabitch! And she had her hair cut all funny, I mean, when I cut it it looked good, maybe it should have been orange but then it was manky, absolutely horrible," he babbles on. "So, you don't remember me then?" Natalie looks at him a little surprised.

"No. Why should I?"

"I'm Fred! Come on, you can't say you don't remember Fred, we had all those fun times smashing windows and eating dog poo and getting muddy," he says.

"No. Now would you please leave me alone?"

"No. So Elizabeth's still with old Mickey Fartpants then?"

"Watch it, that's my dad you're talking about," says Natalie. One of the bouncers from the club approaches the pair.

"Are you alright miss?" he asks. Natalie turns to face him.

"Yes, I'm alright, thank you," she says, while Fred dances behind the bouncer, picking his nose and wiping his fingers on the bouncers shaved head. He looks up.

"Don't!" Natalie says to Fred, who is now is attempting to disconnect the bouncers ID card from his pocket.

"Don't what, miss?" the bouncer asks, oblivious to any of Fred's antics, in fact, it's like he can't even see him.

"Don't, erm, don't worry about me, I'll be back inside in a minute," she says, smiling.

"Alright," says the bouncer, scratching his back, he goes back to the door of the club.

"What the fuck was that?" Natalie asks Fred. "Who the hell are you?" Fred just smiles his childish grin and points to the bouncer, who's stopped, with his trousers round his ankles. Natalie lets out a laugh and he turns around, she looks innocently at him and he shakes his head, returning to the club.

"I'm a big strong man who chucks people out of places and gets in fights, oh dear, my trousers have fallen down," says Fred, strutting about more like a chicken.

"Fred?" asks Natalie a little hesitantly.

"Yes, Natalie, Natalie Fartpants if Mickey's your daddy," says Fred.

"Who are you?"

"Me? I'm Drop Dead Fred!"

A/N: Who wouldn't know Drop Dead Fred? Hope you liked the chappie.