You wanna know what? I think I have writer's A.D.D....lol...but this time I
wrote a poem in between chapters. Poetry is starting to grow on
me...lol...not that I can write it worth a flying fig newton, but that's
okay...lol...it's the thought that counts. It parallels this story in a way
because it delves into Charlie's twisted little mind. Okay, so I wrote one
a long time ago and one tonight. One is his lovely Slice 'n' Dice
mentality, and the other...well...I'm a bad describer...lol...but I can't
decide whether or not to post on FictionPress or not...And not that anyone
probably cares for my poor, unloved little poems that rot and gather dust
in the "My Documents" folder all by their lonesome, but if anyone by some
strange chance wanted to read them, I could email'm or
something...lol...not that anyone cares, I just feel better saying it. ^_^
And I made this a nice, quick update...^_^ Choir practice ran over today,
though...The teacher held us in after-school practice for thirty extra
minutes...Not fun...and this one guy in my Geometry class called me a nerd
for working on my homework until the bell. ^_^ He didn't say it mean, but I
still threw my binder at his face...He just doesn't understand that I need
my homework done IN class so I don't do it at home...They don't understand
that I slave away at the computer for you people, selling my life to
Fanfcition.net in exchange for reviews. ^_~ Lol...well, this A/N is long
enough...so I'll stop now.
Allie- *sniff* I remember too...So long ago...*gets all nostalgic* I remember when I almost didn't post it because I thought everyone would think it was stupid! *sniff* It's been long...Ten months ago, give or take a few days. Aw! Thanks for the jelly-beans! *grins* Happy Easter and other spring holidays to you too! Hey Davey! Heehee...yeah, the hockey players can be kind of rough and demanding. *pointed look at Charlie*...*Charlie smiles innocently* Yep! I saw your movie, Davey. So you are the angst- victim of the Newsies fandom, or are there others? Adam is our poster angst- child, but I'm trying very hard to make Charlie the poster angst-child. It's hard, but I'll do it...Same with overpowering Adam/Julie fans with us Charlie/Julie fans...heehee. Ooh. Lol...Yes, sometimes it's good not to tell them when you write angst about them. Then they can't run away. Bwa! *sighs* I love fire too, but I've told them over and over not under the couch...It does burn awful pretty-like...*smiles*...*pouts* Aw, Davey...why'd ya go and do that? Heehee...Pacey! Charlie! Bad! It isn't nice to beat up poor helpless little newsies! Even when they put out your pretty fires. Lol...yes, Charlie needs Julie's help. He's just in denial. *Charlie looks up when he hears his name* Don't worry about it...Just go burn things with Pacey...no, no, NOT UNDER THE COUCH! Gah...I give up. Hee hee...Poor Davey may never recover from Pacey and Charlie's meanness. Heehee. *Charlie forwns, not wanting to go to the shrink...bah*...*Charlie looks and Davey and nods, trying to escape but is glomped by Allie and Chelsea before he can get away* Teach you for trying to escape...*strokes Charlie's head* Heehee. It's okay to be mean to Adam. ^_~ *perks up* Thin Mint? Where?! *looks around* Lol...I'm saving the C/J goodness for awhile. Charlie isn't emotionally stable yet. ^_~ Hehehehe...I'll try to keep this top priority. I have inspiration for this story like you woudn't belive. ^_^
Liz- I'm glad you like these chapters. ^_^ And don't worry, I forgive you for not reviewing. ^_^ Busyness happens sometimes. Yep, we got yet another fic up. Lol...Good luck with getting the last chapter up! I can't believe it's practically over...
French Chipmunk- ^_^ Hee hee. I'm afraid I can't give you a hint, though. Wouldn't want to give anything away. Tee hee...I do hope you people like it though. Lol...That would be very uncool if you didn't. ^_~ I would cry. Enjoy the chapter!
Banksiesbabe99- Aw, thanks! ^_^ I'm glad you liked Adam explaining what the Ducks were thinking and Gordon and Charlie's 'heated argument.' ^_^ Enjoy!
Hockey_Luvva- Happy Late Easter to you too! Lol...Yikes. Yeah, I forgive you for not reviewing. Lol...I've only been on a horse once in my life, so...yeah...ouch. Must've hurt...I hope you and your brother feel better soon!
Sarah- Aww...*hugs* You'e so sweet! Here, have a chocolate bunny! *hands over candy* I'm glad you liked it!
