Yay! III'MMM BBBAAACCCKKK!!! And I must say New York was awesome. ^_^ but I'll have details of THAT in my LiveJournal soon, so you can check it out there.

Nebula- I'm hoping that FF.net is done with its spasms too...I'm making you feel old? ^_^ How old are you anyway? I make my friend Liz feel old too because she's 20. ^_^ Anyway...I had lots of fun in New York! ^_^ Yeah...Poor janitor. ^_^ You make me laugh with the people you sympathize with. Lol...^_~ Well, I hope you like the chapter. ^_~

Kate- Yay! A Kate review! How exciting. ^_^ I forgive you for your reviewing-habits. Lol...I know how horrible FF.net was...Just read my LiveJournal and you will understand. Lol...Oh fun. Did you like Idaho? I've never been before. Of course you deserve the praise! Lol. As you should feel special that I would cry for you. *nods* Because I would. Ooh...Cold and wet Charlie, you say? Sounds fun. Later on in my story Charlie gets cold and wet too. ^_^ It just serves for great angst. I'm proud that your story had its first taste of sadistic dramaness! I cannot WAIT to read it! ooh...I think you should send them to me early! Yes, yes...That would be GRAND! ^_^ Yeah, we really shouldn't trust him with sharp objects, should we? o.O Yeah, mucho bad idea. I'm glad you liked the Charlie/Julie moment. ^_^ Hehehe...I know Riley's joke was lame, but I was thinking it would showcase his stupidity better. ^_^ Lol...Yes, Adam was being good. *nods*...Yep...*cough* emailmeyourchapters *cough*...o.O...I do feel special for the longness. ^_^ Lol...yeah, Adam isn't thinking clearly. He's not exactly worried about AIDS at the moment. Lol...*blinks*...*reads again*...*reads the next review and shrugs* Oh. That makes sense. Bummer...o.O...I hate it when FF.net does stuff like that. I've gotten into the habit of typing my reviews up in Word first to insure it works right. I've had too many incidences where I have to type them again, and it makes me mad. Lol...I'm glad you liked Charlie and Julie's 'together time,' cheered for Adam, and all that lovely stuff. I do wish I could have read it, but that's okay. Lol. Yes...Charlie does have a tendency to be bad occasionally. Lol. SQUEE! You like 1000 Words too?! AWESOMENESS, YO! Don't worry, you don't sound like a nerd. Lol. I'm obsessed with it too. Then again, I could be a nerd too. Lol. That's cool though; I'm glad I'm not alone. ^_^ Hehehe, yes, I know it's a shock that Charlie's a guy. ^_~ You make me laugh...Lol...*giggles* it makes me feel worthy and special when you guys get into it. Wow, your amazing powers worked, didn't they? Lol...Thanks for the happy birthday! ^_^ *giggles* Yes, string cheese and black coffee. Though I prefer 'frou-frou' coffee. Chocolate Brownie Frapaccinos all the way...Lol...yum. Starbucks is a discovery I made in New York. I knew of its existence, but I'm not huge into coffee so it didn't mean much to me. But you don't care, so I'll stop. ^_~ Heehee. I inflict mood swings, you say? That's cool. ^_^ I was thrilled with both your reviews, and I'm sorry for the abnormally long wait. Lol...This is the longest it's taken me in awhile. I blame it on New York. ^_~

Snorts- I'm so happy you like the chapter! *squees*

Rachel- I'm glad you liked the dedication. ^_^ You deserved it. Thanks so much for the happy birthday! *squees* I'm just so excited! Wow, November is a long, long way away...Fun! I hope you had fun at your concert! ^_~ I love watching our Josh on Dawson's Creek...yes, yes...It's a great thing. Ah...So THAT'S what The Laramie Project is...I can't remember which one he's comatose in...It was like...umm...*thinks*...I THINK it was like "The Safety of Objects" or something like that...Yeah, I think that's it. And I checked his filmography and it says he has FIVE, count it FIVE movies coming out! Most of them he's the main character too! I'm so excited! As long as they don't abandon them, then I'll be a VERY happy girl! But he's only a voice in one of them. *pouts* But that's okay, because I love his voice. Anyway. I'm glad I did Gordon's feelings justice. ^_~ Thanks again for the awesome review, and I'm always glad to hear the nice things you say! *smiles and hugs* You're just sooo nice!

Banksiesbabe99- Thanks for the review! ^_~ I hope you like the chapter.