Nebula- *breaks out singing* "This is the story that never ends! It just goes on and on, my friend! Some Freshman started writing it not knowing what it was! And she'll continue writing it forever just because it is the story that never ends! It just goes on and on, my friend-" *someone whaps Chelsea upside the head to make it stop* Ack! That was mean...Meh, eardrums are over-rated. ^_^ Aww...Charlie's not crazy! *pouts* Lol...Glad you liked the shrink thing anyway. ^_~ Whoo! I'm happy to know those lines were enjoyed. Aw, thanks! I'm glad you think I got my less-used characters personalities and reactions down. Makes me feel better about it...lol...I hope you enoy the chapter!
Rachel- *is flattered, as always* I'm glad you don't think Charlie's a mean jerk anymore. I was kind of worried that people wouldn't see where he's coming from, but I'm always relieved to see (or...read?) that you always catch the things like that. I don't want him to come off as some spoiled hypocritcal jerk...lol...Another fandom, you say? *checks Rachel's profile page* Ooh! Everwood! ^_^ Everwood rocks my socks! I haven't visited the Everwood section of ff.net in AGES, but I love the show; new episodes are coming back! Whoo! *does happy dance* I'm convinced that Ephram and Amy will eventually get together, and that Dr. Brown and Nina will eventually get together...it's my theory. *can't help but smile* I feel like you're ACTUALLY understanding the details of my story! I feel so...accomplished! I don't know if anyone else catches it or not, but no one usually mentions the fact that he's got the barriers up when people talk to him...I feel like you actually understand me! Lol...That's why I always love getting your reviews, because they always convince me that my writing isn't lost on the public. Hee hee. I'm glad you think it's getting better; I definitely HOPE I've improved some over the past...ten months I think...lol...Dang, this story will be a year old in two months! Ack...scary...lol..o.O
Hotashell99- *beams* I'm so glad you like! ^_^ Lol...I'm sorry I nearly made you cry. Oh, well I wouldn't want to ruin your reputation. ^_^ I'm really happy you liked the chapter, and I hope this one is enjoyable too! *grins* Thanks for reviewing!
Brnnttebabe12- Lol...Charlie and Adam enjoy your commentary (Well, Adam does...Charlie was sad because you won't let him play with the pretty shiny razors*...I'm glad you like it, even if you don't usually like angst. ^_^ Makes me feel special! *smiles* Chocolates! Lol...
Katie- Aw, thanksies! ^_~ Rah for the increase of Charlieness! Lol...yeah. I'm trying to write in some other Ducks for perspective, but I enjoy writing Charlie the best. ^_^ Cna't imagine why...heehee...*grins* 100? Man, that was be so awesome...lol...likely not 100, but I'm think 70 at the most. ^_~ I have it planned to 62, so chances are it could hit 70. At this rate I may go on forever; dang, I'm obsessive...lol...I think I'm subconsciously afraid to live without it, so I keep finding ways to preserve it. ^_~ Yes...life as a teenager is a recipe for screw- up...ness...lol...o.O Yeah. Pretend that made sense.
Angel Spirit- Yes, I will permit a few 'poor Adam's' today. Lol...but only because I'm being mean to everyone. ^_^ Aw, it's okay. I forgive you. *smiles* Yes, writing your own fics is definitely a worthy excuse...lol...happens to ME occasionally...*cough*...heheh...lol...okay, I'll stop. ^_^ And thanks so much for reviewing "Never Again"! ^_^ Made me smile. *Charlie pouts and feigns emotional scarring at the whappage (don't ya love my word?)* Aw, Charlie says he's been abused enough as it is, and he doesn't appreciate being whacked upside the head. Okay, he feels better now that he's been hugged. That boy just needs a good hug every now and then. ^_^ *hugs him too* Yes, he agrees that he had sufficiant reason to be angry at the world. It's not his fault. ^_~ Anyway, thansk for the review! *grins and hugs* It was muchly enjoyed! Lol...such great grammar I have. ^_~ My English teacher would be proud...*cough*...
Disclaimer- I don't own The Mighty Ducks.
-Chapter 51-
They were a few more days into summer, and Charlie had finally completed every last final exam required of him. He was finally free from school for another few months...
How overwhelmingly exciting...
Most of the Ducks, including Julie, had been avoiding him slightly. It didn't bother him, though. He preferred it over many other things that could possibly happen.
It was safe to say he was still pretty mad about the whole 'shrink' thing Bombay was proposing they do...He did NOT need therapy...
Charlie's eyes fell on his half-empty backpack sitting on the edge of his bed. The bag was simply there; not doing anything and minding its own business...Partly because it's an inanimate object that is incapable of movement by itself, but Charlie was over-looking that at the moment. Makes for a better metaphor.
Anyway, back to the backpack. It was simply stuck where it was, yet it was content with this arrangement. No complaints and willing to just sit there and not move ever again.
But then Charlie extended his leg and nudged the backpack, sending it plodding to the carpeted floor.
When the backpack falls to the floor, it is a little rattled, but not unable to adjust. The backpack doesn't like this change in position, but it soon gets used to it. Adapts. Ignores the sharpened pencil in landed on gracelessly.
Charlie's attention was then drawn to a large textbook sitting next to where the bag had been. It, too, was simply sitting there. Content with its life, and not really all that interested in what the backpack is going through.
Shifting his foot again, he knocked the book solidly on top of the half- empty, worn backpack with a thud. The backpack crumbles upon the impact, and remains stuck under the pressure of the textbook. The book looms over it, and is clearly distressed from being forced into the unfortunate situation that was the backpack. Yet it is stuck with the backpack, so it can only relent and try to work with it. The backpack isn't too happy about this arrangement either, because though it may have shifted, the pencil that had been sticking the backpack was now merely bringing torment to a different section.
No matter how hard the backpack tries, it finds itself unable to-
A knocking on Charlie's door shook him from his train of thought.
Shaking his head, he rubbed his temples. He looked up at the door and called out an unenthusiastic "What do you want?"
There seemed to be hesitation before the door slowly creaked open.
Charlie raised his eyebrows at the 'intruder.'
"Yeah?" he asked, only half-willing to return to his lovely backpack- textbook metaphor.
"You weren't doing anything, were you?" Julie asked with almost nervousness.
He shrugged and sent a sidelong look to the backpack lying rejected on the floor. "Not anything terribly productive. I was simply comparing my life to that of a half-empty backpack that is thrown upon the floor and squashed brutally by an evil textbook. It's frightening, really...So maybe an intelligent two-sided conversation might be a good idea."
Julie raised an eyebrow. "Is that so? Do I even really wanna know?"
Charlie grimaced. "Eh, probably not. My mind is a scary place, and it's probably best that I save the rest of my backpack-textbook metaphor for another day," he said with a shrug.
A light smile found Julie's lips and she shook her head, walking the rest of the way into the room. "If you say so. So what are you doing in your room alone anyway?" she asked, plopping down in a chair against the wall.
"Constructing a metaphor involving a backpack, a pencil, and a textbook." He said simply.
She cocked an eyebrow at him.
Charlie shrugged and looked at her with innocence. "You asked me a question, and I answered."
Julie let out a sigh. "That's true...but I'm getting the vibe that you are in dire need of a new hobby."
He leaned back on his bed again and began staring at the ceiling. "Nah, I'd much rather wallow and make up metaphors to mirror my life. Much more productive."
"Really? How is it more productive?" she inquired, propping her elbows on her knees and resting her chin in her palms.
"It just is," he replied. "Don't argue with me."
"If you insist," she said, still watching Charlie with question.
"Oh, and I do insist," he replied, nodding at her. "I most definitely do insist. So what brings you in here anyway? Got stuck with suicide patrol?" he asked dryly, a bitter chuckle escaping for a moment as his face simultaneously hardened.
"That's not funny, Charlie."
"It wasn't supposed to be, Julie. In fact, it was supposed to be nasty and bitter; it just came out funny," he replied sardonically.
"Charlie..." she said warningly, leaning up in her seat.
He let out a sharp sigh and tightened his mouth, shaking his head slightly as he rolled over the other direction. "Don't bother, Julie."
"Charlie, I'm not going to let you push me away, okay?" she said, standing up and walking over towards him.
When she rested a hand on his shoulder, he jerked it out from under her touch. "I said don't bother..." he said with a chill in his voice.
She retracted her hand and crossed her arms, observing the sudden mood swing. Julie wasn't sure what caused it, but she wasn't terribly concerned with that at the moment.
Sighing slightly, she sat down on the bed next to him and saw him visibly tense. She observed the slight movement of his legs curling up and his arms gripping tight against his chest.
"Just leave me alone..." he said softly, not even sure himself of the source of his change in attitude. He just knew that he was growing to be somewhat of a slave to them...and it was mattering less and less to him.