Allie- I know how you feel about needing change. I keep wanting to change mine too, but I haven't' done it yet. I can't decide whether or not to wait for the end of this story. Ah, you have a late birthday? That's okay. We still love you. *pats head* ^_~ Charlie has a late birthday too, so he's the youngest of all the Ducks! See? You don't have to feel sad. Lol. Well, you don't know how relieved I am that it hit home in a good way. I wouldn't want to offend. ^_^ Don't worry, don't worry. Just read and enjoy. ^_~ Ooh...wait. Does SVP stand for s'il vous plait? Does it? ^_^ *gets excited* Am I ACTUALLY catching on to French here? *grins*

Angel Spirit- No shame in reading about other people's miserable lives. ^_^ And yes, George Conway is in need of a good beating...We might have to maim him and leave him for dead once I'm done with the story...*smiles innocently* Enjoy the chapter!

Katie- *gets a warm fuzzy feeling inside* Aww...you always know how to flatter me. ^_^ I'm so glad that the chapter left ya speechless/wordless/whatever. ^_~ And as for notebooks, I found this white Sparro Brand composition notebook, but come ON...It's WHITE! So I really need to find another soon. Lol...White just doesn't quite fit the depressing nature that is this story. Lol. ^_~

DodgerMcClure.aka.Drama-Queen- No prob about reviewing. We all lead busy lives. ^_^ And congrats for going to the next level of your drama festival! Thanks for the review! ^_~

Liz- Yeah, the poor dear is traumatized. I'm glad you like it though; it means a lot to me to have your approval. ^_^ And regarding "When Angels Cry," I agree. It's crazy that it's about to end...At least you have the other fics though. ^_^ This one won't be ending for a LONG time, as you well know. ^_^ Hehehe...I didn't even notice that you said "Chapter 47" instead of "Chapter 43" in your review...Lol...can you say blonde? It wasn't any problem helping you with the WAC chapter. ^_^ 'Twas my pleasure. I love to help. ^_^ That's cool that you're redoing some of your old stories. Once I'm done with this one and all my others, I'll probably go back and tweak them. I know the beginning of this one alone still needs work. ^_^ I'm glad you decided to switch them from script to story because it does help the flow and stuff. ^_^ It makes me happy to see how much we've grown since we joined this community. ^_^ Gives me the warm fuzzies. Thanks for the review, and as much fun as New York was, I'm glad to be home. ^_^

Disclaimer- I don't own the Mighty Ducks, but I'm really feeling for Charlie...

-Chapter 44-

Julie rolled over in bed and covered her head with the pillow when she felt her roommate's hands trying to shake her awake.

"Go away...trying to sleep...Saturday morning..." she mumbled, almost incoherently, into her pillow.

"Jules, wake up! Wake up! Adam just called here. He said it's urgent that we all get to the Hennipen County Medical Center." Connie said as she slipped on a sweatshirt over her sleep shirt and replaced her fuzzy slippers with socks and sneakers.

"Why would we want to do that?" she asked sleepily, rolling over again.

"Not sure yet. He just said Bombay called and told all the Ducks to come. He said he's been there all night and slept in the waiting room." Connie said.

Julie made a face and looked up at Connie, removing her face from the pillow. "Huh? Why's Bombay at the hospital?" she asked.

"I don't know. But if you would get your butt out of bed, maybe we could find out." Connie said as she finished tying her shoe.

Julie nodded and left the warmth of the covers. Seeing that Connie had only put on a sweatshirt over her pajamas, she decided that's what she would do. No need to get dressed. She would just shower as soon as they got back.

When they were both ready, they met the other Ducks down in the lobby. They combined money and rode the bus down to the hospital.

As they all stepped off the bus, a question hung thick in the air.

"Does anyone know why we're here?" Averman asked, staring at the looming building.

"Nope." Goldberg said truthfully. Similar responses were echoed as they walked through the door.

They were soon met by Gordon Bombay.

"Hey Ducks, I'm glad you're here." he said as he led them to the elevator.

"Why ARE we here?" Guy asked as Gordon hit the button on the elevator.

Gordon sighed, still not sure if he believed it himself. "I'll tell you when we get to the waiting room." he said quietly, dreading the thought of reliving it in order to tell them. But they deserved to know.

"Why not now, Coach?" Portman asked.

Gordon gave them a grim smile, relieved that they still had enough faith in him to still think of him as their Coach. Their mentor. He was struggling with Charlie, who had always been like a son to him, not trusting him.

"Just...not now." he said.

Although unsatisfied with this answer, the Ducks accepted it for the time being.