Biting her lip with uncertainty, Julie took another calming breath to gain confidence. "Charlie...talk with me, here. What's wrong?" she asked quietly, not wanting to upset the balance of the room anymore than it already was.
"Nothing," he replied in a barely audible voice.
Julie placed her hand on his shoulder again. He flinched, but didn't shrug her off.
Her face fell slightly as she just watched him. She resisted the urge to touch his face or check for the scar, knowing she couldn't while he was awake.
"Something is wrong, and you know it...You can talk to me, Charlie. I promise...you can trust me..." she said, taking a small section of the hem of his shirt in between her fingers subconsciously.
"I'd rather not..." he replied, his voice sounding slightly exhausted.
"Why?" Julie questioned.
"It's not that simple, Julie," he said with a sigh as he turned to face her. "I can't just do that...I can't just tell you everything I'm thinking. I can't make myself just...just trust you. I just can't," he said with regret, his face pained.
Julie's face fell slightly, but she nodded, not moving from her position. Her body wasn't responding with the knowledge that she should leave.
"It's...it's okay, Charlie. I guess I understand...but if you ever get the unexplainable urge to talk, you know where to find me," she said with a half-smile, yearning for him to magically change his mind but knowing he wouldn't.
He gave her a thankful nod and looked up at her from his place on the bed.
She caught Charlie's blue eyes in her own, yet neither broke the gaze. Julie felt her heart catch in her throat as she stared back as if in a trance.
Julie had seen something like a flash of hurt and pain before he obviously tried to mask it again. She wasn't exactly sure what it had been, but she knew she had seen inside the mind of a broken person, even if only for a split-second.
Swallowing once and licking her lips, she removed her hand from his shoulder and stood up, breaking the stare. When glancing back, she saw him immediately retract and stiffen, as if realizing he had let his guard down momentarily.
"Bye Charlie..." she said softly as she approached his door.
"Bye..." he said with a slightly-raspy voice, barely above a whisper.
He saw her flip the switch off and close the door behind her retreating form.
With a groan, Charlie rolled back over and pulled a cover over himself tightly. He closed his eyes and let out a sigh, wishing he could just disappear. Wishing he could just cease to exist without worry of what was going to happen next.
He gaze slowly trailed its way to his backpack again. Sitting up slowly, he placed his feet on the floor and crawled silently to the bag before pulling it onto his lap.
Charlie rummaged through it, wondering absently if they had taken it.
Yep, it was gone. Go figure.
With a dejected sigh, he threw the bag back where it had been.
Standing back up, he walked to his door and peeked out. It seemed that within minutes, everyone had left and the halls had darkened for sleep. The house was silent.
Sliding down the hall, Charlie crept into the bathroom door and locked it behind himself again.
The teenage boy then began searching the contents of the cabinet and sink drawers. There was bound to be one somewhere...They couldn't very well confiscate every sharp pointy object in the entire freakin' house...
After several more minutes of what seemed to be fruitless searching, Charlie found a small pocketknife. What a pocketknife was doing in the drawers of the bathroom sink was beyond Charlie, but he truly didn't care at the moment.
He slid down on the floor and opened the knife cautiously. He turned it in his hand with care, checking for any rust spots. He would much rather not get lockjaw.
After deeming it worthy and removing his wristwatch, he brought the sharp edge to the skin of his left wrist.
He traced a few lighter cuts over the older ones, just living in the distraction the pain brought. He didn't want to think about his life; he didn't want to think about his dead mother, his abandoning friends, his psycho father, or the fact that his 'legal guardian' thought he was crazy...but he wasn't crazy...They didn't understand...they didn't understand him.
They didn't understand that he didn't want to go to a shrink...that he didn't want to be picked and pried at when some things were too personal to share with friends, much less a complete stranger. They didn't understand that now more than ever, he wished they had left him in that stupid bathroom.
Still not brave enough to cut deeper again, he continued cutting just enough to bleed, but not enough to be lethal. He felt the comfort and security return as he sat huddled on the bathroom floor. The distraction from the world...The only thing he could really count on...
Charlie didn't feel the urge to cry as he barely scathed the surface of his arm; this was one of those times it was for comfort...for control...for familiarity.
When he ran out of room around his wrist, he let out a sigh and reached up to put the bloodstained pocketknife on the counter. He still wasn't comfortable with slitting the skin above the safety of his watch, though there was already a long scar or two trailing down from the other night when they had found him.
Charlie's legs trembled under him as he stood up, closing his eyes and concentrating on his breathing. He twisted the water faucet on and washed off the cuts again, applying pressure as always to cut off some of the blood flow.
His bandaide had been discarded before, so he opened another and placed it over the cuts after drying them off. He wiped off the counter self- consciously and clasped the watch over the bandaide. Grabbing the pocketknife, he rinsed it off and dried it with a towel before shoving it back where he had found it.
With one last look in the mirror and an attempt at convincing himself he was okay now, he snuck back out of the bathroom and back into the safety and seclusion of his room.
He could do this by himself, and he didn't need Bombay or any stupid shrink to tell him how completely and irreversibly screwed up he was...He didn't need their help...He was just fine by himself.
Allie- *sniff* I remember too...So long ago...*gets all nostalgic* I remember when I almost didn't post it because I thought everyone would think it was stupid! *sniff* It's been long...Ten months ago, give or take a few days. Aw! Thanks for the jelly-beans! *grins* Happy Easter and other spring holidays to you too! Hey Davey! Heehee...yeah, the hockey players can be kind of rough and demanding. *pointed look at Charlie*...*Charlie smiles innocently* Yep! I saw your movie, Davey. So you are the angst- victim of the Newsies fandom, or are there others? Adam is our poster angst- child, but I'm trying very hard to make Charlie the poster angst-child. It's hard, but I'll do it...Same with overpowering Adam/Julie fans with us Charlie/Julie fans...heehee. Ooh. Lol...Yes, sometimes it's good not to tell them when you write angst about them. Then they can't run away. Bwa! *sighs* I love fire too, but I've told them over and over not under the couch...It does burn awful pretty-like...*smiles*...*pouts* Aw, Davey...why'd ya go and do that? Heehee...Pacey! Charlie! Bad! It isn't nice to beat up poor helpless little newsies! Even when they put out your pretty fires. Lol...yes, Charlie needs Julie's help. He's just in denial. *Charlie looks up when he hears his name* Don't worry about it...Just go burn things with Pacey...no, no, NOT UNDER THE COUCH! Gah...I give up. Hee hee...Poor Davey may never recover from Pacey and Charlie's meanness. Heehee. *Charlie forwns, not wanting to go to the shrink...bah*...*Charlie looks and Davey and nods, trying to escape but is glomped by Allie and Chelsea before he can get away* Teach you for trying to escape...*strokes Charlie's head* Heehee. It's okay to be mean to Adam. ^_~ *perks up* Thin Mint? Where?! *looks around* Lol...I'm saving the C/J goodness for awhile. Charlie isn't emotionally stable yet. ^_~ Hehehehe...I'll try to keep this top priority. I have inspiration for this story like you woudn't belive. ^_^
Liz- I'm glad you like these chapters. ^_^ And don't worry, I forgive you for not reviewing. ^_^ Busyness happens sometimes. Yep, we got yet another fic up. Lol...Good luck with getting the last chapter up! I can't believe it's practically over...
French Chipmunk- ^_^ Hee hee. I'm afraid I can't give you a hint, though. Wouldn't want to give anything away. Tee hee...I do hope you people like it though. Lol...That would be very uncool if you didn't. ^_~ I would cry. Enjoy the chapter!
Banksiesbabe99- Aw, thanks! ^_^ I'm glad you liked Adam explaining what the Ducks were thinking and Gordon and Charlie's 'heated argument.' ^_^ Enjoy!
Hockey_Luvva- Happy Late Easter to you too! Lol...Yikes. Yeah, I forgive you for not reviewing. Lol...I've only been on a horse once in my life, so...yeah...ouch. Must've hurt...I hope you and your brother feel better soon!
Sarah- Aww...*hugs* You'e so sweet! Here, have a chocolate bunny! *hands over candy* I'm glad you liked it!
Nebula- *breaks out singing* "This is the story that never ends! It just goes on and on, my friend! Some Freshman started writing it not knowing what it was! And she'll continue writing it forever just because it is the story that never ends! It just goes on and on, my friend-" *someone whaps Chelsea upside the head to make it stop* Ack! That was mean...Meh, eardrums are over-rated. ^_^ Aww...Charlie's not crazy! *pouts* Lol...Glad you liked the shrink thing anyway. ^_~ Whoo! I'm happy to know those lines were enjoyed. Aw, thanks! I'm glad you think I got my less-used characters personalities and reactions down. Makes me feel better about it...lol...I hope you enoy the chapter!