Gordon led them to the waiting room and sat in the red arm chair he had slept in, his wrinkled clothing showing his discomfort. He was soon surrounded by the Ducks, all eagerly awaiting the reason they had been called there in the first place.

"It's about Charlie..." he stated, explaining the situation.

~~~*~~~

Two minutes and several shocking revelations later, the Ducks sat their, blank stares on their faces.

"Wha-what...you can't be serious..." Fulton said, eyes wide with disbelief.

Adam was wide-eyed and speechless. Could it be...no...Charlie had said nothing was wrong...said...nothing was wrong...said it wasn't his...

"You-you're sure? When was this?" Guy asked, unsure of how to take it.

"The doctors said they found him somewhere around nine-thirty." Bombay explained.

"Nine-thirty? But that was only one hour after he left me and Connie's dorm room. He was there! He...he..." Julie said, shaking her head. It was impossible...

They all sat there in silence for a moment, each lost in their own thoughts. No one really wanted to admit it had really happened. Most were freaked out at the thought.

Julie swallowed, trying to rid herself of the lump in her throat. "Ca-can we see him?" she asked, trying to steady her shaking voice.

"Not right now. He just had a blood transfusion, and they said he needed to rest. I haven't seen him at all since I've been here. We're lucky he's alive at all." Gordon said softly, as if talking loud would shatter the very air they breathed.

She nodded and let out an unsteady breath. She wanted to see him...make sure he was okay...

"I guess all we can do it wait..." Gordon said.

As the hours passed, several of the Ducks had to leave. Averman had to get to his job at the cinema, and Goldberg's parents needed him at the deli. Guy's aunt was coming in from Massachusetts, so he had to go home too. Connie went with him. Portman said he had to study for finals, but it was clear hospitals made him uncomfortable. Ken, Dwayne, Luis, and Russ left soon after.

"You three don't have to stay. You have finals to study for." Gordon said, stretching out in the chair.

"We want to." Julie said, earning a nod from Fulton and Adam.

"Thanks guys." Bombay said, sighing and leaning farther back into the chair.

The four sat in silence, not really wanting to bring the topic up again. It had struck a chord in all of them, but even more so for the four who sat in the waiting room; each hoping to see him soon.

Gordon Bombay, for obvious reasons. Charlie was practically his son now, and he felt he had let him down. For some reason, they had lost their bond somewhere along the way.

Fulton Reed had taken on Charlie as a sort of younger brother over the years. He could always count on the slightly younger boy to stick by him when things were rough. They had been through their fair share of rebellions. There was no way he would abandon Charlie at this point. Though he claimed he didn't want their help, Fulton could not in good conscience let that happen.

Adam Banks was worried sick for his friend. He felt it was his fault. He told himself that he should have informed someone about the razor. He should've known Charlie was lying...He thought that he could have stopped it, had he told someone. Adam wasn't enjoying this chapter in their saga of friendship. It used to be where they could tell each other anything. They could depend on the other to be an ear for listening or a soundboard to bounce rants off of. Now...well, now it was rare if he could keep Charlie level enough for a calm, civil conversation...much less any deep bondfest.

Julie Gaffney could hardly believe it was true. Just a few hours ago, Charlie was sitting on the floor of her dorm room, answering questions on their final review packet. Everything was fairly normal; he was even about to say something before Connie came in. Was this what he was going to say? No...he said Bombay had known...Bombay most definitely had not known about...this...

She could hardly even say it in her mind...She didn't even want to think it. To make it a reality. How could he do this? Why?

Julie took a calming breath, trying to pause that line of thought. There was no use working herself up over it...But what were the chances she would ever know? He would never tell her why he did it. Why he felt that was the solution.

She pulled her knees to her chest. She didn't know what she would have done it he had been successful. She didn't know what she would do if he had died...if that janitor hadn't found him.

She shook off that thought. Julie didn't even want to think about him dying. Ever.

Julie stood up and walked a few feet, pausing again.

Gordon, Adam, and Fulton looked up at the sudden movement, shaking them from a deafening silence and statue-like trance.

"Could I see him?" she asked Bombay softly.

Gordon Bombay sighed. "Not until they tell us. I don't think he's even awake yet." he said quietly.

She frowned. "But couldn't I just see him? I don't even have to be in the room. You said earlier there was a window. I just want to see him." she said in a quiet voice, staring down the hall.

With a sigh, Gordon rubbed his temple. "They said he didn't look so good. It was advised that we wait if we're searching for good results." he said honestly.

Julie's expression remained the same. "I don't care." she replied quietly.

Gordon nodded and looked at Adam and Fulton. "Will you two be okay here? I have to make a phone call anyway." he asked.

They nodded.

"Alright. I haven't even seen him yet, Julie. I hope it isn't too disappointing." Bombay said as they walked down the hall to the room Charlie was in.

Patting Julie on the shoulder, Gordon wandered off to find a pay phone.

Julie walked over to the window and looked in, inhaling sharply when she saw him lying on the white hospital bed. Of course, he was hooked up to a couple machines and looked lifeless. If she hadn't been told he was alive, she was sure whether or not she would have known.

The blonde girl placed her hand tentatively on the glass window, pressing her nose slightly up against the cold surface. She wanted to go in. Make sure he was alive...just sit there with him. Just standing outside the room was heart-wrenching...She wanted to be there for him...

"You okay, dear?" a nurse asked as she walked by the room.

Julie turned to look at the woman. "Ca-can I go in?" she asked in a small voice.

The nurse frowned and looked through the window, watching the teenage boy in his unconscious state. "It might be better if you didn't. We can come get you when he regains consciousness, if you'd like." she offered.

Julie nodded and turned back to Charlie. "Yes, I'd like that..." Julie gained a far-off look as she looked through the window.

The nurse watched curiously. "You a girlfriend? Or a sister?" she asked the girl.

Julie shook her head. "No. Just a very worried friend." she answered distantly, not moving her gaze from Charlie.

The nurse nodded and continued on with her business.

Long after the nurse had left, Julie watched Charlie's unconscious form lay in the hospital bed. Watched as he was so close, yet so far away...