Rachel- *is flattered, as always* I'm glad you don't think Charlie's a mean jerk anymore. I was kind of worried that people wouldn't see where he's coming from, but I'm always relieved to see (or...read?) that you always catch the things like that. I don't want him to come off as some spoiled hypocritcal jerk...lol...Another fandom, you say? *checks Rachel's profile page* Ooh! Everwood! ^_^ Everwood rocks my socks! I haven't visited the Everwood section of ff.net in AGES, but I love the show; new episodes are coming back! Whoo! *does happy dance* I'm convinced that Ephram and Amy will eventually get together, and that Dr. Brown and Nina will eventually get together...it's my theory. *can't help but smile* I feel like you're ACTUALLY understanding the details of my story! I feel so...accomplished! I don't know if anyone else catches it or not, but no one usually mentions the fact that he's got the barriers up when people talk to him...I feel like you actually understand me! Lol...That's why I always love getting your reviews, because they always convince me that my writing isn't lost on the public. Hee hee. I'm glad you think it's getting better; I definitely HOPE I've improved some over the past...ten months I think...lol...Dang, this story will be a year old in two months! Ack...scary...lol..o.O
Hotashell99- *beams* I'm so glad you like! ^_^ Lol...I'm sorry I nearly made you cry. Oh, well I wouldn't want to ruin your reputation. ^_^ I'm really happy you liked the chapter, and I hope this one is enjoyable too! *grins* Thanks for reviewing!
Brnnttebabe12- Lol...Charlie and Adam enjoy your commentary (Well, Adam does...Charlie was sad because you won't let him play with the pretty shiny razors*...I'm glad you like it, even if you don't usually like angst. ^_^ Makes me feel special! *smiles* Chocolates! Lol...
Katie- Aw, thanksies! ^_~ Rah for the increase of Charlieness! Lol...yeah. I'm trying to write in some other Ducks for perspective, but I enjoy writing Charlie the best. ^_^ Cna't imagine why...heehee...*grins* 100? Man, that was be so awesome...lol...likely not 100, but I'm think 70 at the most. ^_~ I have it planned to 62, so chances are it could hit 70. At this rate I may go on forever; dang, I'm obsessive...lol...I think I'm subconsciously afraid to live without it, so I keep finding ways to preserve it. ^_~ Yes...life as a teenager is a recipe for screw- up...ness...lol...o.O Yeah. Pretend that made sense.
Angel Spirit- Yes, I will permit a few 'poor Adam's' today. Lol...but only because I'm being mean to everyone. ^_^ Aw, it's okay. I forgive you. *smiles* Yes, writing your own fics is definitely a worthy excuse...lol...happens to ME occasionally...*cough*...heheh...lol...okay, I'll stop. ^_^ And thanks so much for reviewing "Never Again"! ^_^ Made me smile. *Charlie pouts and feigns emotional scarring at the whappage (don't ya love my word?)* Aw, Charlie says he's been abused enough as it is, and he doesn't appreciate being whacked upside the head. Okay, he feels better now that he's been hugged. That boy just needs a good hug every now and then. ^_^ *hugs him too* Yes, he agrees that he had sufficiant reason to be angry at the world. It's not his fault. ^_~ Anyway, thansk for the review! *grins and hugs* It was muchly enjoyed! Lol...such great grammar I have. ^_~ My English teacher would be proud...*cough*...
Disclaimer- I don't own The Mighty Ducks.
-Chapter 51-
They were a few more days into summer, and Charlie had finally completed every last final exam required of him. He was finally free from school for another few months...
How overwhelmingly exciting...
Most of the Ducks, including Julie, had been avoiding him slightly. It didn't bother him, though. He preferred it over many other things that could possibly happen.
It was safe to say he was still pretty mad about the whole 'shrink' thing Bombay was proposing they do...He did NOT need therapy...
Charlie's eyes fell on his half-empty backpack sitting on the edge of his bed. The bag was simply there; not doing anything and minding its own business...Partly because it's an inanimate object that is incapable of movement by itself, but Charlie was over-looking that at the moment. Makes for a better metaphor.
Anyway, back to the backpack. It was simply stuck where it was, yet it was content with this arrangement. No complaints and willing to just sit there and not move ever again.
But then Charlie extended his leg and nudged the backpack, sending it plodding to the carpeted floor.
When the backpack falls to the floor, it is a little rattled, but not unable to adjust. The backpack doesn't like this change in position, but it soon gets used to it. Adapts. Ignores the sharpened pencil in landed on gracelessly.
Charlie's attention was then drawn to a large textbook sitting next to where the bag had been. It, too, was simply sitting there. Content with its life, and not really all that interested in what the backpack is going through.
Shifting his foot again, he knocked the book solidly on top of the half- empty, worn backpack with a thud. The backpack crumbles upon the impact, and remains stuck under the pressure of the textbook. The book looms over it, and is clearly distressed from being forced into the unfortunate situation that was the backpack. Yet it is stuck with the backpack, so it can only relent and try to work with it. The backpack isn't too happy about this arrangement either, because though it may have shifted, the pencil that had been sticking the backpack was now merely bringing torment to a different section.
No matter how hard the backpack tries, it finds itself unable to-
A knocking on Charlie's door shook him from his train of thought.
Shaking his head, he rubbed his temples. He looked up at the door and called out an unenthusiastic "What do you want?"
There seemed to be hesitation before the door slowly creaked open.
Charlie raised his eyebrows at the 'intruder.'
"Yeah?" he asked, only half-willing to return to his lovely backpack- textbook metaphor.
"You weren't doing anything, were you?" Julie asked with almost nervousness.
He shrugged and sent a sidelong look to the backpack lying rejected on the floor. "Not anything terribly productive. I was simply comparing my life to that of a half-empty backpack that is thrown upon the floor and squashed brutally by an evil textbook. It's frightening, really...So maybe an intelligent two-sided conversation might be a good idea."
Julie raised an eyebrow. "Is that so? Do I even really wanna know?"
Charlie grimaced. "Eh, probably not. My mind is a scary place, and it's probably best that I save the rest of my backpack-textbook metaphor for another day," he said with a shrug.
A light smile found Julie's lips and she shook her head, walking the rest of the way into the room. "If you say so. So what are you doing in your room alone anyway?" she asked, plopping down in a chair against the wall.
"Constructing a metaphor involving a backpack, a pencil, and a textbook." He said simply.
She cocked an eyebrow at him.
Charlie shrugged and looked at her with innocence. "You asked me a question, and I answered."
Julie let out a sigh. "That's true...but I'm getting the vibe that you are in dire need of a new hobby."
He leaned back on his bed again and began staring at the ceiling. "Nah, I'd much rather wallow and make up metaphors to mirror my life. Much more productive."
"Really? How is it more productive?" she inquired, propping her elbows on her knees and resting her chin in her palms.
"It just is," he replied. "Don't argue with me."
"If you insist," she said, still watching Charlie with question.
"Oh, and I do insist," he replied, nodding at her. "I most definitely do insist. So what brings you in here anyway? Got stuck with suicide patrol?" he asked dryly, a bitter chuckle escaping for a moment as his face simultaneously hardened.
"That's not funny, Charlie."
"It wasn't supposed to be, Julie. In fact, it was supposed to be nasty and bitter; it just came out funny," he replied sardonically.
"Charlie..." she said warningly, leaning up in her seat.
He let out a sharp sigh and tightened his mouth, shaking his head slightly as he rolled over the other direction. "Don't bother, Julie."
"Charlie, I'm not going to let you push me away, okay?" she said, standing up and walking over towards him.
When she rested a hand on his shoulder, he jerked it out from under her touch. "I said don't bother..." he said with a chill in his voice.
She retracted her hand and crossed her arms, observing the sudden mood swing. Julie wasn't sure what caused it, but she wasn't terribly concerned with that at the moment.
Sighing slightly, she sat down on the bed next to him and saw him visibly tense. She observed the slight movement of his legs curling up and his arms gripping tight against his chest.
"Just leave me alone..." he said softly, not even sure himself of the source of his change in attitude. He just knew that he was growing to be somewhat of a slave to them...and it was mattering less and less to him.
Biting her lip with uncertainty, Julie took another calming breath to gain confidence. "Charlie...talk with me, here. What's wrong?" she asked quietly, not wanting to upset the balance of the room anymore than it already was.
"Nothing," he replied in a barely audible voice.
Julie placed her hand on his shoulder again. He flinched, but didn't shrug her off.
Her face fell slightly as she just watched him. She resisted the urge to touch his face or check for the scar, knowing she couldn't while he was awake.
"Something is wrong, and you know it...You can talk to me, Charlie. I promise...you can trust me..." she said, taking a small section of the hem of his shirt in between her fingers subconsciously.
"I'd rather not..." he replied, his voice sounding slightly exhausted.
"Why?" Julie questioned.