~~~*~~~

Adam was tapping his pencil on the text book, reading the words carefully. He and Fulton had gone back to the dorms to get their homework so they could work on it at the hospital.

"She's been gone an awful long time, guys. You think she's okay?" Fulton said, breaking the silence that had engulfed the room for the past few hours.

Adam looked up from his book and Bombay removed his eyes from the magazine he had read front-to-back four times since he had arrived at the hospital.

"I dunno. You think she went home?" Adam asked.

"I doubt it." Gordon said truthfully. "She's probably still sitting there."

Adam nodded, soon followed by Fulton's nod.

Not much later, Julie slunk back into the room quietly, sitting in one of the chairs. She felt a little better, just being able to see him. But she had an empty feeling inside thinking there was even the slightest chance he might not make it...but he had too...

"You okay?" Bombay asked.

She nodded. "Yeah."

He nodded and returned to his magazine, wondering when Charlie would regain consciousness.

~~~*~~~

His arm hurt...a numbing kind of pain...He could feel something attached to his arms...He felt...light-headed.

He could feel a searing, bright light filter through his eyelids. He didn't want to open his eyes. He didn't want to wake up...

A soft murmur swarmed around him, lulling him back to sleep. He welcomed the offer...

He wasn't ready to wake up...He wasn't ready to face anything...He wanted to sleep...Sleep was safe, and sleep never judged you...

~~~*~~~

A nurse walked into the waiting room and saw the four still sitting there, each doing something.

She walked across the room and stopped in front of them. They looked up to see what she was going to say.

"You're here for Charlie Conway?" she asked, checking her clipboard to be sure.

"Yeah, is he okay?" Julie answered, standing up and taking a few steps towards the nurse.

"Yes, he's okay. He regained consciousness about five minutes ago, but slipped back out again about a minute or so later. I just thought you might want the update." she told them.

Julie let out a relieved sigh, glad that he was at least conscious for a minute. Maybe he would wake up again soon so they could see him.

"Thanks for telling us." Gordon thanked the nurse.

The lady nodded and turned to leave.

Julie sat back down in her chair next to Fulton, who was sitting next to Adam.

"So do you think he's really going to be okay, Coach?" Fulton asked Bombay.