"It's not that simple, Julie," he said with a sigh as he turned to face her. "I can't just do that...I can't just tell you everything I'm thinking. I can't make myself just...just trust you. I just can't," he said with regret, his face pained.
Julie's face fell slightly, but she nodded, not moving from her position. Her body wasn't responding with the knowledge that she should leave.
"It's...it's okay, Charlie. I guess I understand...but if you ever get the unexplainable urge to talk, you know where to find me," she said with a half-smile, yearning for him to magically change his mind but knowing he wouldn't.
He gave her a thankful nod and looked up at her from his place on the bed.
She caught Charlie's blue eyes in her own, yet neither broke the gaze. Julie felt her heart catch in her throat as she stared back as if in a trance.
Julie had seen something like a flash of hurt and pain before he obviously tried to mask it again. She wasn't exactly sure what it had been, but she knew she had seen inside the mind of a broken person, even if only for a split-second.
Swallowing once and licking her lips, she removed her hand from his shoulder and stood up, breaking the stare. When glancing back, she saw him immediately retract and stiffen, as if realizing he had let his guard down momentarily.
"Bye Charlie..." she said softly as she approached his door.
"Bye..." he said with a slightly-raspy voice, barely above a whisper.
He saw her flip the switch off and close the door behind her retreating form.
With a groan, Charlie rolled back over and pulled a cover over himself tightly. He closed his eyes and let out a sigh, wishing he could just disappear. Wishing he could just cease to exist without worry of what was going to happen next.
He gaze slowly trailed its way to his backpack again. Sitting up slowly, he placed his feet on the floor and crawled silently to the bag before pulling it onto his lap.
Charlie rummaged through it, wondering absently if they had taken it.
Yep, it was gone. Go figure.
With a dejected sigh, he threw the bag back where it had been.
Standing back up, he walked to his door and peeked out. It seemed that within minutes, everyone had left and the halls had darkened for sleep. The house was silent.
Sliding down the hall, Charlie crept into the bathroom door and locked it behind himself again.
The teenage boy then began searching the contents of the cabinet and sink drawers. There was bound to be one somewhere...They couldn't very well confiscate every sharp pointy object in the entire freakin' house...
After several more minutes of what seemed to be fruitless searching, Charlie found a small pocketknife. What a pocketknife was doing in the drawers of the bathroom sink was beyond Charlie, but he truly didn't care at the moment.
He slid down on the floor and opened the knife cautiously. He turned it in his hand with care, checking for any rust spots. He would much rather not get lockjaw.
After deeming it worthy and removing his wristwatch, he brought the sharp edge to the skin of his left wrist.
He traced a few lighter cuts over the older ones, just living in the distraction the pain brought. He didn't want to think about his life; he didn't want to think about his dead mother, his abandoning friends, his psycho father, or the fact that his 'legal guardian' thought he was crazy...but he wasn't crazy...They didn't understand...they didn't understand him.
They didn't understand that he didn't want to go to a shrink...that he didn't want to be picked and pried at when some things were too personal to share with friends, much less a complete stranger. They didn't understand that now more than ever, he wished they had left him in that stupid bathroom.
Still not brave enough to cut deeper again, he continued cutting just enough to bleed, but not enough to be lethal. He felt the comfort and security return as he sat huddled on the bathroom floor. The distraction from the world...The only thing he could really count on...
Charlie didn't feel the urge to cry as he barely scathed the surface of his arm; this was one of those times it was for comfort...for control...for familiarity.
When he ran out of room around his wrist, he let out a sigh and reached up to put the bloodstained pocketknife on the counter. He still wasn't comfortable with slitting the skin above the safety of his watch, though there was already a long scar or two trailing down from the other night when they had found him.
Charlie's legs trembled under him as he stood up, closing his eyes and concentrating on his breathing. He twisted the water faucet on and washed off the cuts again, applying pressure as always to cut off some of the blood flow.
His bandaide had been discarded before, so he opened another and placed it over the cuts after drying them off. He wiped off the counter self- consciously and clasped the watch over the bandaide. Grabbing the pocketknife, he rinsed it off and dried it with a towel before shoving it back where he had found it.
With one last look in the mirror and an attempt at convincing himself he was okay now, he snuck back out of the bathroom and back into the safety and seclusion of his room.
He could do this by himself, and he didn't need Bombay or any stupid shrink to tell him how completely and irreversibly screwed up he was...He didn't need their help...He was just fine by himself.