"It looks like things are getting better. Consciousness is more than they could say before...so I'd have to say yes." Bombay answered. "I guess all we can do is wait for him to wake up again."

~~~*~~~

The next day, Gordon lay sleeping on the same armchair he had slept in before. He had forced the three teenagers to go home and rest. Though they said they would go home and come back in the morning, it wouldn't surprise Bombay if they were just sleeping in a different waiting room to humor him.

"Coach Bombay?" he heard a voice say from the door.

He looked up and saw five figures in the doorway.

"Hey Jesse. Terry. Mr. and Mrs. Hall." Bombay said, sitting up in his chair before standing up to walk to them. "What are you doing here?" he asked with slight confusion.

Mr. Hall frowned. "When we got that call from you, we couldn't help but come see how he is. The boys and Krystle have tomorrow off, so we decided to visit. Is he alright?"

Jesse and Terry both stood with inquiring looks on their faces, and Krystle was just cuddled in her mother's arms, not sure of why they had come. No one had told her. They couldn't bring themselves to.

Gordon let out a weary sigh. He looked worn and tired as he sat back down in the red leather arm chair.

"He regained consciousness yesterday for a moment, but then dropped back out. He hasn't woken up since. We can see him, but we can't be sure he'll be awake." Bombay answered.

"Who?" Krystle asked with curious eyes.

"No one, Krys. Wanna play with the toys?" Terry asked, accepting the small girl from his mother.

The young girl smiled and nodded, her question forgotten as Terry sat down on the carpeted floor and played with his little sister in the waiting room.

The adults and Jesse exchanged knowing glances as they walked into another room to talk, not wanting to worry Krystle. She adored Charlie, and there wasn't any need for her to be worried with it. They didn't want to upset her.

Once they were out of the room, they still couldn't think of anything to say. The day before, Gordon had called them to tell them what had happened. It had been a difficult thing to tell, even just over the phone. He hadn't expected them to come, but he had no problem with it.

"How long are you staying?" he asked them softly.

"The rest of today and tomorrow morning. We're leaving around noon, so the boys can prepare for school on Tuesday." Mrs. Hall answered.

"They have finals, right?" Gordon asked.

Mr. Hall nodded. "Yes, they do...but when Jesse found out, he insisted we come. Terry, too."

Jesse nodded, not saying anything. He could hardly believe what his parents had told him. He probably would have never known everything, but he heard his parents on the phone. When they had a quiet conversation afterwards, he had walked in and asked them what was wrong. He was beginning to wish he hadn't...

"Do you want to see him, Jess?" Gordon asked the teenage boy.

Jesse nodded. "Can I?"

"Yeah, they said this morning that it would be okay. Yesterday they barely let us stand outside the window, much less go in." Bombay answered.

"Where are all the Ducks?" Jesse asked as Mr. and Mrs. Hall returned to Terry and Krystle. Bombay led him down the hall to Charlie's room.

"Most were busy yesterday, so they left. Fulton, Adam, and Julie were here all of yesterday and would have spent the night if I had let them. They'll probably drop by later. Then again, the others probably will too." Gordon answered as they paused at the door.

Jesse nodded and entered the room, leaving Bombay to go back to the waiting room to wait. As much as Gordon wanted to see Charlie, he was scared.

Closing the door quietly behind himself, Jesse took a look at his friend.

He felt that there was no way it could be Charlie...

Charlie had IVs hooked up to his arms and he was clad in the average hospital outfit. It seemed they had taken his clothes for some reason. Probably sanitation...

The boy was pale. His hair was the only thing that brought any color at all to the bleak, white room.

Jesse couldn't help but think how out of place his friend looked...Charlie wasn't supposed to be in the hospital. He was supposed to be out playing hockey with his friends. Laughing, having fun, pulling pranks, anything...

Not this.

He crossed his arms and tried to analyze the situation. He had seen how detached Charlie had been before, but still...He had thought for sure it would go away when he got back home. That was what made him feel better when his friend returned home to Minnesota.

Obviously, it hadn't.

But still...suicide? Of all the things in the world...suicide?

Jesse shuddered and continued just standing there. Charlie was one of the last people he could imagine being depressed to any point. In fact, up until recently he wasn't sure if it Charlie was capable of the emotion. Angry? Yes. Jesse knew Charlie got angry. Quite often, actually. Sad? Yes, sad...but not depressed. Not like this.

The dark-skinned boy then began to wonder how long his friend had been like this. Had he been during his stay at their house? Before that? During the trial? Did it start when he got back to Minnesota? Why would he be more upset at arriving home? That had been all he wanted...right?

Jesse took a breath and swallowed. Still looking at Charlie's ghastly, broken form, Jesse twisted the doorknob open and walked out, closing the door behind himself.

He trudged down the hall, trying to shake the image from his mind. There was something extremely unsettling about seeing the strongest person you knew laying in a hospital bed, recovering from a suicide attempt.

Very, very unsettling...

When Jesse walked back into the waiting room, he sat down in a chair near his younger brother and sister.

Maybe watching his little sister play could help him forget, even for a second, why he was there...